I couldn’t let any of our moment earlier go, every second was heaven and if those were heaven, I’m already begging to die. Her every breath brought my deepest hopes.

 

I never imagined her seeing so beautifully comfortable around me after all these years, carelessly laughing with the staffs and dancers as my makeup artist pulled my chin up, making my ajar lips to zip up. "A fly might enter your mouth." She teased as crimson dusted my already blushing face. "She's still really pretty, isn't she? What you did back the stage was really not fanservice right? Why not win her back again. You seem like you haven't moved on." She continued doing my retouch before the encore.

 

I was still, silenced with what I've heard. After the retouch, I swiftly moved and followed her to her dressing area where we're finally alone. She's already packing her things, while I was busy packing my guts. Courage never gave me this kind of empowerment as my tongue declared, held into my hands the two unique customized hoodies , "Let's wear this together Dara. You'll be in my encore."

 

Her blank stare shifted to my gaze, I gulped at the sudden pout she made and followed by several blinks. Her eyes went down to her outfit then to her shoes, she’s indeed ready to head back to her hotel with her orange tote bag on her grasp.

 

Pair of seconds were needed to make her think twice and those were the moment I didn’t even dare to breath and just focused on her reaction.

 

“Is this kinda... Uh couple jacket?” She pointed.

 

My lips stayed firm. “Nope.” Then I gain a splitting eyes from her, suspicious and discriminating look. Okay, I was defeated. “I mean, yes. But...”

 

“Yah! Your fans are chanting for you to come back! Do you even have plans to make the encore or you're planning to stay here?” My manager, Tae Hee was fuming mad as if I killed a person. This guy really. After this tour I’ll have him checked his mental state since it’s mental health awareness today.

 

He slammed the door as I rolled my eyes in exasperation for his awful temper and for his wrong timing. While having a little seethe going on in my head I haven’t realized she already got the hoodie as she turned her back, ping her jacket and eventually hanging it against the empty sit.

 

“What? You gonna watch me change or something?” She snapped her fingers as I startled a little.

 

“Oh, sorry.” I felt blood not just rushing but boiling onto my face! I was blood red shot hot as I bowed down and left her but this time, I got the biggest grin in the arena.

 

*

 

“You ready?” My angel lifted her face, it was dim but I still got overwhelmed by her exquisiteness. Her cheeks were full of air as she waited for my response.

 

“You go first Dara.” I raised both my brows and curved my lips.

 

“Wae?”

 

The intro of “Crooked” was heard as I shooed her with my hands. “Go! I'll follow!”

 

I galloped back to the room as I descried for that red velvet box. Tae Hee, who was standing at my back thunderously shrieked right next to my ear and I’ll really be ing go to hell because there’s just a thin thread left before I kill this man. “Yah Jiyong! What are you still looking out there you mischievous kid your encore is starting!”

 

Didn’t even gave this guy a look and ignored him totally, flew back to my stage and showed the world how ing cute were we, two small bean rolling around the stage.

 

I forgot who I was.

 

I did nothing but played all throughout the set. As if we were the only ones existing in this world. I can see in her how she still adores me, not because I'm special to her but because I was one of the people she confessed that she thought was a great artist. Definitely, she's my number 1 fan. The president of VIPs. And knowing that made me just as contented as I needed to keep my sanity.

 

She was a dream I once knew.

 

The ephemeral moment and her jiffy beam were making me wonder if things would have changed if she stayed. Should I try this again with hope?

 

Her happiness was my happiness, knowing how she missed performing and being onstage again. Her eyes were reflecting the fleeting lights of the yellow crowns. My heart was dying for this very moment. It was the drought that I had to endure without her in my life and now that she’s smiling back at me was the reason I live for today.

 

Her smile was a constant reminder of how my world originally was, and everyone knew this, except her. Even though it makes me foolish that I was still enticed to a simple smile or hers, Dara was seriously embedded somewhere deep in my subconscious mind.

 

And I was glad she's here standing next to me, she's been the most gracious of seraphs I've seen, God I still love her, these words I thought I won’t ever speak again.
 

I kneeled as I touched my pocket, feeling the small box. It was safely hiding the ring I bought for her four years ago before the dispatch issue happened, before our relationship totally wrecked.

 

Am I crazy if I propose to someone who wasn’t even my girlfriend in the first place? Am I out if my mind that even a ‘no’ from her will still mean I’ll stay regardless and be forever hers?

 

“Ahjumma, can you please stay here onstage until my last set.” I beseeched. Trying to look cute but miserably failed when she raised one of her brows already smelling something. This girl definitely knew if I'm hiding something fishy.

 

“Wae? You planning on something?” She was skeptical.

 

This is the moment: “Not really, I just want this to be memorable here in Philippines since like... almost everyone here is you know... shipping the both of us. Please be my-“

 

-universe again.

 

I jolted with the confetti suddenly pouring above me by one if the dancers as she playfully threw some against mine too.

 

“Aish. Stop...” I was grinning but I was actually imagined peeling his skin at the back of my head. My anger was replaced by confusion as I heard her say some strange Tagalog words together with the crowd laughing as if they were tickled or something.

 

Suddenly, I'm out casted.

