‘I wanted to tell him because there were no secrets between us but I couldn’t bring myself to say it. Whenever we hang out most of the time he falls asleep and I don’t blame him because his schedule is always packed. I just needed his brightness to distract me from all this negativity around me… No. I couldn’t tell him, I didn’t want to tell him. I love him with all my heart but I don't want to burden him. This was all in my head. It was just something that comes and goes. I’m just taking everything to heart. The hate is nothing. The family problems are nothing. This sadness is nothing. You’re just being silly and you need to stop before you wake him up.’

 

     My mind continued to weigh me down like an anchor so I quickly shut my laptop to stop the stream of hate but it didn’t help. In my mind the images of hateful comments continued to fly by and panic began to settle in, practically taking my breathe away. Desperately looking for a distraction, I gently moved Jeonghan's head from my lap and replaced it with a pillow. In an attempt to calm myself down my body decided to head to the kitchen. Dishes! I started to wash the piling dishes in the sink to occupy my trembling hands but that wasn’t the brightest idea. Crash. A freshly washed dish placed on the rack slipped off the top and shattered. I turned off the water and gripped the counter top, squeezing my eyes shut. ‘I can’t do this. I can’t do this anymore.’ My body caved in on itself and tears streaked down my cheeks like a meteor shower.

 

His POV

Crash. The loud noise immidiately woke me up and I rushed to to the kitchen to see what happened. There Miyeon was, sitting on the floor sobbing and a plate shattered on the floor. I panicked. Did she hurt herself?

 

“Miyeon-ah, are you hurt?” She shook her head no so I carefully went to her side.

 

“Jagiyah if you’re okay what’s wrong?”

 

     All she would do was shake her head no matter what I asked. At this moment my usual cheerful, adorable, strong girlfriend was gone. She looked so broken, so fragile, as if she would break if my hand came into contact with her. I slowly reached out and gently picked her up. As if it was a reflex she clung to me and continued to sob into my shoulder. I brought her to the couch where we sat down, her body still wrapped in my embrace. Not knowing what else to do I just held her tight and told her that everything was going to be alright. After a while her sobs finally calmed into sniffles so I took the chance to ask what was going on.

 

“Miyeon-ah what’s wrong? Did something happen?”

 

     The worry was evident in my voice when I asked and it increased when she responded in a quiet manner so unlike herself. She couldn't even look me in the eye when she said it.

 

“No. I’m fine.”

 

“Liar. That is not fine,” She bit her lip and looked down.

 

“It’s nothing for you to worry about. I’m okay...”

 

“Kwon Miyeon that is not okay. How can I not worry when I see that you're like this?” She sighed in defeat and I felt her start to tremble.

 

“It’s just… you know that my situation at home is a bit complicated… and now that we’re public… all the hate just got to me. I could deal with my parents since I’ve lived with them for most of my life so it’s nothing new but the things that some fans say…. it’s just so horrible like I would never wish that upon anyone else. I know I should ignore it but it was so overwhelming and I just...”

 

     As she responded a few tears started to fall and my thumbs gently swept them away. Hearing the reason made my jaw clench in anger. I knew the hate would come but I didn’t think this backlash would bring up old scars.

 

“Why didn’t you tell me? I wouldn’t have gone public if I knew it would’ve caused you more pain.”

 

“Yeah… I’m sorry for hiding it but I wanted to go public too. We were both tired of sneaking around and I thought I could handle it because you are always there when I need you most… You have become the only thing holding me together,” She replied, leaning her head on my chest and I held her closer to me in response as my chin rested on her head.

 

“You’re not the only one who feels that way. You have become the only one who keeps me sane with all these crazy things happening around me,” A light giggle escaped her lips as she pulled away to look at me.

 

“That’s an understatement,” She said with a sniffle as a small smile appeared on her features. I smiled in return but was caught off guard when she planted a kiss on me. When she pulled away I rested my forehead on hers. It seems like she finally calmed down.

 

“I love you, Yoon Jeonghan.”

 

     It was barely above a whisper but no matter what volume only she could make my heart race like this. I answered her by giving her a quick peck on the lips before responding "I love you too, Kwon Miyeon." Smiles spread across both our faces as we took a moment to take in every single detail of each other's faces before leaning in to give a proper kiss. Afterwards she moved off of my lap and my arm s around her waist protectively as she started to play with my hand.

 

“Thank you for everything, Jeonghan,” She said as she rested her head on my shoulder.

 

“Anytime Sugar.”

 

     Giving her a wink and placing a playful kiss in the back of her hand earned me an eye roll and a light nudge before we both broke into laughter. Her laughter was like the sweetest music to my ears, and I had no shame in letting her know that, as I moved a strand of hair from her face.

 

“There’s the sound I love.”

 

“...Shut up,” she blushed.

 

“... If you want I can try to talk to the fans...” I offered as we settled down from our teasing. I couldn’t stand the thought of seeing her broken like that again.

 

“It’s fine, Jeonghan. I can ignore it. Who needs social media? I rarely used it anyways,” She tried to reassure me and lighten the mood again.

 

“Just don’t hold it all in anymore. It's not a burden. It's easier to get over obstacles together.”

 

“I won’t. Promise.”

 

     As she said this she hooked our pinkies and touched our thumbs together to seal the promise. Our short comfortable silence was broken by my phone ringing. I looked at her and saw that knowing look on her face.

 

“I can stay until you fall asleep. I can say I was stuck in the elevator,” I reasoned. I didn’t want to leave her so soon. Not after she just broke down.

 

“You know you can’t, plus who would believe that?” She scolded.

 

“Then go to bed. They can wait for five minutes,” I answered sternly.

 

     She knew I was stubborn so she gave up with an eye roll. I followed after her to her room and had her get under the covers as I tucked her in. I started to sing her a lullaby knowing how it puts her at ease and brushed a few strands of her hair behind her ear. Before the song was over she was fast asleep. I placed a light kiss on her forehead before turning off the lights and leaving. I ran down to the waiting van as my manager started to scold me for not keeping to the schedule but it was worth it. At least I know that she is safely tucked under her covers, protected from those nasty comments… for a little while.