It’s been five years and Yunho knows he’s not a good boyfriend. He’s downright terrible. He tries his hardest and some days are good but some days feel like he’s not enough.

He works until late at night, he forgets their anniversaries and other important dates, he doesn’t compliment Jaejoong enough, doesn’t notice when he gets a new haircut or colour and he still is not fully comfortable with them having .

Jaejoong’s a real sweetheart about it though, never asking more than he’s ready to give.

’You cannot be happy with this’ Yunho says as he looks at the beautifully decorated plate in front of him. Jaejoong is a great cook and he spoils Yunho rotten.

Through the years his beautiful boyfriend has only grown more beautiful, as if age has not affected him at all, while he himself is starting to represent one of those rigid, cold employees you see at companies unreachable for people of a normal standing. They do work with an elite head-hunting agency so it’s not like it’s completely untrue.

’You don’t like it?’ Jaejoong rises his eyebrow as he examines the food. He is ready to take the plate away when Yunho stops him with a hand on his wrist.

‘No, I mean- this’ he motions at himself and Jaejoong’s face falls.

’Well, I say I can’ he gives Yunho a peck on the cheek and ruffles his hair.

—

‘Yeah, you are pretty lacking’ Junsu admits as he strains to reach the shovel on the upper shelf.

Junsu is the most self-unaware person ever, Yunho decides, before he helps his friend out.

‘There you are’ he passes the gardening tool to the shorter male before he asks the unavoidable ‘What are you going to use it for anyway?’

’Moles’ Junsu says as he check the sturdiness of the thing, then grins at him widely ‘annoying little things have been going wild on my carrots in the garden so I’m going to teach them a lesson’

—

Yunho’s looking for ways to improve himself. He’s gone through a lot of self help books throughout the years, the latest purchase titled ‘Coming out of shame: transforming gay and lesbian lives’. He isn’t sure that any of them are helpful because he’s never been ashamed per se, nor does he have to live in hiding of being a homoual in a country where relationships like such are frowned upon.

He has his family’s support despite their initial shock (and they expect them to adopt soon), he has good friends who don’t care what and with whom he does things in bed and colleagues who respect him although they know he’s gay.

On top of that, he has the most gorgeous boyfriend in the whole world who is ready to fulfill his every wish. Yunho cannot believe that one person can be this lucky; he’s pretty sure if he were to buy a ticket, he would win the national lottery the next day.

Yet, there he is, paging through another self-help book reflecting on the struggle and the acceptance of homouality.

He knows he loves Jaejoong’s body and that he’s in love with the other but he still doesn’t know how to respond to it all. He’s not good at romance, his twenty-something years of silence should have been a dead giveaway, but he’s trying his best.

The only thing Yunho fears is that his best is not good enough.

—

‘You seem awfully quiet lately’ Jaejoong tells him as he removes his tie. Yunho’s home late and he regrets it when the beautiful male waits for him at the door.

’You know you don’t have to do this every night’ he mumbles, his eyes tearing up at the sweet gesture.

’But I want to, Yunnie. Sometimes I think you’re really your own worst enemy’ and he removes the other’s jacket as well. ‘What are you beating yourself up for? I love you as you come, all your shortcomings and faults included’

‘This!’ Yunho yells before calming himself down because his lover doesn’t deserve his anger ‘This, Jae, because you’re a sweetheart and you’ve always been and I’m lacking’

’Nonsense. Where did my confident executive director go? You know he’s the prince of the business world and he’s handsome’

’I work too much’

’You work hard with the best intentions’

’But I forget our anniversaries’

’That’s why I’m there to remind you of them’

’I don’t compliment you enough’

’I know I’m pretty, thank you’

’Well I-‘ Yunho hesitates for a bit because this one hurts the most ‘not a good lover’ he groans, unhappy.

Jaejoong stands there with his jacket and wide, starry eyes and pouty lips which Yunho really wants to kiss right now, before he smiles brightly.

’At least you have a big ’

Yunho’s never wanted to hit his lover as much as he wants to do that right now.

—

Changmin is the one who comes up with a solution. Not that he planned to but when the stupid tall guy once again came over and eats everything, side dishes included, he tells Jaejoong he would marry him if he had .

Then Yunho realized that he needs to marry Jae even if he doesn’t have any ‘’ as Changmin so eloquently put it. When he ‘proposed’ to Jaejoong all those years back that wasn’t serious. What he really was asking from Jaejoong was to become his boyfriend, at least Yunho thinks that’s what it was. Now he feels different.

Although he cannot marry Jaejoong officially and maybe this whole thing is just a silly fantasy of his, Yunho wants to have a small ceremony among their closest friends where they would exchange rings and vows.

As long as he’s concerned, marriage is a state of mind and not a legal agreement. So far they have been strangers, neighbors, boyfriends but they are not husbands yet. Yunho thinks he would love to have a husband.

He knows some kind of anniversary is coming up because Jaejoong celebrates one at least three times a month- their year, half year, 100, 500, and 1000 days, first kiss, first real kiss, first- Yunho has given up counting them all long ago. Whatever the reason, Yunho knows he will have a chance to propose soon.

All he needs is an appropriate ring.

-

He ends up going shopping with Yoochun. Not that he wants to but his colleague is already married so he should know.

’Needs to be at least two salaries worth’ the guy announces and Yunho thinks he’s ting him.

’That doesn’t seem right’ he shakes his head as he observes the rings through the display. ‘That’s way too much’

‘Leave it or take it. Do you really want to seem cheap? It’s going to stay on your husband’s finger forever. You want it to at least look good’

Yunho still doesn’t think that sounds right but he moves from silver to gold and then to platinum because Jaejoong deserves the best.

—

He doesn’t end up proposing.

He wants to, he has it all planned out, but when the time comes he chickens out; not that he doesn’t want to but because of Jaejoong says.

’marriage is so overrated’ the beauty comments on a celebrity couple that come out with the news when they both are warm and cozy cuddling on the sofa ‘why would you feel the need for all the world to know that’ he scoffs and Yunho hides the ring back into his pocket. Of course Jaejoong doesn’t think much about marriage, of course he doesn’t want to get married. Yunho pulls his lover closer, holding him tight. Jaejoong doesn’t need a ring and proclamations to feel secure in their relationship, Yunho does; but he’s not going to force the other into something he doesn’t want to.

’I love you’ he says and kisses Jaejoong’s hair.

’I know, hun, I love you too’ the beautiful male responds with a smile. ‘But can you imagine someone spending two months of salary on a ring? Ridiculous’ he shakes his head while changing the channel.

Ridiculous, Yunho agrees. He’s going to return the ring first thing in the morning.

tbc

a/n: this is definitely not the shortest chapter I’ve written but why does it feel so short? Be safe, lovelies. <3