Theme song: EXO - For life ♫

Ever since the day Chanyeol left, Baekhyun had been feeling like .

He’d been missing him so bad it was hard to describe in words. Crying and screaming into his pillow for him wasn't enough to get the heavy weight of guilt off of his chest. Baekhyun would often find himself secretly sneaking in and lying down on his best friend's bed, running his fingers through the sheets where he'd lain, and inhaling the remnants of Chanyeol's scent to calm himself down a little.

But as time passed, it seemed like his guilt, or maybe even Chanyeol’s absence made him physically ill.

He didn’t understand his own heart. Chanyeol was his most important person, his pillar of strength and the one friend he could trust with anything, but he was just his best friend. Not real family member or a lover. And their fight was just a fight. But why did it feel so important, so sad and so final to him this time? Why did he feel like he made the biggest mistake in his life?

His body seemed to feel something he didn’t quite understand. His heart felt like it was constantly squeezed, his breaths always felt shallow and not enough. Day after day, all those feelings got worse, and above all else, Baekhyun started to have severe difficulties even breathing in and out. His lungs ached every day, even though when the doctors checked it, they found nothing wrong with them.

Everything changed three days after Chanyeol left. All those feelings started to get unbearable.

On the morning of the fourth day, Baekhyun fainted during practice because of pains in his heart area and inability to breathe. One moment he was dancing, the other everything around him blurred. He could feel Sehun and Jongin's hands as they picked him up and carried him out of the practice room. They gently laid him in the backseat of a someone's car.

He heard he was supposed to be taken to the hospital by Minjae, one of their guards. Baekhyun's consciousness cleared bit by bit as the car moved and increased speed. At some point of the ride, he began to clearly hear the driver and his body guard talk from where he was lying, limp and powerless, his back pressed against the backseat.

“I don’t understand, what has been done to these kids? How much they've been overworking them?" the driver shook his head, tsking with displeasure. "Just a couple of days ago, I was driving Chanyeol to Busan, and he was worse. Man, he threw up blood. There was so much blood around when he stopped choking- I almost fainted myself."

Blood?.. Baekhyun thought, dizzy. Chanyeol.. threw up blood?..

“Blood? Oh hell, that sounds serious,"  Minjae gasped.  "Why would he be throwing up blood out of nowhere?”

“That's not the worst thing about it, Minjae ah. It wasn't only blood,” the driver sighed, gently stopping the car at the red light. “I also saw petals. Flower petals, mixed with blood.”

Baekhyun felt like his soul had just left his body.

“Oh no,” the body guard covered his mouth with his hand. “He has Hanahaki? Chanyeol, of all people, has Hanahaki?”

“Yeah,” the driver murmured. “He made me swear I wouldn’t tell any of the boys. I feel like it must be one of them, if he was so adamant about it.”

He made him swear?.. Baekhyun felt so suffocated, he couldn’t breathe. But doesn’t Hanahaki… kill you?..

Then, at that moment, he understood it all. The realization hit him like a lightning, went through his heart like a knife. 

Chanyeol, being unable to leave his bed and coughing so much. The incident in the bathroom. Kyungsoo’s anger. Them cuddling.

Chanyeol, leaving home so abruptly to Busan. Their fight. His sad eyes.

How could Baekhyun not notice?

“Stop the car,” Baekhyun croaked out, pushing himself upright.

Where even is Chanyeol now?

Is he...

Is he even alive?..

"We can't, Baekhyun," Minjae objected, turning around in his seat to look at him. "Why do you want to stop? Are you not feeeling okay?"

“I need to talk to Kyungsoo right now,” Baekhyun insisted, digging his nails into the leather seats. "It's urgent. Please, stop."

His heartbeat sped up, anxiety seeping into his veins.

No time, no time to waste, Chanyeol's sick, he might be dying somewhere right at this very moment..

“Kid, they’re in the van right behind us, you’ll talk to them in the hospital,” the driver tried to calm him down. "Just lie back down and..."

“STOP THIS CAR RIGHT THE NOW!” Baekhyun roared with the last bits of strength, making both men flinch in startle and even slight fear. The driver muttered a curse underneath his breath and pulled over at the side of a busy street.

Baekhyun jumped out and ran around the car, heading towards the black van that stopped right behind them. Their manager opened the door and yelled: “What’s going on, Baekhyun? You shouldn't be moving around!”

Baekhyun didn’t answer. He ripped the van's door open and pulled a surprised Kyungsoo, sat the closest to the door as always, out by his collar.

Kyungsoo looked at him blankly. He didn't even resist.

“You’re the reason why he’s dying,” Baekhyun accused, looking at Kyungsoo with almost insanity reflected in his eyes. “You and Jongin are. Chanyeol’s in love with you, but he got Hanahaki because you’re already in love with Jongin, and you can't love them both. Is...is that right?”

