RED

It's the end of autumn. The leaves are no longer brown, simply gone and scattered on the ground.

She's there again. Even though it's freezing, she's just there. She's always sits at the same bench, in the same park, staring at the same scenery. When I go to work, it's tedious seeing the same trees, the same road, the same people. However, she is always observing. I wonder what change she is seeing through her eyes.

If I walked past her, would she see me?

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"Why don't you just talk to her?"

I look at Wheein. She always makes it sound so easy. If only I had her confidence to talk. Even though she says she's shy, she's the most outgoing person I know. There's an invisible aura around her that draws people in. Men and women alike flock to her. It's no wonder Wheein is the top employee at the travel agents'.

"And how would I start this conversation? 'Oh hi, I've been watching you for a couple months know every time I walk to work. I was wondering if you want some coffee some time?'"

"Not a bad start."

I roll my eyes.

"Just minus the first part so you don't sound like a total creep."

"Gee, thanks." I sarcastically reply.

"Unnie, just talk to her. You can start with weather. Everybody loves to talk about weather. It's the most mundane and easy to talk about topic."

I twiddle my uniform bow, touching the ribbon nervously. I think just hearing her voice would make my heart burst from my chest.

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I stand just a few metres from her. She’s sitting on the same bench, staring ahead as usual. My heart beats furiously in my chest. My throat tightens as I try to push down my nervousness. I know if I dwindle any longer I will be late for work, but my feet don’t want to move even though I use my greatest will to tell them to. However, it must be strange to other civilians to see me simply standing there and not moving. The social pressure to not appear strange pushes me to finally move.

Each step towards her makes the surroundings disappear, the cold out of my mind the closer I got to her. Her black hair is dark like a raven’s coat, her skin like the winter morning frost, and her lips pink like spring rose petals. She’s a snow flower I wish I could hold.

Finally, I stand in front of her. I am about to greet her, but I don’t. I stare at her. I look at those paralyzing eyes, unable to tear myself away. Two pale glazed pupils stare back, unblinking. They are grey and cloudy, reminding me of last week’s stormy sky. Even though they are unusual, they are beautiful. It felt like rather than looking at me, she could look into me. However, unsure why, they seemed to show a lifetime of loneliness and pain. Those eyes that held a story, gazes past me, straight through me like I am not there in front of her. I look at her frozen hand, realising there’s a white cane leaning next to the bench, within her reach.

It is then I realise she is blind.

I walk away without saying a single word.

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BLUE

The winter winds are cold, but I am wrapped tight in my many layers of clothing. However, not as warm as a tight embrace. I sit alone on the same hard bench, it’s wooden planks probably dented with my constant sitting.

It’s the only bench I know how to get to with my sightless eyes.

Morning birds cry out, much like the dozens of people that walk in front of me, going here and there. I listen to the sound of the pounding feet of joggers, the pants of dogs, and the rolling of dead branches. Ever sound, touch, smell and taste, I can sense them all. All but one.

My stiff fingers grasp my cane.

I hate it.

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Hyejin opens my heavy eyelids, showing the world of darkness that I am accustomed to. I hear the click of the torch. I know she’s shining the bright light into my eye, but I feel nothing. I don’t even blink. She asks me to move my eye, following the same procedure that I’ve done many time before; left, right, up and down. After she moves onto the next eye, I feel no different. Then, Hyejin withdraws.

“It seems there hasn’t been any improvement.” Hyejin diagnoses. “Both corneas are still extremely misshapen and your pupils are unreactive. However other than that, there is no infection or any type of other damage.”

“You’ve changed your perfume.”

I hear Hyejin laugh. “But your other senses are as good as ever.”

She writes something on her notepad, probably my most recent results of my tests.

“You know Byulyi; you should go for the cornea operation. You never know when we might get a donor. Plus-”

“No.”

She sighs and it’s like a sea breeze. It’s just as salty.

“I don’t want to have someone else’s eyes.”

I know Hyejin is looking at me.

“How have you been feeling?”

I wonder what her expression is. Is it the same as when she first asked me that question, two years ago? Though, the bigger question is what does she look like in general.

“The same.” I answer.

You don’t need the gift of eyesight to see the awkwardness in the air.

“Well I’ll see you next month Byulyi.”

I nod and grasp my cane. Carefully I walk out of the office. I assume Hyejin opened the door for me.

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I inhale the cold air which enter my chest, freezing me from the inside out. I like the cold. However, my desire for it to rain is greater. I want it to wash away my frustration, the gentle ache in my heart. I want it to clear away the constant blurry scene, like a frosted window, and show me the colourful world that I only see in my memories and dreams. I want it to hide the tears that threaten to roll down my cheeks. I want the rain to thaw out the coldest ice that encase my heart.

