I stir my tea a little to make sure the sugar will mix well with the liquid. Hangeng must have thought that I’m suicidal because he offered to take me to a nearby tea house when I was unable to react properly even after a minute passed by. I’m still convinced that I’m dreaming, but I have to admit that my subconsciounsess did a really good job with my dream man!

“What’s your name?”

“I’m Kim Heechul,” I introduce myself and finally look up to meet his warm, brown eyes again that are currently watching me intently. When I realize a moment too late that I’m not even supposed to know his name, I ask, “And what’s yours?”

“My name is Hangeng,” he replies and I nod lightly at the by now familiar information.

“Thank you for saving me,” I finally say. “And for treating me.” I tried to pay on my own, but Hangeng would have none of that, so I guess he really does think I’m suicidal. As I look down again, my gaze lands on my wrist and I smile when I see the short thread that leads straight to Hangeng’s wrist that’s resting on the table across from me and I come to the conclusion that this is much better than any dream. So maybe I actually did die?

“You should pay more attention to your surroundings,” he observes and I grimace.

“I know, I’m sorry. I’m just not having a good time lately,” I admit and bite my lip. It would be so easy to just tell him… But no, I don’t want him to remain a stranger, so I shouldn’t burden him with the downside my life has taken lately.

“Want to talk about it?”

I look up in surprise at the offer and see that he’s looking back at me with a sincerity that once again makes me question my sanity. Eventually, I manage to shake my head. “No, it’s not really important.”

“It must be if you so willingly let yourself get driven over.”

I flinch at his criticism and sigh. “But I don’t even know you. I wouldn’t want to burden you with this stuff.”

“Sometimes it’s easier to talk to a stranger than to someone you know.”

I look up at him, but in the end, I shake my head again. “Why would you want to help me?”

“Because not too long ago I also had to learn that lesson.”

“Why?” Hangeng seems to be truly surprised by my question and I can’t help but smile because of that. “Oh come on, you want me to talk about my troubles so I should also be allowed to ask about yours, right?”

Hangeng sits a little straighter and nods. “Fair enough. So I will tell you about my burdens and then you’ll tell me about yours, alright?” I nod in amusement, wondering if he’ll really do it and if he’ll actually be honest with me, but then I see the expression on his face and I have a feeling that he will tell me the truth. “You see… It might sound a little strange but…” He seems to be searching for words and I wonder whether that is because he might not remember the Korean words right away or because it’s just generally a difficult topic for him to talk about. He starts to play a little with his own cup of tea and I can tell that it’s an absent-minded activity. “I’ve actually been in a coma for a long time. And when I woke up… I found out that I was on my own.” I can only guess what he means, but if it is what I think it is, my heart goes out to him with sympathy. “I woke up in a country where I don’t speak the language to learn that six and a half years have passed in the meantime and that… I’m the only one who’s still here from my family.” I lean forward a little on the table, drawn in by his voice and the fact that he is indeed upright with me. “And not only that but… things have changed for me. Sometimes I think all this time being in a coma did some damage to my brain.”

He looks up at me so I straighten a little, smiling a bit. “Now my own worries sound small to me…” When he doesn’t look away, I sigh softly but start talking nevertheless, “I had a huge fight with my best friend because there’s something I feel too insecure about to tell him and I’ve lost my job recently and am now trying to find a new one, but so far I’ve been turned down by every place where I applied…”

“I’m sorry for you.”

I shake my head lightly. “No really, it’s nothing… I’ll be able to figure all of that out somehow…” I look down at my tea again and realize that I still have absolutely no idea how to solve any of it. “What about you? What are you working as?”

When I look up, Hangeng looks down in return. “I’m not working. The people here who found me back then said they’d support me with anything I want to do… I don’t even know how they paid the hospital bills, but now they also support me in studying to become a doctor. I only mentioned it once, but they insisted on me to do it because it’s what I’d like to do.”

“Why a doctor?”

“Because doctors have helped me so much… I want to give back some of that help and…” He shakes his head lightly.

“And what?” I ask further, intrigued to find out more about this handsome stranger across from me.

“Nothing.”

“Oh come on~ Please? Remember, you might never see me again,” I coax even though I strongly hope that we will meet many more times.

We make eye contact and he looks amused at my behavior. “You’ll probably think I’m crazy.”

I can’t help but laugh at that, but the sound is bitter even to my ears. “Oh believe me, it takes a lot to make me think of someone as crazy!”

“This is a lot.”

“Alright, if you tell me your secret, I will also tell you mine, okay?” I ask and only realize a moment later that I just offered to tell him about the golden threads and another moment later that I actually feel okay with telling him – depending on what his secret is.

He looks into my eyes for a long time and while I look back, I feel like I’m getting lost in those brown orbs. His eyes are really beautiful, very dark but the brown is still visible, and they’re so honest that I notice I’m really willing to spill all of my secrets to him if he just looks at me for long enough.

“Alright,” Hangeng says and looks away. I blink, taken aback by the sudden lack of eye contact and I need a moment to return to reality, then I can focus on what he tells me next. “When I was unconscious… I was kind of still there. You know? Like… my soul was still there.” He looks up at me and I nod encouragingly. “I was able to watch everything that was happening and I was able to talk to others who were like me, though many of them had already died and just weren’t able to let go of this life just yet. And… I don’t know, maybe it’s because I’ve been with them for so long, but I can still see them. And when there are many of them around one person, I know that this person might die soon.”

“Is that why you noticed me?” I ask quietly and he seems almost surprised that I don’t question him any further, but then he nods.

“Yes.”

I nod lightly and look down. So that’s in how much danger I’ve been…

After thinking about this for a couple of seconds and taking the information in, I raise my gaze again and speak up quietly as well. “Since I was born, I’ve been able to see golden threads in this world. They’re connected to people’s right wrist and they connect to what I believe to be their soulmate. They have different colors. The worst is when they’re torn and gray, the next step is a neutral, mat golden, and then the threads become brighter as the two people fall in love until they’re radiating with a golden glimmer,” I reveal, holding Hangeng’s gaze the entire time.

He nods softly in response, looking amazed that I not only didn’t doubt his words but have an equally fantastic story to offer. “Is that the secret you haven’t told your best friend?”

I nod lightly. “Yes. He’s caught me looking at my or other people’s wrists a little too often and knows that something is up, but he doesn’t know what it is.” I look down, feeling guilty for having told Hangeng about all this but still fearing to tell Jungsu. The thought of him also brings back the memory of him telling me that he plans to break up with Kyuhyun, a thought that still makes me sad and wonder if there’s really nothing I can do for them. “And all this time I’ve been too afraid to tell him. I thought he would turn away if I tell him, that he’d think I’m crazy… now he turned away from me because I didn’t tell him…”

We’re both quiet for a moment until Hangeng speaks up again, “May I ask when the thread is… broken?”

I smile lightly at his choice of words and look up again. “Of course. From what I have experienced, the thread is torn when the person has died… or maybe also when he’s just in a state between life and death.”

“You experienced it?”

I nod lightly. “Mine has been torn for a long time, but now it’s doing fine again.”

“Because… that person regained consciousness?” I simply nod at his question and smile shyly. It feels almost strange to speak about ‘that person’ when he sits right in front of me, but I don’t think I’d have the courage to tell him that right away. “Have you met that person before he lost consciousness?”

“I guess ‘met’ is not the right word in this case… But I’ve seen him once.”

“You know what’s funny? I’m pretty sure I’ve also seen you once before.”

My heart misses a beat and continues at twice its pace afterwards. Either he has guessed another secret of mine or I was a little too obvious about all this, but I still wouldn’t have thought that he’d go into this direction. “When?” I ask and even I can hear that my voice sounds kind of faint.

“On the day when I lost consciousness because of a ferry accident. At least there was someone who I think looked kind of like you, also my age, who stared at me for quite a while until he was pulled to move on.”

“You remember me,” I whisper and can’t help but stare at him with the exact same awe I felt back then.

“I wouldn’t forget someone as good-looking as you, especially not when they’re obviously staring at me,” Hangeng replies with a smile and I wonder if my heart will ever get the chance to return to its normal rhythm.

“Heechul?”

“Yes?”

“If I were to ask you to go on a date with me, would you?”

