“what are you doing here? How did you even get in here? Mom, what is going on?” I look back from Jiyong to mom, demanding an explanation and it better be good, because the last thing I want in my house is a certain kwon Jiyong.

“relax darling, I invited him in.” mom, ever so kindly, smiles and gestures for me to join them. I exhale loudly, trying to muster up the flames that are about to burst from rage. I wonder how Jiyong manages to push my buttons just by existing. Is it a curse?

“no need to look so constipated, I come in peace.” he raises both his palms with a cheeky smile that is begging to be wiped off with a punch to the mouth. Anyway, I should probably calm so as to not scare my mother.

“Mom,” I lean closer and put my arm around mom’s shoulders as I kiss her cheek. “you look tired, why don’t you go rest in your room?” because clearly Jiyong the life out of her. Man, I really sound spiteful. But, what can I say? When it comes to Kwon Jiyong, my irritation becomes my default emotion. I help my mom get up from the sofa and guide her to her room. Once I assure she’s well settled in bed and is breathing softly, I drop a kiss on her forehead and she tenderly smiles. I close the door as I leave her room and mentally prepare myself to deal with what’s awaiting me.

“So,” I casually walk in and find him still standing, looking very much at ease. I quickly claim the right corner of the sofa, which is my favorite spot, and wait for him to settle down on the other side. “What brings you here?”

“what? No hello? No how have you been? It’s been so long I missed you?” He regards me with amusement playing in his eyes to which I roll my eyes.

“Cut the crap Jiyong, you and I are not friends to be saying that to each other, so why are you here?” I didn’t intend for my words to be hateful, but as I look up at him and see the flicker of hurt in his eyes, I falter and guilt washes over me. His hurtful expression however disappears as quickly as it appeared and he smiles. God, it looks pained.

“Well, I’m happy to see you too” He looks down, the sad smile still plastered on his face

“Gosh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to sound so mean, I-” He suddenly bursts into a fit of unstoppable laughter, loud and joyful and I blankly stare at him. Uhm. What the hell?

“God Dee, you’re still so easy to prank” he fans himself as his laughter quietens and I’m still frozen to my spot. “never change Dee, never change” he mutters as he grins mischievously. God, I hate his jokes. I hate him.

“Ha Ha, that was absolutely not funny, but sure, amuse yourself with your childish antics.” I huff and face the other way, feeling beyond furious and embarrassed. “Did you come here just to make fun of me? Again?” in an instant, her turns serious and gives me a pointed look.

“I cam here with a proposition.” he states vaguely, and I tilt my head in confusion.

“what proposition?”

“So, Bom told me about you.” I immediately groan but he doesn’t let me dwell in my misery and resumes “and I’m not here to degrade your situation or anything. I actually have a job offer for you” Ok now that was NOT what I was expecting.

“What?” I ask dumbly. Perhaps I didn’t hear him right. Maybe I’m just hallucinating or this is just a bad dream because there is no way, no freaking way Kwon Jiyong would step foot into my house just to offer me a job.

“a job offer, you know, for you.” he repeats with a hesitant smile, trying to inspect my reaction. Oh boy, where do I even begin? I don’t even know what to say. This is just so sudden.

“Are you pulling my leg?” I ask in disbelief and he shakes his head frantically.

“Absolutely not! I would never joke about that.” He sighs and adjusts his position to face me “I’m dead serious here, Dara. Look, my aunt is the co-founder and current headmaster of Chung Ang university and she said they’re looking for new professors for the next semester and I recommended you” he explains so fluidly, so eloquently that I just stare at him for a long time and sigh.

“Jiyong, I can’t.” I pause, and stare down at my lap “I just can’t. I appreciate the offer but,” I shrug my shoulders “there’s no way I’m accepting.” he stares pensively at me, probably thinking how much of an idiot I am. I mean, here’s a great opportunity that I didn’t even need to work for, and I just blatantly refuse it. Sounds crazy, so I don’t blame him for judging me.

“Do you want to work Dara? Be honest with me.” His question catches me off guard but I fire back immediately

“what? Of course, I want to!”

“Then why?” he sounds desperate “why won’t you take this job?” I ponder over telling him the real reason, but, it doesn’t feel right, so I just think of lame excuses that even I wouldn’t believe.

“I mean, I’m out of my game, I don’t even remember what I learned in college, I’m getting all rusty, and my PhD is probably expired already so-”

“Oh, bull.” he suddenly stands up and puts his hands on his hips, staring sternly at me “Look, I know there’s another reason for your refusal, because the Dara I know would never let such pathetic excuses get on her way to achieving what she wants, okay?” He huffs and rubs the side of his face tiredly. “I’m not going to force you to tell me but, at least think it over, alright? The offer still stands.” he reaches for his wallet, gets out his business card and hands it to me. I hesitantly accept it. “Call me when you make a decision, and I hope it’s the right now” He smiles before he opens the front door and disappears.

My mind is all over the place. I can’t think straight. I sigh tiredly and rub my temples in a hopeless attempt to calm my thoughts. It’s so overwhelming. Everything. It’s like you’ve been caged for years to the point where your dark cell becomes your shelter and suddenly you’re out and you don’t know what to do anymore. Let yourself enjoy the freedom you wished for, or go back to the obscurity you grew accustomed to and can’t seem to let go of?

Without thinking, I get up and go straight up to Cheondung’s room. I open the door and immediately throw myself on his bed.

“uhm, sis, you okay there?” I can feel him moving up from his desk chair and coming to sit down at the foot of the bed. I turn around so I can see him.

“I’m conflicted.” I start, feeling confused.

“about what?”

“Jiyong offered me a really great job today and I don’t know what to do. I mean, I said no at the beginning but,” I sigh and sit up straight so I can properly face him “I’m not so sure anymore.”

“what’s conflicting about that? You want to have a job so go get it.” Cheondung says it as if it’s the mot obvious thing in the world, and maybe it is, but I can’t shake this feeling of uneasiness.

“But, what about mom? If I’m not around, who will take care of her?” I ask the dreaded question. His shoulders slump and he scoots closer to give me a side hug.

“Look, D, I’m worried about mom too, but letting her illness determine your future is not right. You’ve already lost years of your life being miserable, and now a great chance has kicked in and you gotta take it. This is your dream, D, and I don’t want you to regret the way you’ve lived your life, so go for it. As for mom, well, we can always find a helper to take care of her.” He reassures me while he gently runs his hand over my arm. I try to remain calm, but this inner turmoil going on inside of me keeps going on and on.

“I’m not going to leave her alone with a stranger.” I give him a firm look and he nods.

“Okay, well, we can ask aunt Eunji or aunt Kaeun to do that, they’re both retired anyway.”

“They don’t know about her illness. Mom said not to tell the rest of the family, remember?” He sighs and takes off his arm from my shoulder

“well, maybe it’s time they know!” he nearly shouts and I glare at him. He sighs and takes a few breathes before he resumes “Look, D, I just want what’s best for you, alright? You’re strong, smart, witty, and very passionate about what you love and I just think the world needs to know that. The world needs you, D, and I know you want to be out there, so let go of those worries that are caging you and just set yourself free.” He smiles, sincerity dripping from his eyes, and I can’t help but smile back. I take a long breathe, try to inhale as much oxygen as possible, and let it flow in my system and clear the fogginess inside my head. It doesn’t disappear, but it dissipates, and I think that’s good enough for a start. And then, I just Exhale, exhale all the worries, all the pent-up frustrations, all the ‘I could’ve’ and ‘If only’ scenarios that have been playing in my head. I let it all out, and it instantly brings me relief.