“Boo Seungkwan, are you sure you’re okay?”

“I told you already that I’m perfectly fine”

“Want me to sleep over?”

Seungkwan rolled his eyes hard. “No please seriously you just slept over here last night. You can come back next time like next week maybe”

“Damn next week is too long I miss you already”

“I’m hanging up bye bye good night Seokmin hyung” Seungkwan ended with a smooch.

“Alright, just call me if you need anything”

“I KNOOOOW” He could hear his buddy’s laugh before sweetly saying good night and finally hung up the call.

 

It has been 4 months since Seungkwan and Hansol’s break up. Seungkwan might not show his sadness the past 3 months and act as if he was fine, but Seokmin knew. He knew that Seungkwan was still not over it. He knew that Seungkwan missed Hansol, a lot.

 

Seungkwan himself was totally aware that he missed Hansol, he still love him and he wouln’t deny that. He didn’t even try to move on. Seungkwan still has Hansol’s clothes neatly folded in his wardrobe, Hansol’s shoes in his shoe rack, and everything Hansol left in his house. Seungkwan still keep their pictures in his gallery dan still uses their couple phone case.

Hansol still send him messages and calls everyday. Since their break up, Hansol would come to his house four times a week to make up everything.

Then why not try to be back together again?

Because the reason behind their break up of 3 years of dating hurt him too much. Seungkwan never did reply his messages nor pick up the calls, Seungkwan never did open the door for him. Because he knew, if he gave responses to everything Hansol did, if he saw Hansol’s face, he would cry and gave in, and he doesn’t want that to happen.

 

--- Flashback ---
 

Lately, Seungkwan felt something was off about his boyfriend. He noticed that Hansol had been spacing out most of the time. Even when he hold Seungkwan’s hand, it felt odd. There was this rigid atmosphere coming out of Hansol’s body. Seungkwan had asked him if there’s something bothering him but the latter would always say that he’s okay and even said it was just Seungkwan who was overthinking. Though the elder didn’t fully believe it, he just let it flow because it was Hansol’s right to tell him or not.

Until that one night, when someone knocked on his door at 1.30 AM. Seungkwan was wide awake because he drank much caffeine that noon and was terrified when he heard the knocks. He didn’t want to open it at first but it just didn’t stop so he decided to open the door with a baseball bat in one hand. When the door finally opened, Seungkwan widen his eyes when he saw Hansol there, with a very se*y girl whose bo*bies might spill out who was trying hard keeping Hansol on his feet. Hansol was drunk. Seungkwan quickly pulled Hansol away from her hands.

“Sorry for disturbing you this late, I’m off” the girl said but Seungkwan stopped her.
 

“Excuse me, but, who are you? I mean, can you at least explain what actually happened?”

“Nah, you can just ask him later” she waved her hand before finally walking away, Seungkwan could see the little sly smile on her face. He really wanted to dig more but he also needed to take care of the drunken guy on his embrace now, so he did the second option.

The next day, after making sure that Hansol’s condition is good, Seungkwan approached him who was on the bed, playing with his phone. He set himself to sit beside Hansol.

“So who was that girl?” he asked, Hansol looked up at him.

“I don’t know, probably just a stranger who pitied a drunken me”

Seungkwan shot an eyebrow. Well, that was not the answer he wanted nor expected to get from the other. “Humm, then why were you drunk in the first place? You are not a type of clubbers”
 

“Listen,” he sat up, “there’s always time when someone just get tired of anything and just wanted to please themselves to forget that anything for a while and that’s what I’m going through these days so I beg you to understand me” Hansol said with a higher tone, he sound so stern which surprised Seungkwan because the other almost never shout at him.

“I know, I noticed that and I did try to understand you. I always ask what is it bothering you but you always said nothing. I let it go, I waited you to tell me but no, you never come to me. Then you surprised me by coming in a drunken state with a bit*h at one twenty and I will ask you now, is it wrong for me to ask what was actually happened?” They rarely fight and Seungkwan also didn’t want to start one, but Hansol really did test his patience. He felt his eyes became hotter but he wouldn’t let the tears come out yet.

