A/N: Hello, so this is very very old, but definitely on my list of things to complete. I saw potential in this for sure and even when I needed to re read this to see what I could do, I still saw potential so I didn’t want to give up. I believe I can finish this in three chapters. First chapter was all Joohyun’s POV, so this will Seulgi’s and then the final chapter will be some conclusion, hope you guys would want to read this and finish the journey with me :)

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Your friends tell you that Joohyun isn’t over you almost every time you see them. You personally don’t understand how it is they can make such a bold statement as that when it was Joohyun who broke your heart. You make it a point to hang out with the friends you and Joohyun share because they are your friends and you care about them. Just because you are no longer Joohyun’s girlfriend doesn’t mean that you can’t spend time with Joy, Yerim, and Seungwan. Things are sometimes awkward since you know they have to also be around Joohyun too, but you do your best to not think about that.

“I’m here.” Seulgi announces as she enters the restaurant where they will all meet up. Yerim and Joy are on one side of the booth with Seungwan sitting opposite them. There’s an empty spot just waiting for Seulgi.

“Hey, Seul.” Seungwan greets first. She is smiling kindly but you know that look. It’s a look that says she has probably not too long ago spoken to Joohyun. Still, you ignore it and greet your best friend. You offer her a hug and proceed to hug the two younger girls as well.

“Hey, Seulgi.” Joy gets a hug next. “We didn’t think you would come.”

“Yeah, you seemed really busy, but we’re glad to see you.” Yerim as well hugs her before sitting back down.

You are busy. You keep yourself busy all the time because you are heartbroken. You pour all of your energy into your art and music as it’s all you can do to stop yourself from thinking about Joohyun. But, even that doesn’t work so well. You find that no matter what you do Bae Joohyun is somewhere on your mind, or never too far from it.

“I’m not too busy for you guys, let’s order.”

All you want to do is order food and talk to your friends. The last thing you want to do is hear about Joohyun right now. After all, Bae Joohyun broke your heart even if she constantly asks about you, you don’t want to know about it. But something tells you that it won’t be long now.

“Seulgi?” Joy whispers.

“Yes?”

“Joohyun asked about you again.”

The three girls wait for what Seulgi’s reaction will be. For the most part the monolid girl will brush it off and ignore whenever they mention Joohyun. They don’t mean to bring her any stress. It’s just at this point, they know how Joohyun feels about Seulgi and how much she loves her. They have seen with their own eyes how the other girl broke down and admitted it to them. They’re not saying the two of them have to get back together. At least, Seulgi should talk to her. They need some closure at this point, neither of them have closure, and both are hurting in their own ways.

“I’m sorry, guys.” Seulgi begins. “I really didn’t come here to talk about her. We should order, okay.”

“But, she’s really not alright and neither are you.” Yerim admits.

“She really does still love you, Seul.” Seungwan says from beside you. “I…”

You don’t know what comes over you, but something inside of you breaks. Maybe it’s because you have been masking your pain for too long. Perhaps, it’s because you have been pretending that you aren’t still heartbroken by the one girl you’ve always loved. Or maybe because you’ve never properly dealt with your heartache, but you snap.

“I said to leave it alone!”

You storm off and lose your appetite. Your friends are surprised and they call after you, but you keep going. After you’ve had some time to calm down you will apologize to them for now you need time alone. 

You keep on walking until you find yourself on a park bench. In your anger you had walked without any real goal or place in mind. Everything had been bottled up for a long time and it had to come out at some point. You sigh and take a deep breath. Logically, there is no reason why you should be upset, right? The breakup was probably the easiest in the history of breakups. Joohyun was nice and explained everything as to why she thought the relationship should end. She even said said that she loves you too, what a joke that was. 

Right after you pretended to be fine with everything you cried for hours. You don’t even remember what made you stop crying. You never imagined anything could be that painful until having your heart pulled out of your chest and stomped on by the girl you love. The last thing you want to hear is how she still loves you. Because, it means nothing at this point in time.

“She doesn’t love me.” Seulgi whispers.

The blonde looks at her phone when she’s getting a text from Seungwan. It’s full of apologies and how they want her to come back. They can all still have lunch and no one will talk about Joohyun.

“I’m sorry for blowing up at all of you, I’m going back to my apartment, I’ll take a raincheck.”

