Three hours had gone by quickly in the ongoing  jumping truck. The trees passing by like seconds had gotten less and less green and more brown. Jinyoung looked away from the window and forward, noticing then that they were swiftly approaching the smallest town he'd ever seen. It only consisted of three large buildings and several smaller ones around.

 

The sign read: 'WELCOME TO HONTORI'

 

Jinyoung tilted his head at the odd name, sparing a glance at Jaebum, "Hontori." He said it, feeling how it rolled off his tongue and left a foreign taste in his mouth, "Hontori?" He questioned then and Jaebum laughed, smacking Jinyoung's arm in protest. He clutched his arm in fake hurt, deciding against hitting Jaebum back—a smart decision in his mind.

 

Jaebum stared at him for longer than a second, causing Jinyoung to gesture with his eyes to turn back to the road, he smiled to himself due to the look Jaebum had in his eyes, "Stop that." Jaebum said, adjusting his jacket and bringing it closer to himself. Jinyoung kept that noted.

 

Jinyoung had just shrugged, "I didn't do anything."

 

Jaebum at his teeth, mumbling, "You're judging it by its name already." He was right. Jinyoung had a habit of judging things he had the faintest clue about. If it looked weird then it was weird, if it looked gross then it was gross, if it looked stupid then it was stupid. He was smart, but that didn't mean he had the openest of minds. Jaebum knew Jinyoung too well, it was a blessing and a curse all in one mix.

 

Jinyoung sighed, "It sounds like a type of soup. How can I not judge a soup sounding town?" He questioned and Jaebum mimicked his sigh childishly. He rolled his eyes and turned the radio on, static filled the truck almost immediately and he cringed, "And there's no radio stations out here either? How do these people live?" He mumbles to himself, turning the radio off.

 

"These people," Jaebum began with a hint of annoyance in his voice and a quick raise of his brows, "live just fine." He switched the radio back on and tuned it, successfully finding a station and making Jinyoung frown.

 

Silence filled the truck for a few more miles  until Jinyoung felt Jaebum's eyes on him, again, "Maybe focus on the road and not so much on me?" He mumbled as he typed away at his phone, struggling to find a strong and working signal.

 

Jaebum shut his eyes for a second, "I wasn't looking at you." He points towards the outside of Jinyoung's window, "That's the bar I was talking about." He chuckled and turned the truck away from it, pulling into a motel.

❧

Jinyoung had never stayed at a motel quite as run down as the one they were in. The wallpaper was seconds away from peeling completely off the wall it was attached to, the tv was a dinosaur—as in it still had antennas connected to it for better satellite signal. The town was truly stuck in the 90s or they'd traveled back in time when passing over the town line.

 

"One bed. It's all they had, sorry." Jaebum apologized, dumping his bag—deja vu definitely being an ongoing theme for the trip. By the time they got back to the city their bags would be no more if they kept taking care of them the way they had been.

 

Jinyoung waved his hand in dismiss as he yawned, quickly speaking, "We'll just put a barrier in the middle, as we always do." He sounded pained at the suggestion, not obviously but Jaebum still heard the small hint in his voice.

 

"No extra covers." Jaebum pointed out.

 

"Then you'll just have to deal with sleeping with another guy." Jinyoung mumbled loudly, trudging off into the bathroom and leaving Jaebum in a state of shock and embarrassment. This trip was meant to sooth them but it turned out making Jinyoung question them—question everything he'd been feeling and what Jaebum had said.

❧

Jaebum's ears perked up when the bathroom door opened after several minutes of silence, "The club's across the street." He said and Jinyoung nodded, ignoring him in a certain why—not quite listening to him yet or paying any type of attention, "Ah, what's your problem?" Jaebum's arms crossed as he nudged his chin towards Jinyoung.

 

"I'm tired." Jinyoung whispered, it hadn't entirely  been a lie, laying in the bed and turning his back towards Jaebum. He sighed heavily, hoping Jaebum had acknowledged his slight annoyance with him. The bed shifted several times, signaling that Jaebum made himself comfortable on the bed—something Jinyoung didn't know he was truly capable of, that was the annoyance talking.

 

"Hey, it's only four in the afternoon." Jaebum nudged his back, waiting for Jinyoung to turn his head towards him, "Wanna watch a movie? A show? Or do you really wanna take that nap?" He teased, lightening the mood to a bright white and causing Jinyoung to smile faintly. He shrugged, accepting Jaebum's offer after several seconds of thought and moving to lay on his back.

