A/N: Hello. I'll keep this short. See the end for more notes.

Word count: 3,770 words

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Yaebin had opened the door for Jieqiong before she could even knock. Her friend has an unreadable look on her face but she opens her arms wide for her when she starts crying again. The shorter girl caresses her hair and whispers words of comfort to her ear. When Minkyung appears behind her and mutters something about tea, Yaebin leads her inside their shared apartment and into the living room.

They settle on the couch and Jieqiong just collapses in her friend’s arms. Minkyung reappears with a steaming mug of tea which she sets on the coffee table in front of them. She frowns as she stands opposite of them, watching with an unreadable expression on her face. Jieqiong holds nothing back and lets the grief pour out of her while Yaebin continues to lend lends her a shoulder and Minkyung quietly wonders what to do.

“She’s... an .” Jieqiong says in between hiccups when she’s able to speak.

“I know, sweetie.” Yaebin’s hand rubs circles on her back. “I’m so sorry.”

“How could she decide things on her own? It’s… it’s not fair.” Jieqiong’s breath hitches and Minkyung comes forward to hand her the tea.

“Here, drink this.” She says, settles on Yaebin’s other side but remains watchful over her.

Jieqiong takes the mug with shaky hands. “You know, I really do love her... I love her with all I have. I love her even though she made a fool of me.” She looks down on her lap and continues to sob.

Yaebin and Minkyung share looks.

“And I know she loves you too, Kyulkyung.” Minkyung mutters after much consideration.

Jieqiong puts her mug down, looks up at Minkyung and asks. “But she wants us to end just like that?”

Minkyung lets out a breath. “Nayoung unnie has her issues and her reasons-” She tries to explain.

“Whose side are you on?” Jieqiong asks without even thinking.

Minkyung sighs. “I’m not taking sides, Kyulkyung.”

Jieqiong gathers air into her lungs, prepared to spew out venom but Yaebin jumps in before Jieqiong could say anything else.

“Let’s not fight, please.” Despite her hurt in the way, Jieqiong can see the worry and concern swimming in her eyes and she stops.

She blinks then buries her face in her hands at the realization. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. You guys are being nice to me and I’m being mean.”

“No, Juju, it’s fine. You’re going through a lot right now. We understand.” Yaebin quickly says.

Minkyung pats her on the arm for assurance but then she suddenly stands with her phone in her hand. Yaebin looks up at her girlfriend curiously. Minkyung swallows.

“It’s her… it’s unnie.” Minkyung’s voice is quiet. She throws a cautious look in Jieqiong’s direction.

Jieqiong looks up slowly, shares a look with Yaebin. After a moment of silence, she shakes her head at her and buries face in her hands again.

“Okay. I understand.” Minkyung mumbles befores she disappears to one of the bedrooms to take the call.

“Can I stay with you guys for a couple of days?” Jieqiong mumbles. “I can get my old suite back but it’ll probably take some time.”

“It’s fine. We have a spare bedroom anyway.” Yaebin says, her eyebrows meeting and her lips pouting slightly to complete that worried look. “And I really don’t want to leave you alone.”

Jieqiong nods, wants to say thank you but is interrupted when Minkyung returns to the living room. The older girl has a somber look on her face and it makes Jieqiong forget what she’s supposed to say next.

“I have to go see her.” Minkyung says and Yaebin nods, seemingly able to understand with one look.

“Kyulkyung doesn’t have clothes with her, right? I could grab some. Just text me a list of things and I’ll get them for you.” Minkyung waits for her to reply but she can’t.

She’s too hurt and too deep into it that she can’t care about clothes or anything else right now.

“Is she… is she okay?” She asks.

She doesn’t even know if she should be asking that. Nor does she know what she would do with the answer to it. But she can’t help it. Is Nayoung fine without her or is she hurting like she is, that needs friends to be with her too? The need to know is overwhelming her.

Minkyung looks at her with her knowing eyes. “Are you? Are you okay?”

Jieqiong shakes her head because it’s clear she’s not.

“Then she isn’t either.” Minkyung says simply.

The older girl turns to Yaebin and takes her face in her hands and Jieqiong looks away.

“I’ll come back once I’m sure she won’t do anything.”

“I’ll totally understand if you want to stay with her for the night.” She hears Yaebin say to Minkyung.

“Nah. Kyungwon said she’ll cover for me. But I really do need to see her.”

“Okay. Let me know when you’re coming back.” Yaebin stands on the tip of her toes to kiss Minkyung and the older girl goes.

Silence comes with Minkyung’s departure. Yaebin shows Jieqiong to the guest bedroom and makes sure she’s comfortable. She even offers her company but Jieqiong wished to be alone. It was a long day and she’s exhausted with having her heart destroyed.

