What is a life? What is so important in living? What has the life ever do for him? What life ever has to offer him? Pain? Wound? Sadness? Fear? Regret? It was all that he ever felt as long as he remembered in this twenty something life of his. He was born orphan. He lived alone, independently, deep down craving for love and warmth of family. And he went a long way until finally, someone whom ever made way into his empty heart arrived.

            She was a really sweet lady with a kind smile, a pair of bright round eyes that reflected her heart. Clear, bright and pure. She was everything he never had and have always wanted. And she said he was everything she wanted too.

            That six months of life they shared together felt so short and dream-like. How much he had wished he didn't wake up from that dream. Waking up into this dull life, alone and again, empty. Even more now.

            GO frowned, squeezing his eyes shut and biting his lips at the twinge of pain inside his chest. He still remembered vividly how she was smiling and waving at him from across the road he was standing at, waiting with a bouquet of sunflowers, she always preferred sunflowers over roses, to celebrate the six months of their relationship. If only he knew there was a car careless enough to not noticing the red light and ran into the one and only owner of his heart. Seeing the car crash into her as she was running towards him and he was not fast enough to reach her, he saw his own heart breaking and bleeding just like her, abandoned by the side road.

            "Are you going to jump?"

            GO gasped, snapping his head to see a boy leaning by the rail just a few steps away from him. That boy was looking down on the darkness down there where the river was flowing freely in a fast stream.

            GO turned away from the boy, stepping down from the rail and tried to walk away when the boy spoke again.

            "Not jumping?"

            "It is not your business."

            "Well, someone is about to commit suicide right in front of my eyes. I can totally sue you for the mental trauma I was about to have, you know." The boy chuckled, his hands pushing the rail and he straightened up, walking closer to GO.

            "I didn't jump." It felt so weird to hold a conversation with someone. He never talk unless it was work-related or.. With her…

            "Yea, I know. Then?"

            "Then?"

            "Are you going to look for another bridge to jump off from? I have a few in mind."

            GO frowned. He knew he hadn't had the best people skill given that he was family-less and a loner but this boy is definitely weird. Maybe even weirder than his loner self.

            "I'm being sarcastic in case you haven't realize it yet." The boy smirk and rounded an arm around GO's neck, pulling him down the road. "I'm Mir."

            GO stiffened himself, not going to budge from this place, especially not to follow this weird kid namely Mir.

            "What? You're going to stay here and wait until I leave then jump?"

            "Stop talking about jumping. And who are you suddenly showing up here and acting like you know me."

            "I told you I'm Mir. You?" Mir's eyes were so large, slightly hooded but round, and there was certain glitter in those brown orbs, signifying pureness which reminded GO of another pair of eyes and he found himself answering Mir's question.

            "GO."

            Mir broke into a white toothy smile that even his large eyes turned into crescent shape. As if that single name GO offered had been the greatest gift to Mir. "GO hyung then."

            "What? How do you know I'm older?"

            Mir blinked. "Urm… You're not? You have beard and all… So I just thought... I'm 18. You?"

            "…"

            Mir chuckled. "So I am younger." Mir cling onto GO's neck again, pulling the older man with him. "Come with me, a drink before you go off somewhere to die is not that bad right?"

            "You're 18. You can't drink."

            "I don't drink but I can accompany you for a drink. Come, I know just a place."

            Mir was… Quite forceful if he has to say and he was left with no choice but to follow a boy he just met and just know the name and age. After all, if the boy turned out to be some random serial killer, it would only do him a favor.

            To his disappointment, maybe the kid was not a serial killer. Both of them end up in a small bar just down the town. It was quiet empty, just three customer filling the counter, two of them went out after GO and Mir both came in while the left over customer seemed to be drunk out of his mind to get himself out of the bar.

            "Who are you bringing, Mireu?" A guy with sharp eyes and plump lips stood across the counter, staring at GO openly.

            "This is Seungho hyung." Mir introduced then turned to GO. "And this is GO hyung."

            "Hello." Seungho offered a smile and all the sharp features on his face evidently softened and brightened.

            It amazed GO how these two guys he just met had some unique and beautiful smile not anyone can easily pulled off. And it kind of make him feel even more miserable. Why is it in this life, it was only him who was so unhappy?

            "So… Something bad happened in your life?" Seungho asked, raising an inquiring brow.

            "Did it show on my face?"

            "That and also, Mir always bring someone like you back to the bar. He didn't pick just any random strays."

            GO snorted. "You're so rude."

            "And I'm happy with that." Seungho smirked.

            Mir leaned forward, nodding towards Seungho whom turned around and left only to bring back three glasses. He took a bottle of vodka and a bottle of milk from under the counter.

            Seeing the look on GO's face, Seungho laughed. "I only keep milk here because this kid is underage." Seungho slide the milk towards Mir who took it and filled his glass with it.

            "You shouldn't have let him inside in the first place." GO mumbled as Seungho poured the vodka into both glasses, handing one of the glasses to GO.

            "He can't do that. I live here." Mir chipped in with his milk mustache, gaining a fond look from Seungho that took the napkin in his pocket to wipe the milk from Mir's lips. "Thanks, hyung."

            Seungho turned to GO. "Care to share?"

            GO looked down at his glasses. "No." He took a sip. "Why do you want to know anyway. Both of you?"

            "I deserve an explanation for why I was about to witness a life-long traumatizing event in my life." Mir reasoned.

            "I didn't jump." GO repeated again and again.

            "But you're about to."

            "Jump? From a building?" Seungho asked.

