I saw a lot of blogs, realizations and such so I decided to make it a novel of a sixteen year old oc named Serene. I also won't include a country here so you can freely think as if it's yours.

NOTE: !!!! SOME OF THESE INFORMATIONS ARE NOT TRUE AS IT IS FICTION BECAUSE I'LL JUST DEVELOP THE CHARACTER HERE. THEY ARE FICTIONAL!

NO SALTY BISHES PLEASE.

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"Why the hell are you still not going to sleep!?"

I stopped laughing at the moment when I heard my mom's voice from downstairs.

Oh she did not—

I hastily checked the time from my phone and faked a gasp, it's just 11:30 in the evening, it's too damn early for me to sleep! Plus, the subbed video of EXO's new variety show had just been done at this moment and I cannot calm the down. I ignored my mother and kept my attention on the tiny screen of my phone.

Why the hell are these boys so cute? It's illegal! Let me swim to South Korea!

I giggled as Baekhyun kept blabbering like a machine gun and Chanyeol's just agreeing to what he says—meanwhile Junmyeon's just raising an eyebrow, knowing that he had lost the game.

"Don't be so serious, you look so goddamn hot I swear if you—" I just stared at Junmyeon's face for a second then repeated the whole scene again. I know, I've done so many years watching videos with English subs (to the point where everywhere I ask for English subs) but whenever oppa does this out-of-the-world face, I just needed to replay the whole scene since I have to get a grip of what they're actually saying. There are some lucky times wherein I could actually understand them by facial expressions or maybe just because I learned a bit of Korean and I feel so darn fluent.

Lol.

I mean, I could read Korean words whatever it is but the problem is that I just don't understand. 

Why the hell is the world so unfair?

The new cooking variety show continues and I just enjoyed my few minutes of silence of staring at Sehun who just joined Baekhyun in cooking something. My boy's just an assistant but his sassiness never leaves him.

"ASDFGDFDSFHJDFL—" I cupped my mouth and diverted my gaze at the ceiling when Sehun began laughing so hard when Baekhyun poured something by accident. I squeezed all my snorting from his ridiculousness but then as I return my stare at my phone, I paused.

Why the heck is the screen not moving—It just stopped as I batted my eyes. It stopped at the middle of Sehun laughing, his nose getting big and mouth forming into a huge O.

I desperately looked at the wifi's signal and made a face.

So my mother just switched off the Wifi signal.

Hell how do I even live now?

And now? Just now!? Great timing mom, just great.

I tried to replay it but the mighty words Error. Please check your connection. Appeared right in front of my face and I totally got pissed off. As much as I wanted to sneak downstairs and open the router again, I might get caught and die.

My mother's my friend but when she gets all serious, even Donald Trump cannot isolate her.

I decided to shut off my phone and tried to get a good dose of sleep.

But of course I just couldn't.

Who the hell would even sleep!? I need to finish that episode before I start a new haggard day at school! They're my motivations to even breathe please!

My mind went back and forth, thinking if I should do the risk.

And when the light bulb appeared on top of my head, I immediately smirked. Oh well, let me wait for another couple of minutes until they fall asleep. My plan will be a success.

Wait, what minute was it again when the video stopped!?

--

"Your eyebags are bigger than my future."

"Shut up." I immediately shushed Jinri when I arrived inside of our classroom. She's just so annoying and it matched my sour mood today. Not to mention that I got my period and my whole bed looked like Dracula blood!

I stole a glance at the wristwatch and reminded myself of our first subject in the morning, the horror itself—Math.

I sat on my chair and the usual noisy ambiance greeted me. The boys are just loitering around, talking about sports and shoes. The girls are flocking at some corner, talking about their darned love life and some cute transferee or maybe ing someone? There are also studious ones who never got distracted of scribbling mathematical equations on their notebook and planting them inside their heads. I mean, how does their brain work like that?

I am not the studious type since I only study whenever there are quizzes or graded recitations. I am also not a genius, just an average I swear because I am lazy af.

"You've got more pimples too." Jinri pointed out that irritated me more. I fixed my hair and shot her a look, "If only I could tell my pimples to use birth control then I would've. They just love popping on my face so much."

Jinri cackled after hearing that. I sometimes envy her skin since she's quite rich and cleanses her face unlike me who's a total potato since I've got no time for it.

"You should go and take care of yourself seriously." Jinri reminded, resting her arm on my shoulder as she sat on my desk. "Because if you don't," Her voice sounded like a threat and I am not liking it. "What would happen if EXO held a fansigning here and you look like that monster at scooby doo?"

Then realization hits me.

I know that my country barely gets noticed for these stuffs since SM Entertainment is shady af or maybe I'm just too far from the capital that's why I never got my chances.

Yeah.

What the friggin hell would happen if ever Sehun sees my face like this!? How the heck am I going to propose to him at that fansigning!? Maybe he'll freak out and wouldn't even let me touch his hand to assure that he's real.

"Why didn't I even think of that!?" I exclaimed at Jinri. She snickered from my silliness and tapped her fingers against her thigh.

"Hey, I've read a Koreaboo article—"

"Is that fake? Because I swear there are tons of websites that hates our boys—"

"It isn't about exo though," She sighed, tucking some of her brown hair behind her ear. "It's about us."

I got very curious by that. "What? Oh my Gosh, did Dispatch revealed my scandal with Sehu—"

Jinri shook her head and showed me that article.

I face palmed but some of the words hit me like a concrete block.

"those idols who consider their fans as girlfriends are the craziest! seriously, why won't you want your bias to date? They're tall, good looking and talented. What if you switch identities and your fans told you not to date? What would you feel of not living your life just for the sake of your fans? And I love you meant 'thank you' not 'let's get married!' seriously wake up and get a life!"

And I wouldn't want to mention the other paragraphs.

It makes senses but—

"Who the heck is that bitter netizen that posted that article?" I asked Jinri with an eyebrow higher up the other one. Jinri closed the gallery tab and gazed at me, "It does wake us up right?"

I know.

I know Goddammit! I am knowledgeable of that! I just tend to deny it as always and tend to not listen to it. When I was thirteen and got inside the Kpop fandom, I was just plain rude, arrogant and immature but I started realizing things when I stepped closer to the mature ones and got to know kpop more.

I still stick to believing in Fate that what if I got the chance to meet them? What if they realized that I am also special? What if?

Like hell, they don't even know that I am alive.

"We are not Wendy." Jinri whispered as one of my classmate shouted that our first period teacher is coming. She stepped away from my chair and sat beside me. I heaved a sigh from the heavy drama that just entered my morning.

It wasn't new though. It was just like this every day.

Every second I try to think of my silliness, considering them as my boyfriends and even getting the chance to get pretty and put them in a sack once I get to South Korea. But then, whenever reality gets a grip of my brain, I just feel drained.

Fangirls are just so delusional.

They thought it was easy.

We make sacrifices too.

We go thrift just to buy albums, merches or for concerts. We go through lots of people saying Kpop is bull. Our parents criticizing us for not studying and dying for kpop like my mom would always say, "What do those Korean boys even give to you!? They don't even know you! Do they give you're their income? Come on Rene."

Can't they understand that they're my inspiration? They make me laugh, they make me happy and they've taught me a lot of things.

I cannot just give up right?

After all, I still know my consequences for joining the fandom. I've already signed up to break my heart. I will give a full support to my boys even though I am just this faraway Tinker bell.

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