I’m still in dreamland dreaming about weird flying objects and aliens when someone kicked me awake. I open my eyes to a sleepy Taehyun standing in front me.  “Wake up! It’s already 6 in the morning.” He said and stomped away. When I look around, I’m the only one who’s still lying down. I quickly stand up, still drowsy but manage to prepare myself.

“Where’s Jinwoo hyung?” I asked when I did not see him this morning.

“He’s still sleeping. He’s on his bed. I did not notice that he went to sleep inside.” Seungyoon scratch his head.

“Because Taehyun is so troublesome while sleeping.” Seunghoon hyung joked and he receive a slap on his arms from Taehyun. “I’m not!”

 “Let’s not wake him up. I will just leave a note.” He said and take a notepad to write a note, he placed it on the table. After he’s done, I snatch the pen and paper from him and write a note for hyung too.

“Do you really have to write your separate note?” Seunghoon asks curiously. Good thing he did not ask further. I slip the note on his bedroom door and said a silent goodbye.

-----

I woke to one except my two hairless cats trying to pry my privacy meowing all over my bed. I saw a note on the floor and read it.

  You slept on me. T.T Let’s talk again soon. I love you hyung. I really do.  Mino

I slump back on my bed, tightly holding the small note. My heart is pounding real fast and I sighed out loud. I closed my eyes and remembered what happened last night, Mino just confessed to me and I’m sure at that moment my chest did a somersault, heart beating crazily, if its even possible. The way Mino hugged me tight because he saw my tears suddenly runs down my face. I miss that warmth, the warmth that makes my fear and worry years ago vanished in a second. I stay quiet, because I don’t know what to say and I just want to savor that moment. I can’t find any words to say so I keep my eyes closed. I’m not sure when I fell asleep coz it was so comfortable and his heartbeat became my lullaby.

“What are you doing to me Song Mino?”

I cried the first time I realized that I love him, because it is not right, we are both man and we are on the same team and we are friends. Every night, I wish that these feeling will go away. I tried talking and getting close to my female friends and co-trainees, because I thought it will help me get back to my senses. But they are not Song Mino, the only one who makes me laugh with his corny jokes, the only one who can grab my attention even though he’s just there, eating like a cute hamster. I came to the point I hated myself because it is so wrong and it cost me a lot. I wasn’t able to concentrate in practicing, my moves are behind everyone else because my mind is occupied with other things, my voice cracked because I always need to stop myself from crying. No one knows all my struggles and I felt hopeless. But seeing Mino and the others working hard, I tried my hardest to do well, but they are just way ahead of me, it’s hard being on a group full of talented people, yet there is Mino who always pats my back to say I did well, that I did better than before, with that, I feel appreciated.

But some things are just not meant to be, like me not being destined for that talented group of young people.

What’s meant for me? Who’s bound for me?

I never love anyone else except Mino, I was trapped with this love I know will