The days following were filled up with obligations, and I had the feeling that this was just the start. My nightly excursions with the master have been training my mind and body to work with little sleep. The master no longer needs to rouse me from sleep and I’m quicker to leave Stephanie’s side knowing that she was safe from harm, leaving her with a gentle kiss on her forehead as a silent promise to return to her. When we return I gratefully sink back into the bed, careful to reposition myself around my sleeping angel, my mind instantly shutting down knowing I will have to rise again in a few more hours.

In the morning, besides doing chores and work, we spend our time tending the small vegetable and herb garden Stephanie has carefully developed over the course of weeks. She had happily pitched me with the idea of growing our own vegetables as the prices were beginning to climb to point where it was becoming ridiculous. She had gotten the idea after reading a book about farming, and I very well could not say no to the adorable excitement as she explained to me why it would do us good. We quickly began to see the fruits of her labour, the sprouts of green flourishing quickly that it was a miracle seeing the patch of messy soil gain life. I was completely astounded at this, and Stephanie humorously placates my excitement of witching magic with her explanation of fertilizers we had mixed into the soil and worms doing their magic. We do breach the subject of the dead surrounding us helping our cause, but I would rather not think about it.

Besides that, when I get the time to wind down I pick up my lessons. The book details the essence, how it’s made up of the lingering soul trapped within a certain space, unable to find its way to the afterlife without the help of the collectors. How some of the souls react violently to being forced away from loved ones, and that the mantra chanted through the collection process served to calm the soul prior to attaining it. The reasons behind the dolls were what I found a little tricky and a little bit absurd. The old practice had been to bring a sort of memento that resonated with the soul to collect. The more prized the object was to the soul the more ready it is to merge with the object and be brought to their resting place and from there they can find their way to the afterlife. Over time, it was overruled as mementos aren’t usually readily on hand and switched to toys. The thought was that the carvings of toys represented the innocence and carefreeness of youth which the souls are more likely not to resist. Eventually, when the Russians invented the egg-like doll it was adapted into the practice as the souls generally do not fight when confined in another enclosed structure. I thought it was a little cruel, but who was I to question the practice.

Another thing that was noteworthy to my otherwise ordinary day was a certain Constable Kwon Jiyong. He was a nice, young man. Dedicated to his duty, he never missed his patrols around the grave yard’s perimeter even though everyone can tell it was unnecessary. He would often stop by when we’re tending to the garden, a smile on his handsome face as he tried to start a morning chat. It was awkward the first few times, him stuttering so much that I can barely understand what he was trying to say, not that I said much anyway. Stephanie was of no help, only turning her head away to snicker at the poor man.

I had to step up.

It started with readying an extra cup of tea for the man. He was surprised at first, I could tell Stephanie was even if she did try to hide it, and he had hesitantly taken the time to finish the tea. He left with a bashful smile and a playful salute, and that was what I believe to be the start of our friendship.

Our tending to the vegetable garden became part of our morning routine. By the time Constable Kwon comes around, we would take a break from the garden and settle down for a quick morning tea. Gradually, Constable Kwon and I broke our silence and fell into an amicable chat with just about anything under the sun.

I’ve learned that Constable Kwon’s – Jiyong as he had wanted to be called – parents had to flee from people they owed a large debt to that they were never going to pay off. They had been threatened with their lives before they made the frantic decision to leave whatever little they had and boarded the boat out of their homeland to our country, settling down a small town to start anew. Jiyong had been born in the old country but grew up here, which he was thankful for as, as a child, he was picking up the new language faster than his parents could. He proudly recounted the time when he became their translator, making it a little easier for his parents to communicate with the rest of the town’s folks.

What really had me interested was his tales of hunting. His father was a hunter, food was rarely a concern for them as game meat was the family business. His eyes brightened up whenever he told stories of when he accompanied his father on his hunt, laughing at the first time he handled a gun he shot and missed. He told of the story of being chased down by a wild boar and nearly getting his foot into one of the traps. He howled in laughter at the disgusted look Stephanie threw him when he described the first time he disemboweled a deer, only dropping the story when Stephanie stormed away. He only goes as far as apologetically looking at her back, the both of us mutually agreeing that it was best she is left alone and to never bring the morbid topic back up.

