Being back on speaking terms with Sehun was like having a weight lifted from Jongin's chest; he felt like he could finally breathe again after days of having a vise around lungs.  Taking the time to talk with Sehun about what had been bothering each of them instead of wallowing in his fear and uncertainty had been more therapeutic than he could have imagined.  The future didn’t seem nearly as bleak knowing that they were on the same page, and Jongin had a much brighter outlook on the coming months.

Except for his afternoon shift on Saturday, Sehun spent the rest of the weekend at Jongin's house.  They had come to a sort of silent agreement after their talk to pretend like everything was perfectly fine for a few days – no mentions of pregnancies or babies or Jongin's sudden aversion to all things blueberry.  They lazed around on the couch watching TV, eating junk food, and generally having a pretty average weekend.  The only difference from how they usually acted was that Sehun was more careful any time he touched Jongin.  They didn’t shove each other out of the way for the best spot on the couch, or wrestle for control of the remote.  Apart from that things felt entirely back to normal between them, and Jongin was relaxed in a way he hadn’t been in weeks.  Until Sunday evening, anyway.

Jongin's mom popped her head into the living room where Jongin and Sehun were watching a muted news program and making up their own dialogue to go along with it.  “Jongin,” she called to him from the doorway, looking warily from him to Sehun and choosing her words carefully.  “Don’t stay up too late tonight, sweetie.  You have your appointment after school tomorrow, remember?”

Jongin tensed at the reminder, not yet ready to be back into reality from the mini vacation he had taken from it, but assured her that he would go to bed soon.  She said goodnight to them and disappeared toward her bedroom.  Once Jongin heard the click of her door latching echo down the hall he sagged against Sehun’s side, tucking himself under his arm, and pouted.

“Appointment?” Sehun questioned quietly.

“Yeah.  Doctor’s appointment.  For, you know,” Jongin said, gesturing at his abdomen.

“I kind of figured.”  Although Sehun had a hunch, Jongin's mom seemed to have been vague on purpose, and that made him wonder.  “Does she know that I’m...” he trailed off, hoping Jongin understood what he was asking.

“No, I haven’t told her.”

Sehun had expected to feel relief at that, but instead he only felt a general sense of unease.  He wasn’t going to go out of his way to tell people that he was about to be a teen parent, but trying to keep it a secret from everyone didn’t exactly seem appealing either.  Having to pretend not to know about it around Jongin's mom sounded exhausting.

“Like, I don’t think she’ll treat you any differently,” Jongin continued, “but I don’t want to find out right now if I’m wrong.  I’ve had enough drama lately, so if she’s not going to ask, I’m not going to bring it up at the moment.”

“Yeah, that makes sense,” Sehun said, reminding himself that he didn’t want to cause Jongin any more discomfort, and if that was the decision Jongin had made then he would support it.

Jongin was quiet then.  Sehun assumed he had gone back to watching TV and did the same.  But a few minutes later he noticed that Jongin couldn’t seem to sit still.  Every few seconds he readjusted his seat and fidgeted with the hem of his shirt, or a loose string on the couch, or even the seam of Sehun’s jeans.

“Are you ok?” Sehun asked, belatedly noticing the tension that had built up across Jongin's shoulders again.

“Yeah, of course, I’m fine.”

“Okaaay.”

Jongin could feel Sehun’s disbelieving gaze burning into the side of his face.  “It’s just a checkup, why wouldn’t I be ok?”  He sat up straighter, pulling away from Sehun a bit and fidgeting harder.

“Clearly you’re not fine.  It looks like you’re freaking out, actually.  If it’s something you don’t want to talk about that’s fine, just don’t lie to me, please?”

Jongin glanced at Sehun for just a second, saw the openness and honesty written all over his face, and promptly felt like .  They had just worked through all their misunderstandings, and here he was trying to create more.

“Sorry, you’re right,” he said, scrubbing his hands over his face and then dropping them into his lap.  “I might be kind of freaking out.  Just a little bit.  It’s just… it’s stupid.”  He refused to look at Sehun again, embarrassed for being so nervous about something so trivial.

“Yo, wait, no,” Sehun said, not wanting Jongin to clam up again.  “If you’re this upset about it it’s obviously not something stupid.”  He pulled Jongin closer to him, encouraging him to lean against him once more.  Jongin went with it, finally relaxing as he leaned his head on Sehun’s shoulder.

“It’s just, the doctor at the hospital wasn’t very nice after she figured out what was wrong with me.  What if this doctor isn’t nice either?  I already feel like everyone is judging me for being pregnant, even though that’s stupid because no one knows.  I don’t think I can handle another person who’s supposed to help me treating me like because if this.  And Baekhyun said your first pregnancy appointment takes forever and they poke and prod at basically your entire body and it just sounds really uncomfortable and-“

“Woah, hang on.  Take a breath.”  Sehun interrupted Jongin when he started rambling and working himself up.  He waited for Jongin to do as he said and calm down before he continued.  “Ok, first of all, the ER doctor is an .  You didn’t do anything to cause her to act that way, so you shouldn’t feel bad about it.  Second, are you going to your regular doctor tomorrow?”

