There were times when I almost gave up learning, and there were times when giving up was not even an option to be considered. I didn’t tell anyone about the countless bruises forming underneath the clothes where the eyes won’t see – sometimes I marvelled over them because I don’t often get scars, and when I do get one with my own effort, I feel somewhat accomplished.

“You don’t hang out with us anymore,” Tao whined and stabbed the poor half-cooked meat with his fork in resentment. I glanced at him through the corner of my eye and continued eating my tacos like it was the most interesting thing in the world right now. “Please don’t tell me that the punishment messed with your brains, too. I mean, look at you! You’re so different now. All quiet and secretive, as if you’re in a secret government agency –“ which was then cut off by Xiumin, who whispered a little too loudly, “Tao, but we are in a secret government agency!”

“Hush, you’re not supposed to interrupt my speech, I’m trying to guilt-trip her here,” Tao frowned. Despite his impressive six foot, two-and-a-half inches built and haunting eyes, his whining could rival that of a mother hen. He pointed the meat at my direction with a heavy frown and continued, “Anyway, I miss you a lot and I want my Sera back. You know the ‘cool-and-down-with-everything-and-I’m-nothing-but-trouble’ Sera, and not this –“ He circled his fork at the the outline of my face, “’I-m-tired-of-fighting-the-world’ Sera. Say, what do you even do nowadays? I hardly see you elsewhere.”

“She’s with Luhan,” Kris replied, having just passed by. His smirk hang real low onto that face, his blonde hair had turned to dirty brown now, but his face is the same annoying face I see every morning for breakfast. The table erupted into loud cheers, gasps, and curses as Tao was busy asking around to make sure that he heard right. These people could be such clowns sometimes. I threw Kris a cold look and sarcastically said, “Thanks, man, you’re being really helpful today.” Not that I would expect any less from the troublemaker himself.

Kris loathes gossiping with his entire being, but he loves chaos all the same. He figured if he could add in a little more fun into the mix, he would feel happy from the torment Tao was about to inflict on me. Even Kai looked a little dazed and pale-faced. Kris, despite his claim of righteousness, proved to be quite the of the group. I swear there’s something evil hidden beneath that smirk – like he’s ready to do very, very bad things. “You’re welcome, Sera. I don’t want you getting tongue-tied so I saved you from being the damsel-in-distress. Such classic scenario, is it not?”

“Oh no, Sera! Is that true?” Tao was absolutely horrified, and his voice sounded like a mixture of sobbing and screeching, “Poor girl. You hooked up with that Luhan?”

“What’s wrong with Luhan?” It was Lay talking, and although he wasn’t used to joining the gossip session so early in the morning, he still had to intervene before it got out of hand. His eyebrows were furrowed and there was a heavy shadow casted on his face as he searched for Tao for answer. I rolled my eyes and watched as drama unfolded right in front of my eyes, preferring to sit back as if I wasn’t the one in the center of their conversation. “Luhan is nice and he’s a gentleman. I mean…” He looked at me sympathetically, “Both of them are adults. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

“There’s nothing wrong with that – technically, no,” Tao bit the inside of his cheeks, and forsake the last piece of meat as his appetite slipped away quickly. I saw Sehun coming in from the corner of my eyes and felt a sense of discomfort rising. His eyes met mine in a split second, the curiosity overwhelming, and it didn’t take long before he closed in the distance between us. “Luhan is nice, he’s perfect – except that he might not be as proficient in the art of ual seduction as he is with his battle prowess. I’m worried for our little Sera. Tell me, is he any good in bed?”

Sehun stiffened and stopped in his track, the tray in hands almost toppled over and spilled all the juices over his clean white sweater. Luhan is his good friend – perhaps one of the very few whom he considers so. Luhan knows. They talked. The temperature of the room dropped, and even the air became very still. A storm is brewing in his hands. I opened my mouth to straighten things up when the place fell silent after Tao’s question. They certainly were more interested in Luhan’s skills in bed than the actual fact. “Ha-ha. Funny, Tao. We did not hook up or the likes. Stop that wild imagination from spilling more outrageous lies.”

“But that doesn’t make any sense,” Tao retorted almost immediately. He considered himself to be highly intuitive towards the matter of relationship, and trusted his gut feeling with all his heart. “Kris said you were with him. To be honest with you, Sera,” He cleared his throat and blushed a little, “You’re also the first girl in the team and you're really, really attractive. It’s not weird for feelings to develop after some time. Luhan is a man, and he might have taken a fancy to you, who knows? When a man and a woman are left alone,” He made this weird gesture with both hands, “They get together. That’s the law of nature.”

