Word Count: 10458

Looking down at the rushing river, Sehun wondered again how easy it would be to drown himself. He was standing on the edge of a cliff, watching the waters hurry by him. It couldn’t be that hard. But he couldn’t get himself to take that next step. He couldn't throw himself in that well either.

He was as worthless as he always thought he was. As worthless as Sir Choi made him believe. He wasn't good for anything. He couldn't do this. He didn't want to live anymore. He had hurt the only person that made him feel otherwise, even if the feeling was only temporary. Not only that, but he was the reason Baekhyun no longer had a mother.

“Sehun, let’s go back.”

Sehun's head snapped in the direction of the voice, eyes wide. Luhan was standing there, watching him. He was calm as if he did not know what Sehun was thinking. As if Sehun’s proximity to the cliff was not an indicator of anything.

“I can’t go back there,” Sehun whispered, afraid to even speak. The ache came into his voice easier than he would have liked it to.

“You can,” Luhan assured him. “Do what you want with the information you have, but Baekhyun is being given the full story right now by Yixing. What happened to her is not your fault.”

“But it is my fault!” Sehun shouted, turning on Luhan. The other boy didn’t flinch. “I accepted her help before I knew what she was doing. She freed me and I ran away while she died. Why didn't I die? I should have. She didn't deserve to die.”

Luhan grabbed his face in a tight grip and turned Sehun's head to look at him. Sehun found himself staring into Luhan's face, hard eyes staring into his soul. Sehun didn't know what to do, but the control felt too nice to back away from.

“Why do you insist on punishing yourself like this?" Luhan questioned. "There are better ways to punish you than this. Is what you're doing even satisfying whatever ridiculous guilt you're feeling?" That was something Sehun hadn't thought of before. Was it satisfying? If he was still feeling the guilt, then no, it was not. Luhan watched him make that connection before continuing to speak. "The death that you're thinking of is the easy way to deal with this, but no one will be happy to have you gone."

"Then what do I do?" Sehun questioned, voice small in the large forest. "I can't pretend like she didn't die. And now Baekhyun..."

Luhan growled in frustration and let go of Sehun's face, taking a step back.

"Take off your shoes," he ordered, crossing his arms.

Sehun blinked in surprise at the order, not used to such requests. "What?" he squeaked.

"Take. Off. Your. Shoes." Luhan repeated. He waited until Sehun obeyed, removing his shoes more out of confusion than anything. "Now remove your heavy cloak." He held out his hand, waiting for Sehun to shed that as well.

When Sehun handed both items over, Luhan turned back towards camp. He beckoned for a still rather baffled Sehun to follow, which he did. He didn't look back at Sehun while they walked, and Sehun could only do as told; Luhan's confidence making him obey. He didn't know what Luhan was planning, but that tone he took was something Sehun couldn't argue with.

They arrived back at camp and Luhan sat Sehun in front of their makeshift fire. He gave Sehun his book that he had been making slow progress on and left him there to read. Luhan then went to speak with Chanyeol, pulling him away from a distressed Baekhyun. Yixing replaced him, supplying Baekhyun with calming words while Luhan and Chanyeol spoke.

Their conversation was quick and there were glances thrown in his direction, in Baekhyun's direction well. It felt like they were speaking for hours, but it likely hadn't been more than half an hour at the most. Sehun couldn’t focus on his book at all, much less register the letters on the page.

Chanyeol and Luhan seemed to come to an agreement, nodding to each other. Then they called everyone to the fireside so they could have a discussion.

"In light of what has happened, Chanyeol and I have had a discussion," Luhan said. "Sehun's actions recently have been self-destructive and are a cause for concern. They are self-imposed punishments for crimes he believes he has committed. As a result, he is becoming a danger to himself and it needs to stop." Luhan turned to Chanyeol and the mage produced a quill and parchment. He began writing and the ink glowed with a binding spell. Luhan turned back to the others and continued to speak. "Most of us know what has happened, but it would be beneficial to hear Sehun's side of events." He turned his gaze to Sehun and urged him to speak. "Why do you feel the way you do? Start from the beginning."