“Depends on what you have in mind.” Did I really just ask that? Am I really that stupid? The man who I thought was dead and now came back from the dead – or at least from the unconscious – and whom I really meet for the first time right now asks me for a date and I don’t have anything better to do than ask him what kind of date?

“I was thinking about taking you to a café around that I really like.”

“Sure, that sounds nice to me,” I hurry to say before my mouth can get any other funny ideas of what it could reply instead.

Hangeng’s smile deepens. “You would have agreed no matter what I had suggested, wouldn’t you?”

A shy smile appears on my lips as well. “Probably, yes,” I admit quietly and look down. My eyes land on my golden thread and my smile deepens as well when I see that the thread has taken on the soft glimmer of a first approach towards love.

“. , , , , !” All the clothes I packed are spread on my bed – it’s exactly one set. I totally forgot that I had initially planned to only come here for the weekend, meaning that I’ll have to go back once more no matter what happens. Even for just staying here for a while, this would never in a lifetime have been enough to wear!

Baengshin looks at me from her curled-up position, her eyes clearly telling me to shut up and let her sleep. Heebum has long since fled the scene and is probably with my mom again since they adore each other.

“That sounds like a big problem,” Heejin’s voice comes from the direction of my door.

“It is. I don’t have any clothes here.”

“I thought you were only staying here for the weekend?”

“Let’s just say that things have changed a little,” I reply, reluctant to tell her the exact details.

“Alright, but if you were to just stay here for a little longer, this still wouldn’t be as much of a problem.” Heejin enters my room and sits down on my bed next to the backpack I brought here with me. Her eyes are sparkling with anticipation as she looks up at me. “Tell me, why exactly is it so bad that you don’t have that many clothes here~?” she asks and I know that she already has an idea of what I’m about to tell her.

I blush lightly and avoid her eyes, but I can’t help the smile my lips form. “Well, maybe I have a date on Tuesday?”

“You do? That’s wonderful!” She pats the spot on the bed next to her and I sit down with her, knowing that there’s nothing I can do about my lack of clothes right now anyway. Once I sit down, Heejin hugs me tightly and I hug her back as long as it lasts, then she looks at me with a curious expression. “Tell me all about it!”

“His name is Hangeng,” I reply and think back to this evening. “I was so deep in thoughts that I didn’t see a car approaching and he was the one who pulled me back, then he invited me into a tea house… He’s a little taller than I am and really good-looking.” I glance at Heejin with a knowing smile. “You’d like him. He’s also really kind and… I don’t know. I’ve met him for the first time today and it almost scares me how easily I can talk to him. But it seems to be the same way for him, too.”

“He sounds wonderful. You have to introduce him to me someday!”

“I will, I promise.” I smile brightly at my sister and I know that I will be able to keep this promise.

“I don’t think I’ve seen you this happy in a while,” she observes.

“Really not?”

Heejin nods. “Yes. Your eyes are sparkling again and… I don’t know, it seemed like something had been dragging you down all this time, since you were sixteen, actually. I’m glad to see that you’re doing better again now.”

I can’t help but smile softly and pull her into another hug. “I’m sorry for worrying you.”

“It’s fine. As long as you’ll become happy now, it’s okay that I’ve had to wait for nearly eleven years to see you smile like this again.”

I hold her a little tighter. I know I’ve been a little out of it especially right after the ferry accident, but I never knew how many people worried about me, this had never been my intention. “Noona? I love you.”

“I love you, too, Heechul,” Heejin replies softly and continues to hold me.

I end up going back to my apartment on Sunday so I can pack properly for the time that I’ll be staying in the village where I grew up and I also do some laundry so I’ll definitely have something to wear for whenever I come back, and on Monday I go back to my mother’s house. It’s just me and her living there now and I realize how much I’ve missed my old home. I chat with the neighbors whenever I see them and realize all of them still know me from when I was growing up here and that I also still know all of them.

And then it’s Tuesday.

My clothes are once again spread on my bed, some even on the floor, it’s a total chaos, but I nevertheless can’t do anything but run back and forth between possible outfits to wear and suddenly nothing looks good enough anymore. If my sister were still here, I could at least ask her for help, but since that’s not possible, I’m on my own, standing in front of all my clothes, completely torn between my many options and at the same time finding none of them appealing enough. Should I maybe have brought other dress shirts, too? I only brought two of them since they’re comparably casual… No, a real dress shirt would be way too warm and too formal, we’ll meet in a café and not in a restaurant! But all of my other shirts appear too casual…

I try on different outfits that I usually like a lot, but this time, none of them seems to suit the occasion.

A knock on my door startles me out of my indecisiveness. “Honey? You have an hour left until you have to be there,” my mother reminds me just like I had asked her to and suddenly, panic strikes me.

“Mom, I’m not ready for this! I don’t even know what I’m supposed to wear!”

I can hear her snicker on the other side of the door. “Heechul, you’re a fully grown man!”

“I know…”

“Do you want me to come in and help you?”

I ponder on that for a moment but then I figure that it doesn’t really matter anymore anyway and if she has a good suggestion, then all the better! “Sure, why not?”

The door opens and my mother enters, shaking her head lightly as she takes a look around. “Look at all this mess you’ve made, my son.”

“I’m sorry.” I look down and wait while my mother inspects the clothes lying around on the floor and on the bed. After a while, she picks up one of my dress shirts that has white and brown squares on it.

“Why don’t you wear this one? I think it would suit you really well.”

“But won’t it be too formal?” I ask back and take the dress shirt from her, inspecting it.

“You’re the designer, shouldn’t you be the one to know how to make sure it won’t look too formal?” she asks with a warm expression in her eyes and I nod lightly, looking around. Slowly, an idea begins to form in my mind.

“Thank you, mom, I think I’ll take this!”

She laughs softly and nods. “You’re welcome, honey. Tell me if there’s anything else I can help you with, alright?”

I nod as well and smile at her. “I will, thank you.”

Still smiling, my mom leaves the room again and I quickly snatch a white T-shirt, putting that one on first and then the dress shirt. I roll the sleeves up to my elbows to make sure I won’t die of a heatstroke when I go outside – which I might anyway, but well – and then I look around to check where my favorite pants are. I find them after a couple of seconds lying all the way at the other end of my bedroom and put them on, grimacing a little at how tight they fit at the very moment since I washed them recently, but when I look at myself in the mirror, I smile because the pants emphasize everything from my hips downwards. Next, I work on the buttons of my shirt, trying to figure out up to which point I should close them. In the end, I decide that leaving the top two buttons open will be the best decision, so I hurry into the bathroom next. My hair looks like a mess, but I already know what I want to do with it. I work with practiced moves to put my hair up so only the first few strands will still hang into my face lightly and when I check my look in the mirror, I realize that I’m pretty happy with how it turned out.

I go downstairs and enter the living room where my mother has been reading a book. She looks up when I enter and smiles. “I knew you’d be able to make it look good!”

“So you like what I’m wearing?” I ask and present the styling a little until my mother nods.

She stands up and approaches me, gently pulling the dress shirt into place and I can’t help but smile at that gesture. “You look very handsome, my dear son.”

“Thank you, mom.” I lean down and place a loving peck on her cheek and she smiles proudly.

“Now go, alright? I can’t have you coming late to your first date with this young man!”

“But mom, I still haven’t put away my clothes,” I protest right away, but she shakes her head firmly.

“They can also lie around until you come back tonight. You go now.”

My resolve crumbles and I smile lightly. “Okay, thank you, mom.” I hurry to put on my white sneakers and make sure I also have my wallet with me, then I bid my mother goodbye once more before I leave the house.

It’s indeed incredibly hot outside, but I’m nevertheless grateful to have parts of my arms covered because that means I won’t get sunburned there.

I walk to the café Hangeng had mentioned, enjoying to be outside for a while since I hardly ever got the chance for this while I’ve been working at the design company. When I pass the playground I used to play on, I come to a stand for a moment, watching the next generation of children run around and play happily. It’s good to see that they still know how to play with each other and won’t only stare at their cell phones all day!