“No, it’s a specialist,” Jongin mumbled into the side of his neck.

“Alright, then let’s look at this logically.  If this doctor chose this specific field, then that must mean that pregnant dudes don’t offend them, right?”  Sehun nudged Jongin gently with his shoulder when Jongin didn’t answer.  “Right?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“So that means they’re probably going to be pretty decent to their patients.  Why become a specialist for something if you can’t stand the people you’re going to work with every day?”  Jongin stayed silent, absent-mindedly picking at Sehun’s shirt near his hip.  That wasn’t quite the reaction Sehun had been hoping for.  “Hey.  Talk to me?” he requested as gently as he could.

Jongin sighed.  “Yeah, you’re right.  I told you it was stupid.”

“Jongin, it’s not stupid.”

“Well when you say it all rationally like that it makes me feel stupid for worrying about it,” Jongin huffed.

“Dammit, I’m not trying to make you feel stupid, I’m trying to make you feel better,” Sehun snapped back sharply.

And, ok, maybe that wasn’t the right thing to say.  Or the right way to say it.  Yes, Jongin was being difficult, but that didn’t mean Sehun had to let his frustration get the better of him.  All he wanted to do was put Jongin's mind at ease.  If the sniffle in his ear was anything to go by, however, he was failing spectacularly.

“, I’m sorry.”  He pulled Jongin closer, wrapping him up in both arms and hugging him tight.  “Please don’t cry.  I’m sorry I keep making you cry.  I was only trying to help.  I’m obviously really bad at it, though.  You’re not stupid for being nervous about this.  Anyone in your position would be.”

Jongin took a shuddering breath and willed himself not to start full out sobbing.  There really wasn’t any reason for him to get so worked up over this conversation.  Sehun was doing his best, he was saying all the right things, and yet…

“No, you’re not bad at it.  I’m just a mess,” Jongin said.  Sehun started to protest, but Jongin cut him off.  “No, I am.  I know I am.  I can’t control it, and it’s really ing annoying.  I appreciate you trying to help, I really do.  But I think this is just one of those things where the only thing that’s going to make me feel better is it being over.”

“Ok.”  There was another brief lull in the conversation before Sehun had an idea.  “Do you, uh… do you want me to go with you?”

Jongin lifted his head, no longer hiding his face, and looked at Sehun in confusion.  “Don’t you have to work tomorrow?”  He could have sworn Sehun told him his next day off wasn’t until Thursday.

“I mean, yeah, but if you want me to go I will.”

Jongin considered his offer.  It would be nice to have him there.  He could help keep Jongin calm, and get all the same information at the same time.  Jongin wouldn’t have to remember everything and relay it all back to him. 

But then he would have to explain Sehun’s presence there to his mother.  He wasn’t naïve enough to believe she would fall for any excuse he might try to give her about him being there for moral support.  Not to mention Sehun would have to miss work to be there.

“No, don’t skip work,” he finally said.

“Are you sure?”

“I’ll be fine.  You can’t get in trouble for missing work already, you haven’t even been there a week yet.”  Sehun nodded in understanding.  “And, like, if you were there I’d have to tell my mom why.  I mean, I’m probably going to end up telling her sooner rather than later, just… not tomorrow.”

“Believe me, I get it.  No offense, but I don’t plan on telling my parents.  At least until after I graduate and move out.  Possibly ever.”

Jongin snorted.  “Your parents are s.  They’d probably disown you if they found out.”  He had meant it as an exaggeration, something to make them chuckle at the ridiculousness and lighten the mood, but they were both suddenly uncomfortably aware of how real a possibility it was.  Neither of them laughed.

“Right, so, we’re done talking about tomorrow,” Sehun said, abruptly changing the topic.  “I do have one more question, though.”  Jongin eyed him wearily, ready for the conversation to be over.  “Who the hell is Baekhyun?”

guys, i feel like trash.  i didn't want to post just this as a chapter, but i've been stuck with this story.  i still have some ideas for what i want to do with it, but nothing is working the way i want it to at the moment.  i've really wanted to work on some other stuff for a while, but i've felt like i can't do that until i update this one more time to let you guys know what's going on.  so i guess, even though i'm sure it's already felt like it between every update, i'm officially declaring hiatus on this story for now.  it makes me kind of sad to do so.  i'm hoping that walking away from it for a while and focusing on something else will help me come back to it later with some fresh ideas.  i really appreciate all your support, so please don't give up on this story!  it will be back.