Tao

The next few days were a blur.

He knew he had given Suho and the others an undetailed report of what happened when he was separated from Kai and that Lay tended his shoulder injury, but the rest of the days seemed to meld together.

Half of the blur was from the water that kept springing from his eyes. Tao wandered around their barracks. More than once he would somehow end up in Kris' room, and Xiumin would give him a pat to the shoulder and leave him in his thoughts. Other times he wandered around outside until he came to the mountain Kris liked. He would hike to the base of the cliff faces and sit against the rock, staring at the ring blade.

The other half of the blur was from the droplet visions. Tao felt drawn to a certain area of the forest. He saw the rain versions of the trees, leaves, and rocks. He saw himself pick up a stone, throw it a few paces away, and go still. He could feel the tension in his limbs, the concentration in his mind, the pull of his will. He was coaxing it with thoughts of reversal, to repeat things once more, to return to their original place in time while forgetting all that had already happened.

In the vision, the rock resisted. It remained adamant in its place in time, unconvinced that the change was acceptable. The visions came and dissipated erratically, and the version he saw in his mind failed each time.

Tao tried it himself. He felt that his limbs and concentration didn't have to be as taut and focused. His will was stronger, and the rock returned to his palm on the first try.

Tao didn't know what to make of the successful rewind. Everything in his body was telling him that he was experienced in this type of time manipulation, but he had only ever done it twice.

Hadn't he?

If these visions really were his past, he really had lost his memory. Nothing else Tao could think of would explain why he could so easily rewind time, something he couldn't do no matter how much he tried before. His powers had taken the most time to master out of his unit. Learning to stop and fast-forward time took months, and mastering stop took years. He still hadn't learned how to fast-forward time without losing parts of his sanity yet.

He couldn't activate a rewind on a massive scale like he did when on the battlefield, but then again none of his friends were in danger. So he knew he had learned rewinding, but he hadn't mastered it by the time he died.

"Tao?"

At Suho's voice, he shook out of his thoughts. He realized he had been standing half-way between the living room and the outside and quickly shut the door. Suho was still wrapped in bandages. The color had returned to his face, but the shadows under his eyes were dark.

"Ge, are you okay enough to walk around?"

"It's boring lying in bed all day. If I don't get up once in a while, I feel like my limbs will fall off."

He laughed, but it didn't last long.

"Tao, you don't have to grieve by yourself. Kris' death has been hard on all of us, but I want you to know that we're still here for you."

"What's grieving?"

Suho thought for a moment.

"It's a sadness. The misery and agony from someone important leaving your life, that is grief."

Grief. That word fit his emotions so well.

"Then you too, Suho ge."

He looked surprised.

"You should lean on us. Kris ge... he was worried that you shouldered all the responsibility alone. Even if you're our leader, we have a responsibility to you too. We have to make sure you stay our leader, no matter what happens," Tao said, recalling his talk with Kris.

Suho was quiet for a moment. Tao saw something flash across his face, and he could have sworn it was guilt. But it had disappeared so fast that Tao was sure he had seen wrong.

"Thank you, Tao, for you and Kris believing in me."

Suho patted his shoulder and moved back to his bedroom, shutting the door. Tao didn't immediately move from his spot. He remembered what Jongdae had told him, how home was where the important people in his life were. How they would all be waiting for him. He remembered the thoughts that he had about all of them living in a comfortable and peaceful place, a real home, while finally being free of the military and Commander Lang's orders.

But now Kris was gone.

The emotions were clenching at his throat and chest again, the water tickling his eyes. Tao stumbled to the living room table and sat, wiping at the trails that were being dug in his cheeks.

The sobs were escaping him again, quietly and softly.

******

"We're being summoned again," Suho said. "It's a mission."

Tao couldn't comprehend the words for