Minkyung returns very late into the night. Jieqiong knows because she lies in bed the whole time but doesn’t get any sleep. When morning comes and Yaebin asks her if she think she can come to work, she just shakes her head at her and turns to lie on her side to face the wall.

&&

The next few days has her feeling confused and empty. Her mind has wrapped around it already but her heart still somehow refuses to believe. Nayoung was so good to her. It just didn’t make sense. It still doesn’t make sense. Was it her fault? Did she not do enough for Nayoung? Did she realize that she had to more for her too late? Maybe she was being delusional into thinking that Im Nayoung is finally the one who would put up with her. People around her always do get tired of her one way or another. Her parents turning to pour their affections on her little brother. People she’s grown fond of distancing themselves from her when they find out that she isn’t what they initially thought she is.

There’s a knock on the door that breaks her depressive train of thoughts and Yaebin pokes her head in the room with a smile on her face.

“Hey, I got some dimsum for you. Come out to the kitchen?” She asks, hopeful.

Jieqiong isn’t really hungry but the pleading look in Yaebin’s eyes still gets her to stand. She’s been difficult enough over the past couple of days. And Yaebin’s even taking half the day off work to watch over her. The least she could really do is nod and get up.

The two of them sit down on the kitchen table and eat take-out off the boxes. The food is good and Jieqiong does her best to eat but it starts to feel like she’s chewing cardboard after a while so she stops, looks away so she doesn’t have to see Yaebin’s worried looks again. It’s fast becoming a default look for the people around her (mostly Yaebin and Minkyung). She hates it but she doesn’t know what to do about it.

With nothing to do but just stare into space, Jieqiong’s mind starts to wander again. She wonders if it’s alright to ask now. She hasn’t completely sorted out her feelings yet but there are things she really has to know.

“Did Minkyung unnie say anything about her…?” She brings herself to ask.

Yaebin gives her a thoughtful look, thinks for a while. “She’s at work with Minky right now is all I know. Minky didn’t really say much.”

Jieqiong nods slowly, lapses to looking into space again as more questions stir in her head.

“They’re watching over her closely so don’t worry about her.” Yaebin mutters when the silence drags on long enough, when Jieqiong hasn’t said anything for a while “But how… how are you holding up?”

Jieqiong looks at her friend and takes a deep breath, feels a sharp pain on her side at that simple action.

“I feel like dying.” She admits.

And it’s the truth. Jieqiong was at a total loss over the past few days (she still is) and who could blame her? That was probably one of the most painful ways to tell someone I am in love with you. It’s like one moment, she was offered the world, just the way she wanted it, by that person she held most dear, and in the next, she was forced to watch that said world crushed by the same person. Jieqiong felt the happiest in one second and then utterly devastated in the next. How is she even supposed to recover from that?

Although, she’s had time to think since then. She still doesn’t understand how Nayoung could do it or why she did it but she is sure of one thing - she loves her still and she doesn’t really care. She doesn’t care about getting hurt. That’s never mattered to her even before so Nayoung saying that the reason why they shouldn’t be together is because she’s going to get hurt with her is bull. Minkyung said Nayoung had her own reasons but if that’s her reason, she can’t take it. She isn’t going to take it. She’s mad at her, yes. She’s still hurt, yes, like ing hell. But this isn’t over. She refuses to believe that it’s over.

“What are you thinking?” Yaebin asks.

“I want to see her, Yaebs.” She finally says, gives her friend a determined look.

“I knew you were gonna say that.” Yaebin sighs. “You sure about it though?”

Jieqiong nods.

Yaebin sighs again. “Alright. Hope in the shower and we’ll go in an hour.”

Jieqiong doesn’t need to be told twice.

&&

Nayoung looks terribly exhausted. There’s an empty faraway look in her eyes and a heaviness that causes her to slouch in her seat. Her skin is dull, like she hasn’t seen sunlight for days. Her cheeks look a little hollow, like she has no appetite for food. And it’s familiar. Jieqiong knows that if they were face to face (and not spying at her from across the street), it would be like they’re looking in a mirror and that makes her so mad.

Why did she even say all of that nonsense to her when it would hurt her just as much as it hurts Jieqiong? What the hell was she thinking? She doesn’t even need to ask Nayoung if she regrets doing that because it’s evident in her whole being that she does. Minkyung was right. She’s not okay and Jieqiong wants nothing more than to run over to her and tackle her into an embrace and maybe yell at her for being so stupid but she can’t. She’s not allowed. Yaebin might be small but she’s strong and she made it clear that she can only see her from this distance.

She looks to Yaebin with eyes that beg. The girl only shakes her head once and looks out the window.

“It’s too soon and you know it, Kyulkyung.” Yaebin mutters.

