Username: Doanjila

Story Title (&link): A Devil's Love

Main Characters (+pairings): Kai, Krystal, Sehun

Genre(s): Angst, Suspense

Current Length (No. of Chapters): 13

Rated?: No

Reviewer: KissDromedaGirl

_______________ ✦일번; part one; the beginning. ✦_______________

Title;  5/5

This fit well with the storyline. Plus, I think it's interesting and would make me click.

Poster/Background;  4/5

I really like the poster. It's very pretty!
But the way it looks, it makes me think Krystal is the Devil because 'loving her was a sin' and the fact it focuses on her.

Description & Foreword;  7/10

Descriptions should describe what the reader is about to get into with the story. It doesn’t have to
From the start, we see that they have a bad mutual past, which is interesting. The grammar is slightly confusing, but the reader can get the point here. From the entirety of the description, we're left with "they have a bad past, but they're friends, but they have a love-hate relationship, and they may be broken." It's a bit much and a tad confusing; I think having just the second small paragraph would suffice, and make it less confusing.

_______________ ✦이번; the second part; the seam.✦_______________

Creativity/Originality;  4/5

I enjoyed the idea of a gangster high school, Kai being very burdened, and how the abusive relationship came in (whether that was intended or not). The scenes in themselves were interesting, even if they lacked some details and didn't flow properly. The overall idea was intriguing and I enjoyed it. If you're writing more, I'll definitely read.
Also, for the – the shooting – it was actually pretty obvious that Kai would be shot. But I'm surprised Krystal didn't turn the gun on herself... or TOP. Or TOP didn't threaten to shoot Krystal and one of the guy (or both) begged to be shot instead.

Plot;  13/20

Okay, so, Kai and Krystal are at odds because something in their past deeply affected them and ruined their potential relationship.
At first, when I was reading and all I was getting was that Krystal was there and waved to Kai before the crash, I was like... how can waving be the cause? Then, come to find out she was with her dad in the car? How-- I am still very confused, because I thought she was somewhere and they waved and then she was in the car when it was hit and killed his dad? Why did Sehun randomly appear? Like they should be in a formal setting for this legal case- Being seven years old, technically children can't be determining witnesses to a crime. I'm not sure how that applies in Korea, honestly. And also, why isn't Krystal hurt from this accident- only her dad is. If she is the victim, she should be profusely injured. I know Koreans get over-dramatic with their suing and legal disclaimers, but her dad can't be hurt and her claim she's the victim here.
For the backstory that ties into this plot, try to make Kai and Krystal more than just crushes, or something. Having them just crushes makes it seem so loose and there's not a point for Krystal to be so highly affected. Kai, obviously, because his dad is being blamed and then his best friend is siding with Krystal. If they were more than just crushes, and were more emotionally involved (honestly I don't know how that would work with seven year olds...) then it would be understandable of the amount of betrayal Krystal had.
Also, why is Krystal so in love with him? I get that there are abusive relationships, but there is no real intention that they are a couple or o