Park Jihoon, 99's, 19 years old, May 29, an idol trainee for 2 years and 4 months, but to me, Park Jihoon is just an ordinary teenage boy.

To me, Jihoon is just Jihoon, a little special boy.

 

2015 // July

Jihoon and I are schoolmates. We barely knew each other, no- , infact I've never notice his presence in school before.

But we've grown closer ever since Jihoon became a trainee at MyRu Ent. --- the same company as mine. It was awkward to see another schoolmate in a small practice room. Wearing the same uniform with the same school badge. I am an introvert person, I barely speak during lessons unless when I get questioned.

2015 // November

About 4 months later, I found myself laughing in the middle of a dance practice. I laughed so hard at lame jokes by Jihoon. I cracked up so much that we got scolded by the dance trainer. 

Yes, Jihoon opened up my heart. I was more cheerful than I was before. I definitely can lift my head up now without worrying what people would say about me.

In such a short period, Jihoon meant the world to me. We would walk to our company together after school, sneaked in the changing room just to have a bite of choco bar. We would go to the chicken place during our rest day to pamper ourselves. In such a short time, Jihoon had succeeded in making me feel like a new person.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

But somewhere on August 2016, I quit being a trainee. I just couldn't stand to be on a blur path where I don't even know when I'll end up debuting. I took up studies seriously to further my studies in university.

Jihoon, as always, a very hardworking trainee and friend I've ever had. He still went to studio everyday after school. And got home at around midnight. Although I quit being a trainee, that doesn't mean I quit being his friend.

I did my part in helping him to catch up with studies. I helped him to jot down notes and exercises. He would listen to my explaination carefully and he studied hard too. He was best in Korean Language even I could not beat him on it! 

At night, I would wait by the convenient store beside our company just too walk home together with him. And everytime Jihoon saw me, his eyes formed into a cresent moon, curved and shining. And everytime I saw him I promise myself "to protect Jihoon at all cost, even if it means to lose something."

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

2017 // June

It had been quite a hectic year, I was busy preparing for my national exam and Jihoon was busy preparing to debut.

He was so happy when he knew he's about to realise his dream. His happinees, even his smiles can't contain them. The sparkle in his eyes never dies. It's so bright, so bright... and I am truly pleased with the news.

"Jihoon-ah, let's go to the amusement park on this Sunday! Call?!" I sounded so excited.

"Call!" Jihoon responded with the most beautiful eyes and smiles I've seen in my life.

We decided to celebrate his good news at the amusement park, before he gets really busy.

2017 // the 3rd Sunday in June

It's D-DAY!!! I dolled up myself pretty and waited for Jihoon at the bus stop. The clock was showing 5 minutes past 10 in the morning. The roads were busy with cars noises, and the weather was suprisingly good. Jihoon reached a little later, he was wearing his favorite pastel pink hoodie that I gave him on his birthday. He always wore that hoodie on happy occasions. He said it brings luck for him.

It's been so long since I've heard Jihoon's true laughter. He was truly on cloud nine that day.

"Let's go into the haunted house! Then the bumper car, then the roller coaster again, and... and..." I can tell that he's excited by the change of tone in his voice. Jihoon talks a lot when he's excited and happy. He makes dolphin sound over a small thing, he laughs and hits me when things are funny, my whole body was overweight upon seeing his happiness.

"Yah, I can't do that. Haunted house is way too scary. I am scared..I don't think I can do it Hoonie-ah.."

"Nonsense! I'm going to be right behind you so let's go in! This Oppa here will protect weakling like you hehehehe"

"HEOL STOP IT YOU ARE NOT OPPA, I'M ONE MONTH OLDER THAN YOU SO CALL ME NOONAAAAAA!" I always get furious everytime he acts like an oppa, i just can't let him have it that way! BECAUSE I AM OLDER!

"Ah ah okay okay noona~" and he always let me win.

The haunted house was a real deal, it was so scary I literally screamed my lungs out. And there the little cutie evil laughing through the whole journey in the haunted house because he enjoyed seeing me trembles and shakes in fear.

"Park Jihoon that will really be my last time going into the haunted house with you. I swear I will never step into a haunted house until I find myself a boyfriend!" I shouted at him while breathing heavily.

