“Are you serious?” Jessica looks at me like I suddenly grew two heads.

I smiled at her, showing my chin dimple as I tightened my grip on the bicycle handle. “Yeah, why?”

Jessica groaned as if she was feeling physical pain. “Taeyeon,” she says slowly. “You don’t know how to ride a bike.”

I laughed aloud this time, pulling Jessica by the hand. “I ride the bike from my dorm to uni,” I assured her as I gently pulled her closer.

Jessica hesitated, but obliged after a few gentle pulls. She let out a sigh, probably accepting defeat as she sat behind me on the bike. “I don’t want to die riding a bike,” she says sternly with a hint of laughter.

“You won’t.” I click my tongue loudly which made Jessica giggle behind me. I was getting frustrated seeing how Jessica doesn’t really trust me with physical activities although I know it might be just because we haven’t heard from each other for a while and she’s probably still stuck with the image of crying Taeyeon in elementary. I can’t blame her, though, I almost always chose to sit instead of play with the other kids.

“Okay, okay,” she says as I felt her arms snaking from behind me until I felt her arms on my waist. I couldn’t help but smile.

As I started peddling, Jessica’s hold around my waist tightened and I could feel her clutching the fabric of my huge shirt. I smiled again, feeling giddy that Jessica Jung is clinging onto me like I was the only one she has. I know it sounds funny, selfish even, to say that, but I can’t help but want her to cling onto me and only me. Jessica has been such a huge part of my life even after all the years, and now it just became clearer. At this moment, I was certain. At this moment, I was whole.

“Lucky there was a bike rental just beside the skate center,” Jessica says from the back. She was still clutching my shirt, but it wasn’t as tight as it was previously. I relaxed knowing that she was slowly relaxing in the ride.

“Yeah,” I told her. “I lucky for me.” I laughed a little, then. “I have always wanted to show you that I now know a lot of things,” I said honestly. “You were the first person I thought of when I learned how to ride a bike.”

“Why me?” She asks in a small, but curious voice.

“I actually don’t know,” I told her as we leisurely crossed an abandoned lawn. “Maybe because you were the only one who told me you were proud of me whenever I learned something.”

“Taengoo…” Jessica trailed off then, her voice sounding unsure. Unsure if she was allowed to dig in.

“Nah,” I said dismissingly. “It’s all good now. People do acknowledge me now.”

I felt Jessica’s grip tightening, as if she was engulfing me in a bone-crushing hug through my waist. I touched her hand briefly with my right hand, assuring her that I was fine. Because I am, really. I am happy where I am in my life right now. Especially right now. Right here. With here. I couldn’t even think of anything to top this moment.

“Taeyeon,” Jessica spoke again after a moment of silence. We were climbing a small hill now. “About what you said earlier.”

I froze for a moment. The moment I have been waiting for—Jessica acknowledging my feelings—now feels like a moment I would never want to come. I wanted to disappear, desperate not to hear what Jessica has to say.

I faked a laugh, then, which unfortunately came out like I was choking on my own spit. “Y-You don’t have to w-worry about that.” I said, unconsciously peddling faster to reach the top of the hill.

“Taeyeon, it’s not what you think.” Jessica says, burying her face on the small of my back. The butterflies feel like they were going to come out soon. I feel like puking from too much excitement.

“I don’t know what it is,” Jessica says again. “But what I feel for you, it’s definitely different from my other friends.”

I was at a loss for words. What was I supposed to say? Thank you?

“I was so excited to see you when you came home from Japan,” Jessica continued. “But I was too hurt and my pride just won’t let me get over the hurt and talk to you.”

I’m sorry was all I could ever say. If things didn’t happen the way they did, I wonder if it was Jessica and me against the villains of the world again.

“Don’t be,” she said. “I think it was for the best. Things worked out for the best.”

“Not really,” I said bitterly, remembering Donghae.

“Things happen for a reason, Taengoo.”