As I slide down my pit of despair, a person stops in front of me. I wonder if they’re waiting for someone. However, I can feel their gaze on me. Perhaps they’re here to stare at the freak show. They don’t say anything, which I know would happen. Only a terrible person would insult someone with a disability. Then, just as quick as they arrived, the person begins to walk away. The dry leaves crush under their feet. Crushed like my spirit.

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RED

I’m a terrible person.

As soon as I discovered that woman was blind, I’ve been too scared to walk through the park. Even though it shouldn’t change my interest, it did. In a whole new way, I’m bewitched by her. However, now it’s cloudy. I wondered if I’m interested in her just because of her appearance, or because I’m curious of her story, and if she would tell me how it feels to be missing something so many people take for granted.

Even though I avoided the park during the weekend, it is the most convenient path to work. Monday comes and I’m there again. And again, she’s there.

I’m a distance away but I can already see those piercing grey eyes. The urge to gaze into them again forces me to walk towards her. It’s like I’m in a trance. Before I realise it, I’m in front of her. Like before, she stares into me, like I’m everything, but nothing at the same time. My mouth opens to say something. However, I can’t. If I do, that means I would be forming a relationship. A casual one, but still a relationship. It frightens me because I know once I start, I won’t be able to stop.

Finally, I force myself to walk away once more.

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“Why don’t you just talk to her?”

I look at Wheein as if she’s just said the most atrocious statement ever.

“Because-”

“Because she’s blind?”

That shuts me up. I really am a terrible person. Wheein gives me a side glance.

“I didn’t realise you were so narrow minded.”

“I’m not narrow minded! It’s just… I wouldn’t know how to act around her. I can barely form normal sentences with customers. How I am supposed to speak to her when it took me months to gain simple courage to talk to approach her? I feel like I’m going to say the wrong thing.”

“Even if you do, what’s the harm? The worse thing that can happen is that she corrects you.”

“But I’m going to sound so ignorant. What if the first thing I say offends her?”

“If ‘Hello’ offends her, then being blind isn’t the only thing that’s her handicap.”

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BLUE

She’s back again. I can tell it's a woman from her light, careful steps. As usual she stops in front of me. She doesn’t say anything, but I think she’s doing her best to say something. I wonder what her pondering, hesitating, expression looks like. It’s frustrating.

When she first stood there, I thought she was waiting for someone to arrive. I thought she would sit next to me, or call to who she was meeting, and then go away, like anyone else who was at the park. However, she simply stood there for a few minutes, and then walked away. I thought that perhaps she was momentarily checking something on her phone. Yet, it happened again. The second time I had become suspicious. I thought maybe she was curious of my eyes. Maybe she’s never seen a blind person before. Maybe she was going to discriminate me, harass me. However, she left again without saying a single word. This happened time after time. Now, I just simply wanted her to state her purpose so I could get on with my miserable life without feeling even more like a freak show.

I hear she takes a step away from me.

“Can I help you?”

My voice is more biting than I intended it to be. Yet the sound of her gasp makes me inwardly smirk.

“I-I-I-”

The way she stutters, like she’s been caught doing something she shouldn’t be, makes me smile. It hurts, as if I haven’t used those muscles in years.

“You’ve been standing there awhile. Maybe you needed something from me.” I try my best to not sound sarcastic.

“I just wanted to say…. Hello.”

Her quiet voice is pretty. I can’t remember what my grin looks like, but I’m sure it’s wide now. I can hear her feet shuffle from side to side, sounding her nervousness. I guess she didn’t mean any harm after all.

“Hello.” I return, bemused. “Would you like to sit down?”

“Actually, I have to go to work.”

I wonder if my disappointment shows on my face, because she quickly continues, “But I can stay for a bit.”

I hear her sit next to me. In the winter morning, her body is a welcoming warmth, one I haven’t felt in a long time.

“I’m Byulyi.” I introduce myself. “Your name?”

“Yongsun.”

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Day by day, Yongsun would come to the park. I discovered she works in a travel agent, but her true dream is to become a flight stewardess. Now and again, she would come with a coffee which warmed my body in the mornings that were becoming colder and colder. However, what brought me true heat was the laughter that bubbled and erupted from my chest like lava. I didn’t know my voice could become so giddy. All because of Yongsun. She was hilarious, her actions and antics impossibly adorable. I just wanted to pinch her cheeks.

I just wanted to touch her.

“Morning Byulyi.”

Yongsun’s steps are loud like a toddler’s excited first steps. She plonks next to me and passes me my usual order and her fingers graze mind. I've never known my heart to flutter so much, like the wings of summer butterflies.

