♥_♥

***

The vibration and the constant beeping of her phone on her pocket snapped Yoona away from jumping off the building. She was annoyed and decided to step away from the edge, taking out her phone and from one last time, she reads the message that flashes to the screen.

She is awake.

But the message that came from her sister is something that she shouldn't miss. She made a couple of blinks and wipes the tears off to re-read the message again and slowly but surely, it's sinking to her mind. "She's... my hyun-hyun... " That her fiancée, who had been in a coma for two years finally woke up. She goose bumps as her heart had suddenly a reason to beat again. However, she suddenly heard voices in her head.

She is to blame from that crash.

She didn't save her from that crash.

I heard the helmet wasn't enough to save her fiancée.

If she didn't listen to her father to use a different car, the crash wouldn't have happen.

Yoona had a depression when she's still a kid because of her grandpa's death and they say, she was a reason of it. If you had experienced that, your mind isn't right sometimes. Probably the reason she never listened to her father. Tsk,tsk.

She should be in prison for crashing that car. There's no doubt Seohyun will be dead soon.

She doesn't deserve Seohyun. She was too careless, such a mess, stupid girl. She doesn't deserve to be even her fiancée.

She's such a lucky loser to be alive and only had an injured arm.

She deserves to die than her girlfriend.

All of the voices came from the people in the company that blames her with what happened to her beloved. She crouch down, holding her head as close her eyes tightly and tried to fight back all the voices she can hear.

You killed your grandpa. You killed your fiancee.

You deserve to die Yoona.

You deserve to die!

You deserve to die!!!

Die Im Yoona! Die! Die!

Just jump off the building already. You don't deserve her. She doesn't deserve you!

She will not ever forgive you! She will be mad if she finds out what causes the crash!

You will just hurt again and again.

Die! You Die now, Im Yoona!

"AHHHHHHHHH!!! STAY ING AWAY FROM MEEEEE!!!" She dropped her body completely to the cold floor, catching the breath she needed while staring to the night sky, as sweats are dropping from the corner of her head, joining the pool of tears. The hope she had a while ago were all gone. "No, no, no. No... Yoona, they're all right. I... don't deserve... I don't deserve seeing her. She will just curse me a lot and push me away... I'm stupid. She has no stupid fiancee." she feels like she had no more reason to live again and that, she's worthless, even though she learned her fiancee finally woke up from her coma.

Closing her eyes slowly and opening them again, "I'm glad you made it through... my love..." she whispers to herself, getting up from her lying position and slowly made her back to the edge.

"Yoona, No!"

But she hasn't even stepped into it when she heard her sister's voice. She turned and shouted at her. "DON'T COME NEAR ME!"

"She's already awake, didn't you read my text? Come on, let's come and-"

"NOTHING WILL CHANGE THE FACT THAT I WAS THE REASON OF IT. She won't ever forgive me. She won't see me ever again once she learned it. I can't. I don't want to see her hurting again just because of me. She doesn't deserve me. Everyone are right, I deserve to die, Unnie. I DESERVE TO DIE! So please, just stay back. Just let go of me already." she desperately asked her sister while she's slowly stepping back towards the edge. "Just give me rest. I'm exhausted from trying to be stronger than I feel... I'm so tired of this pain. I don't want to be here anymore... please..."

"Yoona, have you ever think of the reason why Seohyun woke up?" Tiffany takes a few steps forward.

She shakes her head. "I don't... want to know." And she stopped as soon as her foot hits the edge.

"It's not because she wants to despise you. It's because she doesn't want to see you in heaven. She wants to see you alive... and you told me back then... you guys will make a family. Yet here... you're giving up on her? Where's the him Yoona I've been proud of? I thought you were strong since then? That's why you fought back your depression, didn't you? Come on, I need the strong Yoona back. Because I swear, it will defeat all that's blocking you."

Yoona keeps shaking her head. "I'm not. I'm not the same anymore. I... am... weak. I am loser. I killed Grandpa and-"

"You know that's not the truth."

"They said I DID! THAT WATER I GAVE HAS A POISON THAT'S WHY HE DIDN'T MAKE IT. Now... Seohyun-"

"So you are now going to listen to the people that don’t know you well?" Tiffany scoffs. "And not me? Not our family? The people that know you well? You are a loser indeed if you think about what others say. Can't you see? They're defeating you. They're giving you the reason to win and not you."

"It doesn't make sense, Unnie!" Yoona got annoyed and she exclaimed.

"If Seohyun is here right now, she would tell you the same." Tiffany countered firmly. "And who knows what she will do to you if she sees you like this."

