0526

The scent of last night’s downpour still hung in the air as the sky brightens and the colours fade away. Soon, the morning fully arrives as clouds played through the sky leaving transitory patches of blue. Though most of them are in white, there were subtle hints of grey, suggesting that rain might took a part in the day to come.

For a minute the sun peeked through a hazy screen of clouds and gently kissed good morning on Jihoon’s cheek. As soon as he opened his eyes, a smile slowly crept into his face and he felt good.

Jihoon felt comfortable, warm and confident. Even with the gloomy skies and a high chance of rain he couldn’t concern himself with neither the sound of raindrops nor the thunderstorms. Nothing could possibly ruin his mood because today,

- he won’t be alone.

To finally have someone beside you- as if all his life he had been isolated, in a room full of flowers, beautiful yet lonely still, and with the expectation having more flowers in the spring the rain suddenly poured over him unleashing feelings that he once kept locked.

Meeting him was like meeting an enigma, Jihoon did not know why he exists in this world yet he does, and he would always be grateful for that.

Being with this person wasn’t like discovering a new song, more like opening a book and trying to understand a language you’d never seen before, only to know that you speak the same language, yet no one else is able to.

The person gave Jihoon the feeling that do not take a form of a sheep, for sheep run at the first sign of fear, maybe at first but he was sure there were lions. Though life may test them, he would stay for as long as he can and would never betray, never abandon Jihoon.

He only needs to be brave and know that Guanlin is there, always.

One thing was for sure, even when Jihoon got a change of heart, every amount of feelings, no matter how small, he harboured towards Guanlin wouldn’t change; his heart would only just beat louder and faster.

“If my heart is a flower waiting to bloom, your love is the only sunshine it needs”

-No, you are the rain it wants.

Jihoon woke up an hour before the alarm but spent his extra minutes daydreaming and smiling to himself.  To say that he was excited was an underestimation of his sleepless night.

It was the first in a long time that Jihoon saw himself in the mirror not looking so miserable as he was. In fact, he had this huge grin and was lost in his own world trying to look for words that could describe his emotions.

Weird might be accurate but Jihoon was more of ecstatic.

Jihoon took an early bath, he was singing in the shower and even got dressed immediately. He all did this in an energetic way without being his usual slow and lazy self.

This morning, Jihoon bothered to prepare breakfast -for two. The second morning his flat was filled with thick scent of roasted coffee beans when he decided to make use of his coffee machine.

While waiting for his date to come, he sat on a chair and carefully enjoyed his hot chocolate with good music in the background. Suddenly, the curve on Jihoon’s lips left him when waves of anxiety filled his mind.

Jihoon’s face felt tight, like smiling wouldn’t be an option anymore. His calmness before had been replaced by a carousel of ideas, each one more worrying that the last. He just wanted to wash his brain in cold water, chill the whole thing right out but he definitely cannot do that.

What if it suddenly rains? And Guanlin sees me scared because of the thunderstorm? The lightning? What if he suddenly realize that there are things to do that is more important than going on a date with me? What if he gets cold because of the rain? What if he won’t come today? What if I suddenly died? What if Guanlin died?

It wasn’t the rain or the thunderstorm that totally killed his mood but the what ifs. It was his anxiety, the fear of everything.

Jihoon could only laugh thinking that were a lot of things he once held that slipped from his grasp right in front of his eyes. And maybe, that was the reason he did not grab his hands, chose not to hold onto it because he knew, that someday he would let go, he had to.

Every second that passed was unbearable to Jihoon and he could only think of one way to stop it, to sleep. He went to his room with feelings opposite to the ones he woke up to. Jihoon did not fight sleepiness when it took him away from his cruel thoughts.

“When people walk away from you, let them go.”

-What if you are the one who walked away?

With the non-stop vibration of his mobile and loud banging on his door, though still feeling pathetic, Jihoon woke up and forced himself to sit on the bed. As he gave a glanced to himself on the mirrors, the reflection stood before him was the usual Jihoon and not the bubbly one this morning.

Without thinking that much, Jihoon wore his bathrobe and headed straight to the door. As he opened the door, he saw Guanlin standing there with a face full of concern.

“Hyung, why aren’t you answering your phone?”

Jihoon watched Guanlin as he raised his eyebrows in what he hoped was a sign of relief. He took in Guanlin’s cheekbones, full lips and milky skin. To Jihoon there's something so y in that vulnerable look of his. He maybe young but this boy releases an aura that makes you treat him like a man but at the same time ilicits a want to take care of him.

He scanned the younger one from the head to toe and was pleased in what he was wearing. Guanlin wore a striped shirt and topped it with dark blue cardigan to match his black denim pants. Jihoon found Guanlin’s new eyeglasses perfect for his face.

Jihoon always found the younger’s voice warm and rich; his heart beats faster than its design specs should allow. Then it's silent for a moment- Guanlin was waiting for a response but Jihoon wasn't focusing on his words.

The boy looked so dreamy that Jihoon thought he was still asleep and continued staring at him. Unknowingly, his hands reached Guanlin’s face and caressed his cheeks. To his surprise, the boy reacted to his touch and slowly leaned to his hands.

