“How is him?"

"Not very well. He doesn't want to eat, so we gave him an IV. Moreover, he refuses any kind of contact and when we do not respect his will, he starts screaming; yesterday he even threw the small vase that was on the table against the wall, a few feet from the nurse's head."

Are they really convinced that I don't hear them talking, even though they are not in the room but in the corridor? I'm tired of being here in the hospital where they treat me like a lunatic who can't do anything on his own.

It's been three days since I learned the news of Kyuhyun and I still do not understand. It doesn't help that they haven't removed this hellish blindfold from over my eyes yet, otherwise I would have already looked in the mirror to see if what they said was true.

My parents came yesterday, but it didn't help, in fact, I just got upset, ending up throwing a damn pot that I found on the table next to my bed somewhere in the room. I wanted them to get out and leave me alone because I still had to assimilate Heechul's words.

"Jongwoon, how are you today?"

“I would feel better, Doc, if you took off the blindfold and stopped talking behind my back", I reply piqued, crossing my arms and turning my head towards where I assume he is.

“They are your parents and I don't see why I should hide things from them."

“They are not my parents. I… I am…” But I bite my lip before going any further.

I can't tell a doctor that I am not who he says I am, otherwise I already know where I would end up once I get out of this place and I don't think I want to be locked up in an asylum. But it's also true that I don't know who I am. Until a few days ago I was convinced that I am a person who I discover is dead; this news is not easy to digest.

"Were you saying?"

“Nothing", I reply. "Rather, when are you discharging me?" I add when I hear him tinkering with the machinery to which I am attached.

"Well, your parameters, as well as your values, are stable and normal, so there is no reason why we should hold you back any longer."

"What about my sight?" I ask, worried that once the blindfold is removed, I will no longer see anything.

"We checked it several times while you were in a coma, but it's okay and that's one of the reasons I'm here now."

"What?" I ask surprised.

Suddenly I feel hands behind my head starting to unroll the bandage. When he finally removes the last layer, under the doctor's instruction to be careful, I slowly open my eyes. I am surprised to notice that the room is in the dark and that the only source of light comes from the one coming through the open door.

I can see a coffee table across the room leaning against the wall with a sofa positioned to its right. I turn my head and find myself staring at the face of a man in his fifties with graying hair and a gentle smile.

"You see me?"

"Y-yes."

“If you need anything else, feel free to call the nurse. Your parents went to sign the discharge papers."

“Thank you”, I murmur looking down at my hands clasped in my lap.

Out of the corner of my eye I see the man go out and leave me alone. Not that I mind, as I still have one thing to do. I have to do it to remove the doubt, even though I have already seen my hands and they are not...

I get up from the bed and go to the adjoining bathroom, turning on the light and finding what I need on my left. I approach it with my eyes closed and, when I place my hands on the sink, I slowly open my eyes.

My grimace reflects my disappointment, but mostly my pain. In front of me, observing me, there is a face with delicate features, slightly thin lips, deep black eyes... and black hair.

A tear slides down my cheek and I put my hand on it to dry it, noticing that the mirror reflects my gestures. And it is in that moment, in which I crack the glass surface with my hand, that I feel my heart breaking in front of the realization of what I have been told. Kyuhyun is dead, and I am Jongwoon.

@@@@@@@@@@

Tomorrow I'm leaving the hospital and my parents will come and get me. Too bad they don't know they won't find me here in the room.

It is midnight and after putting on some clothes I found in the locker in the room, I lean my head in the corridor, looking carefully at the sides. There is not a soul around but the nurse sitting at the ward information desk.

I look for a tag that shows me where the exit is and once I find it, I walk towards it crouched on the ground, trying not to get caught by the girl who is staring at the computer screen at that moment.

The only noises I hear are soft hums coming from some rooms and the tapping of keys produced by the nurse. Keeping myself hidden from her view and crawling my feet so as not to make any noise, I walk towards the exit, repeating in my head to stay calm.

I'm sure once I'm discharged my parents would have taken me home and wouldn't let me do what I'm doing, probably worried about my sanity. That's why I'm running away from the hospital, because that way I can reach that place and… and remember. I want to face my pain with my head held high, without hiding behind the reassurances of my family, my friends, and see that fateful place with my own eyes. It may be silly, but I don't think I can live without it, I owe this to Kyuhyun at least. He protected me and I want to pay him back in some way.

