Author’s Note: Hi hello lmao ok sorry if this is long or whatever but here it goes. I have not written in years. If you have been subscribed to me and my other fics you know I have apologized countless times because I make promises of updates but never commited, until I ultimately made the choice of not being able to continue certain stories, or that I’m unsure whether I would be able to continue. I disappeared from writing for YEARS. If I’m not mistaken3456, probably almost a decade? LOL or maybe that’s an exaggaration but it has been years. It has been years since I felt inspired to write once again, since plot bunnies have attacked the crap out of me and finally I got the itch to write again. This one shot isnt something amazing, but to me it is because I haven’t written in years and writing is the most important thing in my life and the only thing that I ever feel as if has meaning and what is truly important to me. So if you are reading this and if you like it or not thank you still for reading it. You don’t know how much this means to me. I love writing. And finally I’m at it again and hopefully its for good this time. So enjoy :)

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January 4, 2018 8:46PM

It had been weeks since the last time rain came around. People around Seoul were bustling around with their clear umbrellas trying to find shelter, getting on the bus, getting into shops and the likes. Everyone was just fighting to get away from water. It would make one wonder why though, its just water. It isn't acid. But why? Why are people against getting themselves wet? Is it because they are wearing expensive shoes? Or is it because they do not want to get sick? Which of the two is weighed heavier? Which of the two are they really worried about?

This is a distraction.

Eunjae thought to herself as she stared outside the window of the bookstore. She was fuming on the inside, just like the clouds were. The thunder that passed by every five minutes was every moment she thought of his name. She had her hands clasped together, they were touching her lips as her eyes just went through the sea of people that were running around with their umbrellas. 

Eunjae closed her eyes for a minute, trying to reach the so called happy place that her sister had been telling her to go to for the past three years. But of course her anger always got the best of her. But she had to admit, she got a lot better at holding it in. She used to think the whole count to three was bull until she tried it a few days ago.

Worked like a charm.

She sighed and looked back down on the folder that was in front of her.

No turning back. This is it, this is what I wanted. This is what I can only do.

The sound of the bookstore’s chimes echoed all throughout the small store. Eunjae’s fingers began to grow cold, her body tense. She didn’t want to move from her seat. She wanted to close her eyes but she couldn’t. She suddenly feels a cold wind pass by her along with a cough. It was from a seemingly 17 year old high school student drenched in water.

Eunjae let out a sigh of relief, her heart stopped racing as her body was slowly easing itself. She didn’t feel ready, there was so much more she wanted to go over in her head before he would arrive. And she needed more time. Each time someone came inside the store her heart would jumpstart all over again. It was getting too much and even she thought that she might just die in that bookstore from a heart attack.

Sighing one more time she adjusted her position on her seat. It had been two hours since she had been there. She decided to just get there early and give herself the time needed to calm herself. Three years wasn’t enough to get over it. Three years she spent trying to play out her revenge which she excused as his karma.

But was it really?

-

December 25, 2015 3:39PM

“You are being cruel.” Hani said as she took a sip of her coffee. Eunjae was pacing back and forth. Her boots scuffing its soles on the oakwood floor of her sister’s apartment. It was Christmas, and Eunjae was not at her best mood. If anything, Hades would hide in a hole in pure horror over her current anger.

“Why am I cruel? I wasn’t the one who started this!” Eunjae screamed at her sister Hani, who placed her hands up in defeat. Hani knew that she wasn’t going to win. Between the two of them she was the zen one. They were like yin ang yang. Except Hani had her moments of wanting to strangle Eunjae. “I’m just saying, you’re ruining your Christmas too.” Hani said as she took another sip of her coffee. “And mine.” She whispered.

The subscriber you are calling cannot be reached, please try your call again later.

Eunjae tossed her phone against the wall. Shattering them into pieces. Hani simply stared at the floor and began to wonder how she was going to get the dent the phone made on her wall out. Eunjae let out a screech, it was as if a banshee was spending Christmas at Hani’s apartment. “Why can’t you just make your peace with this?” Hani said as she set the coffee mug down and her seat to face her sister.