“Seriously, Tao? What are we – animal kingdom? Do you just go after every girl you’re left alone with?” I raised my eyebrow in distrust. I shuddered at the thought and subconsciously sat further away from his seat. He sensed my distress and shook his head, his eyes wide in sorrow after being accused, “No, of course not. We’re far more sophisticated and less open. Besides, I would never treat women with such disrespect! But… But if you’re not doing that with Luhan, what else would you be doing, then? Are you… dating him?”

I raised my eyebrow. Kris knew where this would lead, and he did it all the same. Before I could get a word out of my mouth to refute the ridiculous claim, Sehun had appeared, his darkened gaze scanned the rest of the table coldly – a sight I never really got to see – before those stormy grey eyes set themselves on Kai, who happened to be sitting next to me. Xiumin elbowed Kai lightly as he woke up from the daze and scooted over. Everyone else made ways, seemingly afraid of this man. “Your gossiping skill is worse than a girl, Tao,” was the only sentence he said, but to the man he spoke to, it sounded more like a warning. His head lowered down, eyes casted downwards to the food in a newfound concentration.

“I’m not dating Luhan,” I said, hoping to break the tension in the air. It was so thick it could have swallowed us whole. “I don’t have time for dating – with anyone.”

Kai slouched to the back of his chair. He was clearly upset with the answer, but with Sehun’s presence, the excitement died down and the anticipation disappeared. They were all scared of the youngest member – that was a fact – and Sehun himself was very aware that people tended to avoid him wherever he went. He never really went out of his way to socialise, either, and few were able to hold a conversation long enough with him. Sensing everyone’s moods, I lowered my head and focused my attention on my second wrap. Sehun furrowed his eyebrows and asked, “Is that all you’re having for breakfast?”

There was a flicker of amusement in his eyes when he saw my eyelashes fluttering in surprise that he took the initiative to talk to me. It’s so hard trying to guess what he wanted – one minute he saved me from death, and then disappeared for one whole month without even a hint of his whereabouts at all. There were times when I thought that he might be interested in me, but the thought diminish quickly because he never tried to approach me actively. He’s as confusing as Suho was, and I’m not sure what to make of him. “Yeah,” My voice sounded hoarse and doubtful. “Eating too much in the morning often causes indigestion for me.”

“You should try drinking milk – just a glass will do. Dairy helps with indigestion,” Lay suggested. It was no doubt an attempt to ease everyone’s minds and their prejudices against Sehun. Kai heaved a sigh. Sehun wasn’t difficult to approach. They were of the same age and he was quite reasonable during daytime. It was the storm he brought that everyone was afraid of. They had seen him in battles – had seen how many he had killed, the blood he spilt with a flick of his fingers, and the faces his victims made before their bodies turned to dusts. It wasn’t something that even Chanyeol, whose blackened fire burnt souls to ashes, would do.

“I dislike milk,” I frowned and put down the taco wrap.

Xiumin and Kris had long left the table. They were the first to stand up, followed by Chen – who was so quiet his steps didn’t even make a sound. Kai felt uncomfortable all over and signalled Tao to go with him, and now, there were only Lay and Sehun accompanying me by the table. “Suho has been looking for you all morning,” He trusted Lay to keep mum about this conversation. “You should be really careful this time. It’s been three and a half months since your last mission and I reckon that it’s about time.”

“When I agreed to take up Suho’s offer to join the Union, I did not sign up for such hardships, you know,” I gloomily stared at him. “I thought that after I escaped the Rebel, I would live free as a bird, never to be caged again, and yet, here I am, living my life in this trap, perhaps for the rest of it.” It was widely known that almost all Transcendentals died at the age of thirty and forty, because our abilities had gone against the law of nature, and it used up a lot of life force to sustain itself, and as a twenty-three years old lady, I brace myself for the inevitable demise in a decade to come.

“You think what you had after you left the Rebel was freedom?” Sehun signalled Lay to leave with his eyes. The latter did not dally and quickly took his leave. In the whole cafeteria, his pleasant, soothing voice was the only thing sounding against the walls. How weird it is that someone so cold could turn so gentle in front of me. I did not reply him directly, “There is never a true freedom in life, Sehun. What I had before was at least bits of it. When I compared it against my old life and my experiences in the Rebel, I would rather go back to the time when I had to bow down and answer to no one.”

“I wouldn’t know that. All my life, this is the only place I ever called ‘home’, but it is certainly interesting to hear about the concept of this so-called freedom that you speak so fondly of,” His words were poignant, but they were also sad. “One day, you would have to tell me about all the adventures you have in the outside world.” I nodded in agreement as my longing for freedom deepened. There were so many things to tell – like the desert in Africa, or the beach in Indonesia. The Alps across Europe, the isles in Scotland, the wildlife in Peru, the safari in Nairobi.

