December 2017

When Yeri finally woke up the next day, it was already early afternoon. She was feeling a little groggy from sleeping for too long, but today was the first time in a long time where she did not feel a sense of dread engulfing her as soon as she opened her eyes.

Adjusting to her surroundings, she realized that Jaehyun was long gone but his hoodie was now folded and neatly placed on a nearby chair. She stretched for a little bit before deciding to take a shower. The house was quiet, but Yeri could hear the faint sound of the TV, meaning her unnies were most likely at home.

Coming out of the shower, Yeri was in the middle of putting on some shorts and picking out a shirt when she noticed a familiar shiny object out of the corner of her eyes.

Going to where the nightstand was, she saw her phone with a post-it note attached to it. Picking it up, she started to read the scribbles on the small piece of paper.

Good morning, Yerim-ah! I convinced Joohyun noona to give back your phone, but you have to promise to use it wisely, okay? It seems you don't have any schedules for a couple of days, so make sure to get plenty of rest and eat lots of delicious things. Wendy noona told me she'll make you brownies if you ask her nicely. Also, Joy noona and Seulgi noona are waiting so the three of you can catch up on your dramas together. You must've noticed I left my hoodie there. It is yours now :) Stay strong, Yerim-ah! If you need me, I'm only one call away. Always.

Yeri smiled inwardly, imagining Jaehyun's soothing voice as she read the note once again. He was always so good to her even though she had nothing to offer to him in return.

Picking up the hoodie from the chair, Yeri pulled it over her head. It was of course too big, but its warmth and the faint smell of Jaehyun's cologne made it impossible for her to think about wearing anything else.

Leaving her bedroom for the first time in days, Yeri felt somewhat like a stranger in her own home. Walking quietly to the living room, she saw all her unnies sitting at the dining table. Wendy was rolling some kimbap, while Irene was peeling a few oranges. Joy seemed to be busy reading a script and Seulgi was playing a game on her phone.

Yeri chose to not let her presence be known and simply stood there observing them. They were each doing something different without any conversation, but she couldn't help but notice how harmonious they looked sitting together. Four pieces of a puzzle with no room for a fifth. No room for her.

Yeri was seriously considering going back to her room when the scraping of a chair snapped her out of her thoughts.

"Yerim-ah!" Joy said as she ran up to her and took her hand "We didn't hear you get out of the shower. Come sit!"

"Let's have lunch." Wendy suggested "I'm almost finished rolling the kimpap. Seul, can you check on the soup?"

Seulgi flashed a grin at Yeri before going to where the stove was.

"Haven't you eaten already?" Yeri asked with a puzzled expression "It's 3 in the afternoon."

"We wanted to wait until you woke up." Irene said as she linked arms with the younger girl, leading them to the table "It's been a while since we had lunch all together like this."

"You are going to eat with us... right?" Joy asked apprehensively.

All four of them paused and looked at Yeri expectantly.

"Of course, unnie." She replied with a small smile.

"Good, sit here!" Irene exclaimed, sounding a lot more relieved than intended “I'll go get you some apple juice. We went to the store this morning and they had your favorite brand."

"Wendy unnie," Yeri said as she sat down, earning the other girl’s attention "Can you please make some brownies later?" She asked timidly and glanced at Seulgi and Joy "We need to catch up on our dramas and it would be nice to have something to snack on."

Wendy beamed at her "Of course, baby. I'll make them extra gooey just the way you like it."

Watching her unnies fussing around the kitchen, Yeri struggled to hold the lump forming in . They were once again doing different things, but this time they all had the same purpose: to take care of her.

She tried really hard to hold on to that little shrivel of hope, but it wasn't long before the darkness took over her mind once again.