“Don’t you want a peace of mind too?” Hani asked and Eunjae simply glared daggers at her. “It isn’t fair.” Eunjae said, her eyes beginning to water. Hani took in her sister’s look. She knew that anger was something that befriended her sister all too well, but she knew that half the time she was just in pain. Like right now.

“Nothing’s fair in life. And if you choose to play it out this way, you’ll only be miserable.” Hani said and Eunjae scoffed. “Yeah. I commit to what he wants, he gets away scott free and full of bliss, meanwhile I’m stuck here looking like a fool.” Eunjae said as she tried reached for Hani’s landline and redialed the same number.

“Do not break my phone.” Hani said as she stood up and exited towards the kitchen.

Eunjae continued to redial until finally an answer.

“It’s Christmas…” She heard his voice over the other line. Eunjae was trying to open but no words would come out. There was pure silence for the first few seconds. “I don’t-“ Eunjae bit her lower lip. Tears were threatening to fall but she was slowly being overcome with anger. It was pain and anger, two emotions mixing together that were seemingly perfect yet tearing her apart.

“I don’t care.” She finally let the words out. She heard him sigh. 

“Jaejoong, who are you talking to?” Eunjae heard another voice in the background. Slowly the tears dried and she was now ovcercome with anger. “He’s there?” Eunjae said, her voice demanding. “Of course he is.” Jaejoong whispered. Eunjae closed her eyes, the grip on the phone was tight enough to break it.

“No one.” Jaejoong answered. 

Eunjae was officially filled with anger. A full charge of it.

“My phone!” Hani screamed.

-

January 4, 2018 9:39 PM

Eunjae looked at her watch as she tried to focus back on what she wanted to bring up once Jaejoong had arrived. She slouched back on her seat trying to pick which of her current feelings she was supposed to entertain. Should it be her pain? Her anger? The itching irritation? Or maybe mix them together and risk having to pay around a thousand in damages at the bookstore.

Her hands were now fists, she tried to clench on tight and not break anything. It was definitely getting extremely hard. And being angry was the most tiring thing she has ever done, but she had always been this way and only a few people were true to her and could understand where she was coming from. Where all the anger came from.

But even she knew that she was difficult, even she hated it. Hated the feeling. Hated herself.

Footsteps began to echo in her ears. She hands slowly flattening, and then trembling. She felt a sudden alert around her spine, her breathing momentarily stopping, and her nose getting a whiff of a familiar scent. And before she could react, there he was plopped down on the chair opposite of her.

His face truly familiar. He seemed skinnier. The bags underneath his eyes seemed heavier, the dark circles a little more evident. He changed his hair color and style, but now it was just wet from the rain. His skin was still the same glow it was from before. But overall, he looked tired.

“Hi.” Jaejoong started. Eunjae simply stared at him. Her brows furrowed, her hands on the table, she was still slouching. On Jaejoong’s end she looked like a stubborn child that didn’t get what they want. But that was always how Jaejoong saw her. Then he thought it was cute, but now it was just tiring. He was just tired.

He pulled out a pen from his pocket.

“Is this it?” He asked as he was about to reach for the folder, and like lightning, Eunjae pulled it back to her. This was the first move she has done so far since Jaejoong arrived. “What the ?” Jaejoong was just confused. But he knew what Eunjae’s movements meant. He his lips and pursed them as he put away the pen. Crossing his legs and looking away, here they go again.

“It has been three years. I’m tired. I just wanna get this over with.” Jaejoong said, his tone definitely expressed the tiredness he had felt for the past three years. Jaejoong let out a yawn, Eunjae was about to yawn but she swallowed it in.

