Dowoon’s mother stood up immediately and enveloped Younghyun’s mum in a bone crushing hug. The two of them were best friends since childhood and they had remained like that even after they had both settled down. That was the main reason why the two boys became friends in the first place. It’s hard not to get close to someone you spend biweekly lunches and family holidays with. Dowoon and Younghyun were as close as real brothers before the elder moved to Canada with his family leaving the younger alone.

Younghyun left without saying goodbye and it made the little twelve year old Dowoon’s heart break. Not having any real siblings he looked up to Younghyun always copying him. He even got into music because of the elder. They wanted to start a band when they grow up but this was all before their parting.

Dowoon wanted to kick back his chair and run back home but he was afraid of his parents’ reaction. His dad was a very strict person and his mother hated disobedience like nothing else so he just gritted his teeth and tried to look like nothing had happened.

Younghyun was sitting next to him and Dowoon did his best to ignore the stares the elder was giving him. The younger was barely tolerating his presence because of his parents but he had no intention actually talking to his ex-best friend.

Their parents were chatting noisily among themselves which gave Younghyun the perfect atmosphere to try and strike up a conversation without the others listening.

“Hey.” He nudged Dowoon who paid him no attention. “Dowoonie.” The elder tried again this time with a more forceful nudge.

“Stop it!” The younger hissed which was already an improvement.

“Talk to me Dowoon-ah.” Younghyun pleaded.

“I don’t want to.”

“If you hear me out and still don’t want to see me ever again I’ll leave I promise.” He tried to persuade the younger.

“Fine. Leaving is your speciality anyway.” Dowoon said, his tone sharp as knives.

The boys excused themselves and headed towards the parking area. The afternoon weather was a bit chilly so Dowoon wanted to get over quickly this whole discussion and get back into the warm restaurant.

“Let’s finish this quickly, I’m not exactly fond of spending time with you.”

Younghyun smiled bitterly at the harsh tone, but he complied anyway.

“Look I knew how hard it was for you when we moved away but believe me when I say I had no saying in that. I was just a child so I couldn’t be left alone. You are like a younger brother for me Dowoon-ah and I’ve never wanted to move away from you. I missed you every day.”

“Filthy liar. If you had missed me as you said you would’ve sent messages but you disappeared without any trace. You haven’t even left me a letter or something to explain things. I had to ask my parents why weren’t you coming anymore for lunch. I was waiting for years for you to come back or give me sign you’re doing well but nothing came. And now you’re trying to act like nothing had happened? off Younghyun hyung.” Dowoon spat angrily.

“No, look I really had a reason why I wanted to disappear for a while. I didn’t want to tell you back then because you were so young but you’re all grown up now. If you really want to hear the truth I’ll tell you after lunch.”

“Why can’t you do it right here right now? Are you trying to come up with a believable lie so I’ll forgive you? Tell me now or get lost.”

“Fine but you have to promise me you won’t make a scene after I tell you the whole truth.” Younghyun said calmly.

“If you really tell me the truth about what happened back then I won’t make a scandal.” Dowoon replied visibly curious. His anger had simmered down into mere irritation and he was ready to listen to the elder.

“Do you remember the last family trip to Jeju before we moved to Canada? On the last night our parents were drinking heavily in the balcony until midnight and everyone got really drunk. We slept in the living room of the apartment so when I woke up around three in the morning I could hear weird sounds coming from one of the rooms. I was really curious so I went to check it out. I tried to open the door without much sound then I peered inside and saw my mum. With your dad. They were kissing and you know… I was really shocked and ran back to the living room. I really hoped it was just a dream but I knew what I saw was real. I felt disgusted and angry and it became even worse when the next morning my mother acted like nothing had happened. But my dad knew it. That’s why he took us with him when the company sent him to Canada. I thought it was a good chance to start everything over leaving the old things behind.”

“So that’s how you think of me? An old thing that you want to forget?” Dowoon remarked bitterly.

“You know that’s not true. But after the things I’ve witnessed I felt somewhat awkward around you. I knew it had nothing to do with you but if you were in my place you would have felt uncomfortable too. I wanted to keep safe distance from your family even if it meant not talking to you again. I’m sorry Dowoon-ah. I can only hope you’ll forgive me but please don’t tell anyone about this. Things have just returned to normal and I want them to stay like that.”

“Even if it means my mother lives with a husband who had cheated on her with her best friend? Do you think it’s fair? Have you ever considered how she might feel if she knew?” Dowoon snapped.

“That’s why she shouldn’t know!” Younghyun tried to explain.

“What a ed up way of thinking you have!” Dowoon hissed.

“Dowoon-ah...” The elder tried to calm the other down but his tone made Dowoon even more furious.

“Stay away from me. I don’t want to see you or your of a mother ever again!” The younger snarled then stormed away leaving a defeated Younghyun behind.