“Whatever! You’re never wrong and the fault is always on me but don’t ever call some stranger a just because their appearance” Hansol stood up and harshly putting on his hoodie, Seungkwan stood up as well to stop the other.

“YOU’RE MY BOYFRIEND CHWE HANSOL AND IT WASN’T A PLEASANT THING TO SEE YOU WITH SOMEONE ELSE IN THAT CONDITION SO I BEG YOU TO UNDERSTAND ME TOO” Seungkwan shouted at him but the other didn’t even gave a single glance at him and left after slamming the door right in front of Seungkwan’s face. As Hansol went away, Seungkwan fell down on the floor, turning into a crying mess.

 

After having their fight, later that night Hansol came to Seungkwan, hugged him tight in his embrace, kissed him on top of his head and begged for his forgiveness, which Seungkwan whole-heartedly gave to him. They promised to just forget about what happened and live normally again.

Five days later, Seungkwan and Seokmin went to a food festival since they both were craving for waffles and black bean noodles. They were on their way heading back to go home. Seokmin pulled Seungkwan’s hand to stop by the mini grocery store, saying that they needed cola to end the night, which Seungkwan agreed. Seokmin went into the store meanwhile the younger one just waited for him outside.

Seungkwan dug his hand into his plastic bag to reach the chips he had bought earlier. He ate it as he stirred his vision around. It was almost midnight but there were still a lot of people since there are some night clubs around there. Seungkwan snorted when he saw a couple kissed in one of the alley. He looked away to another couple where the guy hugged his girlfriend, placing his head on the crook of her neck.

That was when reality slapped him hard right on the face. That girl was the same girl who brought Hansol to his house a few days ago. And the guy who was hugging her, who had his head on the crook of her neck, was indeed Hansol. Seungkwan tried his best to get his eyes focus, but the more he tried the more his eyes got blurry, but he still clearly saw Hansol’s face.

“Seungkwan, here’s your cola, let’s go” Seokmin patted his shoulder, he frowned when the other didn’t move even a bit so then he followed where Seungkwan was looking at.

“sh*t” was the first word coming out from Seokmin mouth and he was so ready to take his step before Seungkwan pulled his arm.

“No, hyung, that must be not him,” Seungkwan stuttered on his words, a tear finally rolled down his cheek. Seokmin just shook his head

“Then let’s prove it,” he forcefully pulled Seungkwan’s hands and dragged him towards the two.

“OI CHWE HANSOL” Seokmin loudly shouted when they were a few cm away. As expected, the hugging pair immediately pulled away to look at them. “see? It’s him” Seungkwan clutched on Seokmin’s jacket as if his life depend on it to keep him on his feet.

Hansol harshly pushed the girl in front of him, he looked very surprised since he was caught red-handed by his boyfriend. When he still couldn’t do anything, Seokmin took his chance throwing his fist right on Hansol’s face that the blonde boy fell on the ground.
 

“Seokmin hyung, don’t,” Seungkwan was as well fell on his knees since his grip on Seokmin was detached.

“Woah, Chwe Hansol you’re really.. woah I really can’t believe it” Seokmin said as he grabbed Hansol’s collar to straighten the other up only to throw some more punch, blood already coming out of his nose. The girl kneeled down to protect Hansol.

“STOOOP!” Seungkwan shouted. “YOU! YOU GET THOSE DIRTY HANDS OF YOURS AWAY FROM HIM NOW GO AWAY” Seungkwan threw a can of cola at her, she dodged it then immediately went away leaving the three of them.

“Seungkwan” Hansol reached out, he wanted to hug him only to felt a cold hand slapped across his left cheek. Hansol couldn’t believe it, Seungkwan did never hit him before, not even once. But Hansol knew he deserved it.

“Stay away! Don’t you dare to touch me after hugging that- that..“ Seungkwan couldn’t finish his words, Seokmin helped him to get up and let the younger cry on his shoulder. “what did I do wrong, Hansol? Why did you cheat on me? Gosh, I should’ve known from the start, since you changed, when she brought you to my house, till you shouted at me for calling her a ”

“She what? You actually had meet her?” Seokmin’s jaws dropped, “want me to punch him more?” Seungkwan shook his head.

