Theme song: EXO - Universe ♫

When Chanyeol pushed past him and rushed into the bathroom, slamming the door shut right behind him, Kyungsoo knew that something was very, very wrong.

He could hear the terrible coughs, the choking, coming from inside. Those were the scariest sounds he’d ever heard in his life. Kyungsoo turned around and tried to open the door, but it wouldn't open - Chanyeol must've been holding it or had locked it, and the thought of being unable to get in made Kyungsoo inhale a sharp breath of panic. He pounded his fists against the door, heart slamming against his ribs.

Pbneumonia my . He was taking ing medication. He's supposed to get better, not worse.

Sehun and the others appeared as soon as they heard Kyungsoo shouting Chanyeol's name. Baekhyun looked like he was about to faint the entire time they couldn't reach Chanyeol. 

When they finally got inside, seeing Chanyeol lying on the floor, pale and shivering, made all of their hearts stop for a second. Baekhyun fell to his side in a split second, holding onto him, eyes wide and full of worry. Sehun was the second to kneel down next to Chanyeol, and even though he tried to seem calm on the outside, Kyungsoo could tell what he was thinking in his head.

Chanyeol is lying. This isn't pneumonia.

He, too, had this idea stuck in his head from the very first time he heard Chanyeol cough in the practice room. The pneumonia explanation didn't really fit, if you thought of it. But Kyungsoo didn’t want to even think about it being true. He didn't want to think about the reasons why Chanyeol lie about something like that, so all this time he was convincing himself he was just overthinking things, and that everything was fine.

While the others were fussing over Chanyeol, he was searching through the bathroom, running his eyes over every corner too see anything that would allude to Chanyeol trying to hide something. Thankfully, no matter how much he looked for something, anything, he couldn’t find anything. A reluctant relief washed over him as he stepped away from the bathroom and helped Sehun and Jongin move Chanyeol to his room. 

With a heavy heart, Kyungsoo watched Chanyeol being put to bed, watched as Baekhyun scooted closer to him for physical contact and turned his eyes away from Junmyeon hyung, who was staring at Chanyeol with a concerned and confused look on his face. He couldn't keep calm. He looked at all of them, all of his beloved members, and the presentiment of something dark and threatful loomed over him. 

Unable to get rid of that dark feeling, Kyungsoo came back to the bathroom once again when everyone was asleep. He got on his hands and knees, and went through the entire floor of the room, carefully checking the corners and searching underneath the rug. He was about to give up and go, glad that his thoughts weren't right after all, but his eyes caught onto something, squished in the corner behind the toilet. Kyungsoo moved closer, taking a better look at the pink mush, and his heart dropped to his stomach.

There they were, the pink flower petals, squished into the very corner with their soft pink color almost butchered into grey. Chanyeol must’ve frantically been pushing them in there hoping that nobody will notice.

Nobody would’ve found those, unless they were looking. And no one even had an idea Chanyeol was lying about his disease. But Kyungsoo, Kyungsoo was looking.

He suspected it was Hanahaki after all. 

And that meant Chanyeol was dying.

“How could you hide this?” he accused, watching Chanyeol’s eyes widen in shock as he stared at the petals in his hand. “Chanyeol, how could you hide that from us?”

The taller seemed to have lost ability to speak. His eyes were frozen on the petals, wide and flabbergasted. His lips were opening and closing as if he wanted to say something, but couldn't. 

“What were you planning to do, huh? Send us a letter? 'Sorry guys, I died'?” Kyungsoo asked, the terror switching to anger that was filling him, burning in his veins. “Or maybe just leave us all without a word? What were planning to do, Chanyeol?”

Chanyeol looked up, shook his head frantically. Kyungsoo’s heart broke to a million pieces as he watched him search for a response, his skin paler than paper and purple lines of exhaustion his eyes.

Him being sick with Hanahaki seemed so obvious now, how could Kyungsoo miss all the signs? He had witnessed a person being sick with it before, and he knew what that disease looked like  It’s been just a couple of weeks since Chanyeol got out of the hospital, but he looked so exhausted and more sick every day, just like a any Hanahaki patient looked as the disease progressed. When he heard Chanyeol cough like that in the bathroom, Kyungsoo should've guessed it. He should've known.

“Who is it?” Kyungsoo asked, voice low. “Who is it that doesn’t love you back?”

That snapped Chanyeol out of his stupor.