 “Hyung, as much as I enjoy this but did you forget?”

Fortunately, Guanlin’s teasing saved him from the trance and was glad that it wasn’t a dream after all. In an instant, Jihoon turned around and Guanlin followed him inside after closing the door.

When they arrived in the living room, Jihoon sat on the sofa while Guanlin stood in the middle. Jihoon eventually patted the space beside him, telling Guanlin to sit.

 “Nooo~” Guanlin eventually spoke in a childish but cute manner, he even crossed his arms and made an unlikely angry face.

“Hyung.. our date..” Guanlin whined and Jihoon was extremely enjoying this moment, but as much as he enjoyed it he did not want to waste time anymore.

So, he stood up and said “Oh, sorry I woke up early but fell asleep again, give me a minute and please help yourself.”

That was a big lie and Jihoon almost did an eye roll towards himself before entering his room.

“Okay, now what?” That was the only thing that filled Jihoon’s mind as soon as he saw the heaps of clothing after he realized that he doesn’t have enough clothes. Jihoon never imagined that a time would come when he would have to take his time picking out what to wear. Jihoon was about to have a panic attack.

He clenched his fists tightly, until his nails dig into the palm of his hand, but he barely noticed. The only thing he was really aware of, was the sound of his heart throbbing against the cage of his chest. It was not until he looked into the mirror that he became aware that he's been biting his lip so badly it was bleeding.

Jihoon tried to clear his mind by breathing as calmly as he could. This day was almost spoiled because of his unstable emotions and he wouldn’t let it ruin Guanlin’s day. He cannot afford to do that.

As he went out the door, he quietly watched Guanlin preparing coffee for himself that he did not noticed Jihoon.

“Hyung, don’t think too much about your clothes!” Guanlin yelled, still busy with his drink. Even with his back faced to Jihoon, the older one could clearly see his teasing smile.

The minute Guanlin turned around, Jihoon let him scan what he was wearing for a moment. Jihoon decided to wear a simple mahogany knitted sweater paired with light brown pants. He thought that it would suit Guanlin’s colour scheme for their date.

With Guanlin’s eyes all focused on him, Jihoon almost squirmed when their eyes met. Jihoon’s furrowed his brows when the younger one avoided his eyes and almost laughed when the he sipped his coffee completely forgetting that it was hot.

Jihoon stood in front of the mirror to make sure that he looks at par with Guanlin’s model like physique. Busy with assessing himself, he failed to notice Guanlin’s stares at him with eyes full of pride and longing.

You may look manly and all but you still need a little care from someone.

            -It can only be me

When Jihoon noted that Guanlin was into his last sip of his coffee, he headed straight to the door and slipped on his shoes.  He was almost finished tying his shoelaces when suddenly, Guanlin leaned to his ears and whispered

“Jihoon hyung looks beautiful, as always.”

Jihoon felt shivers down his spine and his ears burning up because of Guanlin’s statement. He walked out the door in daze but was all smiles. Wondering, how he and his heart could survive if they haven’t left his place, yet he was already red like cherries.

Remembering that Guanlin was still inside, he turned around just to see Guanlin at the doorstep with his foolish smile.

“Get out now, I still have to lock the door!”

Guanlin went out laughing with Jihoon smiling sheepishly as he locked the door. 

“Say it before it’s too late.”

            -I’ll hold you a little tighter now.

The sky was dyed with various shades of grey, in some places a slither of light managed to break through, but otherwise it was almost as dark as pre-dawn. The air was humid and smelt of storms but none of those bothered the couple as they walked down the alley ways.

 “Hyung, do you have anywhere you want to go?” Guanlin tilted his head as he spoke to Jihoon.

“Nope, I’ll go with your craziness today.” Jihoon answered, forced to submit under Guanlin’s cuteness.

“Good, because I have it all planned out” Guanlin whispered to himself but it was all crystal clear to Jihoon what he said. He could definitely see the younger one smiling to himself but failed to see his own feet skipping once in a while.

Everything felt nice.

With Guanlin beside him everything felt natural. Jihoon did not feel any awkwardness when he felt the other one’s hand brushed on him. Sometimes, he could feel his pinky being tugged.

It was as if, they had been doing this the whole time. No, it was as if both were finally ready to show their affection toward one another.

“So, where are we going?” Jihoon asked Guanlin, overlooking the fact that their pinkys were already entwined, the same way you make a pinky promise.

The two had been walking for almost 20 minutes now. They passed by the playground and the market earlier, and were now in a street unfamiliar to Jihoon.

 “Where are we?” Jihoon asked mostly to himself but turned to Guanlin, expecting that he would put an end to his curiosity and worry. Still, he wasn’t given an answer to his question. So, Jihoon stopped walking and yanked Guanlin near him.

 “Kidnapping is a crime, Guanlin.” Jihoon pointed out in a serious tone and made up his mind to keep an angry face until the younger boy answers him. Instead, he heard a chuckle beside him.

Jihoon was caught off guard when Guanlin leaned towards his face and glare