Right. And I’m still figuring out what was the reason behind this mini reunion. But, really, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

“I know,” was all I could give Jessica.

“Look, Taengoo,” Jessica said as she pointed at something on our left. I stopped to see what she was pointing at. Jessica was already out of the bike as soon as I stopped, taking big steps away from me. She stood there, eyes watering as she turned to look at me. “Isn’t it beautiful?”

And it was. The lake, the park, the skyline from faraway, and Jessica. Especially Jessica. Everything looked so serene. So perfect. Jessica looked perfect standing there. Like she was made to complement the beautiful view. She looked divine. Her white dress seemingly swaying at the rhythm my racing heart made. I knew, in that moment, that I want Jessica in my life. Wanted Jessica even before I could understand what wanting means. Will always want Jessica.

I walked over to her, my eyes never leaving hers as my lips stretching into a smile. Everything is perfect. And I want to stay in this moment. I suddenly have the urge to stop time.

“How did you find this place?”

“I don’t know,” I told her. “I was just peddling.”

She hugged me. Sudden and tight but light. I couldn’t move for a second. I didn’t know what to do. But when Jessica was sobbing in my arms, my arms instantly encircled her small frame as if they had a mind of their own.

“Thank you,” she says through her sobs. “This has been the best day of my life.”

I was going to say me too, but I was—again—at a loss for words. I couldn’t utter anything so I decided on hugging her tighter, letting her know that I feel the same. Letting her know that her Taengoo is always here, and will always be here for her.

We stood there, hugging, for what felt like a lifetime before I slowly and hesitantly let go of Jessica. It was probably around noon and Jessica might be hungry. I wiped her tears before holding her hand. She smiled at me shyly before turning to take one last look at the picturesque view.

“You’re probably hungry now,” I told her as we started walking back to the bike, hands still intertwined.

Jessica didn’t answer. She suddenly pull me to a stop. I turned to look at her to ask what was wrong. To my surprise, a pair of thin, soft lips gently crashed into mine. The butterflies were gone, replaced by a whole zoo with roaring lions. Everything was spinning and stopping at the same time. I felt light-headed that I thought I was going to collapse until my lips started moving on their own. And then I was kissing Jessica and she was kissing me. We were kissing. Something that could only happen in my dreams before. But this—this feels so real. Her soft lips feels so real. The whole zoo in my stomach feels so real. The pounding in my heart feels so real. Everything feels so real.

I was panting when our lips parted and Jessica had a tint of pink in her cheeks. She was looking at me, probably waiting for me to speak. The thing is, all the words has evacuated my system and my tongue feels like it couldn’t move.

She let out a shy smile, averting her gaze from mine. “I’m sorry,” she said. “Maybe I just got so carried away by all of this.”

“I love you,” were the first words that came out of my mouth as an answer.

“I love you, too, Taengoo. My Taengoo. But you can’t love someone as broken as me.”

That confused me for a second, but then I realized what she was trying to say.

“No, but I mean I love you. Like really love you. No matter how broken you are. Even if you are beyond repair. I love you, Sooyeon.”

She smiled at me sadly and suddenly the sun is setting. I was so sure it was just noon, but the sun looked like it was already bidding the day goodbye and I wanted to pull it back up because Jessica was disappearing in front of me like the sun was. Panic settled in fast and I tried grabbing Jessica, hugging her tight like I did awhile ago, pulling her closer towards me. Her smile never faded, but she did. Until I was left with myself. I dropped to my knees, not understanding how could the universe be this cruel. I lost Jessica when I had her.

The pounding on my chest now became a stabbing pain. Deep and continuous and painful. I could feel my lungs aching from crying too much but I don’t care, because I wanted Jessica back. And maybe if the universe see me like this, they’d give Jessica back. I cried and scream for Jessica’s name, begging her to come back. Begging the world to give me my Sooyeon back. I screamed and screamed until the pounding in my chest travelled to my head. I fell in a pair of arms before everything turned pitch black.