“No one,” he coughed a little, bending his neck a little to shield his eyes from Kyungsoo. “It doesn’t matter. There’s no chance.”

Kyungsoo jumped up to his feet, outraged.

“Chanyeol, do you even ing realize that you’re dying because of them? You expect us, me not to do anything and just let you die?!”

“Yes,” Chanyeol looked up at him. “Because if you tell that person, and they’re not able to truly love me back, I’m still going to die. I'm going to die either way, Soo.”

“How is that a reason?!” Kyungsoo spat, taking a step towards him. “It’s about trying everything you can, Chanyeol! There’s no way someone isn’t going to fall in love with you when you’re so kind, so bloody perfect, and apparently so ing ready to die for them already!”

Chanyeol looked so worn out that Kyungsoo couldn’t help but feel guilty for yelling at him like that, but he knew he was right. It was insane for Chanyeol to even think of giving up like this. And judging by how quickly his coughs became worse and worse, his Hanahaki was progressing fast, way faster than it should have. There was no time to waste feeling insecure.

“It’s a reason to me,” Chanyeol argued quietly, hugging himself with his arms as if wanting to protect himself from Kyungsoo’s anger. “I have to consider that case. Imagine yourself in that person’s shoes, living on knowing that someone died for loving you one-sidedly. How would you feel?”

“And what about you?” Kyungsoo shot back. “What about your pain? You’d be coughing and suffocating till the last moment of your life, for someone who doesn’t even feel the same way. Yeah, now that's fair.”

Chanyeol looked at him, big eyes looking so sad. “I was the one to fall in love. The price for it is unfair, I understand, Soo, but I can’t make them suffer for something they aren't guilty of. There’s enough unfairness in the situation as it is, there’s no need to make more.”

“And what if they do love you back?” Kyungsoo argued, feeling frustration build up in his chest. “What if they just need time and a bloody chance to fall in love with you?”

“They had the chance. I was at their side for years,” Chanyeol smiled sadly, looking away. “If they don’t love me back after all those years, they won’t, not before Hanahaki kills me. And time is the only thing I can’t give him any more of. I don’t have much left.”

Kyungsoo leaned back on the bed, feeling like he was about to either cry or yell, and neither of those would’ve helped. He stared at Chanyeol, seeing nothing but one of the kindest, most amazing people in the world, and couldn’t comprehend how Chanyeol of all people ended up with Hanahaki. Who could be so dumb, so cruel not to notice Chanyeol’s love, who could be at his side and never even think that—

Kyungsoo gasped.

“What is it?” Chanyeol asked, looking worried.

Kyungsoo exhaled slowly. No ing way, he thought, clenching his fists. No way.

“It’s Baekhyun, isn’t it,” he whispered. “Oh my god, it is Baekhyun.”

“No,” Chanyeol denied, but Kyungsoo could tell he was lying from the way his hands started shaking. “It isn’t.”

But Kyungsoo was already connecting all the dots.

“Don't lie to me. You coughed the worst when I told you he was going on a date with Kasper. You felt better when he touched you in the bathroom. You collapsed when he told you he loved you during that stupid game. It all fits,” Kyungsoo murmured, jumping up and pacing around the room. “He’s dumb enough not to notice your affection, confuse it for the friendly kind and you've known that ing idiot for years. It all fits.”

“Don’t tell him,” Chanyeol begged, leaning forward to grab onto Kyungsoo’s sleeve. “I’ll do anything, just please don’t tell Baekhyun I'm sick, Kyungsoo.”

The victory-like excitement Kyungsoo had, of having found out who the person was, faded away as fast as it came. Now, only now he fully understood what Chanyeol was talking about, why he didn’t want to tell his crush he loved him. Why he was so afraid Kyungsoo would tell Baekhyun instead.

If it were someone else, Chanyeol would’ve perhaps believed he had a chance, maybe the smallest glimmer of hope, but still something. He would've tried to confess, perhaps. But since it was Baekhyun, Baekhyun whom Kyungsoo knew was the centre of Chanyeol’s universe, he couldn’t even let himself think about confessing. Especially if that could end up hurting Baekhyun in any way. Kyungsoo knew that Chanyeol would cut his own heart out before breaking Baekhyun's. 

Chanyeol was always thinking one step ahead. Baekhyun would never have the strength or the will to live on, knowing that Chanyeol died because of him. That was why Chanyeol couldn't even try.