Seulgi doesn’t wait for another text. All the monolid girl wants to do is go home and get into bed. There were plenty of days like that, especially in the very beginning when Joohyun first ended their relationship. The days were all the things Seulgi loved like drawing, singing, snapping photos didn’t seem to matter much as somehow they all reminded her of Joohyun. Everything reminded her of Joohyun, the most beautiful and amazing girl she had ever known for nearly all of her life. At one point she nearly wanted to give up on those things that once made her so happy, but because she needed something to keep her mind off of Joohyun, she didn’t. With time, and encouragement from other friends she found happiness in her arts. She was posting things online, loving her photography, and drawing too. 

The first thing you do when you get home is kick off your shoes, change into something more comfortable, and head straight for bed. You sleep for an hour or so when your phone rings and you kind of hope it’s someone that’s not Seungwan, Joy, or Yerim. They are your closest friends and you love them. You know they mean well, but at this time they aren’t helping. The relief you feel when you see it’s Jisoo can’t be explained fully in words. Jisoo has been amazing to you and for you during what has been one of the most difficult times in your life. Jisoo is great, she’s fun, energetic, has a wicked sense of humor, and you appreciate her friendship more than ever right now because she’s not involved with Joohyun in anyway. You can talk to Jisoo about other things and have a mental break from the stress you feel about your breakup, and Jisoo is supportive.

Even though, at one point there was something about Jisoo that reminded you of Joohyun, and you felt drawn to her at first because of that. Soon enough, you realized they were two different people entirely, and that had been exactly what you needed. You didn’t need a carbon copy of Bae Joohyun, or a Joohyun clone, such a thing didn’t exist anyway. You and Jisoo had spoken before about the possibility of becoming more than friends, but decided it was better to not. You remember that conversation well.

(Flashback)

Seulgi was waiting for Jisoo outside of the restaurant so they could meet for dinner. Her friend said she wanted to talk, and even though the monolid girl kind of wanted to stay home and remain in bed. Jisoo convinced her that she did need to eat. Some days, because of depression Seulgi won’t eat, or eats less than she typically would. For a moment, Seulgi swears she feels someone watching her, or someone looking in her direction, but decides to pay it no mind. Jisoo is soon heading over to her anyway, so she has no time to worry about if someone was looking in her direction.

“Seul, hey, were you waiting long?”

Seulgi smiles when she sees Jisoo, because the purple-haired girl has been really great for her.

“Hi, Jichu. No, I just got here.” Seulgi waits until Jisoo is finally close to her, and the purple-haired girl hugs her tightly. 

“I’ve missed you, you have no idea.”

“I’ve missed you too.” Seulgi responds to her, and places her arm around Jisoo’s waist before leading the way inside.

“Hey, are you hungry. This place has really good noodles.”

“I’m starving, let’s go,” 

The two head inside where they are seated at a table. Seulgi isn’t really all that hungry, she just didn’t want to worry Jisoo if she said anything else. She does order a plate of food and eats anyway, mostly because the food is good here, and Jisoo would worry about her. The purple-haired girl does want to talk to her about something that they’ve been sort of dancing around for some time now. She and Seulgi are good friends and nothing can change that. Lately, Jisoo has wondered if perhaps they can talk about the possibility of something more between them? It wouldn’t be too crazy if they discussed it, right?

“I do want to talk to you, Seul.”

“Okay, what do you want to talk about?”

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but sometimes it does feel like there can be something more between us.”

Seulgi pauses. She does understand why Jisoo would say that, because they are good friends, but there have been moments where the blonde has wondered too. But only fleeting moments because Joohyun is still the one she loves, and she has recently had her heart-broken. However, just because Joohyun broke her heart that doesn’t mean that very heart isn’t still very much beating for one Bae Joohyun. Try as she might, Seulgi isn’t just over Joohyun, no matter who she spends time with. 

“I thought about it at some point, Jichu. I do think you’re great, you’re nice, pretty, funny, but…”

“You don’t think it could work out romantically, right? I was thinking it wouldn’t either. I think you’re amazing, Seul. I’ve thought about it too, but I also know it probably wouldn’t work out.”

Jisoo sums it up so perfectly that all Seulgi can do is nod, and before she can offer an apology to her friend. Jisoo smiles warmly and shakes her head. She doesn’t want any apology, as it’s not needed.

“You’re still really into your ex.” Jisoo finishes for her. Seulgi has spoken to her about Joohyun and she knows enough that although Seulgi is technically single. Seulgi isn’t over Joohyun.

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Seulgi.” Jisoo touches her hand gently. “You don’t have to, it’s okay, I understand. For what it’s worth, I do hope everything works out, whatever does end up happening, and you’ll always have me as your friend.”