They only pity you, silly. Everyone does.

~~~~~~

"So this is a surprise." Jaehyun heard his father comment as he sat down in front of him "You don't really visit me unless your mother guilt trips you into it."

"I wanted to greet you before the end of the year." He said awkwardly "I won't have much time later."

Jaehyun's relationship with his parents had always been a little frosty and his current life wasn't really doing anything to help improve that, since he knew they would forever resent him for not choosing the same profession as them. He would avoid interacting with his family as much as possible, but he had to do this for Yeri.

Lately her mood had been fluctuating quite a bit and while her good days were good, her bad days were very, very bad. During those episodes, Yeri would alternate between crying hysterically or sitting in complete silence with a detached look in her eyes.

Both Jaehyun and the other Red Velvet members were growing increasingly concerned with her erratic behavior and, although none of them would ever voice it out loud, they were worried Yeri would eventually end up trying to harm herself. The night before had been particularly bad and after much deliberation, Jaehyun found himself with no option other than turning to his father for help.

"How are you, son?" Dr. Jung asked rather formally "We were worried about you after... well, you know."

"I'm okay, dad." Jaehyun said quickly and cleared his throat "But do you think Auntie Song has any time available on her schedule?"

'Auntie Song' was not only a fellow doctor and close friend of the Jung family, but also a renowed therapist who specialized in grief counseling.

"For you? Of course!" Dr. Jung confirmed and went to pick up the phone so he could call her.

"Actually, I was hoping she would see a friend of mine." Jaehyun said tentatively.

Dr. Jung stared at him in surprise "A friend?"

"My best friend, actually." Jaehyun further explained "The recent events really took a tool on her and she is going through a rough patch." He told him sadly "She has a lot of people supporting her but I think it would be good for her to talk to a professional just in case."

His father seemed to be absorbing the information while looking at him intently, making Jaehyun grow increasingly uncomfortable.

"This friend of yours," Dr. Jung spoke carefully "you love her, don't you?"

Jaehyun gaped at him "Is it that obvious?"

"I was never the father you deserved but I'm still your father nonetheless." Dr. Jung pointed out with a bitter chuckle "And a father knows when his son is in love. Tell me about her."

"Yerim is... she is everything." Jaehyun told him frankly "I don't think I would've made this far without her by my side. All the happy memories I had over the last few years were with her."

Considering his son's tense body language until now, Dr. Jung took note of the way Jaehyun's features visibly relaxed when her name left his lips.

"She seems pretty special."

"She is. And she makes everyone she meets feel special too." Jaehyun said fondly "It's impossible to spend time with Yerim and not end up loving her in the process. Whenever she smiles, it's just..."

Rising from his seat, Dr. Jung went over to his son and put a hand on his shoulder "What's wrong with Yerim, son?"

"She is broken, dad." Jaehyun told him painstakingly "I didn't do a good job at protecting her and they managed to get to her." He said in distress "I'm trying to help but there's this small part of her no one can reach. I don't want her to hurt herself. I can't lose her."

"Son, it'll be okay." Dr. Jung asserted and looked at him sympathetically "We'll get her the help she needs, I promise."

"Help me keep her, dad." Jaehyun said as he felt himself choke up "Please..."

~~~~~~

"Hello, Yerim. I'm Dr. Song." The middle aged woman said in a soft spoken manner "It's very nice to meet you."

Yeri gave her a blank stare as she recalled the events that lead her to be here in the first place. She thought back to a few days ago, when Jaehyun very openly told her he was constantly afraid her suffering would lead her to do something stupid one day and begged for her to see this doctor he knew since childhood, so she could help her overcome the turmoil she was in.

She was incensed upon hearing that, feeling as if he was giving up on her and letting a third party handle his pathetic, emotionally unstable best friend. Yeri had thrown all sort of hurtful words at Jaehyun before kicking him out of her dorm.

Later that night, the rest of the Red Velvet members begged her to reconsider Jaehyun's offer. Yeri was ready to refuse, until Irene started to cry. Their leader was known for her rather stoic personality and the others counted on her to always be their point of stability.

Seeing her cry like that stirred something in Yeri. Once again, she was causing problems to the ones she loved. Deep down, she was very much aware of the fact that she truly needed someone to help her overcome her grief. Throwing her pride aside, she messaged Jaehyun with an apology and a request for him to book an appointment for her.

So that's how she ended up in her current predicament, sitting in front of a stranger in complete silence for the past 15 minutes.

"I'm sorry, I've never been to a therapist before." Yeri spoke at last "I don't know what I'm supposed to do exactly."

"Don't be sorry, dear." Dr. Song replied kindly "Our session will go according to what you feel comfortable with. You don't even have to say anything if you don't feel like it."

Yeri scowled at her last statement "Won't that be a waste of your time and my money?"

"Yes, that would be unfortunate." Dr. Song said with a laugh "I'll tell you what. Would you mind if I asked some questions and took a few notes? You can stop me at any moment. Is that okay?"

"Yeah, I guess." Yeri conceded after thinking about it briefly.

"Why are you here, Yerim?" Dr. Song asked straightforwardly.

"Because Jaehyun oppa and my unnies asked me to." Yeri answered swifly, unable to hide the resentful tone in her voice.

"And why did you accept?"