Theme song: Seventeen - Don't listen in secret ♫

“True love is rare, and it’s the only thing that gives life real meaning.”

Whoever thought Junmyeon hyung was going to be of any help, was completely out of his mind.

“Now that’s just dumb,” Chanyeol murmured underneath his breath. “Doesn’t that mean that most of us live a meaningless life? I can't put that in a song and expect it to hit people's feelings.”

He was sat in his studio at four a.m., his computer at his side with all music making programs opened on the screen. There were ten sheets of paper scattered on the table in front of him, all full of quotes that, according to a very enthusiastic Junmyeon hyung, were supposed to inspire him to create new songs. Chanyeol had been in a creative slump for a while now, unable to get over it, and even though he was grateful for his hyung’s efforts to help, the more quotes Chanyeol read, the more he doubted he anything even remotely inspiring will come out of them.

“A list of reasons why I love you. 1) you are you.”

“Oh, for ’s sake,” Chanyeol cringed, pushing the paper away.

He probably should’ve guessed nothing would come out of Junmyeon hyung’s handpicked writings. It wasn't like the elder didn’t have good ideas or anything, but… he was just a bit too soft and a bit too emotional, therefore anything involving feelings would get him going. But Chanyeol, the song writer in question, was different. Sappy like that made him want to choke himself with the wires of his computer instead of making him feel even the tiniest bit inspired.

A knock on the door distracted Chanyeol from the cringing. He turned around in his chair, running his hand absentmindedly through his hair, and sighed in relief, when Baekhyun’s face appeared on the other side. This was the very moment when he needed his best friend.

“Come on in, Baek.”

Baekhyun pushed the glass door open, slipping inside the studio like a shadow, almost soundlessly. Suspicious, Chanyeol watched him with narrowed eyes.

Baekhyun didn’t look good. He looked exhausted, dark bags evident underneath his droopy eyes, his usually pink lips a tad colorless. The recently dyed black hair he usually took such good care of were a mess too, raven strands tangled together and even a few knots forming here and there. It seemed like Baekhyun had repeatedly ran his fingers through his hair in some sort of frustration, eventually tangling them into this nest, and the only question bothering Chanyeol was why he would do that in the middle of the night. He seemed to be more than fine during practice, laughing and joking around with the members.

Baekhyun plopped into the seat beside Chanyeol’s. The latter instantly moved closer, reaching out his long fingers to run them through his best friend’s locks, hoping that the touch would help at least a little.

“What’s the matter, Baekhyunnie?”

The raven haired boy heaved a sigh, closing his eyes. He usually basked in Chanyeol’s affection like a cat, loving the warmth of his best friend at his side or the feeling of Chanyeol running his clumsy but gentle fingers through his hair. When he was really not doing that well, he would ask for Chanyeol to cuddle with him, and most of the time, Chanyeol’s cuddles were enough for him to feel at least a bit better about whatever mess he was going through. 

“I’m just so tired. The practice was hard and the managers forbade me and Jongdae of going out,” he side eyed Chanyeol. “And you went straight to the studio for more work?”

Chanyeol shrugged. “Composing is a hobby, not work. Helps me relax, at least when I have inspiration.”

Baekhyun tilted his head to the side and picked one sheet of Junmyeon’s quotes up, looking through it. Eyes running through the text, he arched one of his perfect eyebrows.

"Even after you ruined me for any other, I cannot regret you. Even as I cleave the flesh of wanting from the bone. I hope the night sky is pretty wherever you are," he read out loud. “How can you not regret meeting someone who 'ruins' you? And, above all, wish them good things despite what they’ve done?”

Of all quotes, he had to pick that one. Chanyeol could feel the uncomfortable twist in his gut. 

“It’s talking about unrequited love.”

Baekhyun raised an eyebrow. “So?”

The uncomfortable feeling doubled.

“I mean… the person might not even know they’re hurting someone. No one’s obliged to love anyone back, you know.”

“I get that, but,” Baekhyun put the paper down. “It's about how the person in the one sided love feels. How can you not regret it? Going through such pain for nothing.”

Chanyeol wished it was all that simple.

“It’s not for nothing,” he looked away, busying himself with his computer. “The person might be very much worthy of that love.”

Baekhyun looked at him for a second, hesitance and skepticism written all over his face. Chanyeol knew that being hurt and not being mad about it was something Baekhyun was unfamiliar with. The smaller of the two was a kind soul, he really was, but if someone hurt Baekhyun, he'd hurt them back or erase them from his life permanently, that was just the way he was. Chanyeol, however, was different.