* * *

Ever since his talk with Sungjin, Wonpil tried to avoid the elder at any cost. He cancelled their usual lunch appointments, took more shifts at the convenience store and studied at Jinyoung’s dorm (the latter felt guilty for the last time so he let Wonpil stay as long as he wanted).

The brown haired boy still had to come up with a plan to make the atmosphere less awkward between him and his hyung but there was no solution so far. Wonpil just wanted to go back to how things were before. Before all this jealousy and awkward crushing.

He wanted to ask for advice from his colleague Younghyun when he took over the night shift but when Wonpil spotted the elder he looked even worse than himself.

“Bad day?” He asked and the blonde boy just grunted. “Wanna talk about it?”

“If I told you the whole story you would be here until the end of my shift.” Younghyun sighed. “Besides you look like you have your own things to worry about.”

“Is it really that visible?” Wonpil groaned.

“You’re the embodiment of happiness but today you haven’t even cracked a smile. What’s up Wonpilie?” The elder asked as he put on his vest for work.

“It’s kind of a long story, hyung.”

“I’ve just started my shift so I’m free for a counseling session.” Younghyun grinned.

Wonpil was thinking about it for a few seconds but the other’s warm and inviting smile made him lean on the counter with a heavy sigh.

“You know about Sungjin hyung right?” He began self-consciously.

“Yeah I think you’ve mentioned him a few times. He’s your childhood friend right?”

“That’s him. So apparently he started to show interest towards an upperclassman and I may or may not being a little jealous about it...” Wonpil chewed on his lower lip.

“What kind of jealousy are we talking about? “My friend is not paying enough attention to me” or “I think I’m in love with my best friend and I want him all to myself” kind?” Younghyun asked and he was so on point it gave Wonpil the chills.

“The latter...” The younger murmured looking down uncomfortably.

“That’s nothing to be ashamed about Wonpilie. You’ve spent a lot of time with Sungjin so it’s not impossible to fall in love with him.” He tried to console his friend.

“But if I tell him he will be disgusted! Hyung likes girls.” The younger sighed dejectedly.

“You can’t be sure! Would you know I’m biual just by looking at me?” Younghyun raised his eyebrows questioningly.

“No.” He shook his head.

“Then there’s the chance Sungjin is into boys too. Even if he hasn’t talked about it with you, it’s still not impossible.”

“I’m not sure… But thank you for the advice anyway. I’m heading back now. I have classes tomorrow.” Wonpil murmured and bid goodbye to his friend. However instead of the dorms he was headed towards the Han river. He was craving some cold beer with soju. Maybe getting drunk would help him figure out what to do.

The night was kind of chilly as he was walking down on the streets to the nearest bus stop. His pink sweater did little to nothing to protect him from the wind but the cold was a nice distraction from his thoughts.

In thirty minutes he arrived to his destination and bought two bottles of soju and six cans of beer. He wanted to get wasted tonight and get rid of the suffocating feeling for a few hours.

There weren’t many people outside so Wonpil found an abandoned bench easily. He slumped down on it then opened the first bottle of soju and took a sip. He wasn’t much of a drinker but tonight the alcohol tasted unusually sweet. It gave him the confidence to drink more and more until the first bottle was completely empty. By the time he finished two of the beers he wasn’t cold anymore and his face was completely red. His thoughts became pleasantly fuzzy but his anxiety didn’t want to go away.

He kept thinking about Sungjin and how perfect he was. He had never met anyone quite like him who was so understanding and nice and also so unfairly handsome. The elder looked like a model straight out of a magazine with his messy black hair, big brown eyes and even bigger nose. God, Wonpil loved his nose. He caught himself thinking about kissing it more often than he would like to admit. But of course no human was perfect and Park Sungjin too had a flaw. If you can call being straight a flaw. For Wonpil it was the only thing that held him back from confessing.

The thoughts were suffocating him and he wanted nothing more than cry over it with his friend. His tongue felt heavy in his mouth but he dialled Jinyoung anyway and started to speak as soon as the boy answered his call.

“Jinyoung-ah! I’m at the Han river because I wanted to get drunk and forget about him but even when I’m faced all I can think of is him… I love him so much Jinyoung-ah! But he won’t love me back ever again! Why is he so perfect? I hate him and his stupidly handsome face! But I also love him so much! I’m so in love with Sungjin hyung it hurts… But he doesn’t love me because he likes Inyoung. Why does he like her? She’s not even that pretty! I’m so so much prettier! Sungjin hyung used to tell me how pretty I was every time! It was in elementary school when I tried to look cool but he kept calling me pretty. He was doing it to make me angry but, god I really loved hearing it. Why isn’t he calling me pretty anymore? Am I not pretty now? I want to be pretty for Sungjin hyung. I love him so much Jinyoung-ah! What should I do?” Wonpil hiccuped as tears streamed down his face.

“Stay where you are I’m coming to get you.” The boy at the end of the line said but it wasn’t Jinyoung’s voice.

“Sungjin hyung...?”