So, Sehun did. He struggled to find words that conveyed his thoughts and feelings, but he tried to continue. He started with his birth and his mother's death. It was something his father never blamed him for, but he didn't have to. Sometimes she would come up in conversation and his father would turn sad. Those times, Sehun would wonder if he should have been born at all. If he hadn't she would still be there with his father.

He moved onto the later years, when Sir Choi came into control of him. His already shot self-confidence burned to ash in that period. The worthlessness dug deep into his head and whispered to him even in his sleep. The first time he thought about wanting to die was right before his seventeenth birthday.

Then he spoke of the incident in the market and his discovery. Taeyeon had promised to free him, and he had hoped she would, finding a desire to live once there was a threat to his life. But he had assumed she would find some kind of evidence to suggest he was not guilty. He did not expect her to fabricate evidence to indicate herself instead. He tried to say no. He didn't want her to do it. But he left and allowed her to die in his place.

Two people had to die for him to live. His father had to give up everything else to save him. Sehun didn't know what to do with those sacrifices. He hated that his very existence brought pain to those he cared about. He couldn't stand it. He felt so guilty after that, the weight of those sacrifices sat heavy on his chest.

"I don't know what to do," Sehun finished, crying. "I didn't want anyone to die for me. I didn't ask her to give her life instead. Why couldn't I have died? Why couldn't I have been the one to burn? She did nothing wrong. She had family and someone she was trying to find. I took it all away from her - from her loved ones - because I couldn't die like I should have."

Luhan pressed a comforting hand to Sehun's knee, pulling him from his dark thoughts. "She was family to you, right?" Luhan reminded him.

Sehun nodded, his lip trembling.

"Don't you think she thought of you as such as well?" Yixing mumbled.

"It doesn't matter!" Sehun cried. "She had real family!"

"She wanted you to live," Luhan insisted, raising his voice over Sehun's cries. "And you are going to live, whether you think you deserve to or not. Her sacrifice as well as your mother's will have been in vain otherwise." Then he paused, and Sehun watched as he made a very visible swallow. "But if you feel you need a way to pay for their gifts, I can give you a way."

Sehun wasn't the only one to turn their head to stare at Luhan. Baekhyun and Yixing did, too, confusion written in the lines of their faces.

"What do you-" Sehun began. Luhan interrupted.

"You have been trying to punish yourself for allowing them to trade their lives for yours," he said. “I don’t think you saw it that way, but your acts as a e have been a punishment to you. Do you agree?”

Sehun thought about it for a hard moment. He always told himself it was to earn quick money. It was also to bring himself some worth. But he hated every minute of it. Every single client was another gash in his heart and he didn’t want to do it anymore. Then why did he do it when they never gave him what he needed in full? What Luhan said made some sense. He gave him a stiff nod in answer. "Yes."

"But it hasn't been enough?" Luhan added.

Again, Sehun agreed. "It hasn't."

"That's because the guilty don't pass judgement on themselves," Chanyeol informed him. Sehun jumped, almost having forgotten about Chanyeol. He had been quiet while he wrote out whatever spell he was crafting. "No matter what you do, as long as you are the one punishing yourself, it's never going to feel like enough to you."

"Then what do I do?" Sehun asked, pleading for an answer.

"Do you think someone else passing judgement on you would help?" Luhan questioned. "Have someone else tell you what your transgressions are worth?"

"I can't pay for two lives, Luhan," Sehun whispered. "I can't even pay for one."

"No," Luhan agreed. "But you can pay for your right to live."

Sehun still didn't see where this was going. "I don't understand."

"I'll explain," Luhan promised, "but I need to ask Baekhyun something first."

Baekhyun didn't move, still staring at Luhan, frown set deep into his features. "What do you need to ask?" he questioned, voice still rough with tears.

Luhan eyed Baekhyun with hesitation. Sehun noted the anger and sorrow in Baekhyun's face and Sehun felt the guilt sink a little deeper.

