Because I'm still alive (Seungho and Mir)

Seungho cursed under his breath, feeling his stomach churn from the pain in his abdomen. He coughed a bit, spitting out a wad of blood. He tried to control his breathing until it finally even out yet the pain were still pricking all over his body. Seungho eased his body, leaning his back on the brick wall and let his head fall aside, watching a small stray cat rummaging through the trash. He laughed bitterly, only to hiss at the strain he put on his bruised cheek and burst lips.

          "Damn it, they were right. I'm just a trash." Seungho whispered to himself. He sat there unmoving until a cold drop of rain plopped on his cheek. He stretched out his hand and let the increasing drops of crystal water falling from the sky, washing his dirty body. How easy it felt to just lie down here in this dark alley until death came to greet his injured self. Or maybe took a few days until his wound became infected and finally died due to infection. Hurm… That didn't sound half-bad.

          It was not like life had done anything for him. He was born in a loving family, no parents but he had a gentle grandfather every kid had ever dream for. His grandfather who give him so much love he didn't feel there were any lacking despite having no parents. Yet, people cruelly took his grandfather away. He knew the last few years of his grandfather's life wasn't all rosy and it was rough for him and his grandfather. His grandfather started to forgot things. At first just something simple like misplacing the keys until it became bigger issue when the old man lost his way home. Seungho remembered it happened a few times and Seungho would always ran around the neighborhood, crying while calling out to his one and only family.

          People around him hated his grandfather. His grandfather often trespass the other houses around, scaring the children and even sometimes urinate in someone's back house. It was never his grandfather's fault. It was the disease fault. But why did they hate on his grandfather, and always urged Seungho to leave the old man in a care center.

          No! No way he would do that. His grandfather had taken him in when his parents dies and no one wanted him. His grandfather gave him love and care greatly for him. When he cries, his grandfather would wipe his tears away. When he hungry, his grandfather feed him. When he is injured, his grandfather treated his wound. His grandfather is the safe haven for him.

          Now he lost him to some neighborhood thugs who thought of an alzheimer patient as a laughing stock. They chased the poor old man with their motorcycle, pushing the old man around like a toy, showing no mercy until the next day, all that Seungho found was the dead body of his grandfather lying cold in the drain just behind one of the neighbor house.

          He wailed. He cried. He called desperately for the gentle old man yet only silence he got as response. He lost him. And his grandfather never deserve to die in such way.

          He hated those people. Those whom had drove his grandfather to death and those whom never care enough to help an old man who was in distress. He hated those and he wanted revenge!

          Now, he got his revenge. Or at least that what he thought. He sent those thugs in hell. And in turn he was this hurt already. But it's okay. After all, he had done what he need to do and now he can let go and go into his grandfather's arms. Or maybe he would not. After what he had done, he deserve to be thrown into hell while he was sure his grandfather would be in heaven. It's okay. That way he wouldn't taint the heaven his grandfather no lived in. He is satisfied.

          Seungho felt the raindrops stopped. He looked up, eyes meeting another pair of eyes, large and soft and filled with concern. How long had it been since he saw such look from a stranger.

          That boy was holding an umbrella, graciously sharing with Seungho and one hand rested on his knees, bending down and staring at Seungho. "Are you still alive?" The boy asked hesitantly, poking a finger onto Seungho's cheek. He jumped back slightly when Seungho hissed as the touch hurt his bruised cheek. "Omo. This look bad." The boy started panicking, looking around and jumping on his feet. "What should I do? What should I do? Omo! Don't die yet! If you see any light, don't follow it! You're cold too. Oh no! What should I do? Can you stand? Can you walk? Damn it! I know I should have exercise more, then I would have strength to carry you. What-"

          "Shut up will you?"

          The boy gasped. "You talked. You talked! That's good right? Urm.. Urm… Can you see my fingers then? How many there is?"

          "Leave me alone."

          "No way! You'll die!" The boy now was tugging on Seungho's arm, in vain. "Come on. Let's get inside." The boy grunted, almost lying in the air as he tried to pull Seungho up.