 

Jaebum leveled their shoulders when he laid back,  brushing them together and making his stomach twist. He pulled his phone from his pocket, "We'll have to watch it on my phone considering the TV," He gestured to the hotel given television across the bed, "isn't quite up to date yet." They shared a laugh as Jaebum tapped away at his device, opening a movie they both hadn't seen before.

 

It all had happened in steps. Jinyoung had shifted closer, claiming the screen was too small and he could barely see it, he shifted down and had pressed his cheek against Jaebum's shoulder—almost mimicking how they had been in the truck bed just two nights ago.

 

"That made no sense." Jaebum said, locking his phone and tossing it when the movie ended. Jinyoung made an agreeing noise, keeping his place close to Jaebum, his arms still crossed over his chest. They stayed silent then Jinyoung pulled away from him, the warmth leaving with him, and pushed his hand under his head.

 

Jaebum found his eyes wandering, his head turning, and his pupils scanning—scanning every part of Jinyoung's face as if it would be his last. The way his arm was bent behind his head and he was staring up at the ceiling as if it were spelling out words and speaking to him, it made Jaebum's heartbeat speed up.

 

"You stare a lot, you know that?" Jinyoung said while he smiled at the ceiling, soon turning his attention to Jaebum, "Is there something on my face?" He whispered in a teasing way. Jaebum's smile appeared for the slightest of seconds before it dropped along with his eyes, which landed on Jinyoung's lips.

 

Jaebum pushed forward, Jinyoung's lips were soft against his as he began to kiss back. They were getting lost, Jaebum's brows scrunched together and he breathed out deeply through his nose, his hand gripping at Jinyoung's hip as he tried to pull him closer. Jinyoung's finger's tangled themselves in Jaebum's hair as if they never wanted to leave. The angle was too awkward and Jaebum was too focused—too focused on making it count and kissing this man and getting answers. Though he only got answers to questions he didn't know he'd been asking.

 

Jaebum had pulled away—Jinyoung chasing his lips—with eyes shut tight and his hands gripping the sheets for dear life, "I'm sorry." He said.

 

A scoff erupted from Jinyoung's chest as he sat up and shrugged carelessly, "If you were truly sorry, you'd stop doing it." He murmured, his fingers danced on the sheets, trying to rid his mind of the feeling of Jaebum touching him the way he just had.

 

Jaebum stared at Jinyoung's back in utter question, "Are you angry with me?" He was genuinely confused, it only made Jinyoung shake his head in frustration and tilt it back as he started at the ceiling once more.

 

He turned to Jaebum then, "You're ing with my head. How could I not be a bit angry with you?" Jinyoung stood then. His heart was racing, his hands were shaking, and his eyes were finding places to look other than Jaebum's eyes.

 

"I promise, I'm not." Jaebum shook his hands in defense.

 

"No? So, you're just using me to test out what you're into? I'm just a guinea pig, right?" He stood, running a shaky hand through his hair then crossing his arms again. He'd found a way to look Jaebum in the eyes—a way he'd never want to reveal because it revealed too much about him.

 

"Jinyoung-ah." It was all Jaebum could say. Tiresome and dangerous seconds ticked on until Jinyoung discovered he had nothing to say—or he didn't want to say anything, maybe with the fear that Jaebum would figure him out. Which he already did, long ago.

 

"Damn you." Jinyoung chuckled bitterly as he shook his head.

 

Jaebum stood, "Screw you." He retorted, shocked at how Jinyoung was reacting.

 

Jinyoung's brows rose at that, "Maybe, that's the problem." He said lowly as he leaned forward with crossed arms.

 

Something in Jaebum's eyes had broken; fear, or knowing, or even truth. He'd pushed his tongue against the inside of his cheek as he shook his head in disbelief then walked off, locking himself in the bathroom for several minutes. Jinyoung had sat on the bed, burying his head in his hands and thinking too deep of thoughts that possibly weren't healthy for the brain.

 

It only took those several minutes for Jinyoung to muster up the courage to leave the suffocating hotel room, scribbling words onto the hotel provided notebook and leaving it where Jaebum could read it whenever he was done using Jinyoung for his needs. That's how he'd seen it and that's possibly how he'd always see it—his gut hadn't deceived him.