“One day, I will share with you all the places I have been to, all the people I have met, and all the wonderful hikes all over the world,” I patted his hand and felt comfort when I didn’t feel the nausea. His hands were unusually smooth for a grown man – without the callouses that bears the mark of hardships for many others. I felt lost and sad when it was time to pull away and go. “Maybe I’ll even take you to places I haven’t been to, but have heard about. But now I have to go to Suho.”

His eyes brightened up immediately when he heard of my promise. “Go,” He urged me gently, his eyes smiling as he told me to leave. It was hard to depart once my soul was in deep. It wasn’t an immediate sense of connection that I felt to Luhan, but it was a slow, growing feeling that embraced me whole in a comforting, tender hug. The way he called my name certainly sounded very familiar, “Take care, Sera. I know you can protect yourself after all that lessons with Luhan.”

I grimaced and stood up to leave. He knew. Luhan must have told him so.

* * *

Suho pinched the button and stared straight ahead as he hid his sweating palms calmly. He felt out of sorts at the moment. It was a mixture of apology, anxiety, and quite frankly, a little fear. The General finally issued a mission – three months after the whole punishment scene played out under his nose. He had been quiet, almost too calm after that, and the more patient he was, the more fearsome he became. I reached out to pat him on the back in hope that the frown on his fair face would disappear.

“Are you alright?” I asked again. He glanced at me, slowly regaining his composure, “I am, it’s you I’m worried for.” I chuckled quietly as the lift went up, unable to find the exact word to ease his anxiety. It was a sweet gesture, for him to be so worried over my well-being more than I ever did to myself. “Well, I’m the one getting called in by the General, so technically, I’m supposed to be even more scared than you are, but I don’t know, I feel okay. I have confidence in myself that it would all turn out well.”

That was partly a lie. The General was not a kind man, and I didn’t know what would happen today. Suho gradually calmed down as my eyes dimmed a little. Ever since I woke up after that coma, I learnt that death was only a step away, but the process of getting there was often arduous and quite torturous, so I would wish to spare myself of the misery of anything else but a quick, clean death. Without the value of my ability, I was as easily discarded as any other human in this planet.

“You’re right,” He straightened his back and held the door open. For a long time there, I finally saw the radiance that was diminished for a while before. He was still the same Suho – the capable, calculative leader of the Elites. His eyes shone brightly with confidence that he placed on me – one I might be too scared to face, “I trust that you’ll handle all well. And if anything goes wrong, well, I’ll protect you this time, you hear me?”

“Even against the General?” I snorted, but my face was smiling as I went out. The distance that separated us was less than a meter away, but he was inside the lift and I was already out. And yet he was so sure, without a hint of doubt when he looked at me, ever smiling and at ease, “Especially against the General.”

I smiled and watched as the lift descended down again. One thing I had learnt after the Rebel was never to trust anyone again, and that words were after all, just words. The weight often too heavy to be carried by anyone, especially one like Suho, whose path was destined to the greatness of the world. The more responsibility and the higher his position would be, the more twisted his moral would become. There was no leader who could remain pure and selfless in this world of chaos and darkness. And it wasn’t that I didn’t trust him at all. I simply had no expectation that even if he failed in fulfilling his promise again, I would not be disappointed anymore. At least I had to convince myself that much.

The General sat idly by his chair, despite his long-hours of waiting. There was a tray of cigarette and ashes left on the middle of his working table, and some were so new the smoke had not completely dissipated yet. I hated its smell and this room reeked of it. The twins nodded at the General and left us alone, at long last. “You look good, Sera,” He greeted with a smile, completely void of feeling. “Much better than the last time we met. I’m glad you weren’t as affected by your loss as I expected you to be.”

“You look good, too, General. More or less,” I smiled and said nothing more. I learnt not to provoke him no matter how vengeful I was.

He chuckled in satisfaction, finally finding a common ground where we became a little more amicable with each other. This no longer involved spiteful words, sparks of hatred exchanged between looks and an awful lot of unnecessary punches and hits. Taehyung used to tell me that the strong ones did not fight directly. And although confrontations was unavoidable sometimes, one must always knew how to patient in order to save the best for the last fight. This time I heeded his advice and kept all my anger inside. If there was one thing he taught me that I was good at, it was controlling my emotions and keeping it at bay.

“I have a new mission for you in Japan, will you or will you not accept?” He questioned, but it sounded like a challenge to me. He cared not whether or not I consented. I had to take this mission no matter what, was what his gaze was saying despite the contrast in his words. I followed his act and lowered my head in feigned concentration, as if I was truly considering what he wanted me to do. Neither of us wanted to suffer losses, and I believed that the Union would not slight me in regards to payment. If I did not have any option, then they better paid me well enough for me to spend comfortably.