“Why…”

She finally spoke and Jaejoong simply looked at her. He was confused, yet again. Eunjae swallowed the lump that had been on . So much was processing through her mind. Earlier, her emotions were on their separate boxes. They were placed neatly and orderly around her mind. Now, they were all over the place. It was as if an accident had occurred and had papers flying all around. Everything was all over the place, and her thoughts were rushing through her, she could see the words anger, pain, confusion and the such through her eyes.

“Why… him?” She finally asked.

This was a question that she wanted to know since day one. This was an unanswered question that dominated her life for the past three years, has been the core foundation of every decision, every word, and every thought that she had made. That pushed her to the edge, that wanted her to practically kill the life out of Jaejoong, that made her miserable and made her want to exit to the next part of living.

The question that just ruined her completely, and whatever ounce of respect Jaejoong had for her and she had for herself.

Jaejoong opened his mouth, but even he was taken aback with her question. It had occurred to him just at that moment that this was something that Eunjae had never asked, and he never bothered thinking she would even ask. It was also something he wasn’t sure he could even answer. His eyes were fixated on his feet, and he slowly drifted them to look at her. Which was something he had been trying not to do.

Their eyes locked and it was as if a sudden stabbing pain just went through both of them, and at that exact moment thunder played. Dramatic, extremely dramatic but perfect timing. Jaejoong wasn’t really sure how to answer her question, and Eunjae was just terrified of finding out what his reason was.

“I don’t know.” Jaejoong said and Eunjae immediately slammed her fist on the table. The sound echoed throughout the store and a couple of customers looked, the cashier as well. Jaejoong simply smiled at them to assure that everything was fine. That smile just possessed everyone to look away and mind their own business. He looked back at Eunjae, the smile disappeared.

“Don’t cause a scene here.” Jaejoong ordered her and Eunjae clenched her fist tight. “I really don’t know, and nor do I have the time to explain. At this point it shouldn’t matter. Just give me those divorce papers so I can sign them, file it and we can get on with our lives.” Jaejoong finally said it.

“No.” Eunjae was determined. Jaejoong sat back on his chair and scratched his neck furiously. He rubbed both his hands on his face, and allowing his face to maintain buried there. “I can’t do this anymore Eunnie, I am so tired.” Jaejoong said.

Eunnie

Eunjae has not heard that in years. And Jaejoong was the only one who had ever called her that. She would never even let Hani call her that. Eunjae felt a part of her soften at the sound of endearment. But she was still furious, and her mind was still all over the place. Jaejoong lifted his face from his hands as he sighed and looked at her once again. His eyes were practically about to close at this point and Eunjae knew that he was really tired.

“I can’t.” Eunjae can hear her voice cracking. Jaejoong was now at a point where, despite hearing the crack in her voice, he could care less. He was tired, exhausted, low in energy. There weren’t enough words or adjectives to even describe how he was feeling. But he didn’t have the time to be sensitive or to pinpoint all of Eunjae’s emotions.

“Was it when I first met him?” Eunjae asked and Jaejoong sighed.

-

January 26, 2010 10:22PM

“I wanna go home.” Eunjae whispered towards Jaejoong, as he had his arms around her. Her face nearing his. Jaejoong looked down at her and saw how tired she was, he knew that in a few minutes this tired state would turn into crankiness and she wouldn’t care if she had caused a scene. Jaejoong smiled and kissed the top of her forehead. “A couple more minutes please?” Jaejoong pleaded and Eunjae nodded her head in compliance.

Eunjae removed herself from Jaejoong and walked over the bar. Jaejoong’s friends had decided to throw him a little birthday party. The initial plan was to simply spend the day at their house together in pajamas and just being lazy, but Jaejoong’s friends had surprised him. Eunjae grabbed one of the cocktail napkins and began to fold them out of boredom.

“Hi.” Eunjae turned to her side to discover an unfamiliar face.