(End)

Seulgi appreciated Jisoo in that moment more than ever, because she didn’t judge, and only understood, which was exactly what she needed from someone. Seulgi answers the phone to talk.

“Hi, Jichu.”

“Hey, Seul. How are you, are you free at all this weekend?”

“This weekend?”

Seulgi planned to be at her apartment painting for most of it, or doing nothing, whichever came first. There are times Seulgi will feel down and shut herself off, this feels like one of those times.

“Yeah, there’s an art exhibit happening and I really think you’d enjoy it. Would you like to go?”

Seulgi would like to go but on the other hand she does kind of want to stay in bed. She does appreciate Jisoo for reaching out and agrees to go. The blonde knows it’s coming from a place of concern.

“Okay, I’ll see you this weekend, Jisoo.”

You are in a hurry to get off the phone, because you could tell Jisoo wanted to ask if you were alright. It’s not her fault you’re in a bad mood from earlier and want to crawl into bed. You put your phone away and turn over in your bed. All you want to do is turn off the world for a few hours, sleep, and forget about everything. Sometimes, you wish that you could forget about Joohyun too. You want to forget that you love her and that she means everything to you, because then you’ll hurt less. But then, if you forget about her, you’ll also forget about the good memories too. Like, your first kiss, your first love, the first time you ever told someone you loved them and had them say it too. You’ll forget about the person who first encouraged you to pursue that in which you love right now, your art. You let out a sigh, you can’t forget about Joohyun even if you tried.

Translation, I still love her.

The first person you do see after the failed lunch is Seungwan, but that’s because she comes to check on you. She brings you a homemade dessert as a peace offering and apologizes again, but you apologize too.

“I’m sorry, too.” Seulgi tells her. “I didn’t mean to blow up at you all. I just don’t want to always hear about her every time we meet.”

“We understand, and we were sorry for what happened. It’s just we’re all involved in your situation, Seul. It might be your break up, but it kind of affects us all too, you know.”

Seulgi understands because Seungwan, Joy, and Yerim are friends with herself and Joohyun. They are in the middle of their breakup, whether they want to be or not. Seulgi always tried to be understanding to their friends because she knows it can’t be easy on them.

“I know, Wan. For what it’s worth, I’m sorry.”

“I know, Seul, none of this is your fault. Anyway, I didn’t come here to just talk about this, let’s catch up. I feel like I hardly see you.”

And, so you do sit with Seungwan over hot chocolate and some of her homemade dessert. It feels normal as you talk about what’s going on in each other’s lives. Seungwan is doing well in med school, and you’re proud of her for pushing on. You make a joke that if you should need a doctor at least your best friend will be one soon enough. Seungwan respects that you don’t want to talk about Joohyun, and you don’t talk about her. Seungwan leaves soon but not before giving you a hug and tells you that everything will be alright.

“Everything will be alright, Seul.”

You wish that you could believe that. How can anything be alright again when sometimes you wake up and reach over for Joohyun because she used to be right beside you? How can anything be alright again when you still love the person who without warning broke your heart and is still supposedly in love with you too? How can it? You honestly don’t know, and you don’t even have the energy to keep on wondering. You do thank Seungwan for dessert and for coming over to check on you, before continuing back to your painting. Sometimes, you still draw Joohyun, even when you don’t fully intend to. It’s a habit of drawing or sketching Joohyun since you used to draw her all the time. Sometimes, she would be sitting there and you’d just take a pencil to paper and sketch her. But you remember everything about Joohyun, her face, lips, nose, smile. How she feels, how she sounds, you remember everything about her, because you love her. In your anger you rip up a drawing because you are hurt. You don’t calm down until you realize that you are crying, and even though it’s hard to fully calm down. Joohyun really did a number on your heart, only what does that matter when you still love her.

Translation, I still love her.

The weekend arrives and Seulgi prepares to meet Jisoo for the art exhibit. Jisoo told her they could probably do a quick lunch after, and Seulgi agreed. She wanted to stay home, but perhaps it would be better to get out of the apartment for a while, or so she tried to tell herself. For awhile, everything was fine too. She loved seeing the art at the exhibit, Jisoo is as usual great company, and it proves to be a great distraction. Seulgi could stay all day at an art exhibit and not grow bored of it, but the fact that their stomachs are grumbling makes them realize they do need to eat.

“Let’s go get something to eat.” The purple-haired girl smiles kindly.