“How’s your morning?” she asks.

“The same.” I reply. “The couple were arguing about were about their in-laws again. The joggers swept through like they usual do. The single mother let her daughter feed the pigeons this time.”

“How cute! I used to always do that when I was younger. That’s when I realised my dream. Every time I watched the birds fly away, going to lands I could never reach without a plane, I knew what I had to do. Although I did not have the brains to become a pilot, becoming a glamourous air stewardess was the next best thing. The ladies always looked so pretty, and the uniforms were stunning to my eyes. I wanted to be just like them.”

The way she talks, so enthusiastic, it makes me wish to see her expression. Amongst other things.

“So when are you going to be bringing my flight dinner?” I joke.

She laughs and it’s like a wind chime. Music to my ears.

“I don’t know. I’ve hit a rut. I failed the stewardess exam. Two times. I couldn’t bring myself to do it again. So I settled with working in a travel agent. That way I can bring the gift of a holiday, and still see the joy on other people’s faces.”

 “Don’t you get sad?”

Her sigh is like a winter’s breeze. It’s just as cold.

“What’s your dream?” Yongsun asks, diverting the subject.

“I want to see the world.”

She hesitates, but I laugh.

“It’s okay, I know how ironic that sounds. Perhaps not in a literal sense, but I want to experience all the different cultures in all the other countries that isn’t here. Taste all the foods, smell all the scents, hear all the languages. I want to set foot in all these places and be able to say, ‘I was there’.”

“Maybe we’ll fly in the same plane one day.”

That maybe gives me hope that I haven’t dared feel for a long time. It also provided me the reality that not all dreams come true.

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RED

I almost skip as I head towards the park. It feels unreal how I’ve come to know Byulyi, and how she’s totally different from what I imagined. I thought she would be a quiet, mild woman. She wasn’t brittle like a dried fallen leaf, but rather a grounded oak tree. She was liked a spiced latte. Her comments sometimes burning, but then there would be an aftertaste of sweetness as she said kind words, to make up for her dry sarcastic humour which I sometimes took to heart. It’s odd how she can push and pull at my mind, keeping me on my toes, like I’m dancing on fire.

I’m running a bit late, but I’m sure Byulyi wouldn’t mind. Time is just a concept to her. I can’t wait to see her again. Her smile is like that of a camera flash. It’s blinding. It makes me want to appear my best in front of her.

However, Byulyi isn’t there today.

I never knew my heart could sink so low. I feel an ache I’ve never felt before. Perhaps this is what missing someone feels like.

My phone rings and it’s Wheein.

“Hello.” I answer. I didn’t know my voice could be so hollow.

“Where are you? You’re late.”

I didn’t know time could run away like my emotions did. They are getting the better of me, like they usually did.

I’m about to answer when I suddenly hear distant taps of metal against the solid ground. I turn around and slowly, like the first snow, Byulyi approaches. I do my best to subdue my urge to run to her. I would scare her, and it would be proof of my feelings running wild again.

“I’ll call you back Wheein. Cover for me please.” I hang up without hearing her response. She’ll forgive me when I take her out for dinner tomorrow.

It feels like forever before she’s finally within reasonable distance.

“Byulyi.” I exclaim.

She doesn’t even jump. I wonder if she can even hear my breathing, recognising me from anyone else. Why does it make me feel so special even when she does nothing?

“Yongsun.” she greets with a grin that makes my insides swirl.

“Where were you?”

“Just at an appointment.” she simply replies, taking a seat at her usual spot.

“Appointment?” A rush of worry goes through me. “Is something wrong?”

“It’s just a routine check-up.” Byulyi reassures. “My doctor checks my eyes, monitoring any deterioration.”

“How was it?”

“Same old.”

I notice sometimes Byulyi can be blunt, especially when she doesn’t want to continue the topic.

“Why aren’t you at work?”

I ignore her. I won’t let her drop it this time.

“You shouldn’t go alone.” I say.

“Who do I ask? There’s no one to come with me.”

If my voice was hollow before, Byulyi’s is a void. I wish I could fill it. I never want Byulyi to be lonely.

“I’ll go with you.”

Byulyi turns to me, out of habit perhaps. I know she can’t see me, but I can see her. I could look at her all day.

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BLUE

I can already imagine Hyejin smirking.

“So...” Hyejin begins.

I roll my blind eyes.

“Who’s she?”

“You know who she is.”

“I mean, who is Yongsun to you.”

“She’s a friend.”

Hyejin’s hum of acknowledgement allows me to know she heard me, but I know she’s doesn’t believe me. I wonder if even I believe my own words.