“Only someone as kind as you would say that,” Baekhyun concluded, standing up from his seat. “Anyways, I’m heading back to the dorm, and you should come with. We have a fanmeeting tomorrow to get up early for.”

That wasn't that important to him – Chanyeol had been through events like that with less than an hour’s sleep before, and done great. Baekhyun knew that. But he nodded and reached out for his bag.

“Give me a sec, I'll be right out.”

Baekhyun murmured an okay at him, not questioning anything. Chanyeol was bloody grateful for his obliviousness, because the reason for his agreement to go was a bit difficult to explain if asked. 

The real reason was the fact that he was too protective over Baekhyun to let him go alone. The dorm was barely a couple of streets away from the company, but there was no way in hell Chanyeol was going to let Baekhyun walk those streets alone in the middle of the night. Baekhyun’s been through some severe diets during the last couple of months for the sake of getting abs, and not eating anything but greens has left his already mediocre stamina at . If he were to be attacked by fangirls or thieves (even though if asked, Baekhyun would definitely deny that) he’d stand no chance in defending himself. And Chanyeol could risk many things, but Baekhyun’s safety was not one of them.

He would rather risk his own.

"Let's go, Baek."

Even Chanyeol himself didn’t know when exactly was the moment, from which he started to look at Baekhyun in a different way. He had guesses, but no facts to state. One day, the friendly love he felt for Baekhyun all of a sudden became something else, something way stronger and bigger - something that Chanyeol himself sometimes could barely understand.

It must’ve been something about the way Baekhyun’s smile seemed to light up the room everytime he laughed, or how diligently Baekhyun put efforts into trying to make others happy. He was constantly doing stupid things just to make his friends laugh, and radiated eagerness and excitement about every little thing. Chanyeol admired that. And no one who wasn’t Chanyeol, ever saw Baekhyun grumpy or sad. He never allowed other people to see him at his lowest moments, except for his best friend.

Maybe that was the reason as well. Maybe the way he only trusted Chanyeol with his deepest feelings, and revealed to him all the hidden hardships, also drew Chanyeol in, helping him to see all sides of Baekhyun and learn to love them. Their personalities were always a perfect match. Baekhyun’s quirkiness, happy character were much like his own, but underneath all that, he was also very caring, kind, compassionate and self-depreciative, which made Chanyeol relate to him in many ways and fall head over heels faster than he’d even imagined possible

What Chanyeol found most unfair about falling in love with him was how ing beautiful his best friend was, even in most unexpected circumstances. He was entranced by the polar opposites in Baekhyun’s elegant features - sharp edge of his jaw and soft, milky skin, defined cheekbones and slender hands and soft, rosy lips. It wasn’t just his features that seemed so mismatched - Baekhyun’s small, protectiveness-inducing stature and lithe, defined muscles, hidden underneath his shirt were an example of that. His coffee brown eyes could be serious, intelligent when listening to the choreographers’ instructions and quirky, shiny and cute when bantering around with the members. His hair, albeit dyed many times, were always soft and silky against Chanyeol’s fingers, and if he was being honest, there wasn’t a thing in Baekhyun’s opposites filled appearance that Chanyeol didn’t find attractive. The warm, light feeling in his chest that appeared around the third year of his friendship with Baekhyun, could’ve been the first root, the first little hint of real, romantic love that Chanyeol carried around in his heart for years before putting a name to it. During the first couple of months after he realized what it was, that warmth made his heart go haywire whenever Baekhyun touched or even looked at him. He stuttered and forgot his lines in shows and concerts, and it was really starting to piss Junmyeon hyung off, but there wasn’t really anything he could do as Baekhyun was a Distraction with a capital D. Luckily, as time passed, Chanyeol got better at acting nonchalant, and ignoring his huge crush on the boy with the most beautiful smile.

EXO’s schedule had been less packed these days, as they had just finished up a set of concerts. They only had that one fanmeeting left before the holiday, and Chanyeol was very happy about that. Fanmeetings were his favorite kind of schedule, because they weren’t as exhausting as concerts and he had the same amount of fun, playing around with s and interacting with their fans. He was actually kind of excited for it, even though he was tired.

“Jongdae’s makeup is done, Chanyeol, you’re up next,” makeup noona called out from the corner.

Chanyeol took his spot in the makeup chair and leaned back, closing his eyes and relaxing as the makeup artist started to prep his skin for the makeup. Baekhyun was always jealous of his ability to get about twenty minutes of extra sleep in that makeup chair. His best friend was unable to fall asleep in a sitting position. Of course, Chanyeol had fallen victim to his own skill a few times when Jongdae or Sehun snuck up on him and drew a on his forehead, but when an angry Yoori noona yelled at them for an hour about ruining her work, they calmed down a little.