❧

the note read: 'ACROSS THE STREET, DRINKS HURT LESS.'

 

Jaebum scoffed as he crumpled it up and tossed it across the room, letting out a loud yet short yell—ones he did when he was frustrated and found no other way to calm down or let it out—as he spun and sat on the edge of the bed. He did it more often than he'd like to admit, alone at home, while with the rest of the members of the group, when he didn't know what to do or where to go next. His leg jumped in anticipation as he felt that he was running out of time—which he wasn't but the feeling was still there.

 

It had gotten chilly when the sun went down, the wind blowing harshly and making Jaebum zip his hoodie up and shove his hands into his pants pockets. The solemn music coming from the patio of the bright bar across the street flowed softly as he crossed the street quickly, and pushed the heavy doors of the bar open. His eyes began to scan the near full bar as he stood at the doorway awkwardly.

 

He'd found Jinyoung almost immediately and his heart had twisted in on itself almost as quickly. His brows rose as his back straightened and he watched Jinyoung, from afar, speaking to a gorgeous girl. Her hair was a light brown and she sat with a laid back pose and he was smiling at her as if they'd know each other for years and he was starting to fall for her. Jaebum tilted his head  slightly at the thought, twisting its words and making a different story. Their eyes then finally met and Jaebum just gave him a straight forced smile, quickly turning and pushing through the door again.

 

He wanted that, but the problem was with who he wanted it with. Jaebum swore he heard a faint yell of his name. 

 

The door hadn't had time to close fully before Jinyoung was pushing past it too, stopping and turning Jaebum with a strong hand on his shoulder, "Are you," Jinyoung paused to crack a sly smile, "angry with me?" He joked, crossing his arms over his chest.

 

Jaebum scoffed, "Don't flatter yourself."

 

"Then what was all that?" Jinyoung said as he pointed his thumb back towards the bar.

 

Jaebum shrugged with tense shoulders, "Nothing, I'm headed back to the motel."

 

"Wait, hey. What's your problem?" Jinyoung mimicked Jaebum's words as he tilted his head in a teasing and knowing way. He knew Jaebum, yet he didn't know what he was going through. Him being cocky was one of the many ways he got people to talk to him—to prove him wrong.

 

"I'm tired." Jaebum repeated Jinyoung's reply from hours ago, "I'm sure that girl in there will give you nice company." He nodded his chin towards the bar, giving Jinyoung another smile before pushing his hands in his pockets and turning away from him.

 

"You're joking." Jinyoung mumbled to himself, watching as Jaebum crossed the street with a quick glance to the left, then right, then left again.

❧

Thirty minutes—that had felt like thirty hours to Jaebum—passed before a knock sounded on the hotel room door, a sort of signal before Jinyoung opened it and strode into the room cautiously, "Hyung?" His voice was smaller, timid and unknowing—for once in his whole life he had the faintest idea on what to do in a situation like the one he was thrown into.

 

Jaebum hummed in response, eyes focused on the ceiling as he laid back on the bed. He stared at it, trying to find the answers Jinyoung was looking for not too long ago, when they were okay, when they hadn't kissed and Jaebum hadn't messed up their relationship.

 

"Tell me what's wrong." Jinyoung didn't sit on the bed yet, he stood at the foot of it, staring at Jaebum's calm body—watching his chest move up and down slowly and it soothed him. It soothed Jinyoung to a point where nothing bad had happened and they were okay. Jaebum speaking dragged him from that trance.

 

"The motel doesn't have room service. But, what was I thinking? They don't even have rooms with two beds." Jaebum to his side and brought the hood of his jacket over his head.

 

Strangely, Jinyoung's heart ached at the the answer. It only told him what Jaebum wanted to forget the whole ordeal, "I'm serious." Jinyoung sighed.

 

Jaebum lifts his head from the stiff pillow and spares a bored glance towards Jinyoung before shutting his eyes again, "So am I. Nothing's wrong." He moves his body as if to get comfortable on the immensely uncomfortable bed.

 

"Jaebum—" Jinyoung tried, pulling at the cuff of Jaebum's jeans childishly, attempting to get his attention—any ounce of attention that told Jinyoung that Jaebum was here or at least listening to what he was saying. Jaebum just pulled his legs up higher, curling in on himself slightly.

 

"Nothing's wrong." Jaebum repeated.