Eventually, our morning conversations became a highlight of my day. It was liberating to talk freely with someone my age, other than Stephanie. I loved the woman dearly, but sometimes it really is nice to have an engaging conversation with other people. I know she understands, she often sits with us, just listening and sometimes give her inputs whenever she’s prompted. Other than that she leaves us alone. She was civil to the man and that was all I could ask for.

We were having one of our daily teas when the invitation came.

“Hey, Taeyeon, how would you like to come hunting with me? Tomorrow?”

The biscuit in my mouth drops to my lap, my ears ringing at the invitation. “Really? You’d let me tag along?”

“Yeah. If we’re lucky we could bring some game back and maybe even earn some extra coins.”

The offer sounded so sweet to my ears. And to my stomach. It had been a while since the last time I’ve even seen of meat. A slab was too expensive now that we’ve decided to avoid the butcher as much as possible. A couple of months without the savoury flavour of meat has my mouth salivating at just the thought of it. I look to Stephanie, my eyes pleading for her to let me go.

She was hesitant, her lips pursed in a taut line, brows furrowed in worry. Her gaze flickered to Jiyong who was cheerfully pouring himself another cup of tea. “I don’t know.. aren’t you pushing yourself a little too much?”

“I’m fine.” I dismiss her concern. To be honest, I have been getting less sleep than I would normally. But I’m sure I can handle one day of hunting. I can ask the master to exclude me from working for the day while I accompany Jiyong in the woods. If we were lucky, our food rations will be set for a good long while. “It’s just one day. And I won’t be working so…”

She holds her tongue, looking between me and Jiyong. Finally, she huffs a resigned breath and her head tilts down in a small nod.

Early the next day, while the sky was still dark, my mind pulls me from sleep, like clockwork. I made sure to wear long trousers and slipped on my boots to save me the gashes from long blades of grass and other sharp objects out in the forest. For the first time, Stephanie awakens when I was trying to slip away from her. She doesn’t say anything to me as I prepare, only going into the kitchen to make something in silence. As I was buttoning the sheepskin vest, extra protection, over the long sleeve button up flannel, Stephanie comes up with a bulky looking satchel.

“I’ve made you two a few things for the road. Hope the sandwiches last till you come home.” She puts the strap around my neck, followed by the cap she carefully adjusts on my head, making sure not to disturb the low ponytail I had my hair on.

She steps back, looks me over in appraisal; I jokingly hold my hands up and give her one turn around. A smile breaks her sombre expression and she steps closer and begin to fix the collar of my shirt.

“Are you wearing a shirt underneath?”

“Yeah.”

“Are you warm enough? Do you need your coat?” She continues to fiddle with my collar. I grab one of her hands and bring it up to my lips. I kiss her knuckles, smiling as I look up at her worried face. My other hand comes to graze her cheeks and when I lean up, she meets me halfway, our lips pressing together in a tender, sweet kiss.

“I’m fine.” I say the moment we part. She presses her forehead against mine, her eyes still closed, but I can tell I’ve eased some of her worries. I lean up and press a quick kiss on the side of her lips before I pull back. I lead her back to our bed, help ease her into the blankets and patiently wait for her to close her eyes. Putting out the oil lamp I hang it back on the nail on the wooden beam by the stairs.

“Take care and come back to me tonight.” I look over to the dark, a wide smile on my face.

“Of course I will, love. I’ll always come back to you.”

There was a wagon stationed just at the outskirts of the town, two oil lamps hung on the poles at the front of the carriage illuminating the surroundings enough for me to make out the man lying on the back. The horse makes a nervous whine as I approach from the darkness, startling the daydreaming man off the wagon to placate the whinnying animal. He looks over to find the source of the horse’s fright and his face breaks out into a huge smile, the single straw of grass hanging off his lips lifting with the motion. Never understood the concept of that.

I gave a wave and jog the rest of the way. “Sorry, were you waiting long?”

“Oh, no.” He pats the side of the horse’s thick neck. It huffs, stomping its hind legs and lifting a thin whiff of dust from the dry ground. “I’ve arrived just a short while ago.” His eyes fall on the bulky bag on my side, his brows collectively rising. I lift it up to let him see better.

“Stephanie woke up. Made something for the road.”

“She’s a banging good woman!” Jiyong claps his hand, lips pulled up into a toothy grin. “And you look pretty good with that get up.” He nods his head at me. I roll my eyes at the following chuckle.

