Author’s Note:

TRIGGER WARNING: suidical thoughts, mentions of self-harm at the beginning of the chapters, please read wisely.

This chapter is so much hard work because it sort of mirror what I experienced (not exactly, but I do relate deeply with somethings that Sehun experiences, feel, and think), that's why I've been repeatedly putting this on hold, but it's finished and I'm ready to share it with you guys! 

It's not going to be nice, though, it'll be dark and depressing, so please read it with care and mind the trigger warning.

On that note, I'm currently writing a new story, which features Jaebeom and Seulgi as the main couple with Harry Potter!AU just because. I've been reminiscing a lot of Harry Potter lately, like re-reading the entire series and did a HP marathon. It's fluff and romcom and definitely so much lighter than this story so if that's your cup of tea, please check it out here.

Thank you and please stay healthy; wear your mask, don't go out, always wash your hands!

Eleven.

Save me.

He skipped school for the whole week and Sehun is torn between deciding that taking time off for himself to heal is the right thing to do versus berating himself because isolating himself from the outside world isn’t healthy.

Sehun lies lifelessly on his unmade bed. Everything’s a mess. When was the last time he took a bath? Probably a long time ago, judging from how uncomfortably greasy his hair is and how his clothes are starting to smell. However, even in that state, he can’t muster enough care to bring himself to the bathroom.

Boxes of empty take-outs are scattered carelessly across the room- the floor, the table, the windowsill, and more. Those take-outs were from the beginning of the week. Now, Sehun can't remember if he has eaten anything. Dirty clothes are piling up on the foot of his bed. Curtains closed and lights stayed off since the day he got home from his class. If he recalls correctly, sometimes in the middle of the week his friends came, was it Jisoo? Or maybe Chaeyoung? He forgot already but Sehun did not budge from the bed. He stayed still, listening to the other person grew tired from waiting and left.

Dark thoughts wash over him like tidal waves in a hurricane and he’s drowning. Water in his mouth, water in his throat, water in his lungs. Every time he closes his eyes, all Sehun can feel is uncertainty and fear. Second-guessing every step he has taken. Was it right? Had he done the right thing by leaving? Was he heartless for choosing to leave everything behind, for closing the door and promising not to look back no matter what?

He’s drowning and his feet are shackled to heavy rocks that pull him even deeper into the water. The deeper he sinks, the murkier the water gets and the monsters are already awake to devour him, circling around him as they bare their sharp teeth. All those years, all those hurt, and all those pain, was it all just in his head? They say his feelings are valid, but why does he keep on questioning himself so much?

Slowly, his eyes start to water and it hurts. He's been crying for the past few days, spilling too much tears until he's barely able to open his eyes because of the pain. His tears wet his sleeves, his pillow, and his bed and as soon as those wet stains dry, they are quickly replaced by new ones. Fresh tears over fresh tears, yet his pain does not dissipate.

He cries again, crying over his life, hating it, hating his parents, hating his stepfather, hating everyone who hurt him. Cold, bony hands slither from his stomach to his throat, choking the air out of him. Big, jagged boulder rests on top of his chest, its weight threatening to break his ribcage and squish his heart. Unconsciously, Sehun starts to hit his chest, pushing his shirt up until he can scratch and claw at the skin and flesh. It hurts. It hurts so much and he just wants the pain to stop. When he hits and scratches and claws, his fists and nails manage to numb the pain for a bit. Afternoon light seeps in from the curtain and he can see marks from his nail scattered across the pale skin. They’re red, some are angry and vivid, while some are soft and barely visible.

Sehun cries again, suffering another major defeat from his intrusive thoughts.

What was the point of life? Why was he allowed to draw his first breath when he came into this world? Why must he live when all he experienced are darkness and suffering? Was it fair to give hurricanes over hurricanes to a child who has yet to understand the concept of pain? Under those long years of torture, he has grown old beyond his age, yet none the wiser. Decaying and withering like the dying cherry blossom petals outside his window.

Gritting his teeth, Sehun chokes over his own tears. The thought seems to grow louder and so does his tears. Those cold, bony hands are wrapped around his throat again and he suffocates, barely able to breathe. He cries and chokes and cries, clawing at his chest again, body trembling as if someone doused him with ice cold water.

‘Make it stop.’ he wants to scream, but nobody hears him. ‘Make it stop. Make the pain stop. End this.’

*

It's been almost seven days since Seulgi made a habit of coming to Sehun's flat as soon as the sun sets and returns home only when the sun is rising. She stays hidden in the trees, even making a spot in one of the strong branches she could sit comfortably in, like a bird creating its own nest. Every night, she listens to his thoughts, hears his sobs and wails, picturing his horrid dreams in her head so vividly as if she watches them from a television.

Seulgi doesn't even know why she does this. She never approaches him, never once made an attempt to drink his blood no matter how enticing it is (it's not an easy feat, ironic as it may seem, Sehun's blood only smells even sweeter when he's in agony and Seulgi has been exhibiting an outstanding amount of self-control that would make Joohyun impressed if she knew about it). She just stays there, observing, waiting for something she doesn't even know what. It's useless if she's not doing anything to help, but Seulgi just can't resist the temptation to go, to check how he's doing, to make sure he's not...

"Don't want to lose the mortal, I see?" she talks to herself in a hollow voice. The thought of Sehun not being around feels… strange. Like when Sooyoung took Seulgi's trusty sword without her permission, or when Yerim once destroyed her painting by accident, or that one time a rogue chimaera nearly killed Joohyun. Was it fear? Perhaps so, human emotion is such a strange thing and she has a harder time processing them compared to her sisters, even Joohyun, the coldest of them all, has more compassion.

These past few days Seulgi has seen all of Sehun's thoughts. Through her long years of life, Seulgi has seen the purest acts of kindness a mortal can do, as well as the most heartless crimes they can commit. His parents, Seulgi decides, were evil, the simplest example of a mortal whose lives were dictated by their humane lust and emotions. Why does Sehun feel bad for leaving his mother? Seulgi doesn't understand.

She senses his anger, she somewhat understands his sadness, but what Seulgi cannot comprehend is the fact that underneath all of those anger, rage, sadness, and fear, Sehun still has longing. He's like a child craving for affection and love. But why does he crave them from his parents? He has sufficient friends that care for him, surely he no longer needs his vile parents?

"Humans are so strange." she muses. A group of bats soar to the sky from a nearby tree, their form casting black shadows when they pass the moon. Somewhere not too far from them, she can hear a busy diner serving different kinds of Korean food, their scent mixed together and Seulgi doesn’t care enough to pinpoint each one of them. Sometimes, she can hear the laughter from the diner’s customers, happily enjoying a pleasant conversation over a nice, warm meal.

Crossing her arms as she leans against the tree bark, Seulgi finds the stark contrast of that lively diner with Sehun’s cold, quiet room ironic. "He shouldn't have isolated himself like that. He's torturing himself. Where are your friends, huh?"

She knows one of his friends had dropped by a few days ago, the way her scent lingers around the building has stirred something primal and possessive in Seulgi. However, she also knows Sehun didn't let that friend in. He should have, Seulgi thinks, if he did perhaps he wouldn't be trapped in his own thoughts right now. That's why vampires still speak to each other and stay toge