          Annoyed, Seungho yanked his hand away and at the inertia, the boy fall back on his bum, his umbrella rolled at his feet. The boy blinked as he fall right into a puddle, drenching his whole almost immediately.

          "I told you to leave me alone." Seungho hissed and stood up, using the brick wall as his support. He thought the boy would finally did as what he told but he was wrong when he felt a slender arm slipped around his waist, helping him.

          "I'll charge you for assault if you don't come with me. I'll show the police the bruise on my hip and I'll make sure you'll be thrown in prison."

          "As if I care!"

          "I heard men got in prison."

          Seungho blinked, looking at the kid with dumbfounded look.

          "Prison or hospital? Choose." Seungho was silent, not that he was scared of the threat but rather he was stunned to silence by how ridiculous this kid was acting. And he just let his body being dragged to the hospital, which surprised him, he didn't know he was lying injured in the back alley of a hospital and when they were inside, only then he realized the kid was wearing a white uniform with blue small flowers for hospital patient. The kid stayed by his side the whole time he was receiving treatment.

          "Where did you find him, Mireu?" Seungho had heard a nurse asking the kid. So his name is Mir.

          "I was just spacing out at window when I saw him from my room. I don't know how long he had been there. Maybe since last night?"

          "Anyway, you should dry yourself up. You easily got cold and your condition is not that good these days. I'll make sure he's okay." The nurse said gently and patted Mir's cheek adoringly.

          Mir smiled, nodding once and skipped away.

          "Seungho-shi. Your wounds are superficial so you don't have to stay in the hospital but… May I ask something?" The doctor started.

          "If you want to ask how I get this injuries, then no. I'm fine now, right. I'm leaving." Seungho shot coldly.

          "Seungho-shi!" The doctor called out but Seungho ignored it.

          Seungho went out to the hallway, looking left and right for exit when the boy, Mir was it, caught his eyes. The boy was crouching down the hallway, from the vicious shudder of the boy's small frame, Seungho figured the boy was either crying or coughing.

          He was about to turn away and left when he saw Mir collapsed from the corner of his eyes. Still having conscience in his soul thanks to his grandfather's life teaching which he had forgotten quite a lot, he ran to the boy, picking the younger up from the cold floor, shocked to see blood spurting out of the boy's mouth as he coughed violently.

          "DOCTOR! HELP!" Seungho shouted and a few nurses and the same doctor treating Seungho came marching and took the boy from Seungho's hold. They wheeled the boy away and although Seungho could have just left, he decided to follow the medical team and the boy, waiting outside the boy's ward room until a nurse came out.

          Their eyes met and the nurse offered him a smile. "He's fine now. Do you want to go in?"

          "No. I should excuse myself now."

          "Wait. Please do. If you don't mind, please do. It would be great if you would company him since he never like to be alone. Please?"

          Seungho paused for a moment, weighing the decision until he sighed in defeat and walked inside the room. The doctor was still there with the other nurse, writing something in a file before turning to nod at Seungho and left the room, followed by the nurse.

          Seungho awkwardly walk to the side of the bed and watched the small body lying on the bed, eyes closed with oxygen mask on his small face. He pulled a chair and sat down, feeling tired himself and he let his head rest on the bed.

          He didn't know when he fall asleep but when he woke up, he felt softness and warmth around his hand and he was surprised to find Mir holding his hand while still sleeping. He wanted to pull back his hand but Mir's hand on him was so warm and gentle and in the end, he hold the limp hand back into a firm grip. He couldn't say he didn't like it.

          He waited until he heard sound coming from outside of the room. He reluctantly pulled his hand away from Mir and couldn't help the smile at the whine that escaped Mir's lips despite sleeping when he lost the warmth coming from Seungho's hand.

          This kid is endearing, Seungho decided.

          Seungho walked to the door, opening it and saw a couple outside. The lady have the eyes that resembled Mir greatly and Seungho decided these were Mir's parents. But it seemed that he had intrude in something by the look that he got from Mir's parents.

