tw: starvation.

When Chanyeol enters the Afterlife, he feels the warmth laying upon his skin as his body lays on top of the field's green grass. There's a small smile on his lips as he stares up at the blue sky. Normally, he would get up and roam around the place or go play in the school's band room but today he settles here for a moment. It's peaceful times like these that make him wonder why he ever goes back to the real world. Then Baekhyun's bright smile shines in the back of his lids when his eyes close for a second. That warm smile where his eyes turn to two little crescents as he bubbles out a laugh. Baekhyun was one of the biggest reasons he ever lived but now seeing that the smile belonged to Taeyeon now, his heart aches. There was no reason to return now, was there?

Sitting upright now, he faces the sight of the cafeteria and his stomach grumbles. 'You're not hungry.' he tells himself. That wasn't true. Considering he was on his seventh day of starvation. Sure, there were little nibbles here and there but he simply didn't feel like eating. His heart was eating away at his sadness anyway. What was the need for food if his sadness was the replacement. Science was wrong and Chanyeol was sure of that. 

Opting to skip out on lunch, he gets off of the grass and finds a spot in the classroom where Kyungsoo normally resides during this time of the day. He takes a seat beside the said boy and watches as he is deeply immersed into A Walk To Remember.

"Whatcha reading?" He feels alone and wants to spark a conversation - though he has never really spoken a word to Kyungsoo in real life when he was alive.

The latter doesn't seem to mind the question, although answering nonchalantly. "My favorite book." He answers simply. "It's one of my most favorites."

"Things like that actualy appear here?" He asks curiously. 

"If Jongdae can drink a hundred juice boxes a day, why not my favorite book? You want a guitar or something simple to keep you entertained here? Wish for it and it'll probably appear." 

Chanyeol goes silent. He thinks of Jongdae and the last time he has seen the boy. It's been quite awhile and he is a tad bit worried. Jongdae was the first person he had run into in this world and his presence was deeply missed. Snarky comments and sarcasm was needed sometimes in such a serious place. He was the comedic relief, although it makes much more sense as to why the boy had such dark humor.

As he's thinking, he hears footsteps approaching close. Turning around, he spots Jongin who comes in with a dorky smile and a paper bag beside him.

"Soo." Jongin calls his name warmly as he holds out the bag towards his boyfriend. "I brought us lunch, baby." 

Ah... Lunch.... Love. Chanyeol thinks to himself as the couple sit across from each other and begin to eat together. Chanyeol sits beside them awkwardly and drums a silent beat upon the wooden desk. His grumbling stomach joins him in rhythm, ironically.

Jongin and Kyungsoo both look at each other for a moment, then at Chanyeol. Their mouths are full as they chew awkwardly, hands grasping their sandwiches. "Want some?" Jongin offers politely to the peer with his sandwich wiggling in front of the tall boy's face. Chanyeol stares and his stomach says to give in, but his heart says no and he turns his head away.

"I'm good..." Chanyeol mumbles, looking off to the classroom's walls. 

A look of concern spreads across Kyungsoo's face. "Are you sure?" He asks gently. "You can have my apple if you don't want to eat something big." He encourages while staying his distance. He has a gut feeling that Chanyeol surely is hungry. He's been through that.

"I'm okay." This time his answer was firm, making the couple stop their offerings. "It just growls when it wants."

"Well then maybe it means you're hungry, dummy." Jongin attempts to playfully respond, resuming in eating his sandwich. Chanyeol doesn't reply though. He's too busy tapping away at the bangle that wraps around his slim wrist, watching as the transparent band begins to fill with black. His eyes watches in curiousity. It's so beautiful, he thinks, as the black fills the braclet all the way through. 

It's almost pitch black. There's only a small space left before it's filled.

It's the next day when Jongin returns to school in the real world. Everything is the same. Sehun stays his distance while still conversating with him and Junmyeon is still being curt and formal with him even though Jongin basically knows his biggest secret. The only difference is that Chanyeol is no where to be seen. This is noted only because Jongin is used to passing by the taller during break. 

They always pass by each other as Chanyeol walks beside Baekhyun. This time he only sees the small boy with his girlfriend around his arm, though Baekhyun seems less enthusiastic today for some reason. It peaks Jongin's curiousity - and his worry. 

Word sure does spread fast and rumor has it that Chanyeol was sick, but Jongin heard it was just the common cold.

After school, Baekhyun just wants to rush out of the building and go see Chanyeol. The text he got this morning was enough to worry the hell out of him. He was definitely not in the right mind after what he read.

It was from Chanyeol's mother. Apparently his best friend was admitted into the hospital and was being as stubborn as can be. She pleaded for Baekhyun to come visit the boy and to beg him to take care of himself. Damn it, Chanyeol. He frowned. Why do you have to be so ing stubborn?

