It was around midnight when Kibum had finally gotten enough courage to talk to Leeteuk. It’s not that he was scared per say, more worried perhaps. Worried about how his hyung would react. Worried about whether or not he’d freeze up at the doorway and run and hide like he’d done numerous times in the last few hours. Worried about if he’d really be able to let go.

 None of the other members were home. That was good. Kibum wasn’t really in the mood to face everyone; to cry in front of them all. No, it was just him and Leeteuk home and Kibum had to tell him now because there really was no better time.

 Walking slowly, Kibum approached the door to Leeteuk’s room for the nth time that night. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and raised a loose fist to the door to knock. The door however, opened before he had a chance to, and suddenly, Kibum was face-to-face with Leeteuk.

 “Hyung,” he said awkwardly, dropping his hand and Leeteuk gave him a warm smile and motioned for him to come in. A pang of guilt jolted his heart and he was suddenly very scared.

 He hadn’t told anyone about his decision yet, believing that his leader should be the first to know. But seeing the caring and patient face of the leader, he felt very much alone.

 Leeteuk cleared his throat and spoke, sensing Kibum wouldn’t break the silence first. It wasn’t as uncomfortable as it was awkward, and Leeteuk felt a gloomy air about the figure that was now sitting across from him on a couch. “Kibum-ah, it’s so late already, why aren’t you in bed?”

 “I couldn’t sleep, hyung.” Kibum whispered back, his voice shaky.

 “Why? What’s wrong?” Leeteuk came over and sat next to Kibum, pulling him into a warm embrace. Kibum, however, shied away from the hug and stood up, facing the leader. Leeteuk frowned.

 “Hyung, I-I can’t be in Super Junior, hyung.”

 “What do you mean?” Leeteuk questioned with furrowed eyebrows, afraid of where the conversation was headed.

 “That’s exactly what I mean, hyung. I-I can’t I…its too much! I’m not- I d-don’t… I don’t know, hyung. But I want to leave.”

 Leeteuk’s jaw dropped open. “Kibum-ah. What are you saying? You can’t just leave! You’re our main rapper and you’re a unique member and you dance well a-and…”

 He trailed off at the hard look Kibum gave him despite having a few stray tears rolling down his face. “No, hyung. I’ve seen the way Hyukjae hyung looks at me when I get the rapping parts. I’ve heard him practicing my parts in the studio when he think’s no one’s there! And he, Donghae hyung, Hankyung hyung, Sungmin hyung, Shindong hyung and everyone else dance so much better than me! You know that hyung!”

 Leeteuk looked stunned. He didn’t have a comeback and he felt so small infront of his worked up dongsaeng. “Kibum-ah,” he whispered helplessly. “What did I do wrong? Tell me! Did I hurt you? Did i- d-did the other members do something? Heechul is just strange but he has a kind heart, so don’t mind him. Kibum-ah tell me what did I do wrong? Kibum-ah”

 Kibum started at the now sobbing leader with teary eyes. “Hyung! Please don’t cry!” Kibum begged, “Hyung its not your fault! Its no one’s fault but Super Junior is such a big group and I’m so quiet, you know me well enough to realise the insecurities I have. I feel so small in front of the camera and I want to be confident but I’m not! I can’t be if I just be myself! With all the members, we don’t get much screen time anyway a-and I’m so quiet and boring they sit me at the sides and I’m not handsome like Siwon hyung  a-and I can’t sing very well and I’m so easy to replace, hyung! I-It’s just hard!”

 Leeteuk pulled the younger into a hug and they cried in each other arms with sniffles and the occasional hiccup being the only sounds filling the room. As they pulled apart a good 5 minutes later, Leeteuk took Kibum’s hands into his and held them tight. “What is it that you want to do then?” he asked softly, voice hoarse from the crying.

 “I-I want to be an actor, hyung.”

 “Kibum-ah, you do know how I feel about Super Junior right? I-We’ve gone through so much together that I don’t want us to give up. We’ve all worked so hard together and now with Kyuhyunnie we’re working even harder to be the best. Thankfully, our awesome skills have let us have that privilege!” Leeteuk spoke, adding a little humour as he did with a small chuckle. “I’ve always thought of us as an invincible group. No matter what happens, you can’t leave us. Whether you decide to follow your dream and act, I won’t stop you, but please, don’t leave us, Super Junior, okay? I want Super Junior to stay forever in the hearts and minds of our fans. I want you to stay forever because you’re a part of this too and we all love you so much. Don’t ever forget that okay?”

 Taking a breath, Kibum looked gratefully at his leader and decided that he really was one of the best friends ever. More than just a colleague, in the years they’d known each other, they’d grown to love and care so deeply for each other that it made the separation so much harder. It felt exactly the same when a much younger Kibum had had to leave his family to come and train to become what he was today. Because essentially, Super Junior was family.

 “Thank you hyung! I really want to act. I’ve wanted to for so long and yet I debuted in a band…but thank you hyung, so much!” he mumbled out of gratefulness.

 Leeteuk waved it off as nothing. “Go wash your face and go to bed. You’ve got a big day tomorrow; telling the others.”

 Kibum grinned and nodded, bowing slightly as he left but as he reached the door of the room he turned quickly and shouted “Leeteuk hyung is the best ever!” before scrambling off to the bathroom with a blushing face.

 Leeteuk could only scoff as he heard the bathroom door slam in haste and a meagre ‘sorry’ drift through the otherwise empty dorm. As he settled into his sheets and turned off the lights he realised just how much everyone had grown in the years they’d known each other. It had never really struck him before that he really was the eldest and that there were so many members that looked up to him. He decided that he’d buy everyone ice-cream the next day just because he felt like being a good hyung, his thoughts saddening at the realisation that he’d have to see all the tears that would most definitely be shed. “It’s not like he’s dying,” he mumbled to himself as he drifted off “the ice-cream should cheer them up.” –Yawn- “Donghae at least.”  

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once again...absolute blegh -__-