“Come on then.” He says as he hops onto the wagon. He scoots over to leave me a wide room to work on and I clamber up with difficulty. A few short, struggling moments later he grabs me by the back of my shirt, helping my leg go over the high footboard. Once I was properly seated beside him he gives me a grin and gets the wagon going with a loud whoop. Thankfully, we were far enough away from any houses to be disturbing people.

I look to the darkness that led to the town and I’m surprised at the number of low lights coming from within the centre. I don’t see too much of it as we are moving quickly away and I decided it is best I leave it as a thought, for now.

We turn away before the first field, following the dirt path that I hadn’t noticed before. I don’t get the chance to ask Jiyong about it as he was too busy trying to sing a song to the beat of the horse’s clip-clopping. I think it’s a colossal failure as he randomly kept switching songs when he thinks it’s not following well, but he seems to enjoy the game and I leave him to his enjoyment.

It’s day break by the time we are well on the path leading into the forest when the wagon comes to a complete halt. Jiyong hops off first, securing the leather strap connected to horse’s bridle on one of the low hanging branches. I hop off after him and follow him around to the back as he gathers his things.

Besides the shotgun lying innocently on its side, there were three other objects at the back of the wagon. Three rusted iron objects that weighed tons, if the dull thuds and the small waft of dust as it landed on the ground was any indication. I tried to carry one by the chain, it was unsurprisingly a little heavier than it looked and I can only manage to lift one with both hands. Jiyong hops off the back and, nearly effortlessly, grabs the two traps and haul them to the thicket with me hobbling after him.

Occasionally, we would pause on our trek into the bushes. Jiyong would set one of the traps on the ground, digging a large enough hole to accommodate the trap, grunting as he sets it up. He begins throwing leaves over the trap as he explains how he knew the spot had a lot of activities for foxes and possibly wolves based on the small dirt path they had left behind from constant use.

After setting up the last trap the growling of our stomachs and the growing aches in our legs had us slow down to take a little break. The vacuum flask kept the tea hot and I was grateful for Stephanie’s fussiness. I had not expected the forest to still be this cool even with the sun up. Jiyong shares the same sentiments as he loudly proclaims his praises for Stephanie’s divine sandwiches and the hot tea to help warm us up. I laugh at him, promising to forward his praises to the brilliant woman.

After having our hunger satiated we were ready to go again. I mostly only followed as Jiyong crept through the trees, his trained eyes scrutinizing every bit of our surroundings, like how I thought a trained hunter would. Of course, I knew nothing of hunting, and I am actually rather surprised of how light and sure Jiyong’s steps are for his height and build. I think I’m making more unnecessary sounds, slipping on dead leaves, crunching on twigs and loose pebbles. I could only smile sheepishly and a whisper my apology at Jiyong’s constant shushing.

The longer we were in the forest, the farther away we were going from where we started, the lesser my excitement became. I didn’t have the patience or persistence Jiyong had and I knew I was getting to my limit. My feet were already starting to ache from the long trek and still no head or hide of anything. I’ve not even seen the birds I hear chirping above our heads, and it makes me a little paranoid.

“Just a little more patience.” Jiyong says. I don’t know if he’s talking to me or himself. He doesn’t look anywhere as tired as I am, but he could also be losing his patience. I chose to stay quiet, give it a little more time. It wasn’t like I could leave him and find my way back to the wagon. I don’t know these parts and, with my luck, I might actually end up getting chased by a wild boar or step on a trap.

“Stop!” I hear his hiss. My body freezes mid stride, I stiffly look around me, careful not to move the rest of my body in case I accidentally make a noise and alert whatever it was to our presence. Jiyong moves an inch forward, fluidly going to a crouch. I am stunned at how he does it and all I can do is carefully plant my foot to the ground and lower to a squat.

“Yeah,, there she is.” He whispers, I almost miss it with how softly he was speaking. He raised his hand, pointing me to one direction. I follow with my eyes and there! I see it! And expanse of brown fur with dotted black patterns. The long neck and small head, there was no mistaking it. A deer. A real live dear!

“I’ve never seen one alive before.” I say in a breathless awe. She looked absolutely beautiful. Her back was to us, the too invested in eating to notice our presence. Her head would occasionally lift up, ears twitching and eyes straight ahead.

Then I see the barrel of the gun. My heart leaps to my chest and I am so tempted to jump up and shout. Spook the deer to run for cover. Instead, my whole body clenches in anticipation and I know the deer would not be leaving the forest alive. So when the of the gun was pressed against my shoulder I forget how to breathe.

