Jaebum ran away from his brothers’ hold. He ran. He ran until he got home. He just couldn’t afford to find out what had happened to Jinyoung. Jaebum just falls on his knees once he got to his front porch, lungs burning from lack of air. But he didn’t care. It didn’t add much to what he felt then.

He felt stupid. 

He’d taken Jinyoung for granted so much. How had he not appreciated the man more. And while thinking about it everything just comes back to him. Before finding out his feelings for the other;

He hadn’t hated the way Jinyoung dotes on the boys. 

They needed the affection. It made him happy seeing how happy his brothers had been. Jinyoung’s presence had not only brightened his life, his family’s as well.

Jaebum’s tears fall…

Jaebum didn’t hate the way Jinyoung would burst in anger.

Jinyoung had such small temper but his anger was not even close to intimidating. His bursts of anger made him seem like a child in need of attention. And the same way that Jinyoung would have the effect of calming him down in anger, he only has to hold onto the younger to calm him down.

Jaebum smiles through tears…

He didn’t hate the way Jinyoung would look at him.

Sometimes Jaebum catches how Jinyoung looks at him. While he’s reading, while he’s watching TV, while he’s making coffee in the morning. Jinyoung looks at him like he’s something special… like he’s worth something more than just what he was. Because Jaebum knows what he was. Without the money and power, he would just be a murderer. Jaebum had always looked away when he sees how the other looks at him… too afraid.

Jaebum laughs bitterly…

Jaebum didn’t hate the way Jinyoung would show him affection. 

Jinyoung would latch onto him. Jinyoung would do so when other people don’t even spare him a glance. Jinyoung would be so childlike around him and so contrasted with other people. It felt special for some reason. Jaebum would never respond to Jinyoung’s hugs because he had been scared that it might send the other mixed signals. He hadn’t wanted that then but now, he’d wished he’d hugged back sooner. Because when he did hug back, Jinyoung was shot. 

Jaebum cries onto his hands.

Last but not the least, Jaebum hadn’t hated the way Jinyoung would just be Jinyoung.

Jinyoung was perfect. Mark was right. Jinyoung… The Jinyoung that had fearlessly sat beside him. Jinyoung who had the silent camaraderie he’d always wanted. Jinyoung who had creeped into all their hearts. Selfless, brave, Jinyoung. Jinyoung who had read the books he’s recommended. Jinyoung who cooked the best home made dishes. Jinyoung whom the boys easily found respect for. Silently caring for other people without asking for things in return. Jinyoung who’d hurt but easily forgave. A smart, beautiful, soul. Jinyoung’s smile and laugh. Jinyoung’s affection. The way Jinyoung would be laughing one moment and getting serious the other. 

Jaebum gives a silent laugh onto his hands while crying…

Jinyoung is perfect. Jaebum realizes, he hadn’t hated any of the things he’d remembered because he loved Jinyoung. He loved Jinyoung so much that all he could do now was cry. Jaebum had never even cried a single tear in his life. Not even when he gets hurt during training. But this hurt can’t be cured with bandages. It was hurting him from inside. It hurt him so much that it made the illusion of having been hurt physically too. 

Jaebum had been too busy crying on the grass that he hadn’t realized that there was a car stopped just right behind him. He didn’t hear car doors opening and closing. But Jaebum did feel a hand on his shoulder. For a moment he thought how he didn’t care. He didn’t care if these people were trying to kill him. But he looked back.

“Father?” he had genuine curiosity in his eyes. He stands up. He manages to put on his composed expression.

“I was in the hospital Jaebum-ah. The boy Jinyoung, he…” Jaebum had cut him off.

“No father, I don’t need to know. It’s better this way. He was a distraction. I’m sorry, it would never happen again. I will only need a couple of days and I will return for the job sir.” Jaebum does call him sir and it makes him cringe. Jaebum was about to walk away.

“Well, that’s good.” Mr.Im says as Jaebum walks away. “But Jinyoung is alive.” Jaebum stops on his tracks. “They had managed to recover his breathing and his heartbeat had come back to normal.” Mr.Im continues and Jaebum turns to look at his father.

‘Jinyoung’s ALIVE!’ he thought ‘THANK GOD!’ Jaebum was not religious and he’s also managing to maintain his nonchalant expression in front of his father.

“Why are you telling me this?” Jaebum asks. His father could have just told him that Jinyoung was dead. He could have covered everything up. He could’ve done things that made Jaebum forget about such things as love. 

“Jaebum-ah, I’m not as cruel as you deem me to be. We might have this occupation and i don’t know if it was wrong of me to give this lifestyle upon you but I understand that we are human. However much you try to hide emotions, feelings just cannot be suppressed. I had once been in your shoes. But however much I’d cried, the love of my life had never returned. So who am I to stop your happiness when you have another opportunity to treasure the one you love when I had never been there most of the time for you anyway.” Mr.Im says, face serious. 

“Th..thank you father.” Jaebum let his tears fall again. Genuine gratefulness to his father.

“Look how much he’d influenced you already. And besides, I wouldn’t be able to just take him away because all of you boys would probably start a war with me if I had.” Mr.Im laughs. Getting closer to pat Jaebum on the back.

“Son, if he’s this important to all of you, and you especially, maybe you should tell him the whole truth about yourself.” Jaebum looks at his father incredulously. His father had just tole him to tell Jinyoung everything. Mr.Im just laughs. “It’s alright son. I trust your choice of people.” he laughs.

“Well, I have to fly to Rome to talk to this leader Jesus i need a break. Maybe the Bahamas? Have fun and when I come back i will have to meet this Jinyoung -sshi.” Mr.Im tells him and Jaebum just nods. His father was just outside from his car when he turns around to look at Jaebum again.

“You’d matured so much son.” he says and gets into his car and drives away.

Jaebum pondered. ‘How have I matured when all I did was bawl and cry and beg and complain?’

Then he smiles to himself. ‘Jinyoung is alive.’

a/n:

@Sammycircle : ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

@SHAINNNN04 : mianhaeyoooong~! i just secretly love making people cry XD

@iamMRsimple : Nah she might've had a heart attack lol.. I mean not lol

@sehijaudaun : i like dying and being ded anyway... (ㅠㅅㅠ)