Hi, Penguin! Sorry to keep you away for a while. Now I come back, aren't you happy to see me?

I bet you are curious about what I told you last time.

Ok I will tell you the rest of it. Be patient boy!

"Mom! Dad! sisters! I have something to tell you. Please listen to me speaking my mind until the end before you say anythings. What I want to tell you is not something you think is good and it might be something that you would not expect to happen. I think all of you might have noticed me since we live together everyday, but you may just ignore it or afraid to ask me directly or you may really don't know. Since I was young, I always respect you and listen to your advises and do as what you guide. But sometime I do not do as what I want to do. I do not say what I really feel. I am not what I really am. It is like I am living inside someone else body and afraid to do anything to affect the host body. I have spent most of my life being trapped. But now, I want to be free. Just want to be myself. Speak out my mind about what I really feel inside. They said not to say sorry for who you are. But I am so sorry, mom, dad and sisters that I am a gay. It is not anyone fault that I am gay. You both give good advises and life direction to me. If you ask who is at fault, I would say the nature. I was born this way. Nothing can stop or change me into something different. This is me. My real self. But thank to it that it make be become someone who can be very careful and have caution in everything I do because i have been training myself to be always careful about what to act, what to say. In case I might act or say something wrongly, it would affect my whole family. But this is who I really am. So this time, I will live my life as myself. I already prepare myself about what would happen, what people might say to me. I will accept every reaction I would get from friends, relatives, neighbor, or the whole society. I will be brave to face all those problems. But please remember that I will not change the way I speak or dress. I will just be the same as I used to be. And I do not wish you would treat me the same way. Whether you hate me, you love me, or ignore me, I would accept the fact because this would shock you for a while and you might take time to adjust to it. In short, I am still me and I would accept everything."

That was what I wanted to tell them during the holiday when I could go back to hometown to visit them back in 2016. I would have 3 or 4 days break. I thought I would have enough time to talk with them. I planned to tell them the last day before coming back to the city because if I tell them early, it would make us uncomfortable. I could not imagine what they would react. I was still scared. I was so nervous. 

A week before the holiday come, around lunch break at my work place, I received a call from my mom. 

She said "Hello son, em... I... who do you want to go with? Me or your dad? If your dad divorce with me, "

I was so shock. I was choking my tears. How? How can this happen? I only saw the divorce of my neighbor. I would never thought this kind of thing would happen inside my family. My sisters are still in high school. What would happen if they are separated? How would my life be like living without a mom or dad? I don't want this. But..

I asked her "Mom, why? Why are you asking me this? What is wrong?"

She replied "Your dad fills in the divorce paper and I just received it from someone at the court. They paper said I and your dad will have a meeting at the court next month. Son! Who? Who do you choose? I don't mind if you want to stay with your dad. But both of your sisters will be with me. Though I don't have a lot of money, I will raise them no matter what."

"Mom..!"

"You have to choose"

"I would stay with my sisters. That means I will be with you"

"Okay. Don't worry about me and just focus on your work. I have to work now"

"Ok mom. I will call you tonight once again."

Thinking back, I know that during that period my dad often left home and say he has something to do at other province. But I never thought it would be like this. For the whole day, I can not eat. I was so stress. I went inside one small room, locked myself and cried.

What now?

My family was falling apart.

How about my plan?

If I tell them now, it is not the right time at all. It was like pouring the gasoline on the burning flame. 

Anyone can help me, please?