((a/n I'm probably going to regret posting this without sobering up, but I'll read it again in the morning. Anyway, all of the songs are by Against Me!))

A freezing Tuesday night in the middle of October hadn’t kept the venue from steadily filling up. Seulgi had arrived early, since she wasn’t familiar with this part of the city and hadn’t known what parking was going to look like. Sure enough when she had pulled up, she had been forced to park all the way down by the river and had to hike through a college campus to get back to the main street. But she was finally here, and her ticket had been waiting for her at the box office without any issues.

The problem now was trying to find the bar. She quickly scanned the dancefloor and along the walls for any sign of liquid relief, and promise came in the form of a couple holding cans of PBR coming down a set of stairs near the far end of the room. She followed the steps up with her eyes and saw how it lead to a mezzanine that wrapped all the way around the venue, and as she stepped out onto the dancefloor, she could see the bar had been right above her when she had first entered. It was odd, she’d admit that, but at least she knew where her next stop was.

She felt someone bump into her while her neck was still craned back, looking up.

“Oh!”

“I’m sorry-!” Seulgi apologized as she reached out and gently held the offender away from herself.

“No, it was my fault,” said a petite woman.

“Wait, you’re…!”

The girl winked up at her and put a finger to her lips. “I’ll see you in the pit?”

“Oh, you bet!” Seulgi said lamely as the girl gave her a high five and trotted back behind the stage.

Wendy.

Seulgi stared at her hand that had just been high-fived by the lead singer from Wendy and the Lost Boys. She’d never wash it again. She had missed their last show when they had been in town, but this time, Seulgi had been lucky enough to get the night off. As she took the stairs two steps at a time, she was overcome by a certain inexplicable feeling.

She knew it was going to be a good night.

She rounded the banister once she got up to the landing and practically skipped her way down to the bar. There were already a few people ahead of her waiting to be served and she bounced on the balls of her feet waiting for her turn.

Was it beer before liquor…? Liquor before beer…? ‘Beer before liquor, never been sicker’? That sounded right. So it must be ‘liquor before beer, you’re in the clear’ or something like that.

“A shot of tequila, please,” she said holding up one finger as she was finally greeted by one of the bartenders. She needed to calm down. The show hadn’t even started yet and she was already expending a lot of energy after that simple encounter. She sipped the bitter shot quickly, and stuck the wedge of lime between her teeth, grateful for the palette-cleansing citrus to chase away the cheap, well-grade liquor.

She chewed on it absently as she peered over the balcony and down into the pit below, hoping to maybe catch another glimpse of Wendy behind the stage. Like most of these small shows in bars like these, the only thing separating 'back stage' from the audience was a thick black curtain on mobile curtain rods. Seulgi could definitely see bodies moving back and forth through the gaps, but before she could spot the singer, the lights of the venue began to dim, replaced by purple and red spotlights pointed at the stage. The first act should be starting soon, and she could see people already congregating near the speakers that rimmed the edge of the stage. She should get down there too if she wanted to be anywhere near the front by the time Wendy and her band went on, but she turned back and went to the bar to get a can of beer before heading towards the staircase. She’d nurse it through the opening bands.

It was great to see so many people come early. Seulgi had found more than a few new favorite bands by coming to shows and listening to the nobodies that played before the headliners came on. Even Wendy and the Lost Boys got their start opening for more famous local acts. She threaded her way through the growing crowd, holding her beer up high in case any other petite women felt the need to run into her, and settled against one of the large support pillars near the stage. This should be good for the night. She didn’t need to be right in front, against the speakers - that’s how you got kicked in the head by crowdsurfers, and she was hoping to avoid the moshpit if she could for tonight. She had work tomorrow, and didn’t want to have to explain another black eye. She should be safe a little off to the side like this.

She was wrong.

+++

“I’M NOT COMING HOME TONIIIIIIIIGHT!!!” the crowd screamed along as Wendy jumped around her mic stand. Seulgi had saved her energy through the first two bands, leaning up against the pillar, casually nodding along and sipping her beer, but now she waved her empty can in the air as she shouted along with everyone else: “And I sweared to god that I’d love you forever…!” Seulgi laughed as a stout man in a ripped jean vest suddenly took her empty beer can and crushed it against his forehead in his fervor. She had woefully underestimated the crowd tonight.

Everything smelled like sweat, beer, and stale cigarettes, and Seulgi loved it. The gentleman who had relieved her of her beer hooked an arm around her shoulders and jumped up and down with her as they drunkenly sang along while the song rushed headlong into its chorus again. He pulled her away from her spot against the pillar and tossed her into the roiling crowd, and she had to fight for breath as her small frame was squashed and tousled while still trying to shout along to the lyrics.

The good thing about punk music was that the songs were generally short, and Seulgi counted her lucky stars as Wendy led her band into a slightly more subdued power ballad. The crowd put their hands up, swaying back and forth. “You believe in authority, I believe in myself. I’m a molotov cocktail, you’re Dom Perignon,” Seulgi continued to sing along, with a wide smile affixed to her face as she swam her way back towards the safety of the pillar.

But her spot had been taken, and when Seulgi finally broke through the crowd, she nearly tripped into the girl who was there, leaning up against it. The usurper held out her hands and laughed as Seulgi tried to keep her footing, and maybe she had her beer goggles on, but this girl was startlingly pretty. “Cuz baby, I’m an anarchist, you’re a spineless liberal!” And lord help Seulgi, but she seemed to know all the words, too.    

