Tick Tock. Tick Tock.

Another night of staying up waiting for him, and he was nowhere to be found. It was always one thing after another. He was up all night working on the new album, a show he had to be on, a party he couldn’t miss–it seemed like you were never a priority. I mean, you knew the difficulties that would come with dating an idol, especially one as popular as him but now you could barely even have a 5 minute phone call, let alone see each other. You were getting sick of always being the one waiting, but you couldn’t ask for his time because you knew how important it was for him right now what with being such a big topic in both underground and mainstream music.

When will he have time for me?  You laid spread across the dining table at your shared apartment, phone in hand waiting for his usual “Sorry, I’ll be late today, too” text. 1 AM passed and it still hadn’t come. You were starting to get worried. It usually came by now. You pulled the phone to your ear. The phone seemed to ring on endlessly.

“Ah babe is that you?” his words were slurred. A heavy bass beat in the background. He was at another damn club.

“Where are you? When are you getting back?”

“I’m out with the boys at Club Eskimo.

YAH HYOSEOB GET OFF OF ME.

I’ll be late today, too. Go to sleep first.”

“You’re always out now, can you come home early for one night please? I miss you.” You were fiddling with the edges of the his shirt, the one you wore whenever you missed him, voice hopeful.

He sighed.

Your heart dropped.

“You know how busy I am”

“Jiho, you’re at the club” you deadpanned.

“Babe. Networking is just another part of my job. “ He sounded exasperated. Was he getting tired of you?

“Who are you on the phone with? Come on, let’s dance” a sweet voice whined. It was a girl. All other thoughts flew out of your mind. Was…was he seeing someone else?  Hurt and anger welled up and your eyes began to prickle.

“Who was that?” You choked out, not wanting to know but also wanting to hear the truth. Is this why he’s been out for the past month?

“No one. Don’t worry about it.

Ok ok, I’m going. Stop pulling.

I have to go, Y/N. We’ll talk later”

“Wait Jiho! Jiho! Who was that?” It was too late. He already hung up.

With a loud groan, you flopped your head onto the table. You mulled over your relationship. You’ve had your fair share of fade outs and this had all the signs of being one. You valued yourself too much to stay when you were always the one who got the short end, but you always didn’t want to jump the gun. It would be better to talk with him first. With your resolve hardened, you drifted off to sleep.

You were yanked out of sleep as someone stumbled out into the living room, thuds banging in your ear drum.

“Jiho? Is that you?” you called groggily, as you rubbed the sleep out your eyes. You could hear him curse as he continued to wobble through the apartment. When he finally entered the living room, a burst of a flowery, sweet perfume filled your nose. Upon looking at him, you noticed a smear of lipstick on his neck. The flames of anger from before erupted once again and you could feel your neck growing hotter. What the .

“I’m home.”

“Welcome back.” You gritted out through your teeth, trying to be cordial, remembering your resolve to talk things through first.

“Do you want any water or food?”

“Nah I’m good. I went out with Seolhyun after the club.”

“You never mentioned her before. Is she the girl you were with tonight?”

“Yeah. I just met her. She’s chill.” Even if you didn’t want to, jealousy began to cloud your mind and everything you decided earlier about being patient and understanding flew out the window.

“Oh so you have enough time to go out with her after the club but not enough to have even a 5 minute call with me?” you bit out.

“Why are you being so annoying? You know I’m busy!” his voice roise.

“Because! It seems like you never have the time for me anymore. I know your busy, but it’s not that hard to send a text every once in awhile to say ‘How was your day? Sorry I was busy again. I miss you.’ It’s been a month, Jiho. A month of not eating any meals together, not sleeping together every night, not even good morning kisses. I just. I miss you. So much.” you exploded, words quckly spewing out before softening into a whisper as your eyes teared up.

Normally, Jiho would catch onto your distress and gather you up in his arms to pepper you in kisses and whisper reassurances into your ear. But he was drunk, and Jiho was chronically an angry drunk, who spewed hurtful words in the heat of his buzz.

“You’re so needy. I have enough things to do as it is, I don’t need to add this on top of it. . If I knew I was gonna come home to this, I would’ve just stayed out.”

“With Seolhyun?” you gritted out your teeth.

“Sure. ‘Cause she’s a lot easier to be around then you,” he replied.

“If she’s so much better, why don’t you date her instead” you spat.

“Maybe I will.” No no no no. This wasn’t what was supposed to happen.

“Fine!” You yelled back. Mouth shut up. I don’t wanna lose him.

“Are you done? I’m tired of you and your , I’m going to bed” and he hobbled into the bedroom and slammed the door.

And you stood at the table where he left you, chest heaving and vision blurring. That wasn’t the real Jiho. He was drunk. He didn’t know what he was saying. You tried to convince yourself, but the hurt only grew stronger.  You bit back a sob. Memories of the two of you and your childhood flitted through your mind. It seemed that you were never going to escape this cycle of having bad men in your life.

In your anguish, you decided that if he didn’t want you around then you wouldn’t be. You roughly rubbed at your eyes, wiping your tears off and grabbed your phone and shoes. You weren’t sure where you were going, but at the moment anywhere would be better than here.