oo12. Mutually beneficial
Pandromeda Reviews [BUSY! HIRING AGAIN - COME HELP ME]Username: undergroundmuses
Story Title (&link): Mutually beneficial
Main Characters (+pairings): Suga (BTS) + Seulgi (Red Velvet)
Genre(s): Action/Mafia!AU
Current Length (No. of Chapters): 10
Rated?: No, but a rated chapters (7,8, 10) + swearing
Reviewer: KissDromedaGirl
_______________ ✦일번; part one; the beginning. ✦_______________
Title; 5/5
Mutually Beneficial or mutually beneficial. Unless there's a reason 'beneficial' isn't capitalized.
Otherwise, this title really fits the story.
Poster/Background; 5/5
Ooh, yes. Although, to me, it looks a bit sci-fi for some reason, I like it because it screams drama.
Description & Foreword; 10/10
Basic intro to their roles.
For the foreword, Kang Corporation needs to be both words capitalized.
Otherwise, even if it's the obvious and a tad cliche, I was anxious to see how it goes.
_______________ ✦이번; the second part; the seam.✦_______________
Creativity/Originality; 5/5
From incorporating her blonde hair (which I liked that & it's backstory), to each gang involved, to Chaeyeon--- It all blends so well and each person has a part to play. I liked all the gangs involved - the ideas of each were amusing, especially picturing them. And Chaeyeon is definitely precious.
Seeing this take on Red Velvet is pretty interesting, too. Because BTS seems so rough anyways (from MVs and such), seeing Red Velvet star as these really "don't touch me or die" girls, Joy being a model who is so... I don't even know, but she's ing entertaining okay- It's a breath of fresh air for me.
I think your whole idea for this and all the back story and ideas you've put in here really go well and keep someone drawn in. I had to take my time to read this, mainly because I wanted to put myself in a seat and really read the story and enjoy it instead of quick reading it, you know?
Plot; 20/20
I'm not too much of a fan of gangster fanfics, for the reason of errors and unnecessary things added. But this goes beyond gangs and drugs and murder- Seulgi wants not only revenge from the bastard of an uncle, but justice for herself and those out there in her position. Having her marry Yoongi (and having the reason why even if he isn't a leader) was a journey. It still is. And showing the world, even the brutal parts and letting us see Seulgi's emotions and reactions to it-- I like it all. You still have this a gang-related fic, but you add so much more to it. This feels like the old days of General Hospital (American TV soap opera lMAO)
Spelling, Vocab, and Grammar; 14/15
Chap. 4 at one point the sentences got a bit messed up and the exchange where she says "If you let me go I can pay you" has the 'you' moved to after the response. Just fyi there.
Chap 5. *along her abdomen
Chap 6: for his table lying on the table. -- needs revising.
Chap 9: Had some grammar errors here and there.
FUN FACT: As an American, I use "dryly" versus other parts of the world (like the UK and Australia) use drily.
Aside from very few spelling errors and grammatical mishaps, your writing is pretty darn good. You don't overuse too many words, and even if you do, they're spaced out well. I don't think there's anything to adjust here.
Characterization; 15/15
Seulgi: I instantly fell in love with this version of Seulgi. You show past her mask, but you also show that that mask is truly a rough and tough, down to the bone, badass persona she does have. And showing her weakness towards her uncle, giving a cliffhanger as to what he must have done to her... I love it. Plus, I love how Yoongi notices it and factors in that as her only issue.
1. Regarding how S
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