“I can explain, Seungkwan, baby please”

“Stop, don’t call me that anymore, we’re nothing now” Seungkwan shut his eyes as he said that.

“No I know you still love me, Seungkwan!”

“I do! But There is no use if my love’s one sided,”

“It’s not-“

“Thank you for the past three years, Hansol” Seungkwan said then grabbed Seokmin’s arm “let’s go” they walked away, but Seungkwan stopped again to say his last words without looking at Hansol.

 

“Make sure to clean and cure the bruises”

---
 

Since then, Seokmin, as Seungkwan’s bestest of the best friend had been showing his support towards him such as having meal together everyday or sleeping over almost everyday just to keep the younger accompanied, since Seungkwan used to do everything with Hansol.

The first month was the hardest for both Seungkwan and Seokmin. Seungkwan lost his appetite, his smile, even his soul. Seokmin needed to stay over his house to take care of him, at least forcing him to eat, and showering the younger with much love only to get the cheerful Seungkwan back. Their other close friends, Jeonghan, Soonyoung, and Minghao also visited them once in a while.

If Seungkwan had Seokmin, then Hansol had Seungcheol –Jeonghan’s boyfriend– beside him. Hansol told him everything, how much he regret what he did, and that he really want to explain everything to Seungkwan. Seungcheol then told Jeonghan, for sure. That’s why he never get tired to convince Seungkwan to meet Hansol, and Seokmin, however, was against the idea. Seungkwan said that he would like to do that when he’s ready, though he himself didn’t even know when will that gonna happen.

 

Seungkwan flinched when he heard his phone ringed on the table. He took it only to see the alarm of Fight for My Way would start soon. Yeah, he set it, but he wasn’t in the mood to watch some cheesy drama tonight. Instead, he was craving for the espresso macchiato from the nearly coffee shop. He used to go there with Hansol and it has been so long since his last visit.

The brunette boy opened the glassed door and stepped forward heading to the counter, after getting his espresso macchiato and paid for it, he walked around to find any available seat. Seungkwan let out a sigh, seeing the café a little bit crowded though it was around 10.30 pm already.

“Seungkwan?”

The said boy wished he was just hallucinating, but he knew he was not when the hot liquid of the coffee spilled on his palm, someone just bumped into his shoulder since he was getting in their way.

“Seungkwan it’s really you, oh my god!” Hansol get up from his seat, Seungkwan tried his best to avoid any eyecontact. “I guess you’re looking for available seat, you.. can sit with me?” he sound not so sure at the end.

“Sure” Seungkwan managed a nod. Control yourself, this is just Hansol, you shouldn’t act rude towards your ex, Seungkwan you can do it!”. He took a sip once he sat down.

 

“You look thinner”

Seungkwan choked on his drink, he wasn’t prepared to hear those words as the opening of the conversation. Hansol instinctively get up to pat the other’s back but stopped midway when Seungkwan wave his hand as a sign that he was okay.

“Uhm, yeah, I’m trying to lose some weight” now that he look at Hansol’s face across him, he realized that he should be the one who say what Hansol said. Hansol also look much skinnier, and the bags underneath his eyes were clearly visible.

“So, how are you?”

Time sure went by so fast. They talked about everything beside their old relationship though there were few awkward silence coming in between their conversation but they could still handle it well. Seungkwan had his hands around his cup in order to get some warmth as he looking out the window, they didn’t even realize that it was pouring cats and dogs out there.

Just then, he suddenly felt the electricity went through his hands and it quickly spread all over his body, his heart beating fast.

Hansol held his hands.

“Hansol-“ Seungkwan tried to pull his hands away but Hansol didn’t let it go, instead he tightened his hold.

“Seungkwan” Hansol cut him off that the other immediately shut his mouth. Seungkwan could only look down at his hands which tightly grabbed in Hansol’s. Seungkwan knew he should’ve tried harder to pull his hands, but this familiar feeling, he hadn’t feel it for a long time. He missed Hansol’s touch.

“Seungkwan” Hansol called him much softer this time that Seungkwan thought he would cry. Seungkwan shut his eyes, managing his breath, before finally open it again to look at Hansol’s hazel eyes in front of him.