"," Kyungsoo leaned on the bed, holding himself up with his arms. "Why... of all things..."

To be honest, Kyungsoo had always wondered how long it would take before either of them fell in love with the other. They always were the two people you hardly ever saw apart, the ones who matched each other so perfectly that nothing seemed to get in between them. Chanyeol took care of Baekhyun with such diligence and love that fans or even the media started noticing it and shedding light on it. Like when he covered Baekhyun from cameras at the airport and everyone kept calling him a gentleman, when in reality, Chanyeol just protected Baekhyun like he had every day for more than five years. If anyone had been attentive enough, they would've noticed that that moment was just one of thousands alike. 

Kyungsoo never thought Baekhyun and Chanyeol would end as tragically as this. He always thought they would fall in love, both of them. 

“ing hell,” Kyungsoo muttered, kicking the chair out of his way. “. .”

Chanyeol flinched, but stayed still. 

Kicking things wasn't enough, Kyungsoo wanted to scream and break , get the rage within him out in any way he could. This was so ing unfair. How could there be no choice, no answer, no salvation? How could he be so powerless, even though he, Baekhyun, all of them, loved Chanyeol so much?

“I just want to go, Soo,” Chanyeol whispered underneath his breath, sounding as though he was about to cry. Kyungsoo felt that way, too, especially once he heard his words. “I want to go with a memory of you, all of you, smiling up to me and not crying. Don’t want anyone to know. Don’t want anyone to suffer.”

Kyungsoo's heart was still in his chest, his body was oddly cold. Everything in the world felt so cold at that moment.

This couldn't be a goodbye.

“But Baekhyun loves you,” he protested weakly. “He loves you.”

Chanyeol nodded, his eyes glued to his fingers in his lap. “He does. But not in the way I love him, Soo. I confessed to him on that day, but Baekhyun… he only loves me as a friend. And that... that isn't enough for a cure.”

Slowly, Kyungsoo turned around and stared at Chanyeol for a moment, before jumping on his feet and rushing towards his friend. He wrapped his arms around Chanyeol’s neck, pulling him into a firm, desperate embrace. He knew - at that moment, his friend probably needed that hug more than anyone else in the world.

“You’re not alone,” he whispered, hot tears welling up in his eyes. “You’re never alone, Chanyeol.”

He held him and hugged him tighter. Sobs and coughs ripped their way through Chanyeol’s throat, mixed together, as he wrapped his own arms around the smaller, and Kyungsoo let him let it all out to his chest. He held him, strong and quiet, as his dying friend cried and sobbed against his chest. Kyungsoo wanted to cry too, but he knew Chanyeol needed him to be strong. One of them had to be.

Time passed, and eventually, the taller male’s sobs died down. He started to breathe more calmly, and Kyungsoo realized that the crying must’ve exhausted him a lot. Minutes later, Chanyeol was deeply asleep, and Kyungsoo was cradling his head in his arms, holding his friend close as if he could keep his soul if he hugged him tight enough.

“This isn’t a goodbye,” he whispered over and over again into Chanyeol’s hair. “This isn't a goodbye, Chanyeol.”

-

After Kyungsoo learned the truth, opposite from what it would have seemed, it became easier for Chanyeol to hide his disease from the others. Mainly because he wasn't the only one defending the pneumonia diagnosis now; Kyungsoo was defending it too.

Kyungsoo had his back with the excuse. He put some efforts into making others believe it was true, and his word was way more powerful than Chanyeol’s – eventually, he managed to convince even Sehun. However, he didn't miss the chance to repeat to Chanyeol every day that the members, his brothers, deserved to know, but Chanyeol made him swear he wouldn’t tell, and Kyungsoo reluctantly accepted it as his right to make that decision.

But as Kyungsoo calmed everyone down that Chanyeol’s health was in no serious danger, and that he was successfully healing, Baekhyun began to drift further and further away from Chanyeol. He wouldn't come to see him anymore, wouldn't cuddle him. Even his texts started becoming shorter and shorter before they stopped. Chanyeol knew that he was busy, and spending time together as they usually did in practices and studio was impossible, as Chanyeol couldn’t practice with them anymore. He was coughing more and more everyday and couldn’t stand up from his bed without feeling dizzy, so Kyungsoo made sure that all his schedule was cleared. Baekhyun didn’t know any of that, because Chanyeol hadn't had the chance to tell him, and he wasn't around. Kyung