Kyungsoo, who didn’t fight Baekhyun’s grasp until then, pushed his hands off of him.

“No,” he said slowly. “Think again, Baekhyun.”

“Chanyeol hyung’s dying?” Sehun jumped out of the car, his face pale as a ghost in the darkness of the night. “What the are you saying?”

“He’s got Hanahaki?” Jongin asked, leaning forward from his seat beside Kyungsoo's and looking at his soulmate incredulously. "Is that true, hyung?"

Kyungsoo didn't respond.

“What the is Hanahaki?” Jongdae yelled from the back of the van. “The ’s going on with you all?”

Nobody answered any of those questions.

“But it all fits,” Baekhyun shook his head like crazy. “You getting mad at me, you two cuddling, spending so much time together…”

Kyungsoo didn't say anything, but Jongin's confusion turned into understanding. He climbed out of the car, brushing past his soulmate, and put his hands on Baekhyun's shoulders.

“Hyung,” he looked into his eyes, as if trying to make him read his thoughts. “Hyung, think.  The day when Chanyeol hyung collapsed, it wasn't Kyungsoo who told him he loved him last. It was you.”

“Me?..” Baekhyun breathed out. "Me?"

No, this could not be true. Chanyeol wouldn't be in love with Baekhyun. Even if that was a possibility, Chanyeol wouldn’t have done this to him. He would have told him. He wouldn't have just left.

He can’t be in love with him.

“Chanyeol just wanted to protect you,” Kyungsoo said quietly, not facing him. “He didn’t want you to feel guilty for his death. Made me swear I wouldn’t tell.”

“No no no,” Baekhyun shook his head, losing his sight, feeling faint again. “He’s not in love with me. He can’t be in love with me.”

“But Baekhyun hyung,” Jongin murmured, hugging him tight. “He can, too. I always thought you two are soulmates.”

That’s right. Baekhyun always thought of Chanyeol as his soulmate. There was no one else in this world he cherished as much as Chanyeol. But he never thought he was in love, that Chanyeol was in love. He didn't even know what that felt like, but...

But then he thought about the warmth, seeping through him when Chanyeol stepped in front of the cameras to shield him. The heart flutters when he put his arms around him to make sure he doesn’t get jostled around by the crowd. The happiness when Chanyeol laughed at something he said.

Was that love? Could it be?

"I always thought you were in love with him as well," Jongin said, his hair. "Just the way you look at him tells me that. It's the same way I look at Kyungsoo."

“I… I don’t know,” Baekhyun whispered. "Jongin, I don't know."

"Just ask yourself," Jongin pulled away. "No one can tell but you."

Baekhyun tried. He looked through the feelings he associated with Chanyeol, and he couldn't find anything but warmth. Happiness, smiles and laughter. There was no one else in the world that could make him feel as happy as Chanyeol did.

“I think I am, Jongin," he murmured. "I think I always was, but… wouldn’t he… be okay if I was from the beginning?..”

Jongin looked at him, his eyes thoughtful. Indeed, if Baekhyun was in love with Chanyeol all this time, wouldn't the Hanahaki had never happened? If their bond was formed from the beginning, how could it be broken for no reason? 

“It was the 'I love you' game that triggered it, doctor Song said,” Kyungsoo took a step closer. “She said that Chanyeol genuinely confessed, and you were saying it in a platonic way.”

“It wasn’t platonic,” Baekhyun muttered, looking up at him. “I just… it was a game. I wasn’t serious. Didn’t even think about it.”

“Holy ,” Sehun groaned. “Are you telling me that you’re in love with Chanyeol hyung, and the is dying just because he thinks you’re not?”

“No, it’s far more complicated than that,” Kyungsoo pushed Baekhyun and Jongin back towards the van. “But now's not the time. Get in, we need to go to the airport.”

Their manager seemed to be very frustrated and confused, unable to leave his car as his door were facing the busy street. When the members finally got in, he sighed in relief.

“No more hospital?” he asked.

“No. Just book the quickest flight for Baekhyun to Busan,” Kyungsoo ordered.

“Kyungsoo, what are you doing?” Jongin asked, pushing himself close to the window so that Baekhyun could sit comfortably between them.

“I read tons of books about Hanahaki through this time, trying to find a cure,” Kyungsoo muttered under his breath. “Now it all makes sense.”

“What does?” Sehun asked.