"What's wrong, babe?" Taeyeon noticed the smaller's attention drifting off as they walked down the school halls. "Did something happen? Is it Chanyeol?"

"Hm? Oh... yeah." Baekhyun seems so distant, mind running in circles. "I gotta go see him, okay? Just to make sure he's alright." He wasn't. "It's alright we don't hang out today, right? You understand."

His girlfriend only grimaced and reluctantly agreed with a small nod. "Sure." She answered. "Just make sure to text me, okay?" Her voice is slightly whiny as she juts out her lower lip into a pout. They share a quick kiss before Baekhyun is off and running.

When he swings the door to Chanyeol's room, his breath hitches at the sight of Chanyeol. Has he always been that skinny? The taller's sleeves weren't enough to cover his arms. Chanyeol's drastic weightloss was probably why the boy had always worn a hoodie over his uniform and always threw a fit when teachers told him to remove it, resulting in them allowing him to just keep it on. 

"Yeol..." He chokes. "What the hell..."

Chanyeol's response is slow as he turns his head to see Baekhyun standing in the doorway. He expected to hear his mother call him when he heard the door slide open. He didn't expect the love of his life to show up. He didn't want for Baekhyun to ever see him in this state.

He was weak, both inside and out. It was embarassing. But probably not as embarassing as being in love with him forever. 

"Hey, Baek." He manages to chuckle despite loss of energy. "What are you crying for?"

"You've lost so much weight... Why haven't you been taking care of yourself?" The boy ignores the other's question as he approaches the bed to feel upon Chanyeol's arms. The latter can feel his weak body fill with butterflies, pooling in his empty stomach and filling where his hunger resides. 

It's sad, he thinks, how he's not hungry for anything but Baekhyun's love.

"Yeah. Wasn't hungry." He replies, tearing his eyes away from his best friend to stare at the opposite side. He stares out the window and is reminded of the Afterlife.

"Why are you being so stubborn, Chanyeol?" Baekhyun's voice raises, trying to gain the boy's attention. "I heard you haven't eaten in a week! What's wrong with you?" He questions, gently tugging on the boy to get him to look at him. Chanyeol doesn't budge, wanting to hide away his tears. He can feel his soul slowly leaving his body with each second.

"You were battling your sadness all alone... Why didn't you lean on me, Chanyeol? We always tell each other everything!" It seems as if he was having a conversation with himself, now endearingly brushing Chanyeol's skin with his thumb. "You know I care for you, right? Why are you doing this to yourself?"

It was so irritating. Baekhyun could never understand the pain he was in. What was with all of the questions? All of a sudden he cared when he was on his death bed? For just one second, Chanyeol hated him. He was so fed up with the constant questions when he had obviously been hurting all along. With a deep inhale, he turns his body to face Baekhyun with all of the energy he had left. 

"Because I'm in love with you!" He drops the bomb and suddenly Baekhyun's questions stop. The smaller finally sees as Chanyeol reveals the stream of tears falling down his face, the pain and ache in the boy's brown eyes. "I've always been in love with you all this time!" His voice is loud, although shaky. "Do you know how painful it's been to see you date different girls and never look at me like that just once?" Chanyeol can feel his best friend's grasp on his arm loosen with each word. It was better this way, anyway. He didn't want Baekhyun to watch him deteriorate. "I have loved you for so long, Baekhyun. It hurt me so bad to the point where I can't watch anymore. I can't watch people constantly hurt you and heal you when I can't even heal myself."

There's a long pause.

"Chany-" Baekhyun tries to speak before Chanyeol closes his eyes and mutters under his breath. "What?"

"I said I hate you." The taller still has his eyes closed, last tears falling. "I hate to love you."

"But Chanyeol... I..." He doesn't know what to say in response to everything he's heard. What could he say?

"I'm tired." The sick boy's breath comes out shakily, body straightening to lay flat on his back now. "Please leave." 

"But Yeol, I-"

"Leave!" He tries more strictly now, pursing his lips to hold back the whimpers that beg to be released. His throat is itching as he wants to scream out loud, though he barely has the energy to. "Leave and never come back." He forces those words out with all of his might. "I never want to see you again."

In that instant, Baekhyun's heart shatters in every way possible. 

He complies and leaves without a word.

When he finally hears the door close shut, Chanyeol turns to see that Baekhyun really left. Maybe he didn't care for him after all.

But he was wrong. Baekhyun cared for him more than words could ever say.

a/n:
short update. sorry i .
been going through as usual.
sorry for this lol.
on another note.
if you're feeling sad these days, dont be afraid to speak up.
reach out to those who matter to you. you're not a burden.
you're precious and deserve the utmost happiness.
love you guys.

unbeta-d