The first time Kibum met Kim Jonghyun was on his third day of his internship at Seoul Center for Mental Health Sciences. He was located in the second ward of the hospital, behind the first set of security doors. He was considered dangerous enough to be unable to go where he pleased, but not quite dangerous enough to be restricted to Ward 3.

Under the supervision of Lee Jinki, the doctor who had taken him under his wing, Kibum carried the meal tray through the tidy hallways with pleasantly neutral paintings hanging every few feet or so. It was a homey place, and possibly would’ve been if it weren’t for the knowledge that behind every closed door was a man or woman deemed unable to live in normal society.

Kibum figured he would have to get used to such a thing rather quickly. It was easy to study in school. It wasn’t so easy to see the direct effect the illnesses had on the lives of some people. Sometimes it was downright painful to watch, but that was why Kibum had chosen this to begin with. He wanted to help those society had turned their backs on.

Kim Jonghyun’s name was displayed just beneath the door number, just like every other long-term patient. A file next to the door held a thick stack of papers, each one accumulated over months of a patient’s stay. Kibum already knew they would have the psychologists reports along with observed habits in hand-written notes from nurses and doctors. It was available and accessible for any doctor or nurse to remove and examine. Kibum silently thought it was just a way for anyone new to figure out what they were getting into. The paper on top displayed his reason for admission to the hospital in bold, blocky letters.

Pyromania.

“There’s not much you have to be concerned about with Jonghyun,” Jinki said quietly. “He’s elusive, but social interaction will help him heal – it’s just taking some time. He’s not physically violent, but he can get verbal.”

Slowly, Kibum nodded his head. At least his first patient in Ward 2 was a non-violent one.

Jinki rapped his knuckles a few times on the door before pushing it open without waiting for an answer. Kibum followed him in, taking in the cozy yet stifling room. There was only one window, unlike the rooms in Ward 1 that had two looking out into the outside world. Jonghyun’s window faced the inner garden where several patients walked or relaxed in the sun, supervised by nurses.

But Jonghyun wasn’t enjoying the view. The blinds had been pulled haphazardly down and sat severely crooked, as though he had attempted to right them but had given up entirely. Jonghyun himself sat at the desk, a pencil clutched in his long fingers. He paused in his task when the door opened, brown eyes narrowing slightly when Jinki stepped into the room. Kibum tried to slow his heartbeat.

Jonghyun flipped a piece of paper over on his desk without looking at it.

“Jonghyun,” Jinki greeted with his signature, warm smile that put many patients at ease. “This is Kibum; my new intern.”

“Pleasure,” Jonghyun said dully, as though he couldn’t really give a damn. Kibum thought he’d probably been introduced to dozens of interns since his admittance.

“It’s nice to meet you too,” Kibum said in a slightly friendlier tone, but he couldn’t help but let a touch of sarcasm slip into his voice at Jonghyun’s less than civil greeting. Jinki cast him a patronizing glance while Jonghyun’s lips curled into a cheeky smile.

“Is that my lunch?” he asked, his tone no longer bored but coldly interested. Kibum felt like Jonghyun was searching for the right buttons to push to make him flustered. Two could play at that game.

“No, it’s mine,” Kibum replied coolly, once again going against protocol. Jinki’s jaw clenched but Jonghyun let out a laugh – warm and bright. It made Kibum smile.

“Finally, someone with spark in this miserable place,” Jonghyun leaned back heavily in his chair, the wheels rolling him backwards slightly. “I thought I was going to shrivel with boredom.”

Kibum stepped over to the desk and set down the food tray, his eyes darting to the piece of paper left upside down on the desk. Kibum could see the dark outline of a drawing on the other side. Before he could make out what it was, Jonghyun had laid his hand over the paper once more. He was keeping his drawing a secret.

“I knew it was mine,” Jonghyun’s lips quirked into a smirk, eyeing the food for a brief moment before focusing on Kibum. “Why did you lie?”

“What have you drawn today?” Jinki asked, preventing Kibum’s reply.

The smile died on Jonghyun’s face as he looked over at Jinki, the same bored expression he wore when he greeted Kibum back into place.