Jieqiong sighs and looks to Nayoung again. She longs to sit next to her, to hold her hand, to just be with her and not gaze at her like this, like she’s a child looking at a toy from a toy store window. She wants Nayoung and now it’s clear to her that Nayoung wants her too. With or without her idiotic reasons, she knows she does.

Nayoung gets up from her seat and, along with the people she was having afternoon coffee with, starts walking to the direction of the museum. Jieqiong watches as Seungcheol chats with Nayoung. She holds the conversation with him for a bit but then starts looking like the walking dead again. Their group rounds the corner and disappears from sight.

Yaebin turns to her. “Had enough?”

She nods slowly but her mind goes through a thousand possibilities.

“Are you ready to go now?” Yaebin asks, finishes her americano.

“Actually…” Jieqiong swallows, looks into her friend’s eyes. “I want to see Xiaoxiao and the others. Will you let me do that?”

Yaebin’s eyes light up at that. “Sweetie, of course! Go see them. It might help.” She smiles encouragingly.

Jieqiong musters a smile of her own. “Okay. I’ll call them now.” She pulls out her phone, flips through her contacts.

“Do you want me to come with you?” Yaebin asks.

“No. There’s no need. You can go ahead.” Jieqiong quickly says, doesn’t bother to look up.

“Okay.” Yaebin pauses, takes a deep breath. “I think I’ll go see Eunwoo. She’s been asking about you, you know.”

“And I’m sorry.” Jieqiong looks up this time to stare directly into Yaebin’s eyes because she means it. “It’s just that... I don’t want her to see me like this and you know why, right?”

Yaebin nods. “Because she carries grudges and you don’t want her hating Nayoung unnie.”

Jieqiong nods too. “Can you tell her I miss her though?”

Yaebin smiles. “I will. Have fun with Xiaoxiao. Please?”

“I’ll try.” Jieqiong tries to smile back.

“Tell me how it goes, alright? And let me know what time you’ll be back.”

“Yeah, sure. I will.” She mutters.

Yaebin gets up and heads for the door. It’s not until she’s halfway across the room when Jieqiong calls for her.

“Oh, and Yaebs?”

“Yup?”

“Thanks for everything. I’m sorry... for being an inconvenience.”

Yaebin gives her an incredulous look. “You’re not though so what the ?”

Jieqiong chuckles. “But really, thanks.”

Yaebin smiles once more, waves and then finally goes.

&&

Jieqiong lied. She has no plans of seeing Xiaoxiao or Xiening or Tingyan. They don’t even have a single idea that something happened between her and Nayoung and she wants it to stay that way for two reasons. One, she doesn’t not have the strength to relive that god awful night to tell them. And two, all of them can get pretty intense and will possibly turn murderous over it and she doesn’t want that.

So now, here she is, wearing a cap to hide her face as she hangs around the museum’s planetarium. The whole thing is weird. She bought a ticket and actually walked through the front doors. It’s a risk she hadn’t properly considered and it’s evident when Minkyung is the first person she sees when she walked in. She was lucky that the older girl hadn’t seen her. She plans to keep things that way which is why she is now literally hiding in the darkness, inside the planetarium.

Jieqiong’s not sure if it’s a good idea because being there brings a lot of memories to her, vivid as if it happened five minutes ago and no ta whole eternity that passed. Suffice to say, she remembers exactly how she felt when Nayoung first took her there. The exhilaration of sneaking in. The warmth of Nayoung’s hand. The heat of their kisses. The way the earth turned so slowly when Jieqiong realized that Nayoung’s giving her a whole ing universe of stars just because she wanted to kiss underneath some sparkly lights.

Her eyes begin to water and she bows her head as the tears fall. This isn’t right. They were unstoppable. What changed? Was Nayoung really doing all of that to make her feel all of those things with the pretense they would be forever? Is she really not worth keeping?

The footage being flashed on the dome screen comes to an end and the lights turn on. Jieqiong quickly wipes her away tears. She looks at the time on her phone, realizes there’s only a little more time left before closing time. The PA speakers ring overhead with that announcement and she gets up. She makes her way to the exit alongside the other patrons. She’s at the lobby when she sees her standing near the restrooms with some co-worker.

Jieqiong swallows, slows her steps down a little to maybe just hear her voice.

“Off early today?”

“Yeah.” Her voice is low like it usually is but it’s different. “I really can’t function anymore. Sorry I can’t come to your bachelorette party, Heehyun.”

“It’s fine, Nayoung. I hope you feel better soon.”

“I doubt it but thanks.”

Nayoung starts walking towards the exit too and Jieqiong faces the wall nearest to her, pulls out her phone to have an excuse and not look suspicious. She looks up when Nayoung has passed, watches her get on a cab. And her mind starts to wonder again.