 

When I needed her, she left. I could’ve prevented that by dragging her back to where I was, but didn't. Remembering I wasn’t even there when she’s the one in need of me.

 

I got so weak, left alone in the middle, thousand lights were so bright that casted shadows against my eyes, blinding me. All the handwork I poured to come this far, I still felt empty, sick and tired of the flashes, the needless fame but I was still good for nothing, still lost. I didn’t know. This loneliness of being alone hit me like a bus as I silently cried through my “Untitled” song dedicated for her.

 

*

 

"How to end this?" I struggled, rummaging the whole screen. I should know better since I already did an IG live before. Small hearts still flying around the corner bottom of the phone. She pouted, pointing her slender finger.

 

"Just press here." Then just like that, live IG video ended, the show ended. My fantasy ended.

 

Awkward.

 

Silence.

 

"I want you back." I mumbled, lips quivering. I didn't know what my demons have done. I took a simple glimpse at her confused face, hoping that my once muse remembered my sorry eyes, wished she still see the sadness through my mask.
 

"What?" She pleaded, her eyes pleaded if she heard me right.

 

Everything sunk in. I took a profound groan and closed my eyes, all our past flashed back just like it was yesterday. I held back the ocean forming in my eyes and whispered. "Nothing."

 

The quietness and her focusing on the road gave me chance to stare at her eternally. The short ride seemed extremely long that I already studied every inches of this goddess beside me. She's still stunning and I'm always taken aback with her beauty even if she's much older than me. Illumination from the cars passing us made it possible to make her face astonishingly lavish of magnificence. She curled her nose, maybe it was a little itchy, she then the bottom of her soft pink lip making me somehow form an arc at the corner of mine.

 

After having dinner together, I volunteered to sent her back to her hotel. Well actually, it was a different hotel and it was where the Choi stays. She mentioned that Seunghyun's sister is already asleep as well as his nephew so she's going to head directly to her room.

 

My bubbles burst when a phone ring came as I heard a name that made me spin my eyes. "Oh Ji-hoonie~" she greeted him with full of joy as if the sun was solstice high and the darkness of the night was nowhere in sight. Never seen her this amused over a simple phone call.

 

What?! What was that even? Ji-hoonie my face!

 

"Yes I'm still with him. But he'll go back to his hotel after dropping me off." She lifted the side of her lips as she looked at me, eyes still delighted with the person whispering on the other side.

 

I gritted my teeth as I heard my knuckles cracking up without even realizing it.

 

"Yeah, I know. Don't worry. Good night. See you. Bye." she hanged. Ha!

 

I couldn't help myself as I clutched my aching heart, then hang on to her hand where she's holding her phone. "You said see you? You're gonna see him again? I thought your show with him is already done?"

 

"What the?" she pushed my hand.

 

"Are you two dating?" I croaked.

 

"Nope. We are..." She closed her eyes, heaved deep through her lungs before proceeding. "Aish, we're just close friends. I mean... My God, why am I even explaining this to you Jiyong?"

 

Her head reasonably shook as she chose to shut close. Me on the other side scooted away, clenched jaw, hands were balled with anxiety suffocating myself.

 

"We're here Ms. Dara," the driver said discomfited.

 

Without any words spilling from her, she stepped out and got her small luggage bag at the compartment. "!" I kicked the driver's seat as I trailed her and snatched the bag and several gifts from her fans off her hand.

 

"I'll send you to your hotel unit." I blatantly articulated.

 

"Oh, no need." Her lonesome smile made me more guilty. "You're tired. You need sleep. I can manage this," she reasoned out.

 

I didn't listen and headed to the driver's half opened tinted window and burbled words that I didn't know if he got my command.  "I'll be fast, just park it wherever. I'll call you."

 

"Let's go Dara."

 

The doorman opened the door for us then we headed to the elevator. It was a spacious lift as she maximized the opportunity and leaned at the corner, as far as she could from me.

 

As if that distance will make any difference, though it hurt so much. All I could hear was my heart keep on playing tricks on me, I felt uncomfortable pressure, squeezing, fullness of pain in the center of my chest. As if all my stars were slowly dying and chose not to shine for me anymore.

 

She held the card key as she leisurely faced me, face already tired and sleepy, "So..."

 

"So... what?" I plainly asked, "Open the door, Dara."

 

"Jiyong, you can go back n-" before she could even finish her verdict, I seized the card and pressed against the sensor as the beep opened the door eventually. I freed the things I held in my hands and stretched my arms while roaming around her new hotel room. I noticed the amount of fan gifts, cake and welcome food that the hotel prepared at the small coffee table.

 

Funny how she can devoured all these and still be stick thin.

 

She only chased me with her eyes as I stopped my track when I learned she's already scowling in annoyance. She ran her palm against her face as she cocked her head, waiting for me to get out.

 

"I'll be leaving, don't worry. I'll just..." I fondly strode towards her as she immediately froze, not the reaction I was intending. I reached for her hand as I placed it against my chest, wishing she'll feel my unspoken words, my shortness of breath and cold sweat.

 

Please remember me tonight.

 

*

 

 

A/N: This ain't gonna be 3 chapt it will be 4 parts. lol I was carried away. heol.