Jiyong had moved around me, his bigger body covering my back completely, his hands falling to my own and guiding them to hold the shotgun properly. Then, I feel his breath brush up against my ear as he whispers instructions. My whole body heats up at the strange feeling building up within me. It is faintly familiar, something I would have welcomed before, but this time, I feel a sharp pinch to my chest and I quickly try to bury the feeling away.

“Keep the bottom of the barrel pressed up against your shoulder, pull it towards you, cheeks firmly on the stalk and lean into the rifle” His right hand leaves mine, falling to my back as he presses down, his other hand keeping me from tilting forward and fall to my face. “Lower one of your knees down to the ground, the other firmly planted in a kneeling position. Wouldn’t want you flying back when the gun explodes.” I do as I am told, careful not to make so much noise. Once I’m in position, his hands go back on my slack right hand, guiding it to wrap around the slender part of the riffle’s body, index finger resting just right on top of the trigger. “Always keep your finger off the trigger until you’re ready to shoot. Keep both your eyes open and line up with your target. You want the crown at the tip of the barrel to line up around the deer’s shoulder, you’re gonna want to shoot for its heart. Trust me, it’s better you kill them with one shot than let the poor thing suffer.” I swallow thickly. He doesn’t take notice and gently guides me to its general direction but I take it in me to keep following after it, keeping the target on its shoulder, where I think the heart is most likely.

“Now breathe in and when you breathe out, when that last breath goes out of you, pull the trigger.”

“But it’s moving. I’ll miss.”

“I’ll make a noise to distract it, but once I do you’ve got just a few seconds to shoot.” He takes his hands off the gun, and it takes me a second to realise just how heavy it feels on my hands. I almost want to tell him to take it back, but at the same time, I want to bring home something fresh. Something I can be proud to show up back with.

“Okay.” I breathe out. “Okay, just… okay I’m taking my breath in…” I nod my head. He takes that as his cue and I hear a honk like noise. I pay no mind to it, focusing on the deer lifting its head in our direction. Breathing out, letting the last of my breath go, my index pulls back the trigger all the way before I hear the loud crack. I feel my shoulder jerking back along with the force of the riffle’s push. I don’t violently fly back, but I do stagger and fall back into Jiyong. When I look up again, the deer was gone.

“Oh..” I say, disheartened.

I feel his hand patting my shoulders, excitedly pushing me forward. “Come on. You hit it! Come on! We’ve got to keep up with it!” He takes the gun from me, throwing the leather strap over his shoulder and he was off, not minding the loud crunches of his boots. I shoot to my feet, energy surging from inside as his words registered in my mind.

I hit it.

Scrambling back up I follow after Jiyong as he rushes over to where the deer was just standing. He briefly stops and crouches down, searching for something before straightening up and breaking for the left. I briefly check the spot he vacated, my heart and mind giving mixed reaction at sight of the sprayed droplets of red all over the greenery.

“Taeyeon!” I don’t linger too long and follow after Jiyong’s calls.

It takes us a while, tracking after the injured dear. It wasn’t so hard to trail after her, the bright spots of red were a huge contrast to the greenery, but the longer we trailed after it the more I felt my chest constrict. I wasn’t too concerned about her getting away, but to be bleeding that badly, she must be so terrified. I wasn’t sure how badly that shot had injured her. I had hoped it was a quick death.

But, like everything else, our chase came to an end. Jiyong gives my shoulder a few pats as he pulls out a knife from the small pouch around his waist. He crouches down, turning the deer to the side and begins the process of skinning, nicking the skin from a few choice places. I am morbidly fascinated at how easily he makes it look, practically ripping off the skin.

She was, by no means, big, but there was no conceivable way to drag her whole carcass back to the wagon, whole. Jiyong doesn’t seem too concerned as he splays the freshly stripped hide out a little ways. He returns to the carcass, beginning to seamlessly cut and pull out the organs and then through the muscles and going around the ribs with his little knife, all the while making as little of a mess as possible. The end product was a few kilos of fresh game meat in a neat fur sack.

On the way back, one of the three traps had caught a fox. I have never seen them up close and personal, this one hardly made a sound as it tried to scuttle away from us. Jiyong quickly put it out of its misery with one fatal shot to the head. It was just another piece of meat.