“Do you wish for retribution?” Luhan asked.

“For my mother’s life?” Baekhyun asked. Then he paused, thinking. It felt like an eternity to Sehun before Baekhyun nodded his head. “Yes, I do.”

Sehun shivered and felt the guilt grip his throat even tighter. It wouldn't surprise him if this ruined any connection he had with Baekhyun. But that was all right. As far as Sehun knew, Baekhyun had every right to be angry with him. He had every right to want him to pay for his mother’s death. Sehun wanted himself to pay for it. He couldn’t stand breathing much longer while Taeyeon’s ashes scattered to the winds. He couldn't even sleep well while her screams still lived in the air.

His thoughts quieted when Luhan continued speaking.

“I will ask again, Sehun,” Luhan said. “Do you think proper judgement will help you?”

Sehun swallowed and gave it some thought. But the answer was clear. His heavy guilt screamed and Sehun found himself nodding to Luhan’s question.

"Then as neutral parties,” Luhan said, “Chanyeol and I are acting as your judges. We will hand Sehun a formal sentence." The three not in the know all had the same reactions. Their mouths dropped open and their eyes widened.

"You can't be serious," Yixing breathed.

"We are," Chanyeol confirmed, never looking up from the magical document he was writing. "I'm certain Sehun needs a formal judgement and punishment to get over his guilt. And Baekhyun admits he wants some kind of justice for his mother. Once Sehun accepts punishment and serves it, they can both go on with their lives. Sehun is right in that he can't pay for a life. She wanted him to live, so his life in return is not a fair trade."

Sehun didn't say anything to that. A formal sentence might be exactly what he needed. It would not be easy to bare, but it would be his best opportunity to ease his guilt. He swallowed and finally managed to meet Luhan's eyes. "Then what have you judged to be my sentence?" he asked.

"Servitude," Luhan answered. "A year as an indentured servant under the four of us."

“That isn’t enough for her life!” Baekhyun growled at Luhan. “She’s dead! I already have few memories of her, and now I'll never get the chance to make more. She's gone!"

Chanyeol looked up at Baekhyun with a stern gaze. “It was of her own free will that she gave up her life to save his. Taking his life won’t bring her back, and you know it. Killing him will also mean that she died for nothing. Do you want to do that to her?" Baekhyun flinched at that, but he still looked unsatisfied. Chanyeol continued. "I can’t let you take his life, so I’m giving you the next best thing and putting his life in your hands.”

Baekhyun fell silent at that, biting his lip. He wasn’t happy with that. But Sehun also wasn’t sure Baekhyun would have killed him anyway if given the chance. He was angry and upset and it was normal for irrational thoughts to crop up.

"What are the terms?" Sehun asked after a beat of silence.

"Obeying your masters is not optional," Luhan began, brushing off Baekhyun’s outburst. "That will be the four of us. You will do anything we ask of you, no matter how big or small the task may be. You will no longer own anything, not even the clothes on your back. Everything you have is a gift from us, and we will only provide for your basic needs; food, water, and a layer of clothing. Cloaks and shoes are only granted to those who rank above you; that is why I took them from you. Speak with respect, even to other slaves, if they wear shoes. We will give you a cloak, shoes, or both based on necessity of a given situation.”

“So, examples being snow and ice for a cloak?” Sehun clarified.

“Correct,” Luhan said with a nod. Then he moved on. “You will be the last to eat at all meals and will not have the luxury of a bed when we stay at inns. All money you make from part time jobs will go straight to us. If you have anything to buy, you must supply a reason for why it is necessary. If your reasoning is sound, we will give you exactly the money you need. Not a single copper piece more.”

Sehun nodded and swallowed, feeling uncertain of all the detail. He had been hoping to purchase sun spirits in the next town, but that wouldn't be possible if he agreed to this.