“Why Chanyeol’s Hanahaki was getting worse so fast. I read so much about it, and most of the time Hanahaki takes about three months to go this bad. His was getting worse every week.” Kyungsoo glanced at Baekhyun. “I think it was because their bond was formed on platonic terms, and then Chanyeol broke it with romantic feelings. Baekhyun, who’d been in love without knowing it, started feeling ill as well once he started to be jealous of Chanyeol because of me. I think their bond reconnected, because Baekhyun’s feelings also turned romantic, but Chanyeol firmly believed that Baekhyun doesn’t love him, therefore his Hanahaki kept progressing. And then he left, which is not advised under any circumstances of any stage of Hanahaki, because being near your soulmate helps easen the symptoms, even if just a little. That’s why Baekhyun’s falling more ill and fainting all the time. That's why Chaneyol isn't answering me. The bond is transferring Chanyeol’s feelings to him, and as his health gets worse, so does Baekhyun’s.”

“But I’m not coughing up flowers,” Baekhyun objected, but the squeezing feeling and lack of breath felt so familiar and so strange at the same time, as if they really weren't his own. 

“Because you just realized you’re in love, and opened up your bond only now. Your love was never one sided,” Kyungsoo sighed. “But the distance is too much for Chanyeol. His soul is too weak from all the suffering. You need to get to him as soon as possible, and connect your bond again.”

Baekhyun couldn't help but hug himself, wishing that he could hold Chanyeol the way he held himself. Kyungsoo was right. Chanyeol needed him, so bad, and Baekhyun hoped he would make it. He had to make it.

Sitting in that plane for one hour was the most challenging thing Baekhyun had ever experienced.

Knowing that the love of his life is almost dying somewhere, and he’s here, trapped in the air, felt terrible. The smell of mixed perfume and leather made him sick to his stomach. And the stream of Chanyeol’s pain through their bond was endless, making Baekhyun feel dizzy and nauseous throughout the whole flight.

Kyungsoo didn’t let anyone, including the maknaes who insisted, go with Baekhyun, saying that they needed to figure this out on their own. Baekhyun agreed with him. He didn’t want a whole audience watching him when he would beg for Chanyeol's forgiveness and tell him he loved him for the very first time.

He wasn't even thinking about a possible unhappy ending. His whole body just ached with the need for Chanyeol's cuddles so bad that tears were welling up in his eyes the entire flight to Busan.

The taxi driver knew exactly where to take him as soon as he said the word “Hanahaki”, so Baekhyun didn't have to waste time explaining. The place must’ve been famous around here, he thought, if taxi drivers all knew it. He hadn’t heard about many centres like this before - this was his first time learning about one.

The building was white in color and looked a lot like a hospital. It was built on a hill right beside Haeundae beach, and all of it’s windows were overlooking sea and the city. It was beautiful, a beautiful place and a beautiful building, but Baekhyun shivered because this was a place where people came to die.

Chanyeol came here, thinking he would die, just like anyone else. He must've felt so alone, so abandoned. Baekhyun shivered as he thought of what his soulmate had to go through because of him.

When he walked in, a nurse with bright red hair greeted him. He asked to see Chanyeol, and she smiled, turning to look at her computer. Her smile faded away quickly as she looked back at Baekhyun sympathetically.

“Fifth floor,” she said.” Room 502.”

Baekhyun had seen the board of the floor names, so he knew that floor five was dedicated for patients with most severe stages of Hanahaki. He couldn’t help but fasten his steps as he climbed the stairs, his heart yearning to see Chanyeol, crying to hold him close and ask for forgiveness.

His heart almost stopped in his chest when he saw the door of room 502 open, and nurses that were running in and out through it. Baekhyun was so nauseous as he rushed into the room,pushed past the people that tried to stop him, and then, he saw him.

His Chanyeol, skin white as paper, was lying still in the sheets tainted with blood. His eyes were closed. Pink baby’s breath’s petals were all over the sheets and a bunch of them, colored red, were sticking to Chanyeol’s pale long fingers.

“Sir, you can’t be here,” the nurse grabbed Baekhyun’s elbow, trying to drag him away from the ward. "We're in the middle of a serious situation right now. Please."

The doctor beside Chanyeol was doing CPR, and Baekhyun knew – he knew that this was it. He was too late.

He shoved the nurse’s hands off his body and pushed his way through to Chanyeol, leaning over him and placing his hands on the stained sheets, holding his weight up. The doctors were yelling something beside him, they touched his back, but Baekhyun didn’t hear them. He didn’t even feel Chanyeol’s blood sticking to his fingers. He just stared at the still man in front of him, and wished he could give up his own soul to get just another breath, another heartbeat for him.

His soulmate.

“I love you,” he whispered and leaned in, pressing his lips against Chanyeol’s blood stained ones.

The taste of metal and the coldness of his skin couldn’t overpower Baekhyun’s warmth. 

Your soul is my soul.

My life is your life.

Take it, Chanyeol. Take all of it, if you need it.

