Hi, my little journal book! 

My name is Do Kyungsoo. From now on, you will be my friend who I can share all my happiness and sadness with. 

Please take care of me.

2018 is like a new start of me that I can freely being myself in front of my sisters. Being a gay person is not a problem for me, but the social environment is. 

Most people do not give value to gay people. Some will just come to curse at you and some just simply ignore you. But I think that I am strong enough to stand on my feet and ignore all thoes comments. 

Wait, you don't have a name yet? Okay my little book, I name you as er...emm, Okay! "Penguin"  

Okay now, Penguin! I will tell you about the past story of me.

Ever since when I was a kid, I know myself that I was a little different from other kid but I just didn't know what exactly it was. But after I started to grow into a teen, I realized that I was right. I was different. I like people who is the same as me. I was gay. I am still gay. and forever be gay. But after knowing that fact, I became so scared that people will look down on me and my family. Because I had seen a lot of people would say bad thing about being gay. Moreover, I am the only son of the family of 3 siblings. They would count on me and I was their big hope. So I decide that I was just confused about me being gay that I would love girl in the future. But the feeling did not go away. Who the hell can change your natural uality? So I just kept it deep inside my mind. What I really felt, what I really wanted to have, what I really wanted to say are all kept and sealed inside. 

Years had passed, I became like a new person. The one who was really quite, did not talk unless it was important. It really opposite of my old self being such a bright kid. That was why I don't have much friends. I never had a best friend because I was scared to share anything with them or even get close to them. By being so quite, some guys at school would bully me by calling me a queer, asking me would I get a wife or husband. I would just ignore them and walk away because if I say anything it would lead to other thing, might be worse. 

Until I was at the last year of high school I thought that I needed to be strong, don't let those guy bully me. I decided to study really hard and active and talkactive. The bully did not stop but at least it happened less than it used to be. I was happy with the result. 

Still the habbit that I had been doing of being quite for years did not go away. Because i was always like that. And it is not bad of being quite.

After graduate from high school, I got the scholarship to study in the university in the capital city. Though my family was poor, my parents still counld supported buying me a bike and paid for the rent rooms. I rent a room with my relative. He was older and he had a sister stay with him and the sister has a few female friends too. Living in the city was very new to me. But I promised to myself do not waste my family money and tried harder. 

University life was kind of fun, except I had a crush on one boy. He was fair and cute and smart. I tried to get close to him but he did not look like he had interest in my business at all. I got hurt myself and decided to give up after he got an oversea scholarship because I did not any possiblity between us.

 My life went on and on. Graduated from university and got myself a simple job. And I moved to lived in the rent room alone. I often watched video about BL stories and about the LGBT that has become the public issue all around the world. I learnt that being gay is not that bad. I should spend my life for being myself. I already wasted my time about 20 years being a fake. With so many consideration and time to arrange my thought, I decided to tell my  family.

But who know what will they react to that? What would they do? They hate me? They accept me? I was so scared. But I had to do it anyway.