 

"You said the kiss meant nothing." Jinyoung mentioned, watching as Jaebum's shoulders got more tense and his shut eyes squeezed tighter.

 

Jaebum didn't answer, leaving Jinyoung in a  deafening silence.

 

"Ah!" Jinyoung screamed, frustrated, and startled Jaebum, "Stop hiding from me. If this is about the bar then let it go. Nothing happened and nothing was going to happen." Jinyoung didn't know why he felt the need to reassure Jaebum that nothing was going to happen, maybe there was a small bit of hope in Jinyoung's mind that wasn't lying to him.

 

Jaebum laughed darkly and unphased as he sat up to stare at Jinyoung in pure and utter disbelief, "Who told you I care? I could care less who you ing hook up with." He threw his hand carelessly as he stood and wandered around the room—unable to keep still then.

 

"Acting like you don't care isn't letting it go." Jinyoung's eyes followed him, eyeing every move he made—from the flick of his finger to the rise and fall of his chest, from the twitch at the corner of his mouth to the rapid tapping of his foot. Then he grabbed the keys to the truck and thumbed his shoes on.

 

"Where are you going now?" Jinyoung sighed, dropping his hands against his thighs, as if he'd given up in that moment.

 

"We're," Jaebum corrected as he twirled the keys around his finger once, carelessly, "going to the last stop of this trip." He finished and opened the motel door.

❧

They rode in the truck in a still silence, uncomfortable yet comfortable enough to not have to speak. The road they were headed down was pitch black, only the headlights of the truck could shed so much light on the road, "I was looking at you." Jaebum spoke, turning down a skinny road then.

 

Jinyoung turned his head from the window he was staring through and looked at Jaebum, he raised his brows in confusion, "What?" He asked.

 

"When you told me to focus on the road and not so much on you and I said I was looking at the bar, that was a lie. I was looking at you." Jaebum mumbled and Jinyoung had opened his mouth with the intent to reply but nothing came out, nothing would come out. He had words dancing at the tip of his tongue but he swallowed them instead, nodding.

❧

They arrived at a lake, Jaebum backed the truck up to it and had gotten out before Jinyoung could ask why they were here. The truck bed faced the large lake with a small tide, Jaebum stood where the lake's water barely rode up to—after he'd opened the truck bed. The moon shone brightly and cascaded across the dark blue rippling water making the moon look longer and wider than it actually was.

 

"I'm sorry." Jaebum apologized.

 

Jinyoung stayed stood at the bed of the truck, "The amount of times you've apologized on this trip is phenomenal." He said.

 

Jaebum stayed quiet, watching the bright moon to bring himself to begin speaking, “Who are you talking to nowadays? Who’s keeping you up at night with wonderful things to say? What do your nights look like?” He asked while Jinyoung strode down to stand next to him, a good arms length away.

 

"Do you want me to answer truthfully or do you want me to tell you what you want to hear?" Jinyoung replied, crossing his arms over his chest  and bringing his sweater impossibly closer to his skin as a cold gust of wind pushed past them and tousled their hair slightly.

 

Jaebum answered after several beats of his fast heart, unable to count how many per minute, "Truthfully." He replied.

 

"You." Jinyoung said as if it were nothing, like it was the obviously answer that anyone in their right mind could see—which anyone in their right mind did see.

 

Jaebum did nothing but nod until curiosity got the best of him, "And what did you think I wanted to hear?" Jaebum's brows rose and he stuffed his hands deeply into his pockets.

 

Jinyoung smiled to himself smugly as his eyes scanned the tall trees towering over the lake, some creating a sort of throne for the moon, "You." He repeated and saw Jaebum try to hide a tilted smile, "What are we doing?" Jinyoung said, letting a small laugh escape from his lips as he shook his head and kicked the rocks on the ground, watching them skip into the shallow waters.

 

"We're talking about the kiss." Jaebum said, breathing out a deep breath—almost like a sigh of relief.

 

"Kisses." Jinyoung corrects, "Plural." He finishes and Jaebum nods, unsure of where to start. So, he faces Jinyoung's side, hoping he'd get the hint and face him aswell—which he does after an obvious roll of the eyes. He looked tired, even though he'd been sleeping. But, that doesn't mean he was sleeping well for that matter. Jaebum frowns at the thought and Jinyoung tilts his head at that.

 

"I thought it was nothing." Jinyoung lied.