Since that afternoon, she hasn’t been able to stop thinking about how stupid this whole thing is. But now, she’s slowly coming to the conclusion that the stupidest part of this is her heart that keeps on wanting Nayoung even though it’s hurt. That stupid, stupid heart screams at her feet to start moving so it does. It runs out of the museum doors and conspires with her hands to hail a cab. moves of its own accord too, tells the driver Nayoung’s address like it’s home.

It’s a blur from there. The taxi pulls over and she taps her transpo-card on the panel. She gets off and walks slow, follows Nayoung who’s only a couple meters ahead. They take the same elevator but she doesn’t even notice her as she’s staring into her tired reflection the whole time.

The elevator doors open and Nayoung gets off first. Jieqiong lets the doors close on her as she second guesses her choices. First, she lied to Yaebin about seeing her friends. Now, she’s followed Nayoung all the way to her apartment?

So what? The heart wants what it wants.

Her finger jabs the button to open the doors and she rushes out, pads through the carpeted flooring of the hallway and stops at Nayoung’s door just as it closes.

She feels her heart beating so fast and heavy in her chest. It’s almost as if she can hear it through her ears. Her hand comes up to knock softly on the older girl’s door. There’s a beat of silence and it swing open by a crack.

Nayoung’s eyes meet hers and that’s all it takes for her to push that door wide open. She closes the distance between them in fast strides and throws her arms around Nayoung.

Their bodies meet and it feels as though Jieqiong is finally able to breathe after being denied oxygen for days. She knows it’s not a good thing but she holds onto Nayoung tighter still, even when she doesn’t hold her back.

The silence rings deafeningly in her ears as Nayoung continues to stand frozen in her arms. She wonders what to say next, what to do next but the older girl beats her to it.

“What are you doing here?” Her voice remains low, somewhat raspy like she hasn’t spoken in a while.

“I came back to you.” Jieqiong replies with no intention of letting go.

“Don’t you hate me? Are you not mad at me?” Nayoung asks, trembles a little with each word.

“I do. I hate you. I’m still mad at you.” She decides she’s going to be honest so she isn’t going to hold back. “But I also… still want you. I still want you, Nayoung.”

She feels Nayoung’s hands move at her sides, clenching and unclenching into fists but never touching her or pushing her away.

“You shouldn’t though.” Nayoung mutters.

And she agrees. “Yeah, maybe I shouldn’t.”

“So why are you here?” Nayoung’s voice is so low now it’s barely above a whisper but she doesn’t miss the desperation.

Jieqiong takes a deep breath, steels herself for what she’s about to say.

“I’ve decided that I’m going to change your mind.” She pulls back a little and dares herself to look into her eyes, gives chase when the older girl tries to avoid her gaze by holding her face in her hands.

“Can you at least give me that chance? Please?” She pauses, sees all the arguments Nayoung’s about to pull out but cuts through them fast. “I don’t give a about hurting! I’m hurting over this already! And you are too! It’s done, Nayoung. Can’t we… can’t we just be?”

Nayoung doesn’t say anything for awhile but she still doesn’t push her away either (Jieqiong doesn’t think she have the strength to) so she takes that as a sign to continue.

“What you did was cruel and I don’t understand why you did it but I don’t have to because… because I love you and I still want you.” Her eyes are beginning to water but she can’t cry. Because if she cries, she’ll lose all rational thinking (but then again she’s in Nayoung’s apartment, doing this so maybe she has already lost it).

“Jieqiong...” Nayoung’s face contorts in hopelessness and it stabs at her painfully but she hardens her gaze. She can’t give up. She isn’t going to give up.

“I know that you want to forget about me, about us by the time I go back to Shanghai but… we still have some time left to spend until then.” She swallows her hurt and her pride and brings herself to continue. “Can’t we pretend that none of this happened and just go back to how we were?”

“Jieqiong, I don’t-”

“Look me in the eye and tell me that you don’t want me!” She almost yells. It’s getting harder and harder to hold her tears back too. She pauses to take a breath and lowers her voice. “If you can do that, I’ll… I’ll go now. I’ll leave you alone now.”

She holds Nayoung’s gaze, daring her. The moment drags on so torturously slow but the older girl finally looks away and closes her eyes, wraps her arms around her in surrender.

“You can’t, can you?” It’s supposed to be a question but it sounds way too relieved to be.

Nayoung shakes her head and she melts in her arms, buries her head in the crook of her neck as she finally lets the tears she held back fall.

“I love you too.” She hears her whisper. “And I want you more than anything.”

“You’re such an idiot.” Jieqiong pulls back again, this time to finally kiss Nayoung and lose herself completely in her.