“My name is Yunho.” He put out a hand for Eunjae to shake. Eunjae gave a small smile and shook his hand. “I don’t think we’ve met. Then again I don’t know all of Jaejoong’s friends.” Eunjae said with a tired smile. Yunho gave his brightest smile in return and let out a small laugh. “He’s a very loved guy.” Yunho commented and Eunjae nodded in agreement.

“So how close are you and Jaejoong?” Eunjae asked as she began to fold more napkins. Yunho bit his lower lip and smiled.

“Very.” Yunho answered.

Before Yunho could say anything further Jaejoong chimed in. “Ready to go?” Jaejoong asked, his attention on Eunjae. “Yes. It was nice meeting you.” Eunjae answered then extended her hand past Jaejoong. Jaejoong turned and was surprised to see Yunho. The smile on their faces faded. “Same.” Yunho said as he shook Eunjae’s hand. Eunjae walked ahead of Jaejoong, meanwhile Jaejoong and Yunho stared at each other.

“Jaejoong?” Eunjae called out. “Be there in a sec.” Jaejoong replied and Eunjae shrugged and tried to shuffle for her phone inside her bag.

“No introductions?” Yunho asked and Jaejoong didn’t know what to say. “Not now.” Jaejoong replied and walked away. Yunho watched as Jaejoong and Eunjae walked away. Later in the car Eunjae had mentioned Yunho in passing, but Jaejoong tried to switch topics. At this moment, Eunjae was not curious at all. She was tired nad passed out in the car. The rest of the car ride, Jaejoong was feeling an extensive amount of guilt.

-

January 4, 2018 10:13PM

“The bookstore is closing soon.” Jaejoong said, tired. His eyes fixated on a crack on the floor. “I know, you haven’t answered my question.” Eunjae said as she stared at the same crack. “Eunjae, we can’t keep doing this.” Jaejoong said as he looked at her. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” Eunjae questioned and Jaejoong pushed back on his chair. “Why Yunho? When? How did it happen? I need answers.” Eunjae said as she stared at Jaejoong. Her anger was at an eased level, but nonetheless, the monster inside of her was wanting to jump.

“I don’t know, okay?” Jaejoong said, his irritation evident in his tone. “13 years. We’ve been married for 13 ing years.” Eunjae said, her anger slowly rising. “Not all those 13 years count as a marriage. Especially the three in that 13.” Jaejoong quipped. Jaejoong was just getting irritated now. And the two of them this way wasn’t going to end well. “Doesn’t matter, because there were 10 years still input.” Eunjae said through her clenched teeth.

“What pleasure are you gaining for torturing us like this?” Jaejoong asked and Eunjae felt attacked. “I have no pleasure in torturing you two.” Eunjae said and Jaejoong laughed. “Don’t even try. You became a monster the moment you found out.” Jaejoong said and Eunjae was just not having it. “I wonder why.” Eunjae said with sarcasm.

“Don’t.” Jaejoong said, it was not turning into an argument.

“Don’t tell me don’t when you’re the one that ruined the marriage.”

“Me? You’re the one who couldn’t hold in her anger and needed to lash out every ing moment.”

“You’re one to talk.”

“I never did anything against you, you’re the one bent on raising hell.”

“I’m already in hell.”

“Then good, ing stay where you belong!”

Jaejoong said the last statement out of anger, and although it didn’t seem like much of a comeback, the idea behind it was enough to pierce through Eunjae.

“You’re the one who found someone else while married.” Eunjae bit back and Jaejoong didn’t even know how to counter it. “I was just there, blinded by everything. Thinking that we were okay, only to later discover down the line that it was broken and I don’t even know when. But it was, and you tried to find a fix elsewhere.” Eunjae spoke with so much passion that Jaejoong was slowly blaming himself in silence.

“You couldn’t even give me the courtesy of telling me to my face.” Eunjae said.