"That's why I just have to leave. I am going to hurt her even more."

"You're not."

"I will." Yoona cried, holding her head as pain struck her head and voice are once again defeaning her.

"You're hurting her even more instead!" Tiffany scolded. "Yoona, not only us, our family, her family. DO you want to hurt them even more? Think of about them too... please... not just yourself. Not just because of the pain you're experiencing right now. It's ridiculous if you just think of it always. Alright, I understand your situation, but please... we are always here... we're not going to hurt you like the others are doing to you. We're your family... how are we doubting you? We always believe in you, Yoona. We always trust you... you're a good person... please stop believeing you're not. Just let the others do it but never do that to yourself. You have prove them wrong back when you're in high school, you can do that too again. Don't stop believing yourself. Trust yourself that you can make this through. Be strong, Im Yoona." she is slowly getting closer and closer. "This isn't the solution. Fighting against this is the solution! LIVING is the SOLUTION."

Yoona dropped on her knees, hanging her head low as her sobs got even louder. She had no more strength to even stand on her own. Tiffany took the opportunity and she put her arms around her.

"There... I got you. It'll be alright soon." Her hands, rubbing thoroughly her younger sister's back and finally relieved. She smiled as her own tears warmly drop from the corner of her eyes but she stayed strong, not planning to let go of her.

***

Tiffany unbuckled her sister's seatbelt and gives her a cheerful smile, patting her cheek at the same time. "Don't worry, you have me." she whispered softly, but Yoona only nodded without even looking at her. She took that as a sign and stepped out of the car. She went to her door and was about to open it for her when her younger sister locked the door. Yoona looked down and she thought, she needs time. So she decided to wait for her until she's ready to come out.

It took half an hour before Yoona have decided to finally step out. As soon as she's out, her sister immediately put on a scarf around her and took her hand. She smiled a little feeling the warmth. But the moment she steps into the hospital, her fear over hospitals made her stop. Her heart is beating faster painfully and legs are shaking.

"Grandpa!!! I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to give you that water. I thought you were thirsty since you ask for it."

"Grandpa wake up!!! Grandpa please..."

"You killed your grandpa! You should be in prison."

"Go die, Im Yoona!"

"No one loves you anymore!"

Memories of her childhood came rushing into her. Ever since her grandpa died, she never stepped into the hospital because of her loss and kids in their neighbourhood is bullying and blaming her over her grandpa's death. And the thought of him, his image, when he loses his breath while he is asking him to wake up is stuck in his mind forever. "Unnie... I don't think... " she tried to pursued her sister as she holds her hand tighter.

Tiffany holds her younger sister's two hands as she faces her. "Listen... Yoona, you can't fight that fear and your depression if you don't want to continue. I know it's hard, but you have to. Besides, you know the truth inside your heart. Listen what your heart wants than what your brain is telling you to do. I know your heart is fighting it. Relax... okay? It's going to be so alright. Trust me."

Yoona close her eyes, took a deep breath and keeps telling herself that it's just okay to see her love of her life, despite her mistake. She keeps convincing herself over and over again until she felt her sister is hugging her to give her a support. "No one other than our family and her family loves you so much, Yoona. We are all expecting you to fight for this. That's what all matters here, not those who doubt you. Keep on fighting until you got there." she cheered her up over and over again, allowing her to know that she's not alone battling on her pain. "You know after this, we'll go to your favourite chicken restaurant. You don't want that, do you?"

Yoona chuckled lightly upon hearing it from her sister. True, she misses eating her favorite restaurant. Ever since Seohyun was in a coma, she barely can even thrice a day. She opens her eyes back and taps her sister's back a few times. "Thank you, Unnie." Gratefully telling her that. "I'll... I'll see her and makes her happy again, like I usually do." And she informed, determined to continue what she's supposed to do.

Pulling back, Tiffany proudly smile and kiss her sister's cheek. "Let's go." She whispers, softly.

***

Yoona's struggle finally comes down to a hilt. She and Tiffany stopped in front of Seohyun's ward, and felt loved to see her parents and her fiancée’s parents, seem to be waiting for her since they learned Seohyun finally woke up.

"The Doctor says she's looking for someone by the name Yoongie-choding-chicken-wings." Mr. Seo informed her, smiling warmly at her. "I'm pretty sure there's only person she's talking about."

Yoona can't help and smile back and she nodded. She still doesn't know what to feel. but there's one thing that's real, she wanted to see how is Seohyun doing now. The last image she saw of her fiancee is her face full of blood. The helmet was broken due to the impact of the crash and it because more damage to Seohyun because her air bag never opened. She had a brain surgery while she had left arm injury only.