Luhan continued with the list of terms, Chanyeol still writing out the contract. “Your privacy is a privilege that we are taking away from you,” Luhan said, folding his arms. The thing that confused Sehun was the that change in posture wasn't even one of dominance. It almost seemed uncertain, uncomfortable, and hesitant. “You will ask to be excused to relieve yourself and if a stranger approaches you for , you must report it to us. We may tell you to say no, or we will give you the option to make the choice. If you choose to take them up on the offer, one of us will watch you perform the act.”

Sehun shrank on himself at that bit. Baekhyun had learned that Sehun hated when someone else saw him, but this would be worse. It was beyond embarrassing already, and it had completely ruined his . Now, with the connotation of watching as punishment, Sehun didn’t know if he would be able to tolerate it at all.

“I am also building columns into the contract for each of your masters,” Chanyeol added. “Anyone who wishes to create more rules for you may do so. These rules should be held with the same weight as all your other rules. As soon as they make the rule, it will be listed here under their name. Do you understand that?”

Sehun nodded. “I understand,” he confirmed. Then he paused. “Anything else?”

“Yes,” Luhan answered. “The matters of punishment for failure of any kind.”

Sehun gulped, but Baekhyun let out a snort as Luhan went on to recite the rules.

“Foot whipping with nothing thicker than a cane will be the punishment of choice. However, punishment isn’t limited to only those. The more you forget, fail, or do not respond in a timely fashion to commands, the more castigation you will endure.”

“This is our recommended punishment because of the potential for pain,” Chanyeol interrupted. He spoke to everyone when he explained. “This contract is not a death sentence and will not be used to maim Sehun either. Using nothing larger than a cane and being sure the material is springy is encouraged. It will ensure pain but keep permanent damage at bay. Sehun will be quick to learn under these conditions. There is a provision of five daily lashes he must take regardless of good or bad behavior. This is to ensure he knows his place.”

Sehun didn’t think he would have a hard time with that. If they were going to follow through with all of this, he was going to know his place. He would be under everyone here, and under almost everyone everywhere they went.

“Everyone can get creative with punishments,” Luhan added. “For example: if someone makes a rule of no cursing and Sehun curses, you could assign lashes, make him eat soap, or both." Luhan stopped for a moment and glanced at Baekhyun. "And since this punishment relates to Baekhyun's mother, he gets special privileges. Baekhyun can increase or decrease punishment as he sees fit.” He looked back at Sehun with a warning in his eyes. “He could punish you even if you've done nothing to incur penalties if that is what he wishes. Treat him with the highest respect and you might escape some of his anger." Then he addressed the whole group. “Does anyone have anything to say or add?”

“Plenty to say,” Yixing growled. “This is ridiculous!”

“I knew you wouldn’t be happy about this,” Luhan muttered.

“Who in the world is happy about this?” Yixing questioned, anger rising in his cheeks. “This is a slave contract. You’re indenturing him for some fictitious crime he believes he has committed.”

“Yixing,” Sehun hurried to say, noting Luhan’s discomfort. He gripped Yixing’s hand in his and gave him a pleading stare. He knew this wasn't pleasant for Yixing. He hadn't spoken of slaves or indentured servants with a smile back when he explained them to Sehun. “Let me do this, please.”

“Why should I?” Yixing bit back, pulling his hand away. “They’re going to hurt you.”

“I want them to,” Sehun whispered.

Yixing’s mouth hung open in stunned silence for a few moments, not believing his ears. When he spoke again, it was with disbelief. "How could you want that?" he asked. "You don't have any idea what this will do to you."

“I don’t think you understand how much guilt I feel," Sehun told him. "I genuinely believe I am responsible for not only Taeyeon’s death, but my mother’s as well. And if my father is no longer alive either, I feel responsible for his death as well. If my mother hadn’t had me, she would still be here. If Taeyeon hadn’t taken my place, she would be here. If my father hadn’t tried to escape with me, he would be here.”

“You’re not thinking about what they wanted,” Yixing hissed. “They did all those things because they loved you.”

