Kim Yerim was a well known bookworm. Whenever you saw her going from one place to another, you would also see her clutching the latest book of her ever growing collection. Many would suggest for her to use a tablet and download all her favorite reads, but when it came to books, Yeri considered herself a purist. She absolutely loved the smell of the ink, the inevitable yellowing of the pages and how the paper felt againt her fingers.

Being a celebrity at such a young age had prevented her from experiencing things the normal way and she often relied on books to help her understand the complexities of entering adulthood.

However, no amount of reading could've prepared Yeri for what was happening to her now. Not only was she experiencing love for the very first time, the object of her affection had to be her best friend out of all people. Her caring, reliable and sensible best friend.

She looked through all her books trying to find some kind of guidance on how to handle her newfound feelings but her bond with Jaehyun was so intricate and particular that not even the best book in the world would be able to tell her what to do. She could not help but appreciate the irony of the situation. Usually, when she could not find an answer to her problems in her books, Yeri would turn to... Jaehyun.

For years, their friends had warned them of the dangers of treading the thin line between love and friendship, but both Yeri and Jaehyun had dismissed their concerns and remained perfectly unbothered by the fogginess that surrounded their relationship.

And it was that same fogginess that made it impossible for Yeri to determine whether Jaehyun felt the same way about her. His actions could indicate he had feelings for her, but they could also be a testament of how strong their friendship was. When they started to get close, Yeri was still a teen and she wasn't sure if Jaehyun ever got to the point of seeing her as a woman, given he still treated her the exact same way.

Afraid of being rejected, Yeri decided to keep her discovery to herself. She just hoped she would be able to continue acting normal around him without making a fool out of herself.

~~~~~~

February 2018

"Hey," Jaehyun greeted an unsuspecting Yeri, who was sitting at SM's cafeteria while reading a book.

Since he came from behind her, Yeri did not have time to compose herself and, out of reflex, she quickly turned around and ended up spilling her bottle of water all over his shirt.

"Oh no!" She yelped, looking at the mess she made "Oppa, I'm so sorry! You came out of nowhere and I got startled."

Jaehyun smiled at the sight of her fussing around him and held her hand so she would stop "It's fine, Yerim-ah."

"I... I'll go get some paper towels." She said snatching her hand away as if it had been burned and running to the nearest restroom "Hang on."

Making sure she was alone, Yeri leaned over the sink and took a few deep breaths.

"Why are you such a loser?" She scolded herself and patted her cheeks "Get yourself together, Kim Yerim!"

Grabbing a few sheets of paper, she looked at her reflection in the mirror and exhaled one last time before coming out of the restroom.

"Here," Yeri said when she returned to the table and gave him the paper towels "Sorry again."

"It's okay." Jaehyun dismissed quickly "At least you were only drinking water."

Yeri pressed her lips together and nodded stiffly.

Noticing her unusually quiet behavior, Jaehyun studied her "Is everything okay?"

"Y-yes." She stammered unconvincingly "W-why do you ask?"

That was smooth, Yerim. Please continue to stutter your way out of this one. You're doing great, sweetie. She thought bitterly.

"You seem a little jumpy." He mused, pointing to his now soaked shirt "Literally."

"I was too immersed in my book." She lied with a little more conviction this time "That must be it."

Jaehyun knew she wasn't telling him the truth, but decided to just change the subject "Anyway, are you excited for your birthday?"

"Yeah," Yeri said smiling genuinely "I'm celebrating with my luvies just like last year."

"That's good." He commented before looking at her hesitantly "Listen, I will be free the weekend after your birthday and I'd like to take you out if you are free as well."

"O-out?" She asked dumbfounded "Were are we going?"

"It's a surprise." He said with a grin "So it's a date then?"

Yeri blushed and smiled abashedly "It's a date."

Jaehyun had decided the timing was finally right and that her birthday would be the perfect occasion for him to tell her how he felt. He had brought her a beautiful necklace and, with the unexpected help of Jungkook, he made arrangements to close down a small and secluded restaurant just for the two of them.

It was going to be the perfect start to what he hoped would be a different but equally enjoyable phase of their relationship.