Between one thought and another I managed to get to the ground floor and I must admit it was quite easy to get here. The hard part will be going out, as there is the reception in the lobby, where there are three people at the moment, and some guards placed on either side of the entrance doors.

I understand that I can't get out of here, so I head to the emergency stairs to go down to the underground garage, avoiding using the elevator where there will certainly be a camera. I go down the stairs still trying to be quiet, rejoicing that I will finally be out of here.

I thought that the legs, after a few minutes of walking, would get tired, since I haven't used them for a long time for a while, but in these few days I have done some therapy and I think it is paying off.

Once I get to the parking lot, I run to the exit ramp and continue until I feel that I am out of air. I stop in the middle of the sidewalk and look around, trying to figure out where I am and how to get where I want to go.

The hospital is located a hundred meters behind me and around me there are buildings, some that I recognize. I smile when I realize that I am not very far from that place and then I start walking again, keeping my head bowed so that if I meet someone I know, they don't notice that it's me.

I walk for half an hour and arrive at the place I wanted to reach. I look down the road and notice signs on the ground, probably indicating where the accident happened. To my right is the apartment where Kyuhyun's family lives and on the other side are the bushes in front of which I stopped before crossing the road and reaching him.

I reach the bushes and sit on the bench, looking at the building where Kyuhyun lived. At that moment the memories assail me.

Flashback

That morning I had decided that I would do it, that I would tell Kyuhyun what was going through my mind at that time when I didn't want to see him. I knew that once I did it, he wouldn't talk to me anymore, but I couldn't live with that secret much longer and I had to take advantage of that day to give him a gift, because for me it was a gift. I was giving my heart to a guy who surely would hate me from that day on.

Kyuhyun didn't know, he wasn't aware that I was biual, but only because I never had the courage to admit it, neither to him nor to my family and friends. Taking advantage of his birthday, when he finally turned eighteen, I would come out and I was ready for any scenario, even the one where he would punch me. But what could I do about it? Love makes you stupid and I was.

I liked Kyuhyun even though he never did anything to make it happen, to make me develop feelings for him. At the end of the day, he was a reserved, withdrawn and sometimes even arrogant guy, but my heart had gone beyond these characteristics, accepting them and wishing they would change once I got close to him. And it was so.

Even though we didn't look alike at all and we were the opposite of each other, we were able to form a sincere friendship, in which we supported each other and it was beautiful, but I wanted more. I wanted his lover's smiles to be for me and not for any girl, that his caresses and kisses were meant only for me.

All dreams, mine, but they were what gave me joy and cheered me, making me forget the hatred I would feel on my skin once I admitted I was attracted to both es.

I called Kyuhyun, as we used to do whenever we waited for each other outside each other's house and took a breath, praying for things to be okay. When I saw him come out the door of the building, I smiled and started walking towards him after looking to the sides.

I was already halfway there when I heard Kyuhyun scream something and when I turned my head to the right, I saw two headlights coming towards me. I felt someone push me before hitting the concrete with my head and seeing everything black.

End flashback

I feel a tear slide down my cheek and while I dry it, I notice a white envelope hidden in the branches of the bushes. I reach out my hand and take the letter, squeezing it tightly to my chest and starting to cry.

My heart hurts and my head begins to throb and in the midst of this pain, I hear someone calling me. I turn to the voice across the street and see a figure hidden in the shadows.

“Jongwoon hyung”, the voice calls me.

I look at the figure, trying to figure out who it is but it is not possible because it keeps away from the light of the street lamp.

When the shadow sees me hesitating, the figure approaches the light. I recognize the person and smile like never before. I get up from where I was crouched and start walking towards that person, one hand clutched to my chest with the letter held between my fingers.

Out of the corner of my eye I see lights and hear the sound of a horn, but I don't care. The only thing I want now is to reach it, get close and hug it to never let it go.

I see the figure smiling at me and I find the courage to say those words to it.

"I love you, Kyuhyun."

My body is hit and I hit my head on the ground. The darkness envelops me and the only thing I hear is Kyuhyun's voice answering me.

"Now you are with me."

#####

And now is really over. Once again I'm sorry, I should have checked the chapters when I uploaded them in 2019 but, among all that happened to me, I forgot. I hope that at least now the ending is less confusing... If not, feel free to ask.

I wasn't even sure if I should end it like this but the story developed like this and I thought that this was the most accurate ending I could come up with...