“A ton of daisies,” he replied. Kibum knew he was lying. The dark blur he could see through the back of the paper was definitely not daisies. Sensing tension, Kibum pushed the lunch tray closer to Jonghyun in hopes to distract him.

“Really? Let me see.” Jinki prompted, stepping towards the desk.

Jonghyun’s hand curled slightly on the top of the paper protectively. “It’s not finished,” he said defensively. “You can’t see yet.”

“I find I enjoy works in progress just as much as the finished project.”

Jonghyun hissed through his teeth and turned away, crumpling the drawing in his fist and clenching it tight. Kibum felt an ache for the ruined drawing.

“You were drawing fire again.” It wasn’t a question – Jinki was calling Jonghyun’s bluff.

“Daisies,” Jonghyun replied half-heartedly. “They look like . I don’t want anyone to see.”

“Jonghyun,” Jinki softened his tone, becoming the familiar, comfortable doctor that put most patients at ease right away. It seemed to have very little effect on Jonghyun. “You know we’re only trying to help.”

“I don’t need help,” Jonghyun stated defiantly, folding his arms across his chest, the paper still clutched in his fist.

Jinki let out a heavy sigh, looking over to Kibum and gesturing for him to leave the room. Feeling that uncomfortable twist in his chest when he met patients who rejected assistance, Kibum pushed the lunch tray closer to Jonghyun once more, offering him a sort of friendly smile. For a moment, Jonghyun watched him before ing the balled-up paper towards him.

“Here,” he said with a cold bitterness. “Since you were so very nice to me. It’s ruined, so do me a favour and burn it.”

His sarcasm made Kibum want to reply with something equally as snarky but Jinki shot him a warning glance. Biting his tongue, he took the crumpled drawing from Jonghyun’s hand and said a polite thank you before heading for the door. It closed behind him, giving Jinki a chance to talk to Jonghyun in private. Kibum wasn’t sure he wanted to know what they were saying to each other. Taking a breath, Kibum began to unravel the crumpled drawing, trying not to tear it in the process. Jonghyun had a strong fist.

Just as Jinki had guessed, the paper depicted a pencil drawing of fire, the tongues of flame layered and shaded in delicate . It was a beautiful drawing, and Kibum could almost imagine it to be flickering. He couldn’t help but wonder what sort of fires Jonghyun could draw with coloured pencils instead of just an ordinary HB.

Jonghyun’s door opened and shut once more, Jinki heaving out a quiet sigh. He peered over Kibum’s shoulder and let out an even quieter one at the sight of the drawing.

“Jonghyun was admitted a year and a half ago. He’s insists he’s fine, but his pyromania hasn’t tempered in the slightest. He still asks for matches or lighters and draws pictures like these,” Jinki gestured to the drawing.

“Why was he admitted?” Kibum asked curiously, unsure if he wanted to know the answer.

“He started a fire that destroyed a townhouse,” Jinki replied. “He admitted to starting the fire but claimed burning the house was an accident. He didn’t call the emergency hotline when the house caught fire. He was found watching the fire and was arrested on the spot for arson. He was tried and found guilty, but a psychologist diagnosed him with pyromania, so he came here instead of serving a jail sentence.”

Kibum let out a heavy breath and nodded his head, allowing Jinki’s hand to take the crumpled drawing out of his hands. He slipped it into Jonghyun’s case file by the door. One of the psychologists would see it later in preparation for Jonghyun’s next meeting.

“I know you’re new, but I did want to introduce you to one of our more high-security patients by the end of the week,” Jinki said with a gentle smile. “Despite his tendencies, he is a good place to start to get to know more severe cases. Just try not to let him get under your skin next time, yes?”

“Yes,” Kibum confirmed. He had a feeling that would be a little difficult. Jonghyun seemed the type to enjoy bantering. Kibum was often too snarky for his own good.

Nodding in satisfaction, Jinki led Kibum back through the security doors and into the more hospital-like areas of the mental health facility. Here, families could come and go as they wished, and more stable patients were permitted the luxury of wandering, though not without supervision.

