Kissing Cousins

            I lost my cool when I found out that my uncle was planning on leaving Yesung and I in charge of the pack the following summer, as he and my aunt went to visit Heechul and his pups with Leeteuk and Sora.  Without me. 

            “You went with the last couple times while your aunt and Sora were stuck here.  It’s their turn to take a trip,” my uncle reasoned.  “Besides, I thought you would be thrilled to be left in charge.  You keep complaining that I still treat you like a child.”

            Normally, I would completely agree with him.  Ever since Heechul had mated and moved away, they’d begun to smother me.  I’d turned eighteen over the winter and was now in command of my own troops, was legally considered an adult under wolven law, and owned my own property.  But my aunt was still asking me if I’d like her to make me a snack when I got back from patrols and my uncle still lectured me if I cussed around him, so they were clearly having a little trouble accepting the fact that I’d grown up. 

            And, of all times, he picks then to come to terms with Heechul leaving and treats me like an adult.  I hadn’t seen Ryeowook in a year and if I didn’t go with to see him while they were visiting the new pups, I wasn’t sure when I’d get to see him next.  But I couldn’t exactly tell my uncle that I wanted to see my unofficial husband either.  Although Changmin and a few of my other friends knew how serious I was about him, it was clear that my uncle would not approve.  Crushes on omegas that you could never hope to mate were one thing.  Exchanging vows with them was an entirely different matter. 

            To make matters worse, Leeteuk and Sora were taking the children with, so I didn’t even have my niece around to keep me company while they were all gone.  I was in such a foul mood the whole time, Yesung avoided me like the plague and I took the opportunity to move into my house finally, since my aunt and uncle weren’t around to talk me into staying at the den with them.  And I felt a little better, when I got into my own place. 

            When my family returned, they brought many gifts from my cousin and his mate.  I rushed over to see everyone, the moment their carriages pulled up to the den.  I was eager to hear of any news of Ryeowook.  Certainly, some of them had spoken to him at length.  Perhaps he had even sent one of them with a message for me.  I waited as they passed out gifts to Yesung and I and even to a few of the staff members that Heechul had favored.  Heechul had sent them away with many presents, mostly clothes and food.  He’d specifically boxed up some wine for me, as well.  But it meant nothing to me compared to hearing from Ryeowook.  As time wore on and they quit handing things out, it became apparent that Ryeowook hadn’t sent me anything.  They didn’t even mention him.  Was this intentional?  Wasn’t he home when they arrived?  Was he mad at me for not coming?

            I returned to my house, arms full and completely heartbroken.  There should have been no misunderstanding.  I had sent a letter with Leeteuk to give to Ryeowook.  He was to give it to Heechul to deliver, of course.  I worried that it would fall into the wrong hands if Leeteuk tried to hand it to him at an assembly.  Heechul was able to meet with him in private because they were both omegas and brothers.

            My letter mostly spoke of my love for him and the few changes that had occurred in the last year.  The triplets were walking and Miyoung had said the word Kyu first.  That would go down as one of my greatest achievements in life.  I explained that I had been listening to more Elvis, but I left out the part about us not being really married because I didn’t want to make him upset.  Otherwise, I spoke of my regret at not coming and assured him that it was not my decision.  I wanted to see him.  I told him I loved him.  All the usual mushy crap.  I won’t bore you with it.

            I was back home for over an hour—and halfway through a bottle of wine—when I heard a knock at the door.  I stood up and walked over to it, far too steady on my feet for my liking, and opened it up.  Kangin stood at the door.  “I just got in,” he told me, walking into my house uninvited.  “The family rode ahead of the rest of us once we were near the den, but the wagons were full and it took us longer to arrive.”

            I thought maybe he was reporting to me, in an official capacity, and explaining why he was running late.  “I’m not on duty right now.  I don’t really care.”

            “I know you’re not, I just figured you might be flipping out by now.”

            “Flipping out?  About what?” I asked, a little offended that he’d accuse me of overreacting to anything.

            “You and Heechul are so alike sometimes,” Kangin grumbled, setting a covered basked down on my dining room table. 

            Before I could start in on him again on not being a drama queen like my cousin, I suddenly hear a faint meow come from the basket and I was sufficiently distracted from what I’d been about to say.  “What’s that?”

            “Your cousin sent it for you.  And by cousin, I mean Ryeowook,” he said, opening up the basket and taking out an orange and white cat.  “He thought you sounded lonely in your letter and decided you ought to have his favorite new kitten, from the litter Heechul’s cat just had.  Ryeowook called him Kiki, because it’s the name of a stuffed giraffe he used to have as a child or some .”

