Jinwoo POV:

I messed up. I can’t believe I messed up today of all day. I can’t look at my dongsaengs because of shame. I sat at the furthest sit at the back of the van. Everyone is so silent which makes me feel more embarrassed of myself. I don’t know how to redeem myself. When we arrived at the dorm, I quickly ran out of the van, get inside my room, locked myself inside and holed there for the rest of the day.

I woke up at midnight with swollen eyes because of crying. The agony I felt not a long while ago flows on me again. I don’t want to get out of the room. Afraid of meeting any members outside though I am sure they are already sleeping soundly in their rooms. I heard my tummy growls. I forgot to eat dinner this evening. I quietly rose up from the bed to go outside and eat something. But I stop on my tracks when I heard whispers on the kitchen.

“Don’t blame him; it is understandable that he got nervous. It is his first time to perform out of the building with strangers watching him.” I heard Seungyoon’s raspy voice whispering to someone I am not sure who is yet.

So are they talking about me? I decided to stay hidden behind the wall, afraid of making any noise that will disrupt their conversation. I don’t mean to eavesdrop, but I can’t help myself of getting curious of what they think of me now.

“Don’t blame him you said?! Why? It is because of him we failed the battle between JYP. Don’t try to protect him now, we failed because of his clumsiness.” Oh, it’s Mino. He really looks…………..angry.

“If only he is not in our group.” He firmly added.

I felt my tears run down my face as I remember what happened. My chest is getting tight. My breath becomes uneven. I just found myself inside my room once again. Pool of tears on my pillow as I cried my heart out.

Of all people, Mino is the one I don’t want to disappoint. He’s been through a lot. He was about to debut years ago in different group and agency but decided to quit giving way to others. He then became a member of another group, but after a short while, the group disbanded due to uncertain reason. And now, he needs to compete with his friends to get to debut. He had a very long journey to get here. He once said that this is his last try. Mino practiced until late night to perfect everything, and so are the other members, and so am I. He tends to overworked himself sometimes. He is a kid with full of talent and potential to be an artist to looked up by many people.

Not only that.

I don’t want to disappoint him because of another reason.

I like him. Or more like, I love him, since he first appeared in our practice room several months ago. He has a very cheerful personality. Though he acts dumb sometimes, you can tell that he really is a very hardworking kid. He is not the closest member to me. But when I thought of giving up, he is the first to console me and told me not to stop dreaming. He told me to believe in myself and give me encouragements. Mino always has a positive aura surrounding him that shoves away all negativity in me. I keep a little a bit of distance away from him, because I am afraid I will fall for him even more than I should be. I am afraid he will notice my feelings and feel disgusted of me. To stay away from me. No one knows of my feelings for Mino. Not even Seungyoon, my best friend and long-time co-trainee. It is all within me.

And now what? Everything is crumbling in front me. What will happen? I am scared. I am getting anxious. The possibility of me getting kick out of the group because of my lacking is frightening the hell out of me. I disappointed everyone on my team, and it seems that Mino is bearing grudge against me. He is right. If only I am not on their team. Then they don’t have any problem. The group would be perfect. A good rapper, a choreographer, and two outstanding vocalists. I don’t belong here. I am just a burden. If only I stayed home in the island. If only I followed my father’s advice not to pursue this industry. If I can just reset the time, I will.

This is all breaking my heart. I don’t know what to do anymore. I keep on failing. I can’t keep up with everyon