            "Off the bridge." Mir offered a reply when GO clicked his tongue in annoyance.

            "Wow, man, that is one ungracious way to die. You'll be found bloated and look so disgusting, that is if the fish in the river didn't eat you to bones."

            "Eww… Now I can't eat the fish." Mir mumbled, dunking his milk in one-shot.

            GO watched these two guys back and forth before releasing a short sigh. These two are weird. The whole situation is weird. And he, himself too, is weird for actually sitting here and having this kind of conversation. But he didn't find it all too bad to tell this two what was building inside him. Those miserable feeling.

            "I have always been alone." GO started and felt two pairs of eyes focused on him. "My world have always been so dull. Until she came." He felt sad smile now stretching his lips because he felt his lips would trembled if he didn't. "And then she was taken away from me. The colors all faded even the light. And now I'm in the dark." He took a long breath in. "It's better to die."

            "You know... There is someone. Someone who I love yet that guy seemed so closely related with the word 'death'. But not because he wanted to. Yet, he couldn't get away from that word. Death is like waiting him in the corner but he still and always will try to put distance from the death and live on." Mir talked and paused a bit, sharing a deep meaningful look with Seungho as the older let his arms lied on the counter and opened his hands for Mir to take. The younger let the older held his hand in gentle grip. "Even after the doctor told him there is no hope and he has only a few months, he still live on. He never believes he would die without fighting. Because somehow, those who are alive need to keep living. How do you know the world after the death would be any easier? How do you know death is not a dark world and we would still be miserable? We never experience death, we wouldn't know if it would be easier than this life."

            "You don't feel what I feel." GO said. "I have no reason to live."

            "Then find one." Seungho replied, not even a second late. "Find one." He echoed.

            "What if I can't find any?" GO asked pathetically.

            "Then, do you want us to find it for you?" Seungho offered with a soft smile. "I have another empty room up there."

            And GO somehow followed these two weird guys after the bar closed and ended up in this small yet cozy apartment. There were three rooms. One Seungho's, another Mir's and the last now belong to GO.

            Somehow, he ended up living with these two. They were unexpectedly a good company. None of the duo bother GO much but they didn't leave him alone. They were always there when GO turned around to find another reason to live. They brought him out and show him colors of the world. It was bright. So bright he felt guilty to enjoy such world.

            GO might have found a reason to stay alive. Or maybe two. Seungho and Mir.

            "Dinner is ready." GO called out. After two months living here, he had ended up helping Seungho with the bar management and had been helping Mir with his school work. He even took the responsibility to cook for all three of them as the other two were so hopeless in anything relating to cooking. Sometimes GO felt like he had a complete family for the first time since her…

            It made GO sigh. Both in content and guilt. That guilt was still bothering him. Guilt for being able to move on after losing the love of his life but he could live with that now that he had these two. GO sat at the dining table but it wasn't long when he frowned as usually Seungho and Mir would stampede to the kitchen once he called them but there were not even a shadow of them.

            "Seungho? Mireu?" GO called, standing up and walking out of the kitchen. He looked around and heard some sounds coming from the bathroom. He felt the distress palpating from the bathroom and he was about to run to that place when the door burst opened and out Seungho with unconscious Mir in his arms. Blood was all over Mir's shirt and still trickling from his mouth, down his chin and the boy looked as pale as death it scared GO. "What is happening?" GO asked shakily.

            "Let's go to hospital. I'll explained later." Seungho has said.

            And that was how they ended up here, in a hospital, with Mir lying on the bed, sleeping, hooked to machine and oxygen mask covering his small face. Seungho was sitting on the edge of the bed, his hand always holding onto Mir's hand, never letting go since the doctor allowed them to accompany Mir. GO sat quietly on the chair trying to absorb the conversation he had heard between Seungho and the doctor.

            "You won't ask?" Seungho asked just under his breath, not wanting to disrupt the silence blanketing the room. Seeing as GO remained silent, he continued. "You still remember the first day we met?" GO nodded. "Do you still remember Mir's story about a guy he love?" Again, GO nodded. "That guy is Mir himself." Seungho chuckled sadly. "Mir love himself. And that's why he lived on despite what his doctor told him. He loves life too much to submit easily to death."

            GO felt that similar twinge of pain in his chest but then he felt his hand was pulled and now his hand was in Seungho's free hand. "It hurts." GO whispered.

            Seungho nodded. "Yes, it is. But it seems that you are Mir's gift for me." Seungho revealed. "Because Mir live on for himself while me, I live on for him. He knows I'd die the moment he exhale his last breath and that is why he took you home and make you be another reason for me to live on."

            "I don't want him to die." GO felt tears slipped out and he felt Seungho pulling his hand and putting it onto Mir's before putting his own hand on top of GO's and Mir's.

            "And he don't want you or me to die."

            "I found it. I found the reason to live on but how can I when one of the reason is slipping away?"

            "But you still have another." It startled both Seungho and GO at the weak raspy voice of Mir. Mir smiled behind his oxygen mask. "And who t-the hell say I'd die? Not so f-fast." He managed in difficulty. "I will live on. Forever."

            A lie. It is a lie but that is another reason to live on. A reason to fight. Fight to the end and when the times finally come, leave with no regret. And Mir was a fighter, he won't let this meager disease beat him down. He'd live and live on until Seungho was on wheelchair, until GO hunched, until his hair turned all white.

            Put your hand on your chest and feel it. Feel that quiet thumping from inside. It was the beating of your heart. Wounded maybe, but alive.

I keep torturing my ultimate bias in my fanfic

I LOVE MIR THOUGH!!!!