"So you just did that." He said.

"What? Did what?" I was confused.

"Stepped into a haunted house with your boyfriend." he said seriously, and then followed along with the smiles that get me butterflies.

A moment of silence......... until he grabbed my hand.

"Let's go ride the merry-go-round. It's already late, you need to go home before." He sounded so soft.

We rode the merry-go-round. Up and down, the merry goes. The lights beam softly and that's when I realised I've spent the whole day with him. I watched him watching the fairylights. 

"How did God made an angel so fine." That's what I thought. He caught me looking at him.

"I know you will miss this oppa, so I'll let you watch me a little longer." Jihoon said while laughed shyly.

Yes ; I'll miss you.

"Stop that oppa stuff before noona gets off from this ride" I flipped my eyes.

"Eyyyy okay I'll stop it cutie" He said so gently but I could hear him well.

. . .

We rode the bus to get home. We shared an earphone to listen to his favorite song. We did that all the time ever since I was a trainee. We would share an earphone and will only listen to one and only available song in his phone which is : The Manual by Eddy Kim.

I reached my stop and it was so hard to leave. I wonder when I'll see him again. It'll be hard.

"Don't miss me too much noona-nim. I'll see you again. Goodbye, love." He sounded so sincere and it makes the parting harder. I've never felt this weak in letting him go. I was scared if I'll burst out in tears. All I did was nod and said, "Love, that's a promise witnessed by the moon."

I got down from the bus. He waved at me brightly, he was so sorry he couldn't walk me home. The bus started off again.

Just in a few minutes, I turned my head around and saw a big flames infront of my eyes. Along with a loud crashing sounds.

I can't remember how I felt, but it was surreal. I found myself crying while holding onto Jihoon's bleeding body. He had blood all over his face, his eyes shut tight.

"Ji-Jihoon-ah... Park JiHoon! PARK JI HOON OPEN YOUR EYES! JIHOON-AH!" 

and that's where my memories of the incident stopped.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

A few hours later, I woke up in a hospital. I pulled out the IV shot on my hand and recklessly searched for Jihoon. He needs to be alive. He promised, the moon witnessed it.. he need to make it..

I saw his mother infront of the operating room. I started crying. I couldn't imagine how heavy she must've been feeling right now. But she looked calm, both hands praying silently to God.

She hugged me and said, "everything's fine, calm dear." That's the power of a mother, she's supposed to wail and cry but all she did was comforting me.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

2018 // April

It has been almost a year and Jihoon's eyes are still shut tight. I visit him everyday in the hospital. The only song that would play on repeat is The Manual by Eddy Kim.

Jihoon is still as beautiful as ever. It's just that he's pale, lying and cold. I'm sure he's having his rest to replace all the rest he couldn't have back then. I'm sure his inner feels are in peace. I'm sure he's talking to his guardian of angel in his sleeps. 

D-1...,

D-35...,

D-265...,

"Jihoon-ah, I just need to see them galaxy eyes again, just once, once..."

And I cried to sleep for countless times again, hoping for a miracle to happen in the next day.

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Birth month : April

Zodiac : Taurus

The sign after they die : becomes a comet

Birth month : May

Zodiac : Gemini

The sign after they die : starts a new life with no memories of the past one

-

-

-

"Jihoon-ah, long time no see! I've missed you so much." I was running into his arms.

"Wh-who are you?" he's surprised.

"I was your love, i will be your love eternally from now onwards. You promised to see me again. And here I am."

"I'm sorry- I can't remember-"

"It's okay. Let's start anew. Hi Love, nice to meet you. From now on, take my hand and I'll bring you down to our memory lanes."

That's how we met again, we met again. Just in an unknown space, the flowers are floating, everything's clean, the stars can be seen even in daytimes. I assume, well, maybe we met again, this time in our own galaxy.

*

2018 // December

The winter took away Jihoon that night. I lost my conscious, I lost my senses, I lost myself. I lost my whole entire world, I lost Jihoon.

I can't remember what I did. Maybe I drown myself in the winter river, maybe I overtook sleeping pills, maybe I took my own life. I don't know but that night, I just wanted to follow where Jihoon goes.

I fulfilled my promise, "to protect Jihoon at all cost, even if it means to lose something."