-

February 14, 2010 11:16AM

The clock ticking was the only sound echoing throughout the house. The house was big enough for a family of five. The upkeep was difficult but nonetheless doable. It was a cookie cutter house at the heart of Seoul. The view was amazing, it was 30 minutes away from the bustling sounds of the city. And despite this beauty, Eunjae was staring into a photo that felt like a thousand suns burning her through every core of her body, most especially her heart.

February 14, 2009

The date was etched on the back of the photo. Eunjae didn’t know what to make of it. She had been standing there for almost an hour now. Maybe even two. Her eyes glued on the photo. She didn’t know how to process, she didn’t know what to think, she didn’t know how to feel. It was just there, in front of her slapping her face repeatedly.

Yunho and Jaejoong.

She couldn’t even fathom the idea of it. But it was there. Her own husband with someone else, and it was not just someone else. It was Yunho. Of all people. Someone she barely knew, someone she had just met not even a month late. Eunjae was like a statue at this point. Slowly breaking.

What happened in the next five hours was something she didn’t even know she was capable of. Something she didn’t know she had in her. But it was there.

Wallpaper was torn, furniture turned and broken, glass all over the house, clothes ripped. It was as if someone was bent on destroying the house. If there was a sledgehammer… Mercy.

At 9:39PM the house was dark. Eunjae was seated on the front steps of her house. She couldn’t even bear to call it a home. How could she? When everything was basically a lie. She had to find the picture in her house of all places. She didn’t even know what to do with the anger that was just boiling on the inside since the moment she discovered the photo.

Headlights immediately were focused on her. These lights immediately turned off, followed by the sound of a car door opening. “Eunnie, why are you outside? It's cold.” Jaejoong said as he pressed the car alarm on his keys. Eunjae was not replying and Jaejoong stood there confused. He looked and studied his wife’s features. Unsure of what was wrong. “Are you okay?” Jaejoong asked as he kneeled down in front of her. And before he could even react, Eunjae placed a fist through his face, and screaming ensued.

Neighbors lights immediately opened at the sound of the screams. Jaejoong was on the floor trying to control his wife. But he couldn’t. She kept screaming things too fast that Jaejoong couldn’t even piece together what she was trying to say. He was just so confused he didn’t even know what to feel. Eunjae proceeded to break his car. Jaejoong screamed his wife’s name but she wasn’t paying attention.

Neighbors began to watch from where they could and Jaejoong didn’t even know what to do. He simply grabbed Eunjae and with what strength he had left dragged her inside the house. He was shocked to see the horror scene that was his home. Glass, broken furniture, everything was just a mess. It was as if a bulldozer passed by.

“What happened?” Jaejoong asked as he turned to Eunjae who held a photo to his face. And it all became clear to Jaejoong now.

-

January 4, 2018 11:45PM

“This place is closing in a few minutes.” Eunjae said. “I threw the flowers at Han River.” Jaejoong said and Eunjae was confused. “The flowers I was supposed to give to you that day. It was Valentine’s Day.” Jaejoong said and Eunjae finally understood. From that very day on, arguments just began to ensue. This was something completely foreign for the two at the time.

Throughout the marriage they were very peaceful. When there were issues that needed to be resolved they were both calm and expressed each other’s emotions and opened communication so that there was no misunderstanding. And it had worked. They were a peaceful couple. A couple that a lot had envied and wished to be. A couple to look up to. But when that every day happened, things changed.

Screaming was the basis of communication. Cursing was the form of resolution along with the occasional door slams, walkouts and destruction of property and items. This was the new norm of their relationship. Valentine’s Day or any couple celebrated event was no longer of existence. The date of their anniversary was completely ignored, if anything, more fights ensued those days. And all of these events had occurred even when Jaejoong had moved out of his house and moved into an apartment, before officially moving in with Yunho a year later. 

Something that officially ignited more flames within Eunjae.

Eunjae was then bent on making sure that every living moment Yunho and Jaejoong had together was that of destruction. She threatened, made scenes, cursed and everything else possible except death was done to the two by Eunjae. At first they simply chalked it down to her pain, they knew that they couldn’t say anything against what Eunjae had felt.