By the time we load back into the wagon the sun was beginning to set. Jiyong and I share the last bit of the sandwiches Stephanie prepared with Jiyong eating a bit more. The man was famished from doing most of the work. I wasn’t that hungry anyway, not when my thoughts lingered on the budding questions blooming in my thoughts.

Even as we leave the thicket of the woods I’m still wondering about the eyes that stared down death today. What had happened to their souls, or rather, did they even have souls to begin with. I look back to the cluster of trees dwindling in the distance wondering how many silent screams echoed in the deep woods.

The master was mightily impressed at the haul I came back with. I had more than enough to feed my family of 3, six times over. Jiyong had disagreed on the original agreement of splitting equally, arguing that I had shot down the deer and that I had a bigger family to feed. I very well wouldn’t say no to the meat, but in the condition that he sells the skins and keeps every coin to himself. He had laughed me off, the crazy man.

My cuts weren’t exactly as precise as the ones in the butcher, and I couldn’t really tell the meat apart from the rest, so I stuffed them all in the same barrel to preserve. I don’t think anyone really minded, as long as the meat was properly preserved.

“We should send constable Kwon some of our vegetables once we start harvesting.” Stephanie mutters as she buzzes around me, preparing for dinner. I pass her a smile and shook my head. Just yesterday the mad woman wouldn’t even freely speak to the man.

“You should talk to him. I’m afraid he’s beginning to think you’re a meek, little thing.”

“I am not meek!” She hisses, passing me a scowl as she bustles past. I pretend I don’t see and hide my snicker.

“Well, you know that.” I say, leaning back against the kitchen table, I cross my arms over my chest and smirk teasingly at her “Folks in town kind of knows that… hm.. but I know you better.” She sends one of her rare scowls, almost like the one she gave the day we met Jiyong, but this time it makes me gleeful rather than apologetic. I know my smile widened when she makes a throaty growl and tears her gaze away.

Chuckling, I walk over to her and slip my arms around her waist from the back, resting my cheek against her shoulder. She nudges me back irately but with so gentle a force I’m barely even moved. Gently, teasingly, I let my hands caress her smooth stomach over her shirt, smiling when I feel her tense up, then her posture relaxes as she pretends to ignore me. I land a few kisses on the base of her shoulder, being extra attentive to the way I plant them, teasingly leaving wet patches with my saliva and blowing at the skin. She shivers, tilting her head to the side to grant me more access to her neck. I know I am grinning impishly as I continue tailing a wet path up her neck, the breathless moans coming out of her lips burning me up. I take a nip at her skin, putting just enough pressure that it doesn’t break the flesh. I feel her breath starting to pick up while my hands continue their lazy venture around her clothed torso.

I feel myself burning up and body surge with the familiar tingling rushing all over my skin. I slip one of my hands under her shirt, caressing the smooth skin and I imagine my lips trailing up her stomach rather than my hand. My heart picks up its rhythm and when she curls up, her back pressing up against my front, the sudden bump to my lower region gave me that delightful swirl in the base of my gut.

“God, what are you doing to me?” I breathe into her skin.

It was getting unbearably hot, my head getting lighter and lighter…

“Taeyeon?” I hear her call my name, but it felt so distant, like I was hearing her from far away…

I wake up to the feeling of something cold dripping into the shell of my ear. I shift in discomfort, hoping to get the liquid out before it could trickle into my ear canal when I feel the firm mattress shifting on my back. I don’t remember getting on the bed to sleep.

There’s a dull ache at the back of my head, as if something had hit me hard, and I don’t know what to make of it. What happened? I remember I was talking to Stephanie… then the kisses and caresses I did that had my stomach coil and body burning, then my head…

I push myself up with my elbows, groaning at the stiffness around my back. A warm hand on my shoulder stops my movements, and when I open my eyes I’m greeted by the concerned face of Stephanie.

“Lie down, honey.” She takes a seat on the space beside my hips, increasing the pressure on my shoulder until I’m fully lying back on the mattress. Her face hovers over mine, and very lightly, she presses a kiss to my cheek. I can barely even feel it, which was a little frustrating.

“What happened?” I reach for her hand, pulling it back to settle over my chest. I just wanted to hold her, any part of her. This feels rather surreal, and the lightness of my head was making it a little hard to concentrate on my surroundings. It was a little frightening and I shuddered at the thought of things hiding in the dark. I feel so out of it, so weak. Vulnerable.