When I realize I’ll probably be running late if I watch much longer, I turn away from the playground and keep on walking, taking in the appearance of the village I grew up in and realizing that even though there are quite a few things that have changed, there’s also a lot that hasn’t changed even a tiny bit in all this time. The church is still there and looks as always, I think the school has been renovated but it’s also still there, the houses I come across mostly look the same as I remember them even though I’m certain things have changed on the inside. I wonder who lives here and how many people I would still know.

I pass the grocery store and realize a second store has opened next to it which means that my beautiful village must have been expanding enough to enable two supermarkets to survive together.

Soon, the café comes in view and as I enter, I can see that the inside has changed a lot compared to when I have last been here. I take a moment to just look around and take in the interior that used to be very cozy with small sofas as well, the dominant color being a dark brown combined with red and there has been more wood than I can see now. Everything’s become more modern in here. They stuck to the red, but the second dominant color has become a soft beige and I realize there’s also a lot of white and I suddenly notice with an aching heart for how long I haven’t come here anymore.

“Sir, can I help you?”

I jump when a waitress talks to me and focus on her instead. “No, thank you. At least I don’t think so…”

“Are you looking for someone?”

“I hope at least that my company is already here,” I reply and briefly look around, trying to focus on the people instead of the change, but the moment my eyes land on Hangeng who’s watching me with an amused smile, my heart skips a beat at how wonderful he looks. He wears a light gray T-shirt, but the end parts of the short sleeves are white. He styled his short, black hair up and I think it looks incredibly handsome like this and when the thought crosses my mind that he did this just for me, my heart skips yet another beat in joy before it beats much faster than it usually does.

After a few seconds of just taking in his appearance, I make my way over to him and sit down as well.

“Hey,” he says softly and I could already melt at the sound of his voice. Instead, I opt for smiling back at him.

“Hey.”

“You haven’t been here before, have you?”

I look down in embarrassment. “Actually, I have. But it’s been a long time. I didn’t even know they renovated the entire interior…”

Hangeng laughs softly. “Then it really must have been a long time! All of this has already been done since I have started living here.”

“I haven’t really been around a lot for a few years now.”

“May I ask about your relation to this village?”

I nod right away. “I’ve grown up here and I stayed here until I found a really appealing job near Seoul. My best friend and I moved there together,” I reply and realize a moment too late that I’m not sure if the term even still fits. I sigh and look at my hands resting on the table and for a change even my thread can’t really cheer me up.

“Why did you return now?”

I shrug lightly. “It was my birthday recently and I just kinda planned to spend it here with my mother… The weekend I had originally planned on just so happened to become a little longer…”

“So you’ll stay for a while?”

I nod and finally look up again, trying to push the dark thoughts out of my mind again. “Yes, I’ll stay for a while. I don’t know yet for how long, though.”

Hangeng nods at me and once againsmiles this irresistible smile of his. “Then let’s make it worth the time we have!”

“I like that plan.” I straighten a little when a waitress comes over.

“Hello, are you ready to order?”

Hangeng looks at me. “Are you?”

“Will you order for me?”

He laughs in response. “I see what you’re doing here! But of course there’s absolutely no pressure on me.”

This time I laugh softly as well. “Maybe I’d just like to find out what you like the most about this place? Or maybe I’m curious about what you think I will like?”

Hangeng watches me for a couple of seconds, then he looks up at the waitress again. “I’d like one piece of your chocolate cake and one piece of your strawberry cake, please.”

The waitress nods in response. “Very well. Would you like anything to drink?”

“Could I have a cup of coffee?” I answer for myself this time.

“Would you like milk or sugar with that?”

“Some milk, please.”

She nods and turns to Hangeng. “I’d like some of your herbal tea, please.”

“Very well,” she replies and bows lightly towards us, then she leaves.

I turn to Hangeng with a shy smile. “Thank you for ordering. I’ve been gone for so long that I don’t even really remember what’s good here…”

“You’re welcome.”

“Tell me about yourself. You know more about me now, but what about you?”

“I’m originally from the northern part of China. My dream had always been to become a dancer. I had actually just passed a big test and my parents brought me here for a vacation and to celebrate my accomplishment. You more or less know the rest of the story.”

“I’m sorry for you,” I say quietly as I realize how much he has lost in this accident. Somehow I’ve only ever really thought about what I had lost and that people had lost their lives and that others had lost their destined partners, but I’ve never really thought about other people who had stayed, friends or family maybe. It had never really occurred to me how complex the lives of the victims had really been, but now that Hangeng mentions it, the accident suddenly becomes even more of a tragedy in my eyes.

“No need to be.” I look up again to see Hangeng smiling at me warmly. “Just… don’t tell anyone. If bómǔ and bófù find out about this, they’ll insist on me to also try to dance again!”

“If who finds out?”

Hangeng looks surprised for a moment, but I think then he realizes I really don’t know any Chinese. “Bómǔ and bófù,” he repeats. “Literally, that would mean aunt and uncle, but when we go to a friend’s house, we’ll also call that friend’s parents bómǔ and bófù. The couple who took me in was fine with me calling them that as well,” he explains and I nod in understanding.

“Do they know any Chinese?”

“Some broken Chinese, yes, but not a lot.”

“Did you know any Korean before the accident?”

Hangeng shakes his head lightly. “No. One or two words at best, but nothing more. I also had no idea how to read Hangeul. I’ve learned all of that during the past four years.”

“Wow, that’s amazing! You speak so well for someone who’s only learned the language for four years!” I rethink my sentence and then frown. “No wait, that sounds wrong. You speak really well. Period. And then especially for someone who’s only been learning the language for such a short amount of time.”

Hangeng laughs softly. “Thank you.”

The waitress shows up at our table again and we halt in our conversation for a moment to thank her after she placed down our orders, then I turn back to Hangeng. “You’re really handsome, you know?”

“Thank you. So are you,” he replies in a soft voice that is a lot more serious than before.

I smile warmly at him, then I straighten a little and point at the pieces of cake standing between us. “How are we gonna do this now?”

“I don’t know. Is there one that you think you won’t like?”

I shake my head. “No, I like both chocolate cakes and strawberry cakes.”

“Then why don’t we do it half and half?”

“I love that plan!” I grin at Hangeng and think for a moment. “But I don’t really feel like making a big mess with this… So should we just leave them like this while we eat?”

“If that’s what you’d like to do?”

I think about it for a moment, then I nod and grin at him. “Yes, that’s what I’d like to do!” I pull both cakes more into the middle and then pick up the fork lying with the strawberry cake, trying that one first curiously. There’s a lot of cream and it’s really sweet but at the same time nicely refreshing because of the fruits. “This one’s really good,” I comment and take a piece of the chocolate cake next. Hangeng continues to watch me while I try that one as well and hum happily at the taste. “It’s good that we share… I wouldn’t have been able to pick only one.”

Hangeng laughs and finally picks up his fork as well. “I’m glad you think that way.”

My smile deepens and I look at him with sparkling eyes. “Thank you for your recommendation!”

We spend the next weeks getting to know each other and I’m surprised that I can still show him some really nice spots because it’s been so long since I’ve last spent time here while he has been living here for the past four years. Over the course of those weeks, I realize that I’m most likely becoming way too clingy, but I can’t really help it. Somehow, seeing Hangeng and being able to talk to him is never enough, I always want to be in touch with him somehow, yet I usually have to opt for holding his hand because hugging doesn’t exactly work out when we sit facing each other or when we walk around the village.

I come to realize that he is indeed the man of my dreams and I catch myself frequently not only staring but also wondering if maybe I am asleep, yet when I’m on my own, my worry about Jungsu and his relationship with Kyuhyun comes back to me every time, so I know it’s not a dream. No, in my dream I would probably find a solution or something else would happen, but I wouldn’t just sit around and only think about them. Are they okay? Have they already broken up? I can’t see a change in Jungsu’s behavior when I watch his shows with my mother, but he’s also become a professional, especially on camera. I don’t see anything suspicious from Kyuhyun’s side either, but I’m not too surprised with that because their relationship has always remained a secret anyway, so he obviously wouldn’t talk about a break up now…

I can’t even tell how many times I’ve been right about to call Jungsu just to press the ‘back’ button in the end and put my phone aside again. Is he doing okay? What if he’s not? I’m his best friend, I should know something like that! What’s going on? Are things more relaxed now that he doesn’t really have to worry about our meetups anymore? Or have they been relaxing to him and he’s stressed now? I want to know so badly…

“Something’s bothering you.”