“Baekhyun looks amazing, oh my god,” Chanyeol heard a couple of girls from the staff murmur in the corner. He opened his eyes and turned his neck, searching the room for his best friend.

And hell, didn’t Baekhyun look good. As always.

 His black hair were falling neatly upon his forehead, soft bangs almost reaching his eyes. He had bright, light blue lenses on, and they made his stare seem like it was going right through someone’s soul whenever he looked at them. Soft and smoked purple eyeshadow was his eyes, making them even more sultry and seductive, and paired with the loose black satin shirt with a deep V neck it was a deadly combination. Chanyeol had to turn away before his and Baekhyun’s eyes met.

“Don’t worry, when I’m finished, you’re going to look even better than he does,” Yoori noona promised, clearly misreading the heavy emotion in Chanyeol’s eyes.

Chanyeol murmured something in response, fingers digging into the soft fabric of his trousers. All of his body was thrumming with the urge to push him against the wall and kiss his best friend senseless. It wasn't easy to ignite such emotions, and Chanyeol knew that he could never look as alluring, as sinful as Baekhyun did. He could never make him want the same things.

Eventually he also ended up with a deep blue lense on his left eye, paired with some smoked out liner and eyeshadow. Yoori noona decided to leave the other eye contact-less to, as she put it, give his look more mystery and iness. His black hair were parted at the side and messily tousled, and he was dressed in a shirt similar to Baekhyun’s, just white. When he was finally dismissed to prepare for standby, Sehun nudged him at the side.

“Our hyung’s looking so glamorous,” he teased, chuckling when Chanyeol swatted at him.

The fanmeeting started with the same amount of cheers and screams as always, and Chanyeol could hardly feel his cheeks from smiling so much. They played games and then performed a couple of songs, with fanchants loud all around them and lightsticks blinking in all the colors of the rainbow. Baekhyun was smiling and laughing so much that Chanyeol could barely force himself to look away from him when he wasn't busy interacting with fans.

“Now our EXO members are going to play the ‘I love you’ game!” the host announced once they finished performing and formed a line in the middle of the stage. “Are you familiar with the rules?”

“Yeah, we’ve seen it being played,” Jongin piped up, looking excited. Chanyeol could tell from his sparkly eyes that he just wanted to tell Kyungsoo he loved him in front of a crowd, bloody happily in love child. Even if he and Kyungsoo agreed to hide their relationship from public for obvious reasons, opportunities like these did not slip past Jongin’s eyes every time.

When Jongin told Kyungsoo he loved him, the elder couldn’t help but laugh and lost. Chanyeol laughed as well, his heart warming up at the sight of the couple. He could see Baekhyun, Sehun and Junmyeon all looking at them in the same affectionate way.

The game went on, and eventually, Chanyeol ended up as one of the remaining members, with Sehun, Jongdae and Baekhyun at his sides. Jongdae couldn’t control himself and laughed at Sehun, dropping out, and all of a sudden Chanyeol found himself at Baekhyun’s side. That hadn’t happened throughout the entire game, and now that he stood there, cheers in his ears and his best friend’s warmth at his side, Chanyeol tried his best not to freak out. Pretending not to be in love was one thing when it meant trying to not give away your feelings, which at most was trying not to stare too much and not smile too fondly. Telling Baekhyun he loved him in front of thousands of people, pretending it was a game… that was different.

As if trying to kill him, Baekhyun smiled in that alluring smile of his and ran his fingers down his arm, making the fans scream.

“Sehun, Chanyeol and Baekhyun are the ones still competing! Who’s going to win?” the host’s voice thundered in Chanyeol’s ears.

He turned to Sehun, trying his best to keep a straight face and ignore the softness of Baekhyun’s touch beside him. His hands were sweating profusely.

“I love you,” Sehun said with a smirk.

Chanyeol barely registered what he said, only realizing he said something from the movement of his lips.

“Sorry,” he managed to say.

The moment came, he turned to Baekhyun. His best friend, so beautiful underneath the lights, was smiling up at him cheekily.

“I love you,” Chanyeol said, butterflies going crazy in his stomach.

Baekhyun’s wicked smile widened.

“I looove youuu,” he drawled back teasingly.

At that moment, three things happened all at once.

The fans started screaming louder than ever before. The members at the side started laughing. And all of a sudden, Chanyeol couldn’t breathe.

There was a burning sensation at the bottom of his right side. It was clawing at his lungs, rapidly spreading up towards his chest, and making Chanyeol dizzy. His lungs seemed to have shut down, and the mike slipped out of his sweaty hand, dropping onto the ground with a loud thud. He couldn't understand what was going on.