“Sure, it’ll be my treat this time.” Seulgi tells her since last time Jisoo treated. Jisoo doesn’t even have time to argue that she doesn’t mind to treat, as she mostly is hoping to help cheer her friend up. She knows Seulgi isn’t feeling in the best of moods lately, so if there’s anything she can do to help, Jisoo wishes to help. The purple-haired girl links arms with her and they start making their way to grab a bite to eat. Jisoo says something that is funny while they walk, and it’s hilarious. Under normal circumstances Seulgi would have laughed right away, but she can’t because  she sees someone. She sees someone she hasn’t laid eyes on in months. Seulgi feels tighten and heart almost fall into her stomach at the sight of Joohyun standing there.

The dark-haired woman looks stunned to see her too, but that look of shock softens into what Seulgi would say is relief, and then a smile too that is directed at her. Joohyun looks happy to see her, Seulgi isn’t sure she can say the same. Jisoo turns to Seulgi and tries to get her attention.

“Seul?”

You can hear Jisoo calling out for you in order to try and get your attention, and as much as you would like to be able to speak all you can really focus on is the fact that your ex-girlfriend is standing a matter of feet from you. Joohyun looks exactly the same, of course she would. She is still the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen, and it hurts you now to even look at her, at a time where it wouldn’t have before. You never really thought you would see her again, and yet here you are. You turn away immediately, grabbing Jisoo with you.

“Come on, let’s go. We can grab take out from somewhere else, Jichu.”

“But, Seul.” Jisoo tries to get her to stop, only Seulgi is already leading them away. She doesn’t want to talk to Joohyun and hopes Joohyun won’t call out to her. Only, the blonde knows Joohyun will call out to her, because why wouldn’t she? She and Jisoo don’t get very far when she hears Joohyun call out her name.

“Seulgi?”

“Maybe if I ignore it she’ll stop.”

“Seulgi?” Joohyun calls again.

The blonde keeps on walking in hopes that Joohyun will leave her alone, and not call out again. Only, Jisoo stops too and has this look on her face that makes the monolid girl stop.

“Seul, you need to talk to her, okay.”

“Jichu?”

“You need to, you’re in pain and hurting, but you do need to talk to her.”

“Seulgi?” Joohyun sounds like she’s trying to keep up with them. “Please wait, so I can…”

Jisoo lets go of her arm with an apologetic smile. She walks off then to give Seulgi a moment to talk to Joohyun and even though the artist does understand why Jisoo did this, that doesn’t mean she’s suddenly okay with it. Seulgi doesn’t want to talk to Joohyun, not now. She doesn’t think she ever wants to talk to Bae Joohyun again, yet here they are.

“Seulgi, can I talk to you, please?”

You have no choice now. You hear how desperate Joohyun is to talk to you, and what can you do? You’ve spent so long avoiding her at all costs. You changed your number and made sure she didn’t have the new one. You unfollowed her from all the social media sites and don’t check up on her in anyway, and yet, here you two still are. She looks at you with a look of someone that is still in love and trying to reach out, but you don’t want to see it. You don’t want to see it because you still love her too, and this hurts so much seeing her.

Translation, I still love her.

“Seulgi?” Joohyun frowns in concern. Since, Seulgi is sort of standing there and not saying anything. She wants to talk to her, as it’s been so long since she has had the chance to be this close to the monolid girl she loves. Joohyun hopes she’s not too late to try and make it work between them, even though Seulgi was probably just with the girl who could very well be her new girlfriend. Joohyun can’t think about that right now. She hopes for the best and that Seulgi will be open to talking at least.

“Seulgi?” She tries to reach out and touch her, only the taller girl steps back and away from her. Joohyun understands, even though the action hurts her. Seulgi closes her eyes and for a moment tried to imagine herself at home still, like she never left the house, and none of this is even happening. Yet, opens her eyes to see Joohyun is indeed standing there and she has run into her. She’s going to have to deal with it as there’s little choice in the matter now. The blonde’s feelings are all over the place, and in her emotional state, all Seulgi can say is one thing. Words she never thought she would ever say to the one person she has always loved. The one person she still loves very much.

“Bae Joohyun, I hate you.”

A/N: Hi, so again I hope this isn’t super confession to follow. I’ve never written in this pov before so I know some of it could be a bit tricky, but I think overall it makes sense. Anyway, I will try and end this in the next chapter. This doesn’t need to have more than three chapters, I don’t believe. But, overall I am glad I wrote this and glad I am able to continue, I hope this was enjoyed and I will try and have the concluding part soon. Thank you for reading :)