Have you ever done something that had changed your life? A mistake. Just a small mistake where you took the wrong decision and then you happiness flew away from you. Flying…towards someone else.

I will never forget the day when I saw her at the park of the university I was studying at. She was standing on a bench and drawing. I have been looking for a chance to talk with her and I finally had one. I went straight to her, sitting on the bench and saying “Hi”. She blushed a little when she saw me and replied me shyly and her voice was just like an angel’s. She was worried that some of my fans might see us and that they’ll think that we are more than friends, and that I’ll have trouble because of a small conversation. She is just adorable when she worries about others, and I was happy that she was worrying about me.

Soon after we became friends and my feelings for her became stronger. The truth was that I had fallen for her at fist sigh. When I was walking at the corridor of the university towards my next lecture a lot of fan girls surrounded me and stared screaming and yelling, asking me to date them. I was just smiling and didn’t say anything to them. Then one of the girls decided to hug me but instead she jumped on me, I guess she calls that a hug and I dropped my notebooks on the floor. At the same time someone was passing by and my notebooks flew towards that person, but the mysterious person didn’t get hit by them. I saw it was a girl and that she had kneeled to pick up my books. As I was about to apologize for the inconvenience and to thank that girl I saw her face and my eyes met hers. My mind went blank as I saw the cute smile of that small fairy with angel voice. She gave me the notebooks saying “You dropped this” and smiling at me. I couldn’t say anything, I just took the books slowly from her hands and remained quiet, looking at her like I was hypnotized and continued looking at her, as she continued her way. And now I was friend with the girl I fell in love with, and I thought that she was starting to have the same feelings as I have for her.

As things were going smooth with her and we were so close that we didn’t use any honorifics when we were talking to each other, I decided to meet her with my best friend. Till now, I haven’t stopped regretting the second I thought of doing so.

I arranged to meet at a café shop, where I and my best friend liked to go to. And they met each other…  They had so much in common and almost immediately they dropped the honorifics and acting as if they knew each other for years. This was the first time I felt jealousy in my heart. He, for 2 minutes, has achieved results that I achieved for 2months. They kept talking to each other as I was silent, because I couldn’t join their conversation and who could? They were jumping from topic to topic so fast that as I was about to open my mouth and say something they suddenly change the topic again.

They talked for 3 hours and thank god that the time to close the café shop had came and we were about to part and they will never see each other again , because they hardly knew anything about the other person. But I was wrong… my best friend ask her whether she wanted to exchange numbers and meet again. And so it happened.

The next time we met was at the amusement park. They were so hyper. Talking all excitedly and jumping from happiness like little kids. And what bothered me was that they were equally happy. When saying something, they meet their sentences and say it at the same time, the same thing, wanting to go the same rides and eat the same things…everything was the same. And me? I was just standing behind them, silent, looking at how perfect they were for each other. I felt like they had forgotten about me and they were having fun by themselves. All the time during the different rides, I was sitting behind them, feeling pain spreading from my heart to every single millimeter of my body, and sadness creeping in my heart. On our way towards the next ride, the sudden pain I felt in my heart made me stop and they continued walking not noticing my absence. After 10 more steps she stopped and turned around looking at me. “Kai, is something wrong? Are you tired or hungry?” were the words that escaped from . It was the first time she spoke to me that night and I felt happy that she was worried for me, so I just replied with a simple “I’m ok” and caught up with them. Till the rest of the night she was keeping an eye on me to be sure that I was ok and to be honest I was happy. But my happiness didn’t last long.

Soon after they told me that they had started dating and that they wanted me to be the first to know. I was just speechless. It was as of a car had went through me a couple of times. I congratulated them and we were laughing but inside I was feeling an indescribable pain. I thought that it was gonna last short. After all the fans were gonna get wild if they find out about the fact that SHINee’s Lee Taemin has a girlfriend. They were gonna threaten her and soon after she was gonna leave him and I would have been there for her in every moment, to help and console her. But once again I was wrong. These things never happened. The fans accepted her with open hands saying they were such a cute couple and how they were made for each other. I was hoping that with time they are gonna get bored of each other but all these things were just delusions I was calming myself with.

And after 4 years I was once again the first one to know that they were getting married. The shock from this news just knocked me down. I felt like screaming and punching him, I was feeling hatred for him, steeling my love and having the life I should have had with the person I love, the person we both love. “We thought about it a lot…and… you are the person who introduced us to each other, and you are the person that is close friends with both of us , so we want you to be our best man. We hope you don’t mind and that you would accept our proposal” said to me my sweet angel with hope in her eyes and my best friend looking at me pleading for my acceptance. And how could I turn down the proposal of the people that I cherish the most? I agreed and they were so happy that they wanted to celebrate it.

The date of the wedding came and I was there next to Taemin and was watching how the girl I loved entered the room dressed in snow white wedding dress , that made her look even more like an angel. All along the ceremony I was imagining that I was on Taemin’s place and that I was the one saying the word “yes”, putting the beautiful ring on her finger and kissing her, my angel. As I was looking how my best friend was the one doing all these things, my heard started to hurt even more. I was smiling and clapping but inside I was bleeding and screaming from pain, screams that no one could hear. The wedding ceremony ended and the celebration too. I went home and started to drink hoping that alcohol will heal the wounds or at least make me forget, but the pain got bigger and nothing could heal it. I had to learn to live on, hoping that one day it will disappear.

Time had passed. I tried dating with a couple of other girls but our relationships didn’t last long. And while I was struggling to achieve my happiness, my best friend and the girl I still loved were waiting for their first child. And they told me that if it was a boy, they’ll give it my name because if it wasn’t for me, they would have never met each other. And every time I hear this sentence, I regret even more the second I decided to introduce my angel to my best friend.

Is it destiny not to be with you, my angel?!? The pain that I feel now, the never ending pain of losing you! The only thing I could do now is to wish you eternal happiness. The happiness that was stolen from me, please be very happy, my angel! Guess the path that I wanted to go with you was not for me. The life that I wanted to have with you was not for me! Please be happy, my angel!!!

Doll:

          please comment to tell me your oppinion ^^ hope you enjoyed reading it even thought it's a little bit sad =]