EXO-L POV

In my childhood home, my mother used to keep the family album on top of a shelf in the living room. She used to pull it out when family members would visit, blowing hard on the torn cover. Her fingers would firmly grip the sides as she approached everyone, a smile plastered on her face. It seemed to say, "I don't regret it."

I haven't seen the book in years, not since I've decided to leave everything behind and make my own path. Of course, it was not that easy and I surely made many mistakes but now, I feel like I can smile like mom.

Life is confusing, at least to me. What is really our purpose? Do we make our choices or do the choices choose us? How long do we have to fight? When to give up? I certainly had these questions coming again and again at the back of my mind for as long as I can remember.

Every year felt like climbing upstairs to an unknown destination. There is nothing special about it at first since everyone seems to be doing the same as you. So you barely give it any attention and carry on. Yet, after some time, you take note of the ache in your knees and your ragged breaths. Then you ask yourself, was it all really necessary...

Not everyone is born to accomplish great things and live a life that would be carved in the stones of History. Everyone is not a Picasso, a Da Vinci, a Beethoven... or an EXO. Some people are just meant to live the life of a leaf; to be born, to be torn and to fade into oblivion. That's right... Even if I disappear, the world will still go on and people will still chase and hurt each other.

Just like you hurt me.

Nothing ever changes for the river and the mountains and the sea. I was soil and I shall return to the soil, just like my religion told me.

Then, what we had was for nothing?

It's not like I am hurt about it. I probably actually contributed to my own tragedy... But I do think about the journey. What really comes to mind are the memories, small and bright like petals of the cherry blossom.

No one can say that they have come and walked the world without an ounce of happiness. I am no exception.

What are you trying to say?

I was a child of great imagination, fighting monsters on creased paper and behind doors. I had nothing to fear since some heroes were there to help me out when things became too overwhelming. And no matter what, I had the sun shining down on me. With the scars on my arms and legs, I would tilt my head back and look at its crown, smiling because nothing felt wrong.

Then came a time when my princess dresses would get stuck and tear off at the shoulders and so I was forced to move to a new land. There, the monsters were bigger and acted like humans. Still, I would not let them eat me as I stormed through the forest and jumped into lakes. My laughter would echo in the empty space, joined by others. Yes, I had learned to not get scared of the little bugs hiding in the grass.

It was a blast and even if everyone left once the rain came, I did not feel bad. You would ask me why. The answer is actually already in your mind; that's about when I met him.

"So it was then?" I hear on my side.

"You came," I remark, still refusing to pull away from the crook of my arm. And he laughs, his voice brushing past me like a winter breeze. It stings a bit but left some kind of aching; I had missed it.

"You bet I'd let you leave without a word," he replies though I had never meant it as a question. There is a pause, one that pulls us back to places we've been trying to avoid before. I can't ignore the bitterness of his tone... "You didn't really make things easy for me, did you?"

"I'm sorry," I whisper and unconsciously grab at my arm tighter. I don't want to feel guilty. I don't want to have regrets. I just want to leave with a smile, even if no one is there to see it.

"I called quite a lot, you know."

And I heard the echo of his voice all the time. The temptation was strong, too strong in fact. If the lock had not been on the other side of the door, I would have probably run back to him. Maybe it turned out for the best.

"I wanted to see you."

So did I. But it won't make sense for me to say it now.

"Everyday I yearned to see you, wishing for the door to open. I should have just stayed back today. After everything-"

"I'm happy to see you."

"But I'm not." He cut in, the fire in his voice unforgiving. It burns deep into me but I guess it was to be expected. "I waited for so long, pounding on that door. I filled myself with fake hope until I started wondering what was true. And- And the day I finally get to see you, it's to say goodbye! You won't even look at me!"

There was something in his voice, something strong enough to stir in me a sense of restlessness. I feel the cracks of my soul widen with it, unable to bear the pressure. Finally, I look up.

The sky stretches ahead, from above and below. It reflected in the clear water; a cloud-filled sky during summer. The rain threatens but not a drop falls. How long has it been?

It goes on endlessly until a think black line appears. But I've never been farther than my seat on the ground. And in this endless world, he stands in front of me.

His face is just as I remember it, eyes sparkling like stars and not a single thing to criticize. Perfection personified in front of me because indeed, he was my perfection. The sight is as painful as it is beautiful and I can feel the tears coming up.

There is not a smile on his face and this hurts more than any kind of torture. His gaze lingers on my face but it does not seem like he is happy with what he sees. The tips of his eyebrows pull together, awakening cliffs and rivers on his forehead. Finally, the tension is just too much and he settles instead with glaring at the black butterflies that surround me, keeping me tied to it all.

"I can't believe you say you don't love me anymore. I spent so much time trying to stay afloat, fighting with every bone in my body, just so you turn your eyes away from us. How cruel of you! All the dreams and promises... I held onto them but now you say that it was all a bad dream, a tragedy of the universe. How could you do that to me? How could you look me in the eye and tell me that your love is no more? You kept lying to my face but I let it be. I spent all this time refusing to believe it, to erase it. I kept the promise because I knew- I knew that it was just wrong. I swam against the current, let the waves drown me and let the memories cut me. But all you've done was hide! You hid yourself and forced me to do the same. And now what? What? Tell me what!"

He is crying and so am I. Little by little, the water rises to my knees and the butterflies move with it. There is nothing else I can do but let the tears flow. No matter what I say, the pain won't go, the memories won't go and the guilt won't fade.

"We're strangers now!" he yells, the sound making the water ripple all over. It makes me shake, from the tip of my head to the bottom of my toes. "The deeper I fell, the more you faded away like a mirage! I was scared! I wanted to beg you to stay but it was already too late! They said that someday it would all get better but-"

He doesn't have to complete the sentence. I've known it all along; I've let everything crumble to pieces and now, there is no way we can go back to how it was.

But he is crying and it makes my heart ache. I've put to waste so much of what we had, doing what felt right then... But it never meant I was completely okay with them.

I raise my hand up and he takes it immediately. One pull is enough to set the butterflies flying and make me stand up. His skin is warm against mine and the need to pull closer ignites in me. I can almost taste it on my lips; his warm breath and the softness of his every kiss. I can picture it in my head and I want to live it again.

Unconsciously I move closer, as if my mind has lost all sense of rationality and is only obeying to its instincts. I grip his hand tighter and his eyes glisten in realisation. Soon, only a breath separates us. Anticipation has me shaking all over. And since long, I finally hear my heart.

But the next time I blink, his face looks out of reach and I am falling, falling among the black butterflies. Where will I end up? Will I ever see him again?

The answer was already decided a long time ago...