“General, I do not have the ability to help you,” I calmly retorted in a kind reminder. We both smiled calculatedly at each other, and strange as it was, our similar line of thoughts made it so much easier to converse. He merely chuckled without putting his heart into it and replied ceremoniously, “Of course you do. Your ability is very powerful, although you haven’t been able to access all of it. I wonder why the Rebel has been blocking you from harnessing your full capability. Didn’t they teach you well in the Camp?”

I blinked. “Are you sure, General?”

“You think I’ll lie to you regarding this piece of information? And if so, what for? I have your ability in my hand, and yet, I do not seek to control it, do you know why?” He asked and I shook my head as he continued, “Because mind-control is not something that could be accessed by anyone. Unlike other abilities, yours is born and ingrained into your soul, and without it, you’ll never be complete as a whole. I do, however, have a method in unlocking the block that was placed inside it. The question is – are you interested?”

“This won’t come without a bargain, will it?” I furrowed my eyebrows and stepped closer. He laughed again, with more sincerity than ever before. “Clever one, aren’t you? Well, you ought to be if you want to survive in a world like this.” He silently assessed me with his hawk eyes, and I simply averted my gaze elsewhere. “Accept this mission and stay in Japan for a while. Find me a man who was adopted by a CIA agent named Johnny Seo. I’m guessing that he must be registered into another family in Tokyo quite recently. A twenty years old man, single, lives alone, works night time in a bar at least thrice a week.”

“A Transcendental?” I asked him. The General nodded and showed me three pictures captured from street cameras – all blurred and showed half of his face. He had long hair that covered most of his eyes, and a very tall and slender body. Other than that, these pictures did not give out much. He must be really careful and lived an isolated life to be able to hide himself so carefully from the public scrutiny. “He is a full-blooded Korean, living in Tokyo. Presumably a loner and a complete introvert, does everything online, and is good with his hands, right?”

“Johnny Seo is not affiliated with us,” The General did not confirm nor deny my deductions. “And none of his family knows of our existence. He has no wife and only has a nephew from his deceased brother, Seo Kangjoon, and his wife, Hirai Momo, a full-blooded Japanese. I’m guessing that this is where the family registry will be moved to. Otherwise, that man might be compelled to erase his own name and move somewhere. It’s your mission to stop that and bring him back here, alive and unharmed – with or without coercion.”

I hid my disdain and continued to probe, “Does he have a name?”

“Jung Jaehyun,” The General answered, “That’s his current name.”

I nodded and consented, planning to pack my things tonight and flew over the next thing in the morning. I told him my plan, except that I had no time to figure out the rest. I only knew of a name and a place to stay, the rest would be decided once I arrived in Tokyo. I had been there plenty of times, courtesy to Irene. It was her hometown, hailing from Japan’s largest temple that worshipped Boddhisatva Avalokitesvara, Senso-ji. The General nodded and grabbed onto his packet of cigarette, ignoring the twitch in my eyes.

He beckoned me to come closer, and I did. As he lifted my hand, examining it up-close, he said lightly, and made no attempt at all to conceal the affection in his voice, “I heard you and Suho had a fight before. It seems that you have made up not long after. That is good. Poor boy sacrificed himself and his position trying to lighten my punishment for you. I hope his burnt has healed by now. You must treat him very well, Sera. That kind of sincerity does not come often, especially from a man like Suho.”

I almost lost my balance when I listened. Gritting my teeth, I feigned ignorance and pursed my lips into a tightly forced smile. So this was the truth. Suho did not disappear to a mission in Rwanda, despite his poorly concealed lie, and he did not betray my trust at all. Those burnt marks that Lay could not heal was a result of the General’s punishment on behalf of mine. I remembered the monster alligator’s red eyes and almost vomited out the food that I ate this morning. I have failed you, Suho.

“Do you know what else I did to him?” The General smiled as I felt my ability flew back in the forms of energy, warm and comforting. And it wasn’t just that. I felt stronger, better, my perception clearer and sharper than ever before. “In return for the pardon of your sentence, he agreed to have half of his ability out to be given to me. Such an interesting bargain, is it not? I wonder how he’s holding up now. Well and healthy, I hope? I am really quite fond of that young man, you see. After all, Transcendentals like us have shorter lives than the rest of the human, and without half of his ability, I am worried for him.”

“Are you threatening me, General?” My eyes shone coldly as I pulled my hands away after the transfer was completed.

“I am merely warning you, Sera,” He chuckled in amusement as we stared at each other on the same eye-level. There was so much similarity between us that I could see my own reflection in his eyes, and him, in mine. It was eerily familiar, and the kind that you would not want to be associated with. Ever. “Betray me in this mission, and Suho’s life shall wither before long. Bring Jung Jaehyun back to me, and I will reward you with the other half of Suho’s ability. His life and death depends on you now, Sera.”

A/N: Unedited chapter, so forgive me if there's any grammar mistakes and such.