I glance to the side to look at Hangeng. We just got ice cream and sat down on one of the benches outside the parlor and for some stupid reason even Hangeng’s vanilla ice cream reminded me of Jungsu and started the train of worry inside my head again.

With a sigh, I give in. “Yes, I’m sorry. It’s just… This thing with my best friend won’t let me go.”

“You mentioned it when we first met. What exactly happened?”

I sigh and lean against the back rest, poking the ice cream with my plastic spoon. It’s too hot to eat ice cream in a cone, it melts way too quickly for that. “Well, you see… There’s this thing with the golden threads that I still haven’t told him… and he said that if I can’t speak honestly with him, then he doesn’t see a reason why we should keep on seeing each other because he can’t consider me a friend like this. But he’s my best friend and I miss him. And he also threatened to break up with the guy he’s made for and… I don’t know, I just can’t stop thinking about that,” I spill my heart out to Hangeng once again and feel bad about it because I should be happy and just enjoy my time with him especially because he’s even busier than Donghae was during his studies. Then again, medicine is known to be a very tough subject to study…

“Let’s take a different approach on this. You said he caught you staring at wrists a couple of times already. Does he know anything else?”

I shrug lightly and eat some of my ice cream before I answer. “Well, my friends all know that I’m pretty good at knowing whether two people are made for each other or not.”

“Then what are you afraid of?”

I look up at Hangeng with a frown, wondering if either I mispronounced something along the way or he understood something wrong. “Well… it would seem strange, wouldn’t it? If I tell them I see something no one else sees, they’ll probably think I’m crazy.” I’m certain they do already, but this would be a different level of craziness, maybe even insanity.

“I don’t think so,” Hangeng argues though and I roll my eyes lightly.

“Yeah, that’s because you’re just like me and we belong together,” I argue and continue eating my ice cream unhappily, but he shakes his head.

“I agree with the first part, but I don’t take the second one as a reason.” When I glance at him, he seems to think for a moment, absent-mindedly taking another spoon full of ice cream, before he turns back to me and speaks up again. “Have there been people around you who were able to find their beloved ones without your help?”

“Yes.”

“And did these people see themselves kind of as soulmates?”

I can’t help but think of Yunho and Jaejoong and even though I’m not sure if they’ve ever thought about soulmates, it’s no secret that they know they belong together even without me telling them. “I guess so?”

“Do you think they would tell you off when you confirm their thoughts?” I can only stare back into Hangeng’s eyes, torn between questioning his sanity now and truly considering what he’s saying. I come to the conclusion that no, they probably wouldn’t tell me off, though they might be wary about where all of this will be coming from. I frown lightly when I realize that this is a positivity that’s unusual for me on this topic and I’m pretty certain Hangeng implanted it in my head.

When the silence takes too long – or maybe long enough – Hangeng continues, “Then let’s talk to your friends and tell them, okay? I think they deserve to know.”

I want to protest, I really do, but while I hold his gaze, I realize that anything I’d say as denial wouldn’t be taken as a valid argument. In the end, I look down to my almost entirely molten ice cream. “Alright.” A moment later, the full meaning of his words sinks in and I look up again. “You said ‘let’s’. So you’re coming with me?”

“If you want me to?”

I hurry to nod. “Yes! Since you’re the only one who knows about this… I’d like you to come along. I mean, I have to introduce you to everyone, don’t I?”

“I guess your best friend really would be disappointed if you didn’t introduce me to him as soon as possible.”

I nod in confirmation because I know Jungsu would indeed be pissed after all this secrecy. “When can we do it then?”

“How about this weekend?”

“This weekend already!?”

Hangeng laughs at my shock. “Alright, alright. Then next weekend?”

I nod, not really calmed down but feeling a little better. “That should also leave Hyukkie and Donghae enough time to join us.”

“Where are they coming from?”

“They live in Busan now. They moved there when Donghae finished studying,” I explain with a soft shrug and finally turn to my ice cream again.

“So next weekend. No excuses.”

I whine and glance at Hangeng unhappily, but I know just as well as he does that this conversation will be mandatory and that I should probably take care of it as soon as possible.

I’m one hundred percent certain that Hangeng is skipping classes when he’s taking the train north with me on Friday morning and the fact that he brought a lot of stuff to study doesn’t really help erase those thoughts. But to give him time to read through his papers, I also take out my sketchbook to look over some of my designs and start a few new ones. For the first time, I also include some male outfits, but somehow sitting across from my handsome boyfriend is giving me motivation.

I smile again at that thought. It still seems a little weird to me to be able to call him my boyfriend, but since I’m allowed to introduce him to the others, we obviously had to be clear of the exact terminology to use as well.

When we arrive in Seoul, we lock away our stuff for the time being because Kyuhyun insisted on seeing me around noon and that it couldn’t wait. After locking everything at central station, we make our way to the building of Kyuhyun’s company and I’m happy that I can hold Hangeng’s hand the entire time.

We reach the company building shortly before noon and I text Kyuhyun to check if he’s already there, but he tells me that he’ll probably be running late and that we should go ahead and go inside. I look up at the masses of fans by the front doors and down at my phone. Just walk in there. Yeah sure. Because that’s not suspicious at all…

I show Hangeng the text message. “I guess we should do that then, shouldn’t we?” I ask him when he read the text and he looks at me with an equally mistrusting glance, but then he shrugs.

“If your friend says that it’ll be fine that way, I guess we should do that.”

I nod in defeat and pass the fangirls, but of course we’ve barely had the chance to enter when someone comes to us right away.

“Excuse me, I don’t think I’ve seen you around so far,” the young man says and I assume he’s working as a security man here.

I nod dutifully. “That’s true, but…” Realizing how unbelievable it would sound, I shake my head. “Wait a moment, please.” I take my phone out and call Kyuhyun, trying not to let the security man’s scrutinizing eyes intimidate me.

After only two rings, Kyuhyun answers the phone. “Yes?”

“There’s a small piece in your plan that you haven’t thought of,” I inform him. “Will you talk to the security, please.”

“Damn it, right! You’re not an idol,” Kyuhyun replies and I can hear he totally forgot that.

“Sounds like I’ll have to spend more time with you to get you back down to earth,” I reply and shake my head lightly. “I’ll pass the phone on now,” I tell him and then hold the device out for the security employee. “This is the reason why I’m here. Cho Kyuhyun told me to come, he’s on the phone right now, so you can be assured that it really is him. Unless you don’t know his voice well enough, of course…” I have no idea how well the security here will know the many idols, trainees, and other employees who come and go each day in countless numbers.

The young man glances at me as if I just insulted him, then he takes the phone from my hand. “Yeoboseyo? … Yes, I see… Yes, they’re here. … I understand. Goodbye.” He ends the call and hands the phone back again. “You two are allowed to stay until he arrives, if he doesn’t recognize you, you two are out.”

Hangeng and I nod and bow towards him. “Thank you,” I reply and take my phone back, leaving it in my hand for now, though.

We wait in silence. Noon comes and goes, but there is absolutely no trace of Kyuhyun. I frown and glance at my phone again and again, but he also hasn’t texted me, making me a little worried. Nothing happened to him, right? Even if he and Jungsu should have broken up, I still don’t want anything to have happened to Kyuhyun.

It’s ten past twelve already when a black car finally pulls up outside the main entrance and the fans immediately cluster around the entrance. Another minute passes before the doors to the company building open and within just a second, Kyuhyun gets ahead of his bodyguard. He spots me immediately. “Heechul, come on! We’re late!”

“Not we, you!” I argue immediately but follow after him, still holding Hangeng’s hand and pulling him along like that. “And what are we late for?”

“I’ll show you when we get there.”

“You don’t greet me properly and now you won’t even tell me what I’m here for?”

Kyuhyun presses the call button for the elevators and finally comes to a stand and faces us. “I’m sorry. Hey, Heechul. I hope you’ve been doing fine?” He turns to Hangeng without giving me the chance to answer and bows his head towards my boyfriend. “Hi, I’m Cho Kyuhyun, a friend of Heechul.”

Hangeng next to me bows his head back. “My name is Hangeng. I’m Heechul’s boyfriend.”