 

 

“Do you still love me?”

 

Seungkwan’s heart skipped a bit, he harshly pulled his hands and stood on his feet. “I’m sorry Hansol, I need to go, nice to meet you again” Seungkwan quickly walk towards the exit door.

“Seungkwan, wait!” Hansol ran after him and saw the other was already crossing the road. He sprinted to catch up the other without even looking at the traffic light beforehand. He heard a loud honk and the next thing he knew was that his body thrown on the wet road. With the last remaining power, he saw a lot of people gathered around him before he finally lost his consciousness.

“CHWE HANSOL!!”

 

 

Hansol was brought to the hospital by an ambulance with Seungkwan in there couldn’t stop his tears. After going through under the hands of professionals, he was finally moved into one of the inpatient room. Seungkwan started again when he saw Hansol laying there on the bed, bandage wrapped around his head, and some small bruises on his handsome features. Seungkwan had sent a quick message to Seokmin about what happened only to let him know, the older was probably already in a deep slumber. He held Hansol’s hand all the time softly calling out Hansol’s name, the other was still unconscious since the beginning. Seungkwan shut his eyes, lovingly caressing the hands in his. Seungkwan flinched away when someone suddenly barged into the room and he could see Seokmin standing in the doorway, totally out of breath.

“Seokmin hyung” Seungkwan approached him, leading him to take a seat on the couch. Giving him a bottle of water which the older gulped down oneshot.

“What actually happened to him?” Seokmin asked but didn’t get an answer for seconds, when he stirred to look at Seungkwan’s face, he finally saw the younger was trying hard to hold his tears. Seokmin felt bad. He quickly get up to reach his bag and handed it out to Seungkwan. “you can tell me anytime later. Here I bring some of your clothes, now go change, I will look after him for you” Seokmin softly patted the younger’s hair.

Seungkwan didn’t move an inch, he stared at him instead. “What? Why are you staring at me like that? You don’t trust me?” Seungkwan bite inside of his cheek, avoiding any eye contact. “Seungkwan, as much as I want to kill him-“ Seungkwan grunted, stomping his feet before walking towards Hansol’s bed. “I won’t, Seungkwan, I swear I promise” Seokmin put his hands up then slumped back on the couch. Seungkwan scanned him once again before stepping inside the bathroom.

After changing his clothes into a more comfortable one, Seungkwan took his time to wash his face and finally looking at the mirror. He looked awful and pathetic with his bloated face after crying for hours. Didn’t want to worry and waste his time about it anymore, he stepped out of there, thanking the older and apologized for waking him up at this hour. Then he went to sit on his previous place beside Hansol, doing what he was doing like before Seokmin came, not caring about the older’s reaction behind him. Seungkwan suddenly felt Hansol’s hand moved.

“Hansol! Hansol, are you awake? Hansol?” Seungkwan frantically stood up, making Seokmin dragged himself to the others as well. Seungkwan felt the grip on his hand tightened, as Hansol’s eyes slowly fluttered open trying to adjust the volume of the light hitting his eyes.

“Seungkwan” Hansol called him, almost a whisper. Seungkwan let out the longest sigh of relief as if he had been holding his breath all the time. He once again felt the tears coming up and he didn’t hold it up anymore. No matter how many times he did cry tonight, Seungkwan still cried his eyes out when Hansol finally open his eyes, furthermore calling for his name.

“Yes, it’s me, I’m here” Seungkwan managed to say, “do you need anything? does it hurt somewhere? I will call the doctor-“ Hansol weakly shook his head, still holding Seungkwan’s hand in his.

“Seungkwan, you should calm down, please,” Seokmin softly pushed Seungkwan to sit down on his chair, the younger obeyed him then trying to control his breath. “Hansol, how are you feeling right now?” Seokmin softly asked.

“I..” Hansol cleared his throat, “I think I’m okay? just.. feeling a little exhausted and.. confused,” Seokmin nodded, “save your curiousity for later, you just need to completely rest for now, if you need anything just let us know” he gave a light squeeze on Hansol’s shoulder.

Seokmin glanced at the clock glued on the wall, “Seungkwan, i