“Chanyeol?” he heard Baekhyun’s worried voice beside him, but he couldn’t focus.

He clutched onto the shirt on his chest, pushing his fingers hard against his bones, trying to understand what was going on. The burning sensation just grew more intense, the world around him blurred and fogged up, and if one more second passed without him being able to inhale air, Chanyeol was certain he was going to drop to the ground or faint. Dizzy beyond comprehension, he felt his knees hitting the ground hard.

Baekhyun’s hands grasped onto his shoulders, and all of a sudden, Chanyeol felt his lungs open up. He inhaled desperately, panting as if he’d just been underwater. Relief filled his veins when air finally made its way through his lungs and into his system.

The fans were screaming and covering their faces with their hands, clearly worried sick for him. The members were gathered around him, Baekhyun and Sehun holding him up from both sides. Chanyeol looked up at them, still woozy.

“Do you hear me, Yeol?” Baekhyun asked softly into his ear, his lips brushing against the shell of his ear. His best friend's lips touched his skin just for the shortest of seconds, but Chanyeol felt that touch ripple through his entire body.

He tried to nod, but a sharp pang shot through his chest and he could only gasp in pain.

“We’re taking him,” their manager appeared with a couple of staff. They all pulled Chanyeol onto a stretcher, quickly carrying him off stage. Chanyeol could hear the host trying to calm down the fans, and the members say that he was going to be alright. The last thing he heard was the fans chanting his name before everything around him turned black.

Chanyeol felt like everything around, including him, was floating in the air.

He could hear sounds, voices around him, but none of them were really clear. He couldn’t make out what the voices were saying nor whose they were, although they seemed so close, just somewhere a tad above him, as if he was floating and they were up higher. The conversation seemed to be happening just a few steps away. Chanyeol tried to reach out his hand and reach for something.

“…moved?”

Baekhyun, Chanyeol tried to say.

“His lips are moving. Is he talking in his sleep?” Baekhyun’s worried voice finally reached him, louder and clearer. “Do you think he can hear us?”

“He’s asleep, not in coma, Baekhyun,” Jongdae’s voice came closer. “You should calm down, and stop squeezing his hand so much, or you’ll wake him up. He needs the rest.”

The tightness somewhere around Chanyeol’s fingers lessened a little.

“I wish they told us what happened,” Baekhyun said softly.

“You heard them, they have to tell Chanyeol before they can tell anyone else. Privacy first.”

“We’re practically his family,” Baekhyun argued. “Why do we have to sit around going crazy when all they need to do is tell us? Chanyeol won’t get mad.”

“Baekhyun, use your head,” Kyungsoo’s annoyed voice appeared. “We had health check-ups, all of us, two months before. Chanyeol was fine. He’s clearly simply exhausted.”

Chanyeol felt Baekhyun’s fingers brush his bangs away from his face.

“You didn’t see his eyes,” he murmured. “He was in so much pain, Kyungsoo.”

Chanyeol tried his hardest to open his eyes. The need to calm Baekhyun down, tell him that he was fine was so overbearing, so strong that it made his whole body stiffen in effort to wake up.

“He’s moving again,” Jongdae said.

Finally, finally Chanyeol’s eyes slowly opened and he could see the bright hospital lights above his head. He blinked a few times, dizzy.

“Yeol!” Baekhyun exclaimed, squeezing his hand with both of his.

“Chanyeol,” Jongdae took his other hand, leaning over above him and shielding his eyes from the harsh lights. “How are you feeling, buddy?”

There was a dull ache somewhere underneath his ribs, but otherwise he felt okay. Just very dizzy and tired.

“’m…okay…” he mumbled, eyes searching for Baekhyun’s. The words came out slurred and unclear as he was still very much in between reality and unconsciousness.

Baekhyun was still in his stage outfit, his eyeshadow smudged around his eyes and a hint of redness covering his cheeks as if he’d been rubbing his face for a while. He looked so worried, exhausted and so lost that Chanyeol immediately felt guilty. He gathered his strength to squeeze his hand back even a little, and feeling that, Baekhyun averted his eyes to their hands and sighed.

“You idiot,” he murmured. “I told you not to overwork yourself.”

“I hear the patient is awake,” an unknown voice appeared and Chanyeol turned his head a little to see a female doctor in her fifties walk in, serious expression on her face. “I’ll ask for all the visitors to leave.”

Chanyeol wanted to object, he didn’t want to let such a worn out Baekhyun out of his sight. Baekhyun was faster to object.

“I’m not leaving,” he protested, voice hoarse and tired. “He’s my best friend, I want to know what’s going on.”

“Mr. Byun, this is a hospital,” the doctor reprimanded him. “If you