As Kibum began his next set of rounds, he couldn’t help but faintly wonder if anyone came to visit Jonghyun, or if his family had abandoned him here. ‘Abandoned’ was a harsh term, but when patients were checked in and family never came for anything but birthdays, that was exactly how it seemed.

...

Kibum didn’t get a chance to see Jonghyun again until almost two months later. One of the nurses had caught the flu and was unable to come in, and since Kibum was the trainee intern with very little on his plate, he was tasked with filling in some of the gaps. Though some debated about whether an intern should be allowed to pass into Ward 2, Jinki had insisted he had met Jonghyun before and was perfectly capable of handling him. Kibum was grateful for his approval.

The security doors clicked shut behind him with a beep. For the first time, he was alone in Ward 2. It wasn’t quite as scary as it had been the first time now that he’d gotten to know many of the patients housed behind the doors.

Kibum almost bumped into Choi Minho as he rounded a corner, quickly apologizing and stepping out of the way. Minho cast him a kind of distant smile before continuing to walk, pacing the halls on his usual, circular route, each step calculated to be exactly the same. Uniformity helped stabilize the anxiety that often crippled his mind into hallucinations so powerful, he both heard and saw tall, shadowed men standing over him. Choi Minho was one of the patients who voluntarily came for help. Kibum could honestly say he liked the man.

Jonghyun’s door was exactly as Kibum remembered it, although there were a few more papers stuffed into the folder beside it. With careful hands, he pulled the files out to read the updates, deciphering the neat but untidy scrawl of the doctors, nurses and psychologists that attended him. As of late, Jonghyun had been suffering from manic episodes and bursts of anger. Threats were involved, but he never physically lashed out. Kibum pursed his lips and set the files back where they belonged.

After a few gentle taps on the door, Kibum stepped into Jonghyun’s room. He was slightly shocked to see the mess the man had made. He had taken his pencils and used them to draw silvery fires all over walls. His bed sheets were on the floor in a pile near the wall. Lying on his bed, looking thoroughly exhausted, was Jonghyun, his eyes glassy and distant. They barely moved when Kibum walked in.

“Hello, Jonghyun,” Kibum greeted gently, letting the door click shut behind him. He quietly pulled the chair over beside Jonghyun’s bed and sat down. “How are you feeling today?” He felt the need to ask despite the evidence all over the walls and floor.

Jonghyun was sluggish in his response, only making a disgruntled noise to let Kibum know he’d heard him. He’d been medicated, and probably first thing this morning too. It was almost lunch time, but Kibum hadn’t been asked to bring a meal. His only task was to talk with Jonghyun – but with him in such a state, it didn’t look like he’d be doing much talking.

Slowly, Jonghyun rolled over, looking more like a ragdoll puppet than a human being. He squinted at Kibum with unfocused eyes before letting out a tired sounding laugh.

“You’re that intern...” he slurred, his eyes closing once more.

“Your usual nurse is ill today,” Kibum replied. “It’s Kibum, if you don’t remember.”

“I remember,” Jonghyun grumbled. “My mind isn’t...” he made a weak looking gesture with his hand. Kibum understood. The sedatives were strong enough to turn people into zombies at times. It affected some more than most. Jonghyun probably had a low tolerance to it.

“Don’t stick another needle in me,” he huffed, limp on the bed once more. “I don’t want it.”

“Don’t worry, that’s not what I’m here for.” Kibum wondered if Jonghyun would get irritated if he picked through the bedsheets on the floor. Considering he was only in a loose t-shirt and a pair of boxers, he looked cold. “I’m just here to talk with you and see how you are.”

“I’m higher than a kite without a string,” Jonghyun replied as sarcastically as he could with his faint voice. “How do you think I am?”

“Pretty miserable I guess,” Kibum offered, unable to help the small smile that formed on his face.

“Hella,” Jonghyun snorted. “Hella miserable.”

“What happened in here?” Kibum finally decided to ask, gesturing to the walls.