She carries out her usual examination. Even though I can’t see the time, it feels slow. My desire for these sessions to quickly end is always apparent, but I feel particularly restless today. Yongsun is waiting for me outside, after she insisted on accompanying me to my next appointment. I wonder what she’s doing, as I think of her.

Finally, it’s nearing the end.

“So, how are you feeling?” Hyejin asks.

The question is the same, but my answer is different.

“I want to go on a holiday.”

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RED

A yawn breaks from me. I can’t believe it myself that I woke up so early. Scentless smoke circles around me as my breath hits the dawn air. Even though I have my massive black puffer jacket on, the only thing keeping me warm is my thermos of hot coffee.

I think I’m going to be the first one there, especially because it seems Byulyi is always there waiting for me. I want to be the one waiting for her for once. However, to my surprise, I see a familiar figure sitting at the bench. Even in the dim morning, Byulyi shines.

“Morning Byulyi.”

“Morning Yongsun.”

I wonder what Byulyi would say if she could see the way my mouth stretched into a wide smile every time she said my name.

“Do you always get here at this time?”

She turns to the sound of my voice.

“Not always. Sometime the morning escapes me. But it is my favourite time of day.”

“Why?”

“Listen.”

I stay quiet. The birds must have flown south for the winter because there’s not a single chirp. The other animals must be hibernating because there’s not a single rustle. There’s not a single person around us. It’s completely silent.

“I don’t hear anything.” My voice sounds like thunder.

Byulyi smiles. “Exactly.”

“You don’t have to always talk. You can feel more about a person when there’s silence.”

“And how do you feel about me?”

The question surprises me. It must have shocked Byulyi into silent too. I think my heart is pounding so hard against my ribs, like a war drum or the deafening hum of a plane’s engine, Byulyi can hear it.

“Are you curious?” her voice is soft, like a budgie’s feather.

“About what?”

“Why I am blind.”

My nerve is shaken again. I’m sure Byulyi already knows of my first reaction to her being blind.

“Honestly, I did wonder.” I nervously answer, but I grab her hand to steady me. Her expression doesn’t hide her surprise. “It doesn’t change who you are.”

Her fingers slip through my own and they’re entwined like our fate. I think it’s fate that has brought me to her. Sometimes I think it’s a dream, these past few months. However, her cold hand keeps me in this wonderful reality.

“It doesn’t. But it did change me into who I am today.”

She tells me her story. How she was an only child who was loved deeply. Her father was a military man so they moved from place to place, but she could barely remember the countries she had been to because she was so young. Another downside to the constant travelling was she could never make long-lasting friends. The only constant was her mother and father.

However, that constant didn’t last forever.

Her father lost his life serving his country, and her mother soon died of grief. She was an orphan, looked after by her only living relative in South Korea. Her grandmother was old-fashioned, but also cared for Byulyi deeply. However, like her parents, she passed away just before Byulyi graduated high-school. Then, she had to fend for herself. While looking after herself, she became distant. She was once a positive person, who craved the company of others. However, fear of losing those close to her took over. She instead buried herself in studies and sports. Byulyi soon took to the academy and become a police woman. Like her father, she bore a uniform she was proud of. However, as if bad luck was like gum stuck to the sole of her shoe, Byulyi was struck with another bout of misfortune. During a day when she was at her line of duty, she was struck at the back of her head after she tried to break up a fight. Although she wasn’t badly injured, it caused enough damage. She was in a coma for one month. Doctors tried to salvage what they could, but they couldn’t save everything. Her occipital nerve was strained and her corneas deteriorated. Byulyi regained consciousness, in exchange for her sight. She couldn’t return to the police force. Now, all she does is work at a call centre from home.

“It’s been two years since then. Not a single day goes past without me wondering why I’m still here.”

I didn’t realise I am crying until I my dry lips. She looks at me and I see the hypnotising grey. It’s like morning fog, during the winter dawn. Vast and haunting. The eyes that appeared in my day and night dreams. 

“Maybe, it’s so I could meet you, Yongsun.”  

I kiss her and I taste the ocean. The salt of our tears touch my tongue and I swallow her loneliness as it floods into me.

=====================================================================================

BLUE

She kisses me and I taste red – the sweetness of the strawberries and the plastic of her lipstick. I cling onto her arms which hold me close. It’s passionate and desperate. For the first time that I’ve become blind, I feel grateful. All my amplified senses are overwhelmed. It’s sensational.

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A/N:

I was going to fit everything into a single story, however there is way too much content. It's a bit of angsty romance which is a guilty pleasure of mine. Hope you guys enjoy and comment :D