“Oh, honey, you fainted.” I feel her other hand caress the side of my face. I breathe out deeply, relaxing slightly under her gentle ministration. “I told you not to push yourself.” She berates, but her tone is so soft, warbled, worried. I hear her choke back a sob. My eyes snap back open and I quickly scrutinise the lovely face over me, felt my chest twist in guilt at the sight of her glassy eyes with the faintest trace of tears trailing down her cheeks. I lift the hand I was holding up to my lips, pressing a few kisses to the back of her hand, her fingers, the heel of her palm, anywhere my lips could get. God, how stupid am I?

“I’m sorry.” I keep kissing her hand, moving to her wrist as I pull her towards me, hoping she’d understand what I wanted her to do. I shift to give her space to slip in beside me and she does, burying her face in my chest as she heaves a shaky breath in. Her arms would around me, clenching at the back of my shirt, legs draped over mine to keep me anchored in place. I manage to wedge one arm under her, pulling her body as close to me as I humanely could as I try to shush her crying, running my free hand over her hair.

“Don’t leave me.” She chokes in between her soft sobbing. “I have only you left. Please… I can’t- I can’t bear it if you leave me.”

My breath catches in my throat, hot tears pooling at the side of my eyes. I press a kiss to her forehead, keeping my lips there in hopes to convey to her how important she was to me and that it pains me to see her like that. I keep my arms tight around her, hoping she’d feel the same sense of security and safety I do when I’m tucked in hers. I had hoped my presence would ease whatever anxiety she had felt when I fainted, even though I keep silent, unable to properly find the right words to articulate the whole of what I’m feeling for this lovely woman.

Her sobbing turns into soft whimpers occasionally halted by hiccups and her grip on me tightens. My heart pounds at this change, and it doesn’t make me feel good. It feels as if my heart was slowly being ripped from me and it physically hurts me when I hear her pleading for me to stay.

“I’m here.” I manage to squeeze out of my tight throat. I breathe in the congestion in my nose, pursing my lips to stop the trembling. “I’m sorry, love. I am so sorry… for scaring you. For being so self-centred.. I didn’t- I wasn’t thinking about…” I don’t know what to say. I feel like anything I say will never be enough. She deserves so much more.

I shift to my side, and my heart twinges painfully at the whimper and Stephanie’s desperate attempt to keep me close. Her leg hooks around mine and she claws at my shirt that I can barely move without my collar choking me. Her cries become louder, rebounding against the walls, making the atmosphere all the more depressive.

I knew I had to say something, but what can I say?

“Oh, Stephanie, love.. sh… I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. Please.. Sh…” I reach around her and gently run a hand down her back. I’m just hoping it would alleviate her sobbing.

Her lips brushing against the sensitive skin over my collarbone sends shivers down my spine. “I’m sorry.” She hiccups. Ignoring the chills as best as I could I let my hand kneed the back of her neck to relieve the remaining tension from her muscles.

“I should be the one apologising. I didn’t mean to frighten you. I really am alright, just a little tired. Guess I overworked myself and didn’t notice.” I really am, now that I think about it. My eyes are beginning to feel a little heavy.

“You think?” she huffs, and I'm momentarily pleased hearing her snippy retort. But just as quickly my mood falls at the following confession “God, I was so scared when you collapsed. I thought you-” she doesn’t finish, her breathe hitching mid-way through. “You really are all that I have left. So please, give me a piece of mind. Talk to me. Share some of your burdens with me. It’s not just the master and you anymore.”

“I know! I just..” How am I supposed to tell her that the master’s work does not end at the setting of the sun? That the process of putting the dead to rest goes far more than us lowering their lifeless bodies into the ground. It sounds absolutely ridiculous! I doubt she would accept that as truth and disregard it as some sort of fairy tale spun by my dreams. I don’t exactly have viable proof. She’d think me mad, completely out of my mind. Or that I was spinning a lie to get her to stop asking about it. I don’t want her even more disappointed in me as she already is.

“I’m just overworked.”

Her brows scrunch in disbelief and I tighten my hold on her desperately. “I’ve been working with you for months.” She snaps as she moves to try and wriggle her way out. “I’ve been with you for months. It’s hard, but I’m not as worn ragged as you are. Stop lying to me!” She screams the last part.

“Steph- no!” She pushes at my chest, her legs untangling from mine. “I’m not. I swear, I am just feeling overworked… I- I haven’t been sleeping as much as I used to” I tell her in desperation. She ceases her struggles, up on her elbows and legs halfway off of the bed.