 

"Well, I thought it was too. But, it's not. It's far from nothing. It's everything," Jaebum stops a moment before whispering, "you're everything." He never really was the best at letting his feeling out or expressing himself openly so this was a big one up for him.

 

Jinyoung's brows raised as he let out another soft chuckle with a smug grin, staring at Jaebum and taking a tentative step towards him, "Cheesy." He mumbled as he nodded. His arms were still crossed over his chest, possibly tighter than before because it had, without a doubt, gotten colder.

 

"Why isn't this weird?" Jaebum asked, tilting his head and shutting his eyes as he gave a straight smile, lips pressed together. He tilted his head back and opened his eyes to the sky, the stars in it spelling out answers, questions, and needs.

 

"Do you want it to be weird? I can make it weird if you want." Jinyoung joked as Jaebum tilted his head down to look at him again, "You seem comfortable when you're being weird." He says it in a honeyed voice—proving to Jaebum that he was okay, that they were okay.

 

Jinyoung breaks their eye contact, looking down at the dirt ground then back at Jaebum, as if to break the stiffing mood, "So, tell me." He says simply and somehow Jaebum knows exactly what he's asking for, what he wants—and practically needs—to hear.

 

"The things I feel for you aren't seen as normal. What would people say?" Jaebum said, the weight on his shoulders lifting drastically.

 

Jinyoung grinned at the confession, a pink tint invading his cheeks severely and adding color to the dark blue night, "You know, sometimes it just doesn’t matter what people say, who says it and how many times. Sometimes all that matters is how you feel. And that can override everything else around you.” He said, sighing.

 

"But that's exactly it. It does matter, because of who we are." Jaebum reminds, unplugging Jinyoung's brain and making him remember who they were, what was always waiting for them just hours away.

 

Jinyoung nodded, a small hum escaping his lip, "Being out here makes you forget some things." He shrugs, "Which is always good." He takes another step forward, now in Jaebum's space. The heat radiating off his skin instantly made Jinyoung warmer, though he didn't touch yet—wanting Jaebum to take the crucial task. His breath didn't hitch and his shoulders didn't tense, Jinyoung smiled to himself as he stared up at Jaebum with squinted eyes, like he was looking for something.

 

"What?" Jaebum asked, voice breathy and barely audible. Jinyoung just shrugged at the question before his pupils followed the curve of Jaebum's cheeks and then scanned the trees behind him, turning his head then back at Jaebum with a small frown played on his lips. His acting had always been good, "What is it?" Jaebum questioned.

 

Jinyoung leans in closer, their noses brush together and just the feeling pushes chills down his spine, "Will you kiss me even though there's no bathroom to run to and wash your mouth out?" He asked and Jaebum gave him a shy smile, wrapping an arm around his waist and cupping one side of Jinyoung's face with his free hand. He trapped Jinyoung's crossed arms between their chests, making him warm almost instantly.

 

The kiss was different. Way more different than the previous ones they've shared. Less rushed and forced, more slow and accepting. Though Jaebum hadn't fully accepted himself yet, it was a process he finally decided to begin down. Their lips moved in near sync and Jaebum pushed forward, attemping to deepen the kiss with a hand on the back on of Jinyoung's neck. He just smiled against Jaebum's lips, turning the long kiss into small pecks as he laughed lightly,

 

"If I asked you to forget about this. To forget that kiss ever happened. You wouldn't, would you?" Jaebum mumbled against his lips, he could see all the shades of Jinyoung's chocolate brown eyes,

 

Jinyoung squinted at him again, in suspicion, "Would you want me too?" He asked.

 

He shook his head, pressing his forehead against Jinyoung's, "No. But, say I did." He wrapped his other arm around Jinyoung's waist, effectively warming him. Holding Jinyoung felt like too much to Jaebum, it felt as if he were holding something too delicate and easily breakable but it was Jinyoung—one of the strongest people Jaebum knew.

 

"I'd never speak of it again, but I couldn't just forget it." Jinyoung replied.

 

"So, you wouldn't forget it." Jaebum smiled.

 

Jinyoung shrugged, "It's not my decision to make, it's my brain and my heart. Sometimes they don't like to work together." He whispered the last sentence to Jaebum, like it was a secret.

 

Jaebum pulled his face back just enough to look at Jinyoung's, laughing lightly, "Cheesy." He said, repeating what Jinyoung had said before.