Surprise is clearly written on Kyuhyun’s face, but in that moment, the elevator doors open. We get in, followed by his manager and his bodyguard, then he presses the button to the 5^th floor. By the time he faces us again, he’s smiling. “So this is what you want to tell us tomorrow?”

“In part, yes,” I reply and look away, still uncomfortable with having to tell them, but now that I’ve promised Hangeng that I’d tell them, he won’t let me back out anymore.

“Alright, now I’m getting curious,” Kyuhyun says and I can feel his eyes on me but I don’t look up to meet his gaze.

Eventually, the elevator arrives and after its doors open, we exit the small cabin and Kyuhyun leads us along a hallway and around two corners, then he knocks on a door before he enters without waiting for a response. I barely get the chance to glance at the sign next to the door but what I do see looks a lot like I’m about to enter photo shooting studios.

A moment later, my assumption is confirmed.

“Kyuhyun, what am I doing here?”

“You’re late,” another man comments from ahead of us and Kyuhyun bows dutifully so I do the same, holding on to Hangeng’s hand a little tighter.

“I’m sorry, Chonho-sshi,” the singer apologizes and then turns to point at me. “This is the one I told you about. His name is Kim Heechul and he’s 27 years old,” he does the proper introductions for me.

The other man looks me up and down. “You said he never worked in the idol scene before?” he asks further as if I wasn’t even present.

“Not as far as I know at least,” Kyuhyun replies and when he looks at me questioningly, I nod lightly to confirm his words.

“The looks are fine, I think we can work with this.”

“Kyuhyun, in all honestly, what on earth am I doing here?” I ask again and this time, Kyuhyun smiles at me.

“We may have found out that your job situation was a little critical and I can tell you that this would have been much easier if you had just told us in person.” I flinch at his criticism and look down again because his words remind me so much of my last argument with Jungsu. “And I just so happened to hear that there’s a model needed here and the vague description of the kind of guy they need reminded me of you. But I didn’t want to tell you before now because I didn’t want you to get the chance to not appear. You’re welcome. And now please excuse me, I still have another appointment that I’m terribly late for by now.”

I quickly look up again, panic-stricken for a moment. “You’re leaving me alone here?”

“Nope~ I’ll leave Hangeng here with you,” he replies and then leaves along with his manager and his bodyguard.

I don’t get a lot of time to stare after him in disbelief because in that moment Chonho speaks up again. “My name is Song Chonho, I’m a photographer here. We’re currently making a photoshoot for the winter fashion but our usual model got too sick, nevertheless, the photoshoot has to be done today, we’re already behind schedule anyway. So would you do this?”

“Sure?” I reply and Chonho nods, immediately calling out instructions into various directions and a moment later, I’m dragged away from Hangeng and they make me ready for the photoshoot.

I have absolutely no idea what’s happening the next couple of hours, but whenever Hangeng looks up from his phone, he looks quite amused, so I guess at least only one of us is not completely lost.

When I’m released from those rooms in the afternoon, I’m holding Hangeng’s hand again and feel totally drained. “I’m so sorry… I have absolutely no idea what just happened…”

Hangeng next to me laughs softly and pulls me into a hug, making both of us come to a stand. I hug him back immediately, my mood brightening right away because of the comfortable hug and the fact that he doesn’t seem to be upset with me.

“Maybe I should have told them I usually only make the clothes and don’t advertise them,” I mumble.

“Oh, you’re a designer?”

I jump and look around, startled for a moment, then I see one of the women who also helped during the photoshoot. Relaxing a little again, I step out of the hug and nod towards her. “Yes, becoming a designer has always been my dream, but so far I’ve only worked as a helper.”

“Can I see some of your designs? I think one of the designers here thinks about quitting.”

“Um… Sure?” I let go of Hangeng completely to take out my sketchbook and hand it to her. I hold my boyfriend’s hand as I wait for her evaluation, waiting for her to turn me down again, to tell me again that my designs aren’t worth it.

“Can I take some pictures? I think the head would like some of these.”

I’m about to talk the designs down and agree that they’re just small tries when the meaning of her words sink in. “What?” When she looks up at me first in confusion and then in amusement when she sees my expression, I quickly shake my head. “Sure, of course you can take pictures!”

She nods and does as she asked, then she hands me my notebook back while I try to fully catch up with what just happened. I type my name, phone number, and my email address into her phone for her and she promises to write the head of the design department, then I stare after her as she leaves.

“Hangeng?”

“Yes?”

“I’m dreaming, aren’t I? I must have fallen asleep at work or something. And then I dreamed of having a fight with my best friend. I mean, where else would I not talk to him in so long and where else would I meet you?”

Hangeng is quiet for a moment and when he answers, I can hear the smile in his voice. “What a shame, I kinda liked this reality.”

I look up at him and when I see the wonderful warm expression in his eyes, I can’t help but smile softly as well. “So I can pretend a little longer that this is reality?”

“Of course you can.”

“Great!” I tear my eyes away again to look around instead. “By the way, where’s Kyuhyun? Won’t he at least come back and check how I did?”

“I guess he just expects you to have done well?” I look at Hangeng again and raise an eyebrow and he laughs softly. “He got done a little before you, come on, I’ll show you the room he’s in right now.”

I nod and smile again as well, allowing Hangeng to lead me down the hallway. “I wonder if they will really call me later… What if the pictures aren’t what they hoped they would be..?”

“Everyone seemed to be satisfied while taking the pictures and I heard one of the women say that you did well, especially for someone who just did that for the first time.”

“Really?” I glance up at him to see him nod and my mood is brightened even more. “I really can’t believe what’s happening today.” We come to a stand and Hangeng nods to the door, so I open it. “Kyuhyun, I have to th-“

In front of me, Kyuhyun pushes Jungsu away, but he’s just a heartbeat too late. Jungsu quickly turns around to face me and we just stare at each other in total shock.

“God damn it, how can you two be so careless!?” is the first thing I can say and both of them jump, then I look down. Mixed feelings are running through me, but one is the most prominent: relief. “I thought you two had broken up,” I add quietly and look up again after a couple of seconds. “Do you guys have any idea how worried I was!?”

“Maybe I would have had an idea if you had talked to me,” Jungsu replies and he sounds both relieved and tense.

I look away and after a moment also turn away, feeling his words affect me a lot more than I want to admit towards him. “You’ll get your way tomorrow, okay? So be happy. Come on, Hannie, let’s go.”

“Heechul, wait,” Jungsu calls out, but this time, it’s me who doesn’t listen. I try to pull Hangeng to leave with me, wanting to get away for now, but he lets go of my hand instead. Tomorrow will be bad enough, I don’t want to already face this today!

But Jungsu is faster and a moment later, I feel his arms wrap around me tightly and I feel his head on my shoulder. “I’m sorry, Heechul. I hadn’t meant to make you worry that much. I just hoped… I just hoped that you would finally talk to me.”

“So all of it was fake? When you came to me and told me that you two wanted to break up, it was all fake?” I ask further, needing to know that things between them are alright, needing to know that they won’t just ruin the chance life gave them. I can still be upset with Jungsu afterwards and, truth be told, he is right with his criticism…

“Yes. I did say the truth when I said that things are stressful because both of us are busy, but we made up the rest of the plan together. I had hoped that if I couldn’t make you talk to me any other way, then maybe using a break up as an argument would maybe finally change something about your secrecy since relationships have always seemed to be something important to you.”

I nod lightly and close my eyes. A moment later, I turn around to be able to hug Jungsu back. “So when I tell you tomorrow, we’ll be fine again? You won’t be upset with me, you won’t turn away from me?”

“Of course not, Heechul. I’d never turn away from you completely. You’ve been my best friend for nearly twenty years now, there’s absolutely no way I’d let you leave my side now.”

“Okay,” I mumble and hold him just a little closer. I’ve needed this so much, needed to feel his familiar hug, needed to hear this… I feel like I can breathe freely again for the first time in a little over two months. “You do realize you missed out on my birthday, don’t you? I’ll make you pay for that.”

“I’ll treat you at Ryeowook’s Café tomorrow?”

“Is that the making up for being late part?”

“Yes?”

“Then also treat Hannie.”