“I ran out of paper.” Jonghyun’s eyes were closed again, but he seemed to know exactly what Kibum was talking about. It was hard to miss. “I asked for more but they took too long so I drew on the walls instead. They didn’t like that. Apparently, it looked like I wanted to set the room on fire.”

“It would be a logical guess,” Kibum replied gently. “It certainly looks like the room is on fire.”

“Logic,” Jonghyun opened his eyes once more, his gaze as aggressive as it could be despite his medicated state. “Logical that I would set a room on fire with me in it? I just wanted some damn paper to draw on. I waited hours. I managed to do all of this by the time they came back with my dinner – and no paper.”

“That’s pretty impressive,” Kibum admitted, his eyes examining the flames covering the walls. A few pencil stubs littered the corners of the room, used to less than an inch of their life. “They look good.”

Jonghyun smiled at that, letting out another quiet laugh. “You’re the first one to say that...”

“Why do you draw them?”

“I can’t have real fire,” Jonghyun set his eyes on one of the walls, focusing on it with a soft expression. “But fire helps me relax. I’m climbing the walls in this place...it makes me anxious. I draw fire and try to relax. It’s the only thing that helps but everyone just thinks I’m some pyromaniac psychopath who wants to set fire to everything.”

“Didn’t you burn down a house?” Kibum couldn’t help but bring up. For some patients, bringing up past crimes was forbidden, but Kibum always had trouble holding his tongue.

“That was an accident,” Jonghyun insisted, his tone going angry once more, though his voice was softened by the sedatives. “Everyone thinks I burned that house down on purpose—like I broke into their backyard and set fire to their porch. It was an accident—I lost control of my fire and it burned up the dry grass like paper. I didn’t notice until it was too late. I couldn’t put it out fast enough – and I tried to – but everyone just thinks I’m crazy.”

“You didn’t call the fire department,” Kibum chewed the inside of his lip.

“What would you have done?” Jonghyun curled up into himself slightly, his knees pulling up to his chest. “The fire spread so fast—I was in shock. The deck went up like a candle, and then the roof caught fire. I just...I couldn’t...I was just numb.”

“Have you told anyone this?” Kibum knew it was probably a stupid question – he probably told the same story on a regular basis.

“To the police, to the court, to the psychologists, to every nurse and doctor in this place who ever asked about it—nobody believes me. I’m just a crazy pyromaniac. All I ever did was tell the truth, and this is where it got me. It was criminal negligence until they started asking me why I lit the fire in the first place, and all I did was say that fire makes me feel calm and it became a psych case. If I had just said that I made a mistake and lit the fire in the wrong place, I would’ve gotten off with a short jail sentence and a hefty fine. Instead, I ended up here. I’d rather have gone to prison and paid the fine over the next ten years of my life. At least I’d have my goddamned freedom after a few years.”

There were tears in Jonghyun’s eyes now. Kibum tugged a few tissues from the chest pocket of his scrubs and gently laid them on the bed beside him. Jonghyun eyed them for a moment before using one of them to dab at his face.

“Why did you light the fire so close to someone’s house?” Kibum asked.

“It was on one of those bike trails behind a bunch of houses. I usually go to the beach but that day I didn’t want to go far. The wind blew the sparks into the grass. It was stupid of me to light it there—I know it was an illegal place—but god...I just needed to do it before I threw myself into the street. I wasn’t thinking straight.”

“What happened to upset you so badly?”

Slowly, Jonghyun shook his head, more tears leaking from his eyes. It was apparent Jonghyun had darker problems than just the impulse desire to start fires. Perhaps he’d never told anyone about it – perhaps they were all simply too focused on the pyromaniac and not on the wounded man beneath it.

“You don’t have to tell me,” Kibum said softly, handing Jonghyun a few more tissues. “But if you ever want to tell someone, I promise I’ll listen.”

“I’m hungry,” Jonghyun responded, abruptly changing the subject. “I didn’t get breakfast. They were too busy stabbing me.”

“I’ll get you something to eat then,” Kibum gave him a smile and rose to his feet. “I’ll just be a few minutes, okay?”

“Don’t take ages like they did with my paper,” Jonghyun grumbled.