She stares at me, hard. “Is it because of the same reason you told Margaret?” If she only knew.

“Partially… Look, Stephanie, love, I am so sorry for scaring you. I promise you have nothing to worry about. Just know that I sleep better knowing that you’re safe.”

“But you’re not!” She interrupts, giving me one mighty shove as she slips off the bed. I catch her wrist, tighten my hold to stop her from getting away. I know it would be foolish of me to do that, even if she doesn’t want to be close to me right now. I just know it would be stupid to let go. “You’re tired. I’m not blind or stupid!”

I shake my head. “I am. Those moments I’m in bed with you is when I am the most relaxed. When I’m able to know you’re safe, that’s when I’m the most satisfied. I love you so God damned much that the only time I feel unburdened is whenever I’m with you.”

I stare at her eyes as the anger begins to recede from her. Her lower lip begins to tremble and she purses them as she looks upward. My eyes widen I hear her sniff. Tears were falling hard and fast from her eyes and again I’m overwhelmed with emotion and push myself to sit up, ignoring the strain on my muscles and the redoubling pain in my head, I pull her towards me. She falls onto my lap and I wrap her in my embrace, hushing her cries when her arms wound around my neck.

“Why are you crying? Did I say something? Whatever it is, I am so sorry. You know I’m bad with words.” I whisper into her ears. My hand alternate in between rubbing soothingly at her back and patting her shoulders.

“You idiot.” She sniffles.

“Yes,” I nod my head vigorously, brushing her hair to place a well-meaning kiss on her cheek. “I’m an idiot. I said something stupid again.”

“It’s not that.” She pushes me by the shoulder, just far enough to have me look at her face unhindered. I want to pull her back at the sight of her tears, but the mixed expression on her face captivates me that I am unable to move.

She chuckles, using both her hands to wipe the tears from my cheek. “It’s the first time you said it.”

What? “Said what?”

“That you love me.” She giggles softly and her eyes shy away from me, and I look at her in wonder. Her expression has softened and the small pout on her lips was starting to look more like a smile. When had she been shy?

And what was it? Was that the reason? The tight, painful squeezing in my chest relaxes and I groan, pressing my forehead against hers. I was so scared for a while there.

“You’ve never said it before.” She explains, cupping my cheeks with both her hands. “and it means so much to finally hear it from you.”

“Oh.. Stephanie…” I turn my head to the side, kissing her palms. I pull back to see the lovely face I want to see every day for the rest of my life. “Of course, I love you. And I’m doing all I can to keep you safe. I’ll do anything for you.”

“Anything?”

“Anything.” I confirm, nodding my head.

She smiles that heart melting, genuine smile of hers with her eyes turning up. “Then live for me.”

My eyebrows furrowed in question. What an odd thing to request. “Um.. I’m pretty sure I’m still alive.”

She soughs deeply, the smile melting away from her face as she slowly shook her head. “I mean, stop pushing yourself. I want you. Just you. Alive and well. That’s all I ask of you. Live for me, because I don’t know what I’ll do if you… if you leave… like the rest of them.” Her voice wavers, expression turning sour and she leans towards me, burying her face in my neck. I feel her hot tears wetting the side of my neck and my whole body protest at the act. My hand buries itself under the soft strands of her hair, the other going around her waist protectively as I haul her body back to mould with mine.

“Oh Steph.. sh… oh, love.” I continue to hush her as I lay back down with my back to the mattress and her on top of me. I continue rubbing her back, caressing her arms, doing everything I can think of to comfort her. Eventually, her crying stops and her breathing, once again, even out. I know this time she’s asleep from the way her body goes completely limp.

I dare not move. The poor woman must be tired from all the crying and stress. Despite her weight pushing down on me, I don’t mind the uncomfortable set up. It felt a little more intimate than when we were simply sleeping next to each other.

When the master hobbles into the light he pauses to send a questioning look at our arrangement. I send him a crooked smile.

“Don’t think you’ll be getting out of there anytime soon.” He turns, heading for the small kitchen in search of food.

My fingers tap against Stephanie’s back. She doesn’t stir, her breathing remained even and the only reaction I get is a subtle twitch of her pert nose. “I don’t think so too.” I say, though it couldn’t have been more than a whisper.

A/N: This is a little longer than usual. I'm not really good at projecting raw emotions into a form of writing. As a pacifist, I am anti-drama, so I'm hoping this is passable piece.