Jungsu laughs and I smile, feeling his body move against mine like that. “I haven’t even had a proper introduction, I won’t just treat anyone if he’s not introduced to me properly.”

“Not even because it’s me?”

“Nope.”

“Alright. Then you’ll get a proper introduction in just a minute.”

“Okay, I can wait that long.”

I hold my best friend a little longer until I know I’ll have to let go, then I allow him to turn back towards Kyuhyun and Hangeng as well. “Jungsu, this is my boyfriend Hangeng. Hannie, this is my best friend Jungsu.”

Hangeng bows lightly towards Jungsu. “It’s nice to meet you in person.”

“It’s good to meet you, too.” Jungsu bows back lightly and I can see in his expression how happy it makes him to have this introduction because this is the first time that I have a boyfriend that I can introduce to him. A soft blush appears on my cheeks when I realize again that Hangeng is indeed my first because in the beginning, I was waiting for him and then I still felt like I would cheat on him even though he hadn’t been around any longer.

“So that means you’ll treat him now, doesn’t it?” I ask my best friend with a mischievous grin.

Jungsu gives in without a fight. “Yes, I guess I'll treat both of you tomorrow.”

“Thank you.” I smile brightly at my best friend and then turn to Kyuhyun. “And thank you, too.”

“You’re welcome. But please, just tell us next time if something’s off, then it’ll be much easier to help you. And you’ll get to see Jungsu more often if you two just avoid any further fights.”

I look away again because that is something I can’t promise and know that I will stick to it. “I’ll try,” I assure him instead, still not wanting to burden my friends with my problems.

“Please keep in mind that I haven’t been in here in a little over a month and when I left, I had no idea that I would return with someone.”

“I’m sure it’ll look fine.”

I think about the laundry I hung up before I left, the fact that I hadn’t really made my bed, at least I did remember to do the dishes and clear out the fridge and the…

“We need to go grocery shopping!” How could I have forgotten that I have nearly nothing edible left in my apartment?

Hangeng laughs softly in response. “Do you want me to cook tonight?”

“I don’t want to burden you with that.”

“You know cooking is never a burden to me.”

I look into his eyes, still reluctant to let him cook when I am actually the host, but I know that he’s a much better cook than I am. When the elevator doors open with a soft ‘pling’, I sigh and leave the small cabin. “Alright, you can cook. But I will definitely pay for the groceries!” I warn him and make my way to my apartment.

“I won’t argue with that.”

“Thanks.”

“Heechul? You know there’s no need to be nervous about showing me your room, don’t you?”

“Of course there is! I’m taking my boyfriend to my place and he’ll even sleep there and I haven’t had the chance to clean my apartment even a tiny bit! How could I not be nervous about that?”

“You’re way too afraid of people’s judgement.”

“I’m not,” I deny right away.

“Yes, you are. Why else didn’t you tell your friends about the golden threads even before now.”

I arrive in front of my door and take a moment to meet Hangeng’s eyes. “Because I hate to be alone,” I reply with honesty and then turn to the door to unlock it. I let Hangeng enter first and I’m glad that I left the air-conditioning on before I left so it won’t be unbearable in my apartment, then I enter after him.

When I still don’t get a reply by the time that I also enter and close the door behind us, I look up, trying to meet his eyes, but this time it’s him who looks away. Apparently feeling my eyes on him, though, Hangeng speaks up again. “I understand why you’re afraid of that. When I woke up and found out that I was… alone, it was a real blow. I couldn’t really understand that no one else had survived the accident, that my parents were really…” He shakes his head after a moment and I can tell in how much pain he still is because of his loss and in a way I can understand him. My heart goes out to Hangeng with sorrow and hope and relief that he has been found, that he was able to get away somehow, that at least one person survived. That he survived. And that he found such a loving home now. “Being alone is really painful. But holding back such big secrets is also painful, so don’t do that anymore, okay?” Finally, Hangeng looks up again and our gazes meet. I nod and, still seeing that pain inside his eyes, I step closer and hug him tightly, wanting to somehow make him feel better, less pained… If only there was something I could do to help him erase that pain… But what can possibly be done to make the loss of your parents hurt less?

Hangeng hugs me back and we stand like that for a long time until he pulls away. “What do you suggest we do first?”

I grimace. “I think I should quickly finish up my laundry so I won’t have to be embarrassed about that anymore, then I’ll check if I’m still the only inhabitant of this apartment or if I got any unwanted roommates during my absence and after that I suggest we go get groceries.”

“And what do I do in the meantime?”

I shrug lightly, unsure what I’d be comfortable with letting him do. “Think about what we’ll have for dinner?”

“Wow, that’s a lot of responsibility.” The look he flashes me is one of amusement and irony, so I grin back at him and shrug lightly.

“In these four walls, I am the one in charge,” I reply and finally take off my shoes. Hangeng follows my example and then I lead the way into the living room where we leave our bags. Hangeng simply follows me as I do my laundry afterwards and I’m a little embarrassed that he sees all of my clothes, but I try to ignore that feeling by reasoning that we’re both men anyway. Afterwards, he helps me with the hunt after possible insects and we indeed do find a few but not as many as I had been afraid we might.

Once we’re done with all that, we go grocery shopping together and I’m really curious about all the things Hangeng packs, but he won’t tell me what he has in mind for our dinner and since I don’t know the Chinese cuisine well enough to guess what he might make. I give up at some point and simply decide to allow him to surprise me.

He cooks while I make my bed and prepare his and then I clean a tiny bit more before I join him in the kitchen, realizing just how hungry I am when the delicious smell of Hangeng’s cooking hits my nose.

“It smells so good!” I say when I enter the kitchen and go up to him, hugging him from behind. He turns his head a little and laughs softly.

“I’m glad you think so. Did you know that people say that whatever smells good will also taste good?”

“That means that our dinner will taste like a piece of Heaven.”

Hangeng laughs again and stirs the food a little, then he turns around and hugs me back. I lean my head against his shoulder and smile happily at the comfortable hug, grateful that he still doesn’t seem to mind my clinginess. Fate made a good choice when it paired us up!

“How much longer is it gonna take until dinner is ready?”

“It’s almost done.”

“Great.” I continue to smile to myself, still trying to grasp my luck that I’ve been allowed to have someone this wonderful by my side and suddenly it doesn’t seem so bad anymore that I’ve had to wait for so long until we met because I know that I appreciate him now more than I probably ever could have before.

I suddenly wonder what he thinks about and if he shares my opinion even the tiniest bit, but before I can ask, Hangeng speaks up again, “I think dinner is ready now.”

I nod and let go of him reluctantly, then I get everything we’ll need for dinner.

We spend the rest of the evening in a very relaxed manner – we watch a movie and talk until we’re both tired, then we get ready and go to bed. I prepared our futons to be next to each other but with just enough space in between to be appropriate, all of that out of habit since Jungsu’s usually the only one to ever sleep over at my place.

When Hangeng enters and sees me sitting on my bed, looking back and forth between our futons cluelessly, he laughs. “What are you thinking about?” he asks and puts his used clothes on his bag, then he goes to sit on the bed I prepared for him.

“I don’t know… You see, since I’ve never been in a relationship before you, I guess there’s a lot I kinda missed out on… And now the only person I’ve had sleepovers with lately was Jungsu…”

“Great match then – I’ve had exactly one relationship but broke up with her when I got too busy focusing on my dream instead and she demanded too much time from me. And then the accident happened.”

I look at him and this time I can’t help but laugh. “You’re right, we’re a great match!”

“Sounds like we’ll get to explore a lot in the future.”

I grin up at him. “I’m totally up for that!”

Hangeng grins back at me. “I expected this answer.” I laugh in response and lean back, a little more relaxed, so he continues, “And there’s something else I found out this past month: we should push the two futons together because you like skinship way too much to truly sleep without touching me. Am I right?”

I blush at his words. “It’s true, I probably would’ve at least asked to hold your hand.” Hangeng laughs again when he’s proven right and I smile back at him, loving the sound of pure happiness. I do as he said and pull the second futon until it lines up with mine and then pat it. “Come here, now it’s good.”