They made the excuse that she was angry and in so much pain. To have a marriage go from perfection to complete was too much and both Yunho and Jaejoong knew this, and they didn’t want to rub it in Eunjae’s face that they were already planning a lot of things together. Jaejoong most especially, knew how much pain he was causing Eunjae. But he knew that he couldn’t cradle her for the rest of his life, he couldn’t hide the facts of his life any longer and the longer he waited the more complicated things become.

But after some time, the excuses for Eunjae had stopped, it was officially too much for Yunho and Jaejoong and then another yelling match had ensued. Yunho tried to stay out of it as much as he could. He didn’t want to start a fight with Eunjae, which is why he was always setting back, staying behind the scenes and just easing Jaejoong after every match with Eunjae.

The complication of it all was just too much. At one point, Yunho and Jaejoong had fought about it. With Yunho blaming Jaejoong for dragging it along for too long. Stating that, “If you did this earlier, none of this would happen.” Were his exact words. Which Jaejoong took the blame in stride, but bit back with his own remarks that only caused Yunho pain and ensued a bigger fight that ended up with hurtful and regretful words. But things did resolve between them all too quickly.

It had just become too much for both. Jaejoong simply grew tired, and the only form of life he clung onto was Yunho who tried every moment to make sure Jaejoong was happy, to make up for all the hell he was being drowned with by Eunjae. And Eunjae herself had to admit, that she was getting tired. That this was tiring, and that she didn’t know how long she would keep up with it all.

“We have 10 minutes before this place kicks us out to close.” Jaejoong said as he looked at Eunjae. He fixed his position on the chair and Eunjae was still clinging onto the folder.

Eunjae studied his face once more. She looked at all the creases of his face. She looked at the shape of the bags underneath Jaejoong’s eyes. She took not of the shade of darkness that was underneath Jaejoong’s eyes. She memorized the bone structure that was becoming more evident on his face due to the lost weight. She kept in mind the lose of weight. And bit by bit as she tried to go deeper and deeper Eunjae felt a tickling feeling inside of her that was slowly creeping up.

Jaejoong was tired.

Eunjae was tired.

With that in mind, she slowly placed the folder on the table, and getting up.

“I’m sorry. Not for what I did, but for me never ever going to accept this. I’m not sorry for the times I was mad, I’m not sorry for the time you cried, for the time I broke things or your feelings. Or for every fight you and Yunho ever had about this whole situation. I am sorry for nothing except for me not being able to accept what is being done now.” Eunjae said and Jaejoong had his eyes fixated on hers. It was as if the tired feeling inside of him disappeared, it was now filled with more pain.

“I’m also sorry I married you.” Eunjae said ang sighed. She used every single piece of anger in her body to fight back the tears that she wanted to shed at that moment. And it was helping.

“I don’t wish the two of you happiness. And I’m going to sound bitter, but I’d rather be honest with the way I feel than fake it like you did.” Eunjae added and Jaejoong could no longer hold onto looking at her.

“I’m tired.” Were the only words that came out of Jaejoong’s mouth. “I am too.” Eunjae replied and Jaejoong slowly opened the folder as Eunjae turned her back on him and walked away. 

Jaejoong studied the papers in front of him. His hand on a pen, the pen on the paper. No movement. Jaejoong had wanted this for three years but never truly imagined how hard it was to actually finally be here. He has heard from friends what divorce was, how ugly it was and how hard it was as well no matter how much you wanted it to end. And now here he was experiencing all of that.

But Jaejoong knew he was tired. Very.

Jaejoong scribbled in on the blank line that had his name typed in below. Clicking the pen close he hold onto the folder and sat there alone at the bookstore.

He rubbed his fingers across a date that was on the paper.

January 4, 2005

Jaejoong looked at the clock, it read 11:59PM.

“Happy anniversary Eunnie.”

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Thank you for reading :)