"You ready, chicken?" Tiffany teases earning giggles from both parents.

Yoona rolled her eyes and slowly opens the door. Once again, she braces herself and slowly walks inside the room. As she closes the door behind her, she was greeted by a quiet room and the bed in front of her, with Seohyun lying there, with an oxygen mask on . It breaks her heart into pieces and she couldn't take long to stare at her although she's not yet so close, and turns around to face the door. Her forehead pressed against the door, while she catches on her breath as it suddenly hard to breath. "It's okay, it's okay Yoona... It's okay. You're not going to commit any mistake anymore. You are not going to give her water if she asks for it. You're just going to stare at her and let her know you're fine... And that… You're happy for her. You're happy that she made it through. You're strong Im Yoona, you can do this." She told herself as she mentally keeps convincing herself again and again. But her fear is just too powerful. "." Her tears finally drop no matter how much she wanted to fight it back. She clenched her jaw and fists, fighting it back still.

"You're the one... that never lets me sleep..."

Suddenly, she's hearing Seohyun's singing voice. Even though it wasn't that lively like she normally do, she can feel the emotion every word of it. Not to mention, It's the song she sang on her proposal.

"To my mind, down to my soul you touch my lips." Her eyes slowly opened as then, she finds herself listening to her voice. She closed her eyes as tears are now continuous. "You're the one that... I can't wait to see. With you... here by my side... I'm in ecstasy." she goose bumps as memories of their 8 years of dating came rushing into her again. It gets her more emotional at the moment. And it annoys her because it's even harder for her to turn and face the latter.

"I am all alone without you. My days are dark without a glimpse of you."

'Stop it please.' She thought, but little did she know, that dark in her heart is slowly subsiding.

"Your love is like the sun. That lights up my whole world." Seohyun pause as she cough and tried to hold back her own tears as well. It's hard seeing Yoona by the door only, afraid to see her. But she can't give up on her right away, like how she did not give up tutoring her, despite how she doesn't her like talking with her. "...I feel the... warmth inside." even though it's hard to sing in an oxygen mask. She misses her damn much that she wanted to see her badly. She wanted to feel her warmth again. 'Yoongie... I miss you so much.'

Upon seeing no progress, she decided to put away the oxygen mask and speaks normally. "They say, if you stay longer standing by the door, no luck will come. You should even leave it open. Or you're just really shy now, that you can't face your beautiful girlfriend? Sheesh, I know that ever since I was born, you know." she slowly smiled as she can see Yoona slowly turned. But she's upset when she keeps her head down. "Did you owe me a big money? Why are you... looking down. Yah, I'm right here, Im Yoona. Come on, it's alright. They said you've been through a lot while I'm in a coma, so I understand... my little chick-chick..." she continued to cheer for her fiancée, and her effort is paying off, as Yoona slowly walking to her bed, although her head is still looking down. And she waits patiently until she is now near her bed. As soon as their eyes meets, she cheerfully smiled. But she was stunned when Yoona dives into her stomach and she broke down, crying so hard. Her heart slightly aches. 'What have I missed?' And she wonders what have Yoona gone through for these past years she's in coma. It frustrates her at the same time, worried to see her like she had been so mess, because she keeps apologizing her now. And she also noticed how she has loses weight. She felt bad out of a sudden, for not being by her side.

Slowly, she her hair gently and lovingly. "Shshshshs... I'm alright. Everything will be better... from now on. I promise." But she finds herself comforting her, despite not knowing anything.

***

Waking up again after falling asleep last night with her fiancée sleeping next to her, Seohyun's heart is fluttering, as soon as her eyes set to Yoona's solemn face, sleeping. She wanted to touch her face but before she can do that, she moves her head. She instinctively close her eyes and pretends she's still sleeping.

Yoona on the other hand is slowly waking up. She grimaces upon feeling a pain on her back and her neck. She let out a huge yawn before she finally put her attention to a sleeping girl. She stood on her feet and put her ear on top of her chest, checking if the girl's heartbeats are indeed normally beating now. Since last night, she keeps checking her heartbeats every time she woke up, making sure she won't leave her unnoticed, because the latter asked for a glass of water and her sister handed it since she doesn't want the same thing will happen like her grandpa.

A relieved sigh escaped her lips as soon as she confirmed the girl's heart is not just so alive, it's beating fast. 'Why is her heart beating fast?' She wonders, so she went out to see a doctor but since it's still so early,