He was still so cold, unmoving underneath him. Baekhyun's whole being ached, but he refused to give up. He cupped Chanyeol's cheeks with his hands and pressed his lips tighter against Chanyeol's.

Come on, Yeol. One more time, just one more.

He could almost feel the energy of his, his own heartbeat resonate in Chanyeol's chest. It was as though his own life seeped into Chanyeol through his skin.

“The heartbeat returned!” he heard a nurse scream somewhere. But he already knew it.

He closed his eyes and kissed Chanyeol again. Take it, take my whole life. Just come back to me.

The doctor Baekhyun pushed past put his hands on his shoulders.

“We’ll take it from here,” he said, his voice gentle and calming. “It’s okay now, son. He returned to us.”

Baekhyun still was touching his soulmate's lips with his own, unable, unwilling to move. And then he felt it - felt the breath, the first breath of life Chanyeol took right on his lips. His eyes opened just a little, long eyelashes fluttering in the way. Their eyes met.

Baekhyun had never been so happy and relieved his entire life. He could've fainted.

“Morning, baby,” he smiled at Chanyeol, tears welling up in his eyes.

The doctors pulled him away after that, Chanyeol’s eyes following him as the nurses led him out of the room. Baekhyun tried to argue and insist on being allowed to stay in there, with Chanyeol, but they told him they needed to take care of him with medical staff only, and that Baekhyun had done everything he needed to do – their bond was fine and Chanyeol was going to be fine from now on as well.

“We’re going to give you a room so that you can take a shower and change your clothes – I think some of Mr. Park’s should be fine,” the nurse, named Miso, said with a soft smile. “Here you go, room 503. Right next to your soulmate's, so you can keep up with all the news. I’m going to bring you some clothes.”

“I’m fine,” Baekhyun argued. “I just want to wait for Chanyeol.”

“He’s going to be on medication and getting blood transfusion the entire night. I don’t think he’ll wake before tomorrow morning,” Miso touched his shoulder. “I understand your worry, but trust us, we know what we’re doing. And Mr. Park will be way happier to see you well after he wakes up, too.”

Baekhyun smiled at her, exhausted but thankful. He felt way better now, although he could still feel tiredness and confusion seeping through his bond with Chanyeol. Chanyeol was so confused that it got through all the way to Baekhyun. He probably didn’t understand anything that was going on, and the doctors probably were too busy tending to him to answer his questions.

Just rest, baby, Baekhyun thought fondly. Now everything’s going to be fine.

Obviously, Chanyeol couldn’t hear his thoughts, but he could feel the calmth and love Baekhyun was sending his way through his bond. Seconds later, maybe because of that, or maybe because of meds, Chanyeol’s feelings drifted away and he fell asleep. Baekhyun stood there, in front of room 503, fascinated as he witnessed Chanyeol’s emotions shift from confusion and turmoil into nothingness as he fell asleep.

Miso found him like that, frozen in front of the door with an affectionate smile on his face. She didn’t say anything, but smiled as well.

“Here are some of Mr. Park’s clothes. I’m sure he won’t mind we borrowed them,” she said, reaching out a bag to Baekhyun.

“Oh no, I’m fine,” Baekhyun shook his head. "I'll just wash my face and that's it. No need to worry."

“Honey, the sleeves of your shirt are all covered in blood,” Miso informed him. “So are your hands. There’s a bit around your mouth, too.”

Baekhyun flushed a little at that. He took the bag and entered the room with no further objections.

As he was taking his shower, Bakehyun couldn’t help but keep thinking about Chanyeol. Him, lying in between bloody sheets, not breathing, with trails of blood running down his jaw, was the scariest thing Baekhyun had ever seen in his life. He was so angry at himself for letting it come so far. He should’ve tried to talk to Chanyeol, he should’ve taken care of him more and figured it out before anyone else. He knew Chanyeol better than anyone else, but he left him when he needed him the most.

When he thought about all the times he spoke of Kasper to Chanyeol, he wanted to beat himself up. What a er indeed, like Kyungsoo said. Chanyeol was dying for him and still listening to him talk about his dates with a guy who meant nothing, and if that wasn't enough, he was smiling throughout it. He was faking a smile, and Baekhyun didn't notice. Some angry force was pushing him to talk about Kasper, maybe jealousy, because he'd been watching Kyungsoo spend all evenings in Chanyeol's room, and he just wanted to hurt Chanyeol in return. And he did.

And Chanyeol had been only saving him all this time.

Kasper was a nice guy, but he wasn’t for Baekhyun, never was. Their personalities weren't compatible at all. Baekhyun was loud, bright and attention-demanding, and Kasper was focused, dedicated and hard-working. They weren’t clashing, but they weren’t pulling each other in either. Baekhyun did