            I grinned and walked over to the table, setting down my wineglass.  Kangin handed me the kitten.

            “I gave him all sorts of crap about it when he asked me to bring it back to you because I knew I’d have to take care of the damn thing for a week, but I admit that I’ve grown a little attached to him.  If you ever need someone to watch him for you, just let me know.”

            I pet the little thing, which rubbed up against my chest and began to purr.  “I don’t know much about cats.”

            “What’s to know?  You feed them kibble and give them a box to crap in.  They tear your furniture to shreds and hunt mice.  Simple,” Kangin said, heading for the door.  “He sent me with the litter box, food, and some toys.  I’ll be back in a minute.”

            I glanced into the basket, which held a blanket and a letter.  I pulled it out and walked back over to the couch with my new pet.  I tore open the envelope and pulled out the papers. 

KyuKyu—

            Why does my husband sound so sad?  It’s because we’ve been apart so long, I’m sure.  You sound lonely.  I hope you don’t mind, but I thought I would send you a little friend to keep you company while we’re away from each other.  His name is Kiki, but you can change it if you want.  He is the most darling cat from the litter that Heechul’s cat just gave birth to, but since I have newborn nieces and nephews to keep me company, I think you need Kiki more.

            I wish I had good news for you, but I think my father has settled on engaging me to the son of a pack leader northwest of your lands.  Siwon and I will be heading there in the fall to finalize things.  If all goes as planned, the mating ceremony could be as early as next summer.  I have been trying to find a way to stay positive, but the news is crushing me.  The only thing redeeming about it is that it is a peaceful pack which does not have a horrid reputation.  My father will gain monetary goods from the match.  My future mate, although I’ll never love him, will likely treat me better than my father does.

            Your own pack, I think, also does business with them.  I may see you in the future still.  But I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.  Would it be more torturous to see each other in passing, knowing we are completely lost to one another?  Or never again?

            I could not begin to answer that question.  I knew it would probably drive me insane with jealousy to see Ryeowook with his future mate.  That being said, I did want the best for him.  It would comfort me to know that he was being taken care of and not being injured by his mate.  I loved him.  I didn’t want to see him live a miserable life.  I preferred to think he might find some happiness, even if it wasn’t with me. 

            I cried so hard when I found out you weren’t in the visiting party.  I’ve wanted you here so badly.  I was an abdominal host, as I remained in my room the first couple days they were here, until Sora asked for me specifically to have tea with Heechul and her.  I did not realize you were so close with your cousin’s mate.  She seems very fond of you.  She clearly wanted to get to know me better because she understood how important I was to you.

            Please take care of our kitten until I can come see her.  I promise I will not be mated without seeing you again.  I love you!

                                                                                                Ryeonggu

            I wanted better news, but I also wanted the truth, so I guess I couldn’t ask for more than I’d been given.  Ryeowook was soon to be engaged.  To someone else.  His heart, I knew, would always belong to me, but it still killed me to know that he would never be mine.  I would never get to kiss him freely, never get to bring him into my home, never get to wake up next to him, never have pups with him…

            I set the letter down beside me and held up the little fur ball.  “I think this is called softening the blow.”

            “When Ryeowook brought the kitten over with Siwon and asked me to bring him all the way back here from his homeland, he softened the blow with a bag of cookies,” Kangin informed me, walking back into the house with all the kitten’s things.

            “Were they good?” I asked, a little envious.

            “I ate them all in one night,” he confessed.  Then he handed me a box.  I opened it and it was full of raspberry-almond tarts.  “It took all of my willpower not to dig into those.  He must love you.”

            “He does,” I said, grabbing one from the box and shoving it into my mouth.  They tasted a little better fresh, but they were still the best thing I’d eaten in ages.  “I probably should have taken your advice a couple years back though and just walked away when I had the chance.”

            Kangin set down the litter box and bag of food.  He gave me a confused look that bordered on anger, his hands resting on his hips.  “So, now you regret getting involved with him just because your relationship is getting complicated and it hurts?”

            “No, never,” I swore, shaking my head and holding the box out for him.  His muscles relaxed and he took one of the tarts, biting into it.  I set the box down on the table between us.  “I was always going to get hurt when he mated.  I just regret dragging him into it as well.  If I hadn’t confessed to him, he wouldn’t have all these complicated feelings for me and he wouldn’t feel heartbroken over having to mate with someone else.”

            Kangin sat down in the chair and thought over my words.