"I don't know why I even requested on bringing her to my show. I mean... I don't want to cause trouble anymore. She seems happy now. And my jealous fans might not like it either." I ruffled my hair in annoyance, realizing my impulsive decision making was so terrible and was getting out of hand. 

Young Bae took couple of seconds before responding monotonously while his face was still focused on NBA 2k18, fingers fidgeting the controller, "Everything's gonna be fine. Just give the fans an amazing show like you always do. Do some fanservice. I heard Filipinos are into the Daragon ship something." He paused and tried to suppress his laughter but miserably failed. "Though Ji-hoon might get mad! Hahaha!"

"Wae!!! Wae!!! Are they in a relationship or something?" I protested! I knew this silver haired dude was teasing me and he knew exactly how to get into my nerves. 

"Hmm. No but he said he liked Dara. Don't you remember?" 

I dismissed the idea of it. I didn't mind what he said, but my stupid brain recalled how P.O asked my permission if he can court Dara because we're no longer together  for so many years and I got back with Kiko that time (we're no longer together now though) but still like, what the ing hell?

"Whatever." I threw a small grey pillow against my best bud and stood up. However, before I can even leave the room, he preached with what my actions should be. The usual boring preach of the person who knew me since I was little. 

"He mentioned Dara was really delighted when she heard that she'll be your guest. But ya know, put boundaries. She's not yours anymore. You two are nothing but just good old friends. Just play along... Ya know, acting. Fanservice."

"I know." A sudden sharp thing slandered my heart when I heard him speak the reality. 

Sigh.

It was a long ing sigh of defeat as storm started forming in my head. 

*

People were swarming the venue just for my rehearsal but my mind were still lost, somewhere, somehow I knew who I was looking for but still in denial. 

It was sad that time drifted us apart. Like two withering roses beautiful and lonely at the same time. I wasn’t even able to call her earlier how she’s been, what she’s gonna wear, did she had a great time with her stay in her hotel? Those little stuffs that I would love to know. 

Though I called her last night how we should interact with people, how we should wave at them back and how we should maintain the chemistry we once showed. The call was brief and concise, and how I wish it was a little longer. 

God knows how I miss her sleepy voice. 

Coming back to my very own sanctuary, I ran his fingers through the couple jacket that my friend actually made especially for me. “Tss,” I hissed when I realized how this gesture was really a mock that I’m a single er. I was thankful nonetheless but at the same time, I was kinda saddened that there’s no other half that will wear that stupid jacket. 

Looking at the garment from the inside, I saw a stitch of name using white thread that made it impossible to notice. 

DARA

That was the name indicated as I scrutinized closely if I was not mistaken. And lo and behold, that was really the person I was  wishing will wear it with me. How funny my friend was still silently shipping the two of us even if he knew that getting back together was as impossible as wishing that the sun rises at the west and sets in east. 

“Pabo,” I remarked silently. 

*

My breathing was unstable, heard my own heart crumbling into unknown feeling of strange yet familiar happiness as I bowed down, hearing “Missing you” instrumental. 

Just like that, I bravely looked back to see her already staring at me. The crowd uproar with delight as I stood, going in the opposite of the stage trying my best to preserve my composure as I stared at the huge screen. That was so futile , I tucked my lips in between my teeth to hide the giddiness as strings of our memories built within my throbbing heart. 

I wasn’t expecting that she’ll wear matching outfit with me, not that I’m complaining, I was just not that ready for this. How I wish she at least warned me that she’ll be this gorgeous tonight. The wavy long hair, her make up enhanced her features and myself for that see through dress like what do you even want me to do? To die here happily? 

Like the dramas that I’ve seen over the television when Sleep was not even haunting me, we sauntered towards each other. Longingly locked our eyes, as if the world stopped spinning, we didn’t even hear how the crowd were already going ballistic. The more I stare at her, the more I regret of her slipping through my very own hands. 

The song ended but my feelings for her didn’t. This is the time I would love to smack myself for not making any script as I felt my whole body shaking, not knowing what or how to talk to her after January this year that I was so drunk I even had her head locked in my arm. Then after that, months of silence begun. 

Back to the moment, we had the most awkward introduction and conversation. It was like the first time we met, back in the days when we were young and innocent about this cruel love thing. I know how wrong to be living in the past, but how can I move on if every single day of my life I was wishing to take me back to those old golden days?

"I miss you." She endeared so lovingly, even Satan melted with her words. 

You. Just. Did. Not. Say. That. 

I know I should not allow myself to feel this butterfly again carving something through my stomach. I couldn't breath as if someone's choking me and piercing my lungs. I ambitiously stared at her while she did the same, her eyes were killing me. 

I was torn if I wanted to make her my whole universe again, if it was right to be selfish and pursue her once more, to stain my hands with blood just to put her cold shattered heart back. 

Please be genuine. My mind prayed. I hope she's genuinely missing me. 

Just like that, I realized how dark my days have been. Without her in it, my fame, wealth and popularity were nothing. I was nothing. 

How could she forgive me if I could not even forgive myself?

The fans blaring screeched towards her words made me giddy, not because we wanted to fool the fans into believing that we're really something special today, but me, myself, felt how her soft voice seemed so real. Her sweetness was so real to me. 

I couldn't help but my facial muscles were doing their own crazy smirk that I hope I could hide just to save myself later on when this show ended. Why does GDRAGON disappears whenever Dara's around? I became the shy, mushy kid Jiyong. 

I lost it soon before the crowd did. 

I showcased my pearls with a huge smile plastered on my face (stupid self what are you doing), felt blood rushing to my cheeks as I tried to hide how flustered I was. 

Pulling my together, I started mumbling words, english words to be exact and stuttered embarrassingly. 

"When I was young, you know like...she's maybe something like... but I really... I don't know. She's still... my noona but you know... she's really like..." brain come one please cooperate "don't you think she's like..." should I say it? "Like she's still pretty, huh?"

Gaaaaaah! I guess people were desperately wanting to help me that night with my speech problem but who cares? IM FCKING GDRAGON THE KING OF KPOP and I stutter because of this goddess in front of me, people can't blame me for Peter's sake. Anyone will surely go insane if put under her stare, those caramel eyes of her melting me on my little spot. 

Our old song reminded me of our past, memories we shared that I've lost over the years. Which turned out my greatest regret. 

Then there she was again, the reason for my happiness was this small cute gum ball, bouncing with energy and enthusiasm while performing Hello together with me of course. I didn't know how I could even forget those days where happiness was so evident in our past performance onstage, the best days of my life. 

She left the stage, loneliness hit me like a truck. I knew she was still listening so I pounded the trapdoor where she disappeared, "baby I want you back." 

Please hear me out. I'm so desperate. 

Haven't in my wildest dream that I'll be kneeling and knocking on an empty trapdoor in front of these hundreds and thousands yellow sea of people. I didn't care much as I called her "baby" again and again. 

A/N: part 2 will be tomorrow then part 3 (fin) on friday. Sorry,I did not proof read this chap. 😂 thanks for subscribing. This chap is for LeilaCorr_30 (my new found daragon friend at Seungri’s party at Valkyrie) 😘