When Hangeng sits down next to me, I get more comfortable as well and pull the light blanket I always keep at my bed in summer closer to lie within reach since I’m kind of certain that I’ll feel cold enough tonight that I’ll want to use the blanket. Once Hangeng lies down, I turn off my bedside light and can’t help but smile again when my eyes land on my softly glimmering thread that’s still far from the radiance Yunho and Jaejoong’s thread has developed into but it’s there and sparkling and I couldn’t be happier about it.

I lie down as well and hesitantly move closer to Hangeng until he wraps an arm around me and pulls me even a little closer until we only lie on the guest futon. I wrap my arm around him as well and then look up at him, a little shy but at the same time happy, and he meets my gaze with a warm expression in his eyes. “Good night, Heechul.”

“Good night.” I lean up and place a brief peck on his cheek, then I quickly lean back and hide my face on his chest. A moment later, I feel his lips press a small kiss on my hair and my lips form a bright smile as my heart beats faster than before.

I love you, Hangeng, I love you, I confess in my head and smile even more.

By the next afternoon, I can’t even count anymore how many times I’ve apologized within only about 26 hours, but thanks to some heaven-sent miracle, Hangeng still wants to stay by my side and he even tells me that he can understand – I haven’t been here for quite a while, after all.

Nervousness won’t leave me alone no matter what I do and even though Hangeng assures me that everything’s fine and will be fine, I can’t help but worry. Will it be fine? What if they will turn away from me? Plus, we’ll meet at Ryeowook’s Café. I probably should’ve suggested a less public place than that… People will probably pay attention to us because not only Kyuhyun and Jungsu but also Saeun will be there. And those people might remember my story. What if things do work out at Kyuhyun’s company? People will know that I see those threads… Won’t they think I’m crazy?

I’m probably as shocked as I am excited when the company calls and tells me that the pictures will indeed be taken for the next issue of their magazine and that they’d like to work more with me in the future. A moment later, I’m also crushed when I realize what else that means – Hangeng is studying in the south, I will be needed here in the north. We found each other, but we won’t be able to see each other often.

Nevertheless, that lingering nervousness won’t even fade, it’s just always there, the fear to be rejected by those who mean the most to me, the fear to end up alone.

We’re half an hour late by the time Hangeng finally manages to convince me not to turn around and to also enter the café. I glance around briefly to see the others already waiting at the table where we usually sit when it’s this many of us, then I look down again as Hangeng pulls me to stand in the small line of fans that has formed and leads up to the counter where we can order. Jungsu joins us, but he doesn’t force me to speak just yet and I’m really grateful for that.

When we get to the counter, Ryeowook smiles at us brightly – I think he was the recipient of my good mood when I got up this morning. “Hello there, I haven’t seen you in a while~” he greets me cheerfully.

I shrug lightly. “Things were… difficult.”

“Would you like the usual?”

“I’m not sure I’d be able to cherish your apple cake enough today,” I admit and even though I look aside again, I can feel Ryeowook’s intent gaze on me.

“Nerves?” he asks in the end and I simply nod. “Is it because of something about to happen here?” I nod again. “Then you’ll get some whipped cream on top, you can thank me later for that!”

“Ryeowook-sshi!” I look up again but he just winks at me while he already goes ahead to prepare my usual order, then he turns to Hangeng while the coffee is running through the machine. “What would you like, sir?”

“I don’t know. Heechul, why don’t you order for me?”

I stare back at him blankly for a couple of seconds when I realize that he just turned the tables from our first date, then I look at Ryeowook and then at the cakes. “I don’t know… They’re all so good…” I bite my bottom lip, successfully distracted from my nervousness for a moment.

“Should I just get you another slice of apple cake?” Ryeowook offers, but I shake my head.

“No, he’ll get some of mine.”

“Woah, I’ve never noticed you share your cake!”

“I’ve also never had anyone with whom I’d like to share it,” I reply and continue to busy myself with selecting a cake, giving Ryeowook a moment to fully grasp the situation.

“Then please allow me to treat you. See it as sweet bribery to make you come back more often.”

Jungsu next to me laughs. “I’ve already offered the same thing because I’ve kind of missed his birthday because of an argument.”

“Alright, then I’ll find some other time when I can treat you, cupid.”

I jump at that nickname. “What did you just call me?”

Ryeowook shrugs. “Yesung-hyung and I call you cupid because we don’t know your real name.”

“It’s Kim Heechul. You can just call me that,” I reply in embarrassment and he laughs in response.

“Alright, then I’ll see what we can do to change our habit! Have you decided now? I’m afraid my colleague will kill me if you take any longer to decide.”

“I don’t know… Maybe the caramel-chocolate one?”

“You know that if you had just let me pick from the very beginning, this exact order would already be done, don’t you?”

I smile softly at the young man in front of me who’s gotten to know me so well over the years, then I turn to Hangeng. “What would you like to drink?”

“Also some coffee, please.”

Ryeowook nods and prepares the order. Jungsu pays for both of us and once the second coffee is also done, we make our way over to the table. All the other cups and plates are already empty, showing again just how much I’ve been able to procrastinate coming here.

“Yah, it’s not nice of the host to show up last!” Kyuhyun complains when I sit down on my usual spot next to Jungsu, but this time Hangeng sits down between Hyukjae and me.

Ignoring Kyuhyun’s teasing, I start introductions instead. “Guys, this is Hangeng. He’s my boyfriend.”

I see surprise and delight on everyone’s faces aside from Jungsu’s and Kyuhyun’s because they just smile warmly in response. And then there’s Hyukjae…

“I knew it! I’ve known it all along! I’ve known you’d show up with a guy sooner or later!”

“Yah! Be a little polite here, will you?” I complain right away.

“How many times have I told you? And you never told me what your ideal type is!”

“Fine, I’ll tell you today.”

“Isn’t it a bit late to tell us now that you’ve already brought your boyfriend?” Donghae points out and the others around the table seem to more or less share his opinion.

“Just listen and you’ll understand,” I reply. I look at everyone once more, hoping that their innocent curiosity won’t change into a bad expression by the end of what I have to tell them, then I take a deep breath and finally speak. I start by explaining the golden threads and already see the first sparks of understanding in their eyes even before I move on to explain the entire story connected to Hangeng to them from the day when I first met Hangeng, to my changed behavior, to the shock of seeing my thread come back to life, until I arrive in the present.

When I’m done, it’s quiet for a moment and I can see in their expressions that they’re still trying to figure out how all of the puzzle pieces work together, still trying to form a proper picture out of all the things they’ve just heard.

“So that is also why you’ve never been interested in anyone else. Because you knew there was that one person for you…” Hyukjae thinks aloud eventually. “But what about afterwards?”

I shrug lightly. “I don’t know… It just never seemed right to me to go out with anyone else. And let’s be honest, how would it have helped me – there is a very high chance that this person would have belonged to someone else anyway.”

“True again…”

“And that’s why you’ve always been staring at wrists… because you could see other people’s threads.” I nod in response to Jaejoong’s statement and Kyuhyun continues quietly.

“Is that also the reason why you didn’t tell me to stay away when we first met? Is that why you only lectured me on behaving nicer?”

“Yes.”

“Wait, you lectured an idol at the first meeting?” Yunho repeats and when I just shrug in response, he shakes his head. “You really are one of a kind.”

“That’s really good. Imagine there’d be two people as fantastic as me,” I reply with the hint of a smile.

“Oh god, please no! I couldn’t handle two of you!” Kyuhyun says and fakes stabbing himself with a dagger.

“Yah! What did I tell you about respecting people older than you?”

“Hyung, let’s be honest, you should have known this would backfire at you,” Jaejoong reasons and I have to admit that he’s right.

“And that’s why you’re more likely to fight for a love relationship than for anything else,” Jungsu observes quietly and I turn to face him. “You have been through so much and now you want to save us from going through something like that, too. And all this time you never said anything.” I nod silently to show him that he’s right. Our eyes meet and we just look at each other, then he pulls me into a tight hug. “I’m glad you finally found the courage to talk to us about all of this. Next time there’s something important going on, don’t wait so long before you tell us or just me, okay? I am your best friend, I want to know about everything that goes on in your life, especially something as important as this, okay?”

“Okay. I’ll do my best to be more open in the future.”

