Words Once Spoken

            Ryeowook had made us a small feast for the picnic at his brother’s request, and Siwon thanked him profusely and continuously complimented his brother on his cooking and baking skills, but I had the feeling that the alpha did not have to twist any arms to convince Ryeowook to make our decadent lunch or accompany us.  He seemed rather delighted to be out of the den with his favorite brother.

            “You should try this,” Ryeowook said, sticking a cookie up in front of my face.  I leaned in and bit into it.  Like all of it, it was divine and practically melted in my mouth. 

            “Mmm.”  Ryeowook grinned as I carefully took the remainder of the cookie from him.

            It was clearly becoming some sort of game.  Ryeowook was pushing the boundaries of what he could get away with around his brother.  Thankfully, I’d had the foresight to dig around in my bags for the sweater that Yesung insisted that I bring—in case it was still cold at night—and put it on.  Ryeowook could touch me anywhere I was wearing clothes, but most of the time I had short sleeved shirts on because I was so warm-blooded.  And it was a little too warm in my cardigan, but Ryeowook kept touching and grabbing my arm, so I refused to take it off.

            Siwon hadn’t once given his brother a hard time about touching me, but then again, I wasn’t sure if he even noticed.  He gave all his attention to Heechul, who constantly hung on him.  I had no clue what the actual rules were for engaged couples.  I think they mostly just prohibited .  But I wasn’t about to tell my cousin to take it down a notch, especially since this was working out so well for me.  And besides, in my own pack, nothing we were doing was seen as bad. 

            All that said, I knew I still couldn’t touch Ryeowook.  Even if Siwon wouldn’t care, one of his other alpha brothers or his father would smell me on him the moment he returned home and I would hate myself if I thought he were beaten because of me again.

            “You’re wonderful at baking.  Where did you learn it from?” I asked, helping him pack up our leftovers back into the basket.  “Your mother?”

            Ryeowook shook his head.  “My mother had a lot to contend with, between four litters and a volatile husband, and died a little too young to teach me much.  I am part of the third litter, so she had nine children to contend with by the time that I was born and not much help with them.  One of the children in the first litter was an alpha and two in the second litter.”

            My eyes went wide.  That is quite the accomplishment.  My uncle only had two alpha sons, Leeteuk and Yesung, and was content enough with that.  Some alpha pack leaders only managed to have one alpha son, no matter how many litters they had. 

            “Siwon is the second eldest.  My father kept trying for more—I think for the bragging rights—but he only had one more in the last litter and mother’s health began to decline after that.  She couldn’t have more pups.  I felt like my father kind of bred her to death.  She died only a few years after the last litter was born.  They’re fifteen-years old now.  My mother passed away when I was seven years old.”

            The more I heard about the man, the more I truly thought he’d be better off dead.

            “But my mother’s mother, my grandmother, spent a great deal of time with us as well, helping take care of us.  She taught me how to bake and to play the piano.  She only passed away a year ago, so my wounds are still healing from the loss, but she was like a mother figure to me.”

            “Grandma liked you best,” Siwon admitted, his head resting in Heechul’s lap.

            Ryeowook nodded, closing up the picnic basket and setting it off to the side. 

            Siwon stood up and held his hand down to Heechul to help him up.  “I think we are going to take a walk around the area.  I want to show my fiancé his future home a little.  Do you mind watching over my brother while I’m gone, Kyuhyun?”

            This whole recital of words was laughable.  We’d all been dying for alone time for the entire afternoon.  Siwon and Heechul were probably going to find some secluded place to make out for a while.  I was a little envious.  I couldn’t get away with something like that.  But I would like time alone with Ryeowook, so we could speak more freely to one another.  There were some things I didn’t want to say in front of Siwon or even Heechul.

            “Of course,” I simply answered. 

            Siwon and Heechul were off, almost before I’d gotten the words out of my mouth, and I did not expect them back anytime soon.  I laid back onto the blanket and looked up.  We’d picked a spot under a tall maple tree to shield us from the worst of the sun’s rays and the heat, which was helpful when you were wearing a sweater in the summertime.  But it was all suddenly worth it when Ryeowook laid down beside me, lightly grasped my arm, and rested his head against my shoulder. 

            “What book did you bring with you?” he asked.  “I saw you carrying one.”

            “Shakespeare’s Sonnets.  Have you read them?”

            He shook his head, which I could feel against me.  I carefully reached over to grab the book, careful not to dislodge him.  I might not be able to touch him with my skin, but this felt very much how lovers might lie together and I did not want it to end.

            I grabbed onto the book and brought it over.  “I couldn’t sleep last night, so I read through it.  It’s mostly love poems.  Should I read you some?”

            He nodded and I flipped through the pages, reading him some of the better ones.

            “Which one is your favorite?” he finally asked, when I was still only about halfway through the book.

            I had to search for a moment, because I’d forgotten the number of the sonnet, but I remembered the words well enough.  I’d read it, over and over, the night before.  Something about it seemed to nail everything I was feeling so perfectly.

            “Here it is,” I said, holding open the page.  Then I cleared my throat and began reading.

Sonnet 116

Let me not to the marriage of true minds

Admit impediments. Love is not love

Which alters when it alteration finds,

Or bends with the remover to remove.

O no, it is an ever-fixèd mark

That looks on tempests and is never shaken;

It is the star to every wand'ring bark,

Whose worth’s unknown, although his height be taken.

Love’s not time’s fool, though rosy lips and cheeks

Within his bending sickle’s compass come:

Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,

But bears it out even to the edge of doom.

I