“I’ll bring you that paper too,” Kibum chortled.

“That would be nice...” He sighed and closed his eyes once more, falling back into his medicated doze. Kibum hoped it would wear off on him soon. It was a little sad to see him like that.

Leaving Jonghyun behind, Kibum let the door close with a quiet click. He cast a glance towards the file folder containing Jonghyun’s reports. He knew he would have to fill out a report on today’s conversation, but their discussion had felt somewhat private. Kibum shook his head and headed for the security doors once more, bypassing a nurse who was walking beside a tired looking woman who probably hadn’t slept properly in days. Her fingernails had been bitten down to the quick. Kibum offered her a kind smile, receiving a half-hearted, broken one in return. She was one of the patients Kibum had yet to learn about.

Exiting the second ward, Kibum went up to the reception desk to collect some blank sheets of paper and a form to fill out for Jonghyun. He grabbed a few extra pencils as well, recalling the pencil stubs scattered throughout the room. Tucking everything under one arm, he headed into the cafeteria to collect the meal for that day. The food was often rather simplistic and boring, but the patients had their favourites. Kibum wondered what Jonghyun’s favourite was.

“Kibum,” Jinki’s voice yanked him from his thoughts, making him jump slightly. “How is Jonghyun?”

“Half asleep,” Kibum confessed in a quiet voice, just in case there were any patients or doctors nearby who could overhear. Jonghyun’s troubles were private. “He was sedated this morning, wasn’t he?”

Jinki nodded his head, his face falling a little. “As a precaution. He was given his first dose last night around seven. He has...episodes from time to time,” he said with a little sigh. “Once every few months or so. He’s never drawn on the walls before though.”

“He told me he just wanted paper, but the nurse took too long bringing it to him.” Kibum gestured to the small stack of paper he’d snagged from reception. “I’m bringing him some with his lunch.”

Jinki frowned and nodded his head. “I will talk to the nurse who was attending him. You will be filling out a report, yes?”

“As soon as I bring him his lunch,” Kibum confirmed with a nod. “He...told me quite a bit. He talked about the house he burned.”

“Is he still saying it was an accident?”

Kibum nodded his head in confirmation. “He said he knew he had lit the fire in an illegal place but he didn’t want to wait to get to the beach like he usually did. He said...” Kibum trailed off for a moment, glancing away. It felt private to tell Jinki. His heart ached a little at the fact that it was his job to make any findings available to every doctor in the facility.

“I think he was suicidal that day,” Kibum finally said. “He said he needed to light the fire before he threw himself into the street.”

Jinki took a slow breath and nodded his head. “Make sure to record it. The psychologist will want to hear about it.”

“Is it new information?” Kibum asked, biting his lip.

“It is,” Jinki confirmed. “If he’s willing to talk more, perhaps you can find out why.”

“I tried to ask. He shut down right away and asked me to get him food.”

“Then it’s best not to pry for a little while.” Jinki stepped forward in line with him to collect a meal tray, fresh with food from the hot plates.

“I thought so too.” Kibum pulled one of the trays towards himself. “But...Jinki? Can I ask something?”

“Always,” the smile returned to his features.

“What if...Jonghyun isn’t crazy?” Kibum asked, adjusting the stack of papers under his arm so he could better pick up the tray.

“How do you mean?”

“What if he’s just someone who used fire to calm himself whenever he was scared or upset?” Kibum chewed his lip, wondering how to approach his next words. “Everyone has a coping mechanism...and perhaps starting fires is his. What if burning the house really was an accident?”

“The evidence points to the house fire being an accident,” Jinki said with a nod. “We know it was an accident. What worries us the most is that fire is his coping mechanism. We’re hoping we can teach him that there are better ones. After all, his coping mechanism destroyed a family’s home, accident or not. He might not be crazy, but it doesn’t make him any less dangerous. Do you understand?”

Though some part of him wanted to protest, Kibum nodded his head. “I understand,” he said quietly. But was a pyromaniac still dangerous if they had all intentions to use a controlled fire pit? Kibum supposed that was an answer he had to figure out on his own.