“I know that,” Sehun told him. “But what about what I wanted? I haven’t been able to breathe properly since leaving that jail cell. Since gaining my freedom, I have felt like I’m even more tightly bound by the guilt. But if they sacrificed themselves so that I may live, then Luhan is right, I must live. But in order for me to want to live, I have to earn that right. Let me earn it. Correct me for the next year. Make me a better person; whatever that means to you. Teach me and let me feel worth something again in a year. Please”

Yixing waited. He listened. It was clear he still didn’t understand Sehun’s reasoning, but he had no choice but to accept it. He gave a heavy sigh and gave in.

“If you must do this,” he breathed, “then a rule of mine will be to never hear you speak of their wishes as anything but a gift. They gave up their lives because they loved you. And if you ever speak of it again as something that isn’t the pinnacle of love, I will not hold back. I will give you every lash you deserve with thorny rose canes.”

Sehun nodded his understanding, wincing at the prospect of such a punishment. “I hope someday when this is over,” he said, “I think of that love instead of the price they paid.” Then he hugged Yixing and the complaint was silent. Yixing would let the contract pass.

“Anyone else have anything to add?” Chanyeol questioned. He seemed to be expecting something more, but the others stayed quiet. Luhan and Chanyeol looked at each other, having a full conversation with their eyes. When they looked back, Chanyeol raised his quill.

“Baekhyun, do you agree to the contract?” he asked.

Baekhyun hesitated, but he nodded his head moments later. “It is enough,” Baekhyun agreed.

Chanyeol wrote a short paragraph into the contract; ending it with a flourish. The glowing ink dried into the parchment and Sehun could feel his freedom drying up with it. When Chanyeol finished, he signed it and handed it to Luhan to sign as well.

“I’ll need signatures from Baekhyun and Yixing as well,” Chanyeol grunted. When Luhan finished signing, he handed the contract back for Baekhyun and Yixing to sign as well. Yixing’s signature provoked a change in the contract under his column. The rule he had set for Sehun only moments ago was now final. Chanyeol turned to Sehun once more and handed him the contract. “And now, Sehun, you sign at the bottom and I’ll need a drop of your blood as well.”

Sehun nodded and pulled out the knife Jongdae had given him, using it to prick his finger. He winced at the slight pain and set the knife aside as blood collected on his fingertip. Luhan’s hand fell over Sehun’s wrist in a gentle grip.

“You are sure this is okay?” Luhan asked. “You can still refuse the contract. Chanyeol can write a legal contract, but we are not official judges appointed by the courts.”

“With the last bit of my free will, I accept this contract,” Sehun said to Luhan. Then he pressed his fingertip to the page right next to where his signature would go. After leaving the bloody fingerprint behind, he took the quill and signed his full name.

As soon as he placed the last letter of his name, the contract floated out of his hands and back to Chanyeol. The fire mage held it up for the rest of their group to see. Sehun almost swore he could feel the magic take effect, shivering at the loss of his freedom.

“This contract is binding and legal," Chanyeol informed Sehun. "Signing your name has, at its very heart, made you our slave for the duration of this contract.”

"And with the beginning of your contract, I'm assigning punishment,” Luhan said. folding his arms. Sehun flinched, about to ask what he had done, but Luhan didn't give him the opportunity. “I'm assigning you twenty strikes to the feet for how you spoke to Baekhyun earlier. With the mandatory five, you are now at twenty-five." Sehun shrank and dropped his head, already feeling ashamed of himself. He already felt bad for saying the things he had earlier, but now he was getting a full punishment for it.

"Double the count," Baekhyun hissed, a frown sitting on his face. It was obvious he was still angry and hurt. But when he spoke, Sehun noticed a change on the contract. A bright red inky 50 showed up below his signed name.

"After 50, a new count starts," Chanyeol explains. "Never deliver more than fifty lashes at a time. Especially if we must travel the next day. He will take the remaining the next day, up to fifty until he has served all of them. As long as you use nothing bigger than a cane, lashes to the back, thighs and everywhere in between are also fine. No real whips will be used since they are debilitating and I have stated this punishment is not meant to maim. If you break skin during any punishments, tend to wounds immediately after finishing.”