“We marched together, for the eight-hour day, and held hands in the streets of Seattle…!” they sang together. “But when it came time to throw bricks through that Starbuck’s window, you left me all alone! All alone~!” they finished, Seulgi playfully clutching her hands to her chest as she looked at this new girl wistfully. The girl laughed as she applauded the end of the song, and the band took a brief break to switch guitars and retune.

The crowd took no such break, however, still alive with the hoots and hollers from the overworked and underpaid service industry workers with whom each line of Wendy’s unflinching lyrics resonated. That was what kept Seulgi coming back to them, show after show. Their musicianship and stage presence were peerless, but their songs… There was just something about Wendy’s lyrics. She seemed to really get people. She understood their daily struggles and existential doubt, and she sympathized with it all so eloquently.

“Black me out! I wanna piss on the walls of your house!” Well, perhaps ‘eloquent’ wasn’t quite the right word, Seulgi thought to herself as the band readied up and Wendy charged into a fan-favorite. The audience began swaying dangerously with a group of rowdy drunks in the middle leaning heavily on their neighbors, the beginnings of a moshpit forming in much the same way a waterspout would out on a turbulent sea.

Seulgi had to brace herself with a hand against the pillar, above the head of the girl who had taken her spot. She was blocking the girl’s view now, but it was better than crushing her. But then the girl did something unexpected by wrapping her arm around Seulgi’s neck and using her as leverage to lean up and get a look at the stage as she sang along, right into Seulgi’s ear. And what a wonderful sound it was.

“I wanna chop those brass rings off your fat ing fingers…!” Ah yes, the dulcet tones of a tiny woman angrily belting out a punk anthem about ual harassment. If Seulgi wasn’t sure she was a little tipsy, she might think she was in love, what with this monkey of a girl climbing on her and singing along to one of her favorite bands.

Seulgi’s free arm instinctively hovered near the girl’s waist as she jumped around, ready to catch her as Seulgi could feel the press of the throng against her back. They were both going to be crushed against the pillar if the songs kept up with their feverish pace. And as Seulgi glanced over her shoulder up at the stage, still with that wide grin plastered on her face, she could see that the band didn’t show any signs of fatigue.

Maybe not fatigue, but they did seem to be taking another break at least, and Seulgi saw Wendy come back out on stage after a moment, alone with an acoustic guitar. Seulgi had been to enough of their shows to know that there was only one song it could really be, and it was one of her favorites. She heard the smaller girl cry out approvingly near her ear as she continued to hold on, and Seulgi knew she had found a true intellectual.  

Confirming Seulgi's suspicions, Wendy began strumming in that tell-tale 6/8 rhythm: “Two coffins for sleep. One for you, one for me. We’ll get there eventually.”

Seulgi relaxed as she felt the press of the crowd at her back wane, and the girl slowly loosened her grip and slid down from her shoulders. Seulgi gently placed a hand at her back to steady her as they parted, and the girl looked up at her with a faint smirk.

“How lucky I ever was to see, the way that you smiled at me,” Seulgi vaguely sang down to her.

“Your little moon face, shining bright at me. One day soon there’ll be nothing left of you and me,” she sang back, her expression morphing into a curious smile.

“I wish you’d stay with me.”

There was something to be said about this kind of space, about these kinds of events. People removed themselves from their mundane lives and gave up an entire evening to music and feeling. They commiserated with each other, no matter what walk of life they came from. Under a roof such as this, they were all tired, they were all angry, and they were all in desperate need of release. They were sharing more than just sweat and splashes of alcohol as they caroused: they were sharing each other’s pain. Seulgi didn’t know if the girl in her arms was a lawyer or a waitress, a couch-surfing vagabond or a trust fund socialite. She didn’t need to know to understand; this girl knew every single word and was looking up at her with a gaze that said they were far more alike than they were different.

And in her tipsy daze, Seulgi didn’t even realize the band had begun the next song until she felt someone knock into her and she crushed the poor girl up against the pillar. The girl laughed as Seulgi struggled to push back and make a little room for themselves.

“All the devils that you don’t know can all come along for the ride. I wanna be as close as I can get to you,” she grunted, still singing along with everyone else in the rock club even as she fought for room. Seulgi felt the girl’s hands rest gently on her shoulders - a curious contrast to the violent moshing happening behind her - but instead of climbing up on her again to see the stage, it felt like the girl was pulling Seulgi closer to herself. And Seulgi obliged.

“Irene,” she said in Seulgi’s ear.

“What?”

“Irene!” the girl repeated over the music with a laugh.

Irene.

“Seulgi!” Seulgi responded, letting Irene’s dark hair brush against her face as she sought for the smaller girl’s ear.

“I wanna be as close as I can get to you…” Irene sang quietly into Seulgi’s ear as she wrapped her arms around Seulgi’s neck again, and even in the sweltering heat of the room, Seulgi shivered.

“All the devils that you don’t know can all come along for the ride!” the crowd chorused.

This time Seulgi was a bit braver as she slipped an arm around Irene’s waist.

“All the devils that you don’t know can all come along for the ride!”

Irene pulled away slightly, her eyes shyly searching Seulgi’s.

“All the devils that you don’t know! Can all come along for the ride!” Wendy shouted somewhere out of sight as the song reached a fever pitch.

And as Seulgi slowly leaned in to kiss Irene, up against that grimey pillar, in the middle of that crowded rock club, on that cold night in October, Wendy concluded the concert with a final: “I wanna be as close as I can get to you.”

It felt like the whole club was cheering for them as Irene pulled Seulgi against herself, and when they finally paused for a much-needed breath, Seulgi couldn’t help a small laugh at the chant the crowd had begun to take up.

Irene smiled too as she pulled Seulgi back in for another kiss.

“Encore!”