          "Who are you?" The father asked suspiciously.

          Seungho mused over his answer and finally decided the safest answer he could give. "A friend."

          "He has a friend?" The mother squeaked. "He never say anything." She mumbled.

          "I'll leave now." Seungho excused himself, walking back to his own home yet living alone gave him too much to overthink and all he could think of was Mir and his warm hand.

          Two days after that day, he went back to the hospital. Seungho still remembered the room Mir stayed in and went straight to the place until he saw the familiar silhouette standing at the end of the hallway just before a corner that would lead to Mir's room. It was Mir himself. He was standing there alone, not moving so Seungho approached the younger.

          But just as he opened his mouth to call for the boy, he noticed Mir's parents talking or more like arguing just in front of Mir's room. He closed his mouth and stood behind Mir, listening in just like what Mir was doing, unnoticed.

          "I told you I am getting married! He is not going to tolerate taking Mir in. And I don't want to ruin this marriage!"

          "And I have farm to watch over. I'm not that free to take care of Mir. You have to take responsibility. You are his mother!"

          "And you are his father!"

          "If Mir isn't sick, it's fine. But he's ill! He can't even help me with the farm and will only be a burden. You have to take care of him. Tell your future husband that if he want to marry you, he have to accept the baggage you bring with."

          "Hey! How dare you talk about Mir like that. He is our son!"

          "And you? You don't say it but you are thinking about it. A defected son is nothing but a burden. I rather to not have a son at all."

          Seungho stopped listening at that when Mir turned around, their eyes locked and Mir smiled brightly. "Hyung! You come back! Are you looking for me?" Mir greeted cheerfully, almost too cheerful, especially after hearing his parents spoken about him, not wanting him and most probably trying to say it was better for Mir to die.

          Seungho narrowed his eyes, he took Mir's hand. Yes. This was the warmth and softness he had felt that day he first met Mir. Maybe it was because of the warmth or it was just an impulsive decision or it was his heart yielding just like his late grandfather did. He stomped forward, yanking Mir with him and went to face the useless parents of Mir.

          "If both of you don't want him, then give him to me." Seungho spat.

          "H-Hyung?"

          "What the hell are you talking about?" The mother frowned in distaste.

          Seungho raised his hand which was still holding onto Mir's. "This baggage, this burden, I want to take him in. You don't want him so let me have him."

          "Who the hell are you-"

          "Shut it. Isn't it great? Now we don't have to keep this up. Okay, take him. I'm out of here." The father left, couldn't care less.

          The mother ran after the father, saying it was impossible yet it wasn't like she would take Mir in after all.

          Seungho raised one brow when he heard chuckles from his side. He turned to Mir with questioning look and the boy shrugged.

          "You're impulsive hyung."

          "How old are you?" Seungho asked with a smirk.

          "16."

          "Do you want to be my dongsaeng?"

          "What? You are serious?"

          "Yes, I am. Do you want to come live with me?"

          "B-but you don't know me."

          "I need someone to hold my hand."

          "Huh?"

          "Come live with me."

          In the end, Mir burst into a hearty laugh but the day Mir was healthy enough to be discharge from the hospital, Seungho was already waiting at the door with a smile, and he took Mir to his house. Living together was not bad. It was not bad at all. It felt like he got his family back by adopting the younger boy. Sometimes Seungho thought maybe Mir was a reincarnation of his grandfather.

          Seungho might not lead the best life after almost causing death to the thugs who had driven his grandfather to death and lived by working in a bar and dark alley. He was not in the best environment to raise a kid like Mir but now that he had Mir, he had a dongsaeng, he worked harder until he finally own a bar, a small bar but his own, which made Mir happier that the younger smile from ear to ear for the whole day after he told Mir of his achievement.

          "Why are you always so happy?"

          "Because I'm alive."

          "Is that so?"

          "Won't you ask me why am I happier?"

          Seungho smiled. "Tell me why then?"

          Mir grinned, taking Seungho's hand. "Because you're alive."