“I’m sorry to interrupt your sweet moment,” Donghae chimes in, but when Jungsu doesn’t release me from the hug, I simply turn my head to look at him. “You’ve really been able to see these threads all your life?”

“Yes.”

“Did you also understand right away what they mean?”

This time, I shake my head. “I think I understood it for the first time when my parents got divorced and I realized that this other woman and my dad are tied together.”

“What about your mother?” Saeun asks curiously, but I shake my head once again.

“Her thread has been torn since before I can remember.”

“Oh,” Saeun makes and from the expressions around the table I can see that no one really knows what to make of that information.

“I think she’s nevertheless as happy as she could be. But I honestly don’t know anything about the person she has been connected to, I don’t even know if they’ve ever met.”

“That sounds so sad,” Hyukjae replies.

“Remember, Hangeng and I almost wouldn’t have met for real.”

“Do you think that makes anything better?”

I laugh softly. “It does to me. Because we have met and that’s what counts in the end.”

Once Jungsu lets go of me again, the others start asking more about the golden threads, about whom they’re tied to, and I can see their smiles brighten even more when I tell them that they all belong together the way they are at the moment. As the tension leaves my body, I start to eat my piece of cake, suddenly just as thankful towards Ryeowook as the boy predicted I’d be, and when I’m about halfway through, I push my plate to Hangeng and receive his plate in return, earning even more curious questions from the others because they also know how much I love this apple cake.

We get to my place in the evening and apparently I’ll just have to get used to being nervous all the time, at least that’s what it feels like now, nevertheless I feel much better after this talk and seeing how happy Jungsu was that I told him and how excited all of them were to understand what this world looks like for me. They were almost child-like with their many questions, but it made me really happy.

Now there’s just one more thing I want to do tonight.

I brought Hangeng back to Seoul, but so far I refused to tell him where exactly we’re going while I lead him the path that I’ve taken a lot whenever we came to Seoul to visit my grandparents. Before my 16^th birthday, I can’t remember a single visit to Seoul that I haven’t gone there. After that fateful day when I was 16, I only came here once.

“We’re going to Namsan Tower?” Hangeng asks once it’s obvious that there’s pretty much no other option left. He’s been trying to figure out where we’re going ever since I told him there’s one more thing I’d like to do tonight, but so far I’ve been able to keep it a secret.

“Yes,” I agree this time, though.

“But this is a very normal sight here in Seoul,” he argues and I can tell that he doesn’t understand why I’m making a big fuzz about it, yet I simply smile at him promisingly.

“Not to me. I’ll explain it to you once we’re up there,” I promise and continue to lead the way to the building where we can get our tickets. The path is still familiar to me even though I haven’t been here in a long time. As expected on a Saturday night, there are many people around us with the same destination, but it makes me even happier than before to know that still so many people visit this wonderful tower.

We have to stand in line for a while and I use the time to explain a few historical things about this tower to Hangeng, feeling a bit like a tour guide, but I also realize that I still know most of the things I’ve read about when I came here and studied the many posters that have been hung up. Finally, we can get the tickets and then we take the gondola to go up to the tower because I’m not exactly in the mood to take all those stairs. It’s night anyway and Hangeng will still be able to see the lights from the top. He – or we – can still take the stairs some other time.

I’m a little nervous because of what I want to show Hangeng, but by far not as much as I was earlier this afternoon. This will be more of an addition to information he already knows than something really new.

I use the time we’re riding up in the gondola to enjoy Hangeng’s excitement about the view instead of focusing on my nervousness, realizing already that taking him up here has definitely been the right decision. I make sure to memorize this moment well because I know this memory will be able to brighten up my days when we’ll be separated again.

We have to walk the final bit, but it’s not all that bad because I can keep on watching Hangeng’s expression and I can hold his hand the entire time. I only glance around occasionally just to see that indeed not much has changed since I was 16, but Hangeng who has apparently never seen this before is a lot more curious and takes his time trying to take in everything at once.

I don’t know if the walk up has ever been this short, but we seem to arrive at the tower quickly. We talk about the things Hangeng’s seen on his way up and I can tell him a little more about some of them, information I have once again learned during my frequent visits.

“How do you know so much about this tower? Have you worked as a tour guide at some point?” Hangeng asks when we’ve reached the platform and I’m slowly running out of information I can recall.

His comment makes me laugh. “No, I actually haven’t been here since I was 16.”

“Are you for real?”

I nod. “Yes, I am. I… Wait, I’ll explain this outside. Come on!” I pull him outside and a fresh wind blows through the loosely knitted shirt I put on and plays with my hair that I put up again because of the expected wind up here, but the air feels nice and not too cold. I barely glance at the beautiful view you have over Seoul from up here. There is something else that’s a lot more interesting to me, yet I give Hangeng time to take in the sight of the sparkling city beneath us.

I lead the way to the front until I lean against the railing that is full of locks. Hangeng comes to a stand behind me and wraps his arms around me, making me smile and I place my hands on his arms.

“This is incredibly beautiful,” Hangeng says quietly after a couple of minutes and I smile.

“Yes, it is. I think this is one of Seoul’s most beautiful sides.”

“Will you also show me its other beautiful sides?”

“Sure, I’ll show you someday.”

“Great.”

I give Hangeng some more time to enjoy the view while my own gaze goes down to the railing and I look at all the locks, the same thoughts I’ve also had back then running through my mind and I eventually decide to speak up, “You know, the view was the reason why I first came here, but whenever I’ve been to Seoul ever since and I was able to come here, the view wasn’t my reason to climb the tower. I would just come and look at the locks and wonder how many of the people who wrote their names and initials on them are really connected by a golden thread and how many of these loves broke apart again.”

“Sounds like you did a lot of thinking as a teenager.”

I can’t help but laugh softly. “I guess I did,” I reply and take one hand away from Hangeng’s arm to gently caress over the locks. “But somehow these locks have always been more meaningful to me than the view…”

Hangeng is quiet for a moment before he speaks up again. “Should we also get one?”

I look up at him in surprise and then I can’t help but laugh because it suddenly makes me feel like a teenager who has fallen heels over head for some random person. “But let’s get a personalized lock,” I reply, turn around in his arms, and loosely wrap mine around his middle while I look up into his eyes and I realize again that I could drown in those warm, brown orbits. He’s just so handsome…

Hangeng raises one hand to gently rest against my cheek and I lean into the touch. “You’re so beautiful, Heechul.”

My smile deepens a little. “I just thought the same thing about you,” I admit. I watch as Hangeng’s eyes dip down a little to linger on my lips for a moment before they meet my gaze again. I can feel my heart beat faster once again, but I meet his eyes filled with curiosity and certainty. When I notice a movement, I notice Hangeng over his lips and my heart skips a beat at the somehow incredibly seductive motion. I hurry to glance back into his eyes but I can tell by the slightly amused sparkle in them that he knows what his action caused inside me. Our eyes stay locked as he leans closer and I lean up a bit, too, then we both halt in a heartbeat of hesitancy, close enough for our breaths to mingle, then Hangeng closes the short gap.

The moment our lips meet, my eyes flutter close. Hangeng’s lips feel incredibly soft on mine. Every move he makes is gentle and delicate and it feels so nice… I feel entirely warm and a deep, satisfied happiness runs through my body and makes me feel complete. I feel alive and I know this is one of the best moments of my life so far.

Now is my forever. Now my ‘until death do us part’ begins.

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Hey guys,

Merry, merry Christmas to you all and to those who don't celebrate Christmas: I hope you had a great weekend, too, and that you were able to spend it with someone you love!

I had planned to have this chapter out by yesterday, but I wasn't able to to finish it in time >.<

I hope you all liked this chapter and enjoyed reading this story in general. This is the last chapter I will write for this story. But for those of you who liked Yunho and Jaejoong: there's a oneshot planned to tell their story and how they met, I will keep you updated here so you'll know when I'm done writing the OS :)

As always, please leave a comment because your comments always make me realy happy! And if you don't know what to write, why don't you tell me what you liked the most about this story, maybe your favorite scene or maybe a couple that I added and that made you happy. Please don't be too shy to leave a comment, I won't judge you for whatever you may write. I'll just be realy happy! <3

I wish you all a nice week and I hope you'll all make it into 2018 safely and that the next year will be a great one for you! :*