Suho truly loves his parents but sometimes, in a dark moment during the twilight periods, he spites them for what he is. The things he’s had to endure to get to where he is, was not easy. Even before EXO was a draft on some pencil pusher’s mark-up board, he was trained and pressured to do well. To do this and that and be better than them just so he could have a fraction of a chance above all others at a so called better life.

He understood and succumbed to the pressure. He was always good at understanding his value and where he stands on the hierarchy of life and status. The concept never went amiss with him.

In a way, he is where he wanted to get to. He worked through all that life threw at him and overcame the odds to hold the title of a hallyu star. Passing by the new trainees in the corridors and the practice rooms, he can always recall the days when he first started this journey.

Vivid memories playback in his mind as often and as frequently as he sees new and younger talent parade past him.

He remembers training for six long years, living through the difficulties of being rejected from Shinee and being selected as only a possibility for EXO. When they told you the initial line up of EXO, you felt happiness and weightlessness. It was finally his time and he would be glorious. However, the drafted members list continued to grow with the addition of newer, younger trainees with better visuals, vocals and god given luck. Some of them were resilient, fearless…shameless. They were piranhas in a little black pond out only for their own survival.

Suho always understood well. He understood that a twelve man group was simply too big. He secretly scoffs at the idea, reasoning that Super Junior was already a failed attempt.

When they initially formed, their group dynamic was too varied. They were all over the place and too many of them outshined the few. He knew there would not be enough attention to go around. Standing out from a crowd of twelve was difficult but he did his best. He argued for the title of leader, changed his precious given name to the moniker; Suho. It had been a sad occasion as he quite liked the idea of living up to his name and becoming a great man through hard work but it was all in effort to stand out and be more memorable for those extra few seconds in the spotlight. It was a valiant effort but in vain as other members had given up their names for titles like Chen and Kai which simply seemed to roll off the tongue better and stick in the minds of fans for longer.

Kai was a fan favourite. He was announced as the first member because his visuals were strong and his talent turned the tides to his favour. Suho used to be upset about not getting revealed as the first member but he held in his jealousy. He was announced the leader and he didn’t wish to jeopardise his position or the groups potential future by creating discord over the fact. It helped that he was elated at the news of the division. Luckily, he was a part of the domestic group and the other group took away some of his direct competitors. Chen was loud and had great vocals which immidiatly set him above others. He was one of the younger children that overtook him with less than a years’ worth of training before being enlisted in the band. Kris and Luhan would also be a part of EXO-M which meant that the competition for looks wouldn’t be so strong. After all, the only people in EXO-K were kids with awkward features like dark skin, big ears, glaring eyes, speech impediment and a guy who looks more petite than most girl-group members he knows.

His reasons for being happy about the division was because he had less competition for favourite and more opportunities like extra lines and more appearances in MVs and variety shows. Furthermore, any successes by EXO-M would in turn reflect well on him, gaining him international fans too.

Or so his understood it to be… But it wasn’t as simple as that. He wasn’t favoured among the fans because the features he deemed almost defective worked well for fans. Their fans categorized the members as cute and lovable and more approachable. He wasn’t high on looks or vocals. His power trip came to a roaring halt too. The members didn’t listen or respect him enough and he wasn’t capable of being funny or a show stealer. As time wore on, he became the middle child, mollified in his own securities. He even became close with Kris. In spite of it all, Kris was a nice guy. He was a stark contract to Suho as he was tall and handsome, multilingual and a true gag-man. The members listened to him, even the EXO-K unit.

Being in the same vicinity as the man you could not hope to become, you start to hate him. It’s hard to hate a man like Kris, so an inner turmoil builds and builds until some form of madness sneaks in and takes control.

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TBC

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ps. I don't have a beta so any mistakes you find, please allert me and I will indeavour to fix.