Entry-2 11/26/13 9:23P.M
 There are days where I'd just lay in bed and stare at the ceiling. I would become immersed in my thoughts and not be aware of my surroundings. I found myself thinking of you, more than I have ever before. But not just the physical you. I thought about the spiritual you. 

I'd never realized  how  your presence effected me. Yes, I thought I'd be okay. I thought that this separation wouldn't bother me. But I was wrong. 

It hurt. 

It hurt more than the months I'd spent pining over you. More than the endless nights of no sleep. More than my thoughts taking over at night. More than the screams I heard. Not being with you hurt more than physical pain. 

At this point, I didn't feel anything. 

The nights when I do sleep, I dream of you. Some of them are of us holding hands and kissing on your bed. In those, there are hushed whispers of 'I love you's' floating around. This is closest ill get to hearing your voice. 

The others are of me. Most of the time, I'm alone. I am stuck in a place that is dark. I can hear your voice, but I can't see you. And when I think I've got you, your voice disappears and I'm alone again. 
Those dreams are the ones where I wake up crying. 

It's been weeks since we've talked. With each passing day, I grow weaker. Mentally and physically. I don't know how much longer I can go on without you. 

Preheats this seems exaggerated, but this is how I feel. 

When I think of you, I feel my heart flutter. I can feel all the joy and happiness fill my body. When I think of you, I can see the sky brighter and the clouds disappear. When you're here, everything just seems right. And those are the times when I love to love you.

But at the same time, I can't help but think that my love is pointless. Why do I love someone who doesn't love me? Why can't you love me? What's wrong with me? I ask myself these questions and I just feel so worthless and angry. 
I don't understand why somethings great as love, has to be so painful. 

12:40A.M

The phone feels heavy in my hand. I can hear my heart beating loudly inside my head as I dial your number. As it rings, the weight on my lungs increases and my breath hitches. 
I want to cry. But not now, I can't.

You won't pick up, I know you won't. I think that's why I did this, because I know that I can tell you, what I need you to hear. 

Beep.
"Hey, Kyu.
Look, I know that you're mad at me or something and that you probably won't listen to this, I just need to do this. 
 I love you. Not just romantically, but platonically to. I love every single thing about you. Your smile, your eyes, your stupid but witty comebacks. I love all of that.  

You are everything to me, Kyu. You're my sunshine, the reason I wake up everyday, the reason behind my smile. And without you there is no happiness for me. There's nothing worth living for if I don't have you.  
I just want to see you again. Be with you and see you smile. I don't care if you don't love me, I just want you back.
I guess I'll end it here, sleep well Kyu. I love you, bye."