~~~~~~

Yeri always thought of herself as a fake extrovert. She was loud, sociable and sometimes a little obnoxious. Despite being the youngest in her group, people marveled at how easy it was for her to interact with strangers and how natural her variety sense was. But this was what she was above the surface and most people would only ever get to know that side of her.

In a way, Yeri was thankful to the company for the slight change in her name before debut. It was only the exclusion of the letter 'm', but it held a completely different meaning to her. Yeri was the maknae of Red Velvet. Brave, sassy and outgoing. But when the cameras stopped rolling, the extensions out of her hair and the heavy stage makeup was washed away, she would go back to being Kim Yerim. And Yerim was very different from Red Velvet's Yeri.

Yerim was still friendly but a little more introspective. Still humorous, but snarky at the same time. She was also a whole lot more insecure and unsure of herself. The tragic events of the previous year had caused the two parts of her personality to clash, making her emotionally unstable and exposing her issues on a silver platter to the outside world.

Thanks to Dr. Song, Yeri was slowly learning to get the different sides of her to mesh in a more harmonious way. She now understood that a lot of her problems were a result of her unnecessary effort to completely separate who she was as an idol from who she was as a person.

This new outlook had made Yeri a lot more at ease with herself but there was still some fine tuning to be made on that, specially when it came to her decision making process. It was during those times when she felt the most conflicted. While her more extroverted side would try to convince her to just tell Jaehyun the truth and accept whatever he decided, the more reserved part was holding her back, begging her to be cautious and avoid the inevitable heartbreak.

In the end, the reserved side won by a landslide.

~~~~~~

March 2018

As expected, Jaehyun's plans were put to an abrupt halt when Yeri messaged him a few days before they were supposed to meet saying she had an unexpected schedule and therefore would be unable to see him. He was of course sorely disappointed, but he understood that work had to always come first for the both of them. Besides, they could always take a rain check and see each other on another day.

What he didn't count on was Yeri's subsequent silence over the following weeks. Both of their schedules were packed, so they did not have any opportunities to meet in person, which was not unusual for them. What was unusual however, was the fact that all of Jaehyun's attempts to call and message her were being thoroughly ignored.

Jaehyun racked his brain trying to remember if he had done anything to upset her, but nothing came to mind. Hell bent on getting to the bottom of this, he asked his manager to ask Red Velvet's manager of their whereabouts for the next few days so he could find an opening and ask her directly what was going on.

The opportunity came a few days later, when his manager texted him saying Yeri and Joy would be in the SM building in the afternoon for vocal lessons. After making sure he did not have any schedules other than his radio show late at night, he headed to the company's headquarters and waited at the lounge until Yeri came out of one of the music rooms accompanied by Joy.

"Yerim!" Jaehyun called out as soon as she came into view.

He noticed the way Yeri visibly tensed at the sight of him but she quickly tried to mask it by plastering an insincere smile on her face.

"Hey, there!" She squeaked as he approached her.

"Can we talk?" He asked urgently before glancing at Joy and greeting her with a nod "In private?"

"We are late for another appointment." She replied quickly and linked arms with Joy "Right, unnie?"

Joy stared at the both of them, thinking on how to answer it.

"Actually, we still have plenty of time!" The taller girl told them animatedly as she let go of Yeri's arm and quickly made her exit "You guys go ahead, I'll be waiting in the parking lot."

Yeri glared at her friends’ back for a few seconds before sighing in defeat and motioning for Jaehyun to follow her to the room she was just in.

"So, what's up?" She asked casually when he closed the door behind them.

"What's up?!? You have been ignoring me for weeks. That's what's up!" Jaehyun vented angrily "Why aren't you replying to my messages?"

"I've been busy." Yeri told him nonchalantly.

"You've always been busy, but you always had time for me." He reminded her "For us."

"There is no us!" She blurted out, feeling exasperated.

Jaehyun looked like a kicked puppy and Yeri instantly regretted her outburst.

"Please tell me what I did wrong so I can apologize." He Said, not even caring about how pitiful he was sounding "I know girls hate when guys say that because it sounds condescending as hell, but I